Episode 180: The Raw Truth About IVF And The Comedy In Not Having It All Together | Casey Balsham | Standup Comic & Podcaster
What happens when you're going through IVF, building a comedy career, and trying not to scream at strangers giving you unsolicited fertility advice? Casey Balsham finds the funny in all of it. In this honest and hilarious episode, Kara and Casey talk about grief, body changes, baby-making timelines, and what it takes to show up as a female comic in a world that still wants women to shrink. From the front row of her standup sets to the intimacy of her fertility journey, Casey proves that owning your story is a radical act.
“I’ve opened myself up to really doing whatever I want. Do what makes you happy! I’ve gotten a little unhinged and I think that’s where we all need to be to survive.”
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Follow along using the Transcript
Chapters:
00:00 Comedy, fertility, and saying the quiet parts out loud
01:45 When the dream doesn’t unfold on your timeline
03:15 IVF, pregnancy loss, and dealing with intrusive questions
06:30 Turning grief and hormones into standup material
09:00 Why comics need community, not competition
11:20 How to be funny without being mean
13:10 Starting the “Shady Sh*t” podcast
15:00 What makes women in comedy powerful
17:30 The body image spiral of fertility treatments
20:00 The pressure to be “okay” all the time
22:10 Why she’s done making herself smaller
25:00 Showing up on stage when life’s falling apart
27:15 What powerful means now — and what it doesn’t
30:00 Advice for anyone navigating fertility and big emotions
Post pandemic. I'm like, oh, nothing fucking matters. And it's and so it just became I'm gonna do what I wanna do. I'm not gonna hold back. I'm not gonna be for everybody. And that's okay. Like I'm not, I can't please everyone. I'm not gonna kill every time. That's
Casey Balsham and this is The Powerful Ladies Podcast.
Hey guys, I'm Kara Duffy, a business coach and entrepreneur on a mission to help you live your most extraordinary life By showing you anything is possible. People who have mastered freedom, ease, and success, who are living their best and most ridiculous lives and are making an impact in their communities, are often people you've never heard of until now.
Things in the world are crazy right now, which is why we need laughter more than ever. Personally, I'm craving laughter from female comics who are sharing the ridiculous and insanity of the simple parts of our lives. Because, let's be honest, simply being female and how we go through the world between work, dating, family biology, et cetera, is full of content for a standup set.
That's why I'm excited for you to hear my conversation today. With Casey Standup Comic podcast host and creator, and of course, a hilarious human.
Welcome to The Powerful Ladies Podcast. Hi, thanks for having me. I wanna take people back and also tell you how guests end up on this podcast. Okay. 'cause it's called Powerful Ladies, and the guests we have are incredibly powerful women, which we'll get into. But in reality, this should be called like Kara's Selfish Wishlist podcast because I am out in the world, I'm on Instagram, other places, and I'm like, I wanna be friends with that person and that person.
And I just keep sending them to. My ops manager being like them, please them, please. And I get so excited when someone like you is a yes. 'cause I'm like, oh, I have so many questions, this is gonna be great.
Oh, cool. Yeah, I'm excited. It's always fun to get a podcast request and not really from people that I don't know, previously and and meet new people and just everybody shares, we're all spreading each other to our other people, so it's fun.
Yeah. And so before we jump over it, let's tell everyone who you are, where you are, and what you're up to in the world.
Oh, yes. My name is Casey Balsham. I am a comedian in New York City. And yeah, that's what my time is spent doing. Trying not to lose my mind while screaming at, audiences that are in their twenties it's fun. It's a fun time.
Did you know that you always wanted to be a comedian? It was one of those things
that I was always interested in entertainment. Like I wanted, I did musical theater and I was a theater major, and I I thought initially I wanted to go the acting route and or at one point I was like, I'm gonna.
I'm gonna be a singer and that's all that stuff is very hard. Not that being a comedian's easier, but it's, when you look at how much work goes into things, you're like, oh, this feels like the less, the least amount that I can do. And so I always had, people would sign my yearbooks being like, see you on SNL and always doing this thing.
And so I it seemed like the right path to go into. And then I did it and I liked it and I kept doing it and I was like, oh, this isn't as scary, and I think I'm good at it. So it just stuck.
It stuck on me.
Everything of yours that I've seen. I always belly laugh like it, there's nothing that I'm like, oh, ha, move on.
No, it's, that's never what it's, and I think you have this really unique perspective that a lot of other comedians aren't talking about. 'cause unfortunately for female comics. There tends to be such stereotypical categorization. That makes me crazy, right? Are you the angry, like dating comic?
Are you over here? And we've had the pleasure of having some other great female comics on powerful ladies. But there's something about the, what relates to me as just total realness of just what's happening and how insane life actually is from you. That just tickles my funny bone. Like how would you describe.
What you're sharing in your comedy.
Thank you for laughing at me. That's the point. That's why I do this. I, post I was just talking to somebody about this post pan pre pandemic. I think I was a very different comic than I am now. So I would say it's almost like I feel like I've had a bit of a.
A reinvention, if you will. I'm still, I still have some of the similar jokes but the meaning and my feelings towards the jokes have changed. Like post pandemic, I'm like, oh, nothing fucking matters. And it's and so it just became I'm gonna do what I wanna do. I'm not gonna hold back.
I'm not gonna be for everybody, and that's okay. I'm not, I can't please everyone. I'm not gonna. Kill every time. I'm gonna just go on stage and not try to, 'cause I was like living and dying by each set. And I'm like, you know what? I'm not gonna hate myself for mistakes or after my sets, or I'm not gonna put the pressure on myself that I was.
So now it's really opened me up to be, to talk about these things that I wanna talk about. I'm going through infertility and so most of my set it now is about that process, which isn't something that people think, oh, hilarious. She can't get pregnant. Whoa. That's so funny. But that's the point, and I try really hard to to make sure that it, there's funny, even if you aren't going through it, or it's not of I try to make the jokes strong enough, even if this subject matters.
Something that people might go, I don't really wanna hear about your egg retrieval. I'm like, no, but I promise you just listen a little bit. It's really silly. So I've been trying to, I've just really. Open myself up to doing whatever I want.
Yeah. Yeah. Which I think is the secret to everyone having more fun and making more money In reality, nothing matters.
Nothing matters. Look at what's happening in this world. Nothing matters. It's just do what makes you happy. Do what you want. I've leaned into a lot of physicality on stage, like people are like, you're like, I've just gotten a little unhinged. And I think that's where we all need to be to survive.
I think we all need to be on the border of just throwing it all away.
There there's just so much of life that is completely insane as well. It's insane. Like we're at like a level 200 out of a 10 scale right now. But even when we're in more of a relaxed state of world being,
yeah, there's
still just who we are as humans is ridiculous.
And I ha I'm laughing even at my own, like the notes I took. I'm like high waist pants dating success and adulting. Yeah. Oh yeah. And I wanna jump to the high wasted pants thing because Oh, sure. Also high wasted pants lover. But I also come from a background of making products. Okay. And I saw your post, which of a high fashion runway Yes.
Taking your t-shirt. And I instantly went into Mama Bear Ooh, do you have a lawyer? Ooh, we're gonna, I'm like, this is not okay.
And this I know. And the thing is, yeah, so I made, I had that joke though, went viral about high wasted pants. And so I, we made merch, me and this wonderful designer, her name is Kylie Nuid and she goes by end of story on New York and she's insanely talented.
And so we, she drew me up this merch where the shirt has more pants. And then, yeah, and then we did that. I think we lo we put that out in May and then in June it was on red. So chances are there was like already some things in the work. But it was pretty funny that we saw that and we were like, what?
We're high fashion. It's so crazy. So like I doubt that they were on my Instagram, but it was just really funny to be like, diet Prada. This is big news. Yes. And it's they don't care but's. But I appreciate you. I appreciate you wanting to come to my defense. Thank you so much.
I just, prod and Chanel, they have teams that all they do is send out cease and desist letters to people all the time, which is so annoying when you're in the product. Really. Space. Oh yeah. I worked for DC Shoes, the skate company for a little while. Yeah.
And their logo is the d and a c backwards. DC shoes can't put that logo. On any women's product because they might confuse it with Chanel product, which that alone is its own comedy opportunity. Yeah. Because they make the same things obviously. And there was a crossover when they moved into some snowboarding and skate looks that I don't think anyone who typically wears Chanel actually bought it was more of a runway kind of push.
But still, I'm like, you're moving into our space now. Like now we should be able to push. Yeah. You're like, that's our thing. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. And so they, all these rules where it got super complicated, no bags no handbags, no wallets, no snowboards. You're like you're basically crushing our business.
Thank you.
Yeah. That's wild. I did not
know that. Yeah. And I don't know why you care about that customer at all,
truly.
So I'm also someone who has, gone through the IVF kind of stage. Okay. Interesting. With me is that I started, it was with a partner. We've now separated. And now I'm like, oh fuck.
Do I do this by myself or do I fingers crossed will someone magically appear in the next six to eight months? So it's a, it's again, like I am laughing at myself and like the ridiculousness of what the universe likes to deliver. Yeah. It has a sense of humor for sure. How has that process been for you and how has using comedy.
I don't know, made it easier or more, yeah. How has it shifted it for you by being able to talk about it in your sets?
It made me process it. I wasn't like I even say I, I have this whole show about infertility and I say. It's weird because even as I was going through it, I'm the person that's giving myself the shots.
I'm physically feeling it. I'm physically feeling my emotions. I'm physically gaining weight in my back, like I'm physically like going, the person going through it, it still felt like it wasn't happening to me. It still felt like it was above me. It felt like it was around me. It didn't feel like it was happening to me.
And then writing about it and getting to, to go through these things and watch people like. Be shocked at the process and open the journey up to Instagram. And then having people like come up to me after shows and people message me on Instagram and all these things. That made it more real.
Like I just wasn't processing it until I, and I've always been as somebody that needed to write things down to get I still have a planner a physical planner. I still have to write my jokes down. I can't like, take notes in my phone. I just won't remember them. I have to write down my and even even in high school when I was going through some anxiety and depression type stuff, what helped me was always writing things down. And so I should have known that writing this out was gonna be the way that I was gonna make my way through it. But but it really helped me process it and I, and I.
It's been really interesting connecting with people in the audience that have gone through similar things, or even like nurses that'll be like, oh, that's exactly right. Or like I, 'cause I talk about this one thing called shoulder dystopia, which happens sometimes during childbirth where baby's head comes out and the body gets stuck.
And I make it a joke about how men, I think I put it up, about how men could never give birth. 'cause they could never, they're not, they just couldn't have a head coming out of them. And then function. They just think, they just, I think in my joke, I'm like they're like, I need a window seat. Like they just, they're not equipped the way that we're equipped.
And and I had a nurse come up to me and she's oh my God. She's you had shoulder toto. She's you had it right? You were talking about it. And so I'm like, oh good medical medically, I'm not bullshitting. But it really helped me process my own experience saying it out loud and then having people.
To talk to about it afterwards. It's funny too, 'cause sometimes I'll do literally 15 to 20 minutes on trying to have a baby and going through IVF and people will still come up to me afterwards and be like, was all that true? And I'm like, Y yeah, yeah. What do you think that this is the subject that I fucking chose to and I just have seven kids at home and this is just like for you guys.
No, it's true. Like people are like, that's all true. And I'm like, yes, it's all true. So it's very funny.
Yes. But it's cool. It's cool.
The other thing I think it, that kind of parallels to this, which I appreciate your take on, is just dating. And how you have a joke about how your friends are like forcing you into stranger's cars.
Oh yeah. When I was single. Yeah. Because I was single in my thirties. And people are like, what? And you're like, dude, we're doing it now. This is what's happening. Yeah. I'm married now, but it was, but I'm 40 now, but we got married at 30, I was 38 when I got married, and it's, that's, people find that.
They're like, that's we're, we get married at 26. I'm like not fucking everybody, yeah.
It's not happening like that anymore.
No. For a lot of people,
I'm, and I'm surprised being in New York that you still had all that pressure, because I feel like that's the one place where you can get away with it more than other places.
Oh yeah. Completely. Completely. But it still is, when you're single. People do just really, they wanna set you up with anybody and you're like, I still have tastes and standards. Like just because and you know what? And I think it has to do with this biological clock thing. I think it has to do with the fact that if you want babies, you have to think about this, but and nobody will tell you to look into freezing your eggs. Like you can eliminate so much stress if you just think you want a child. Are like 30, 31, 32, 33. Not with somebody, but know that this is something you want. You're like, just go fucking go have a doctor. Look up there. Go. And I know, and I say this knowing that there's costs and there's prices and things like that.
But just look into it. Yeah, just look into it and remove that stress from your life. And then you can date anyone you want. You don't have to date people with six fingers or something just because you're friends. Want you to,
you might appreciate the feedback I got from a fertility doctor and you're welcome.
Oh yeah. To use this wherever you want to. Oh, thank you very much. Of course. I wanted to get a second opinion. Okay. And the, I'm talking to the guy 'cause I was like, do I freeze my eggs? What do we do? And he, oh yeah. He's you know what he's I don't know if it's worth freezing your eggs.
There's a 25% chance for your age, all this other stuff. He's let's just freeze embryos. I'm like. Okay, like that, you want a higher success rate, but I don't have the sperm donor currently. And he goes, but that's okay. He's let's pick a couple. We'll freeze them all and you can choose later.
I'm like, I'm sorry, what? Wait, he, yes. He wanted you to just
pick a couple sperm donors, just a couple willy-nilly sperm donors. He's he's pick, like it's not a big fucking decision. Thank you. This is the thing. Fertility doctors especially, is it a male fertility doctor? Yes.
Okay. I don't even have enough words for this man. And I have a male fertility doctor and I love him, but the stories that I hear sometimes are just like it. I think they forget because they do this so often, that this is our, this is the only time we're going through it. So sometimes nurses and doctors will say things and you're like, and they send you into a fucking spiral, and you're like, oh.
'cause you've seen 85 patients today. You are the only fertility doctor that I saw today. I only see one, one every so often, so if you could just not cause me to spiral I can't believe that they were that he asked you to willy-nilly just fertilize your eggs with just. Anything.
Hi. His recommendation was my my previous partner.
Let's make him one. Let's make another like male friend that you really trust. He could be a second. And then let's do a sperm donor for the third option. And then, when you're ready, you can choose. I'm like, yeah, but you told me I have to choose anyway in a year, so why don't I just give it.
A year hoping that I don't need to have all of these awkward conversations in the meantime, I just do. I have to have that call. Let's do it later.
That's insane to me. I know that's insane that somebody would look at you and be like, yeah, why not? Why not?
Yeah. Oh my God. And I respect that he was coming from.
The he was just thinking, how do I guarantee that this person will have a child? Which I appreciate. But there was a huge gap between like where I was to what he was recommending. And I like, I'm like, do you have therapy that goes with that program? Because that's. I, that's what
I, that's what that, I was just thinking.
I was like, he did not even consider what the mental aspect of that would be for you. Yeah. Because he is not a woman. 'cause they don't fucking understand by design. It's our bodies that have to go through all this shit. And so it's just it's really but impossible for anybody to understand it.
But as the doctor. As the doctor, man, get it together, bro.
Yeah. Get it
together.
Yeah. I left that phone call crying, laughing, and I'm like, okay, he's probably not my doctor, but this is gold for someone someday.
He's probably
not your doctor.
I had a friend, I had a friend who went, and this is what's, so it's very important to find a doctor that you like, because I've had two doctors that I like, one I didn't have.
Great success with, and I think it was just because he did a little bit more of an old school protocol. And I'm with a new guy now who's a little bit more modern and I'm responding better to that. So you have to know the differences as to when to move on and when to ask questions.
But wait, shoot. I just lost my train of thought. What? We were just, what were we just saying before this? Sorry, not
the doctor for you.
Oh yes. I was gonna say my, it is important to like the doctor because my friend. Her IVF doctor, the nurse there told her, she was only allowed to ask one question a day.
Could you imagine going through a scientific process like this? That is so intensive. That is so you have to, you're literally a chemist. You're mixing shots in your fucking kitchen. You're shooting yourself in the ass with needles that are very LA and to, for the nurse to be like, you can only ask me one question a day.
I was. I'm horrified for some of these places. So yes. Find a doctor that doesn't tell you to willy-nilly just impregnate your eggs and let's you ask more than one question. Yeah.
Try that out and I keep thinking about how most women who wanna freeze their eggs or are going through IVF they tend to be women who have very full schedules and no one prepared, at least didn't prepare me for the idea that just to do the egg retrieval process.
You can't leave your house for. The entire process. Not like you can't leave your house, but you can't go anywhere. 'cause Lord knows when you have to come back and be like, yeah, you've got four windows to do. And you're like, wait, I don't do anything in my life as insane as this. Yeah.
Like you, what do you want me to do? The scheduling of it was mind blowing. I'm like, there has to be a different way.
Yeah you have to be at the doctor's almost every day. At least every couple days, and then at the end, every day. And then you have to take your shots at a certain time. I was bringing, I literally had needles in my purse, like I was shooting up in bathrooms at comedy clubs.
I was taking shots in cars because there's certain times that you have to do it, like at this time, and so wherever you are, you gotta shoot yourself up. So I was like literally carrying a mini cooler around this. City. Just okay. Just like literally taking my shots and then running on stage.
It was, it's a wild process.
I guess that makes you more of an official comedian if you are shooting up in the bathrooms. So
it makes me Yeah. A seventies and early seventies male comedian. Absolutely. Yeah. One of the greats. One of the greats. One of the greats. Exactly. You're not wrong there.
When you think about powerful ladies do. The words, powerful ladies mean something different to you. And they're separate versus when they're put together.
Powerful ladies separate and together. Just, like you say in my joke, I think just the fact that we do, we are the people that are.
And this is, I know that there's a whole thing right now with birthing parents and things like that, but just if you identify as a woman and you give birth, my fucking God, that's powerful. It's just because I can't think of anything that you have to be stronger for. Then that goddamn process, do you know what it, like? It's just, it's nasty. It changes you, your hormones fluctuate. Your tits get bigger, your hair grows in weird places. Your feet grow a whole size, and then you either push something out of your body or they put your guts on a table and pull something out of it.
It's just I cannot think of anybody el like there, like it's ins. It's insane that, how strong that, that makes us, and I don't know if strong, I guess strong and powerful. I think of it in the same realm, but powerful women it's just, it feels like a weird time to be a woman.
And it I guess lately I've felt. A bit powerless. Like just with everything that's going on, I've felt a bit like our power is trying to be taken from us. And it's just, I'm gra it's a really weird feeling right now. It's a really weird, and it's also just it's really weird to be thought of as less than, because again, like we.
We can do most everything except for lift a fridge. I don't want to, do, and some women can, yeah. And some women can. Exactly. But it's like I'm so tired of physical strength like that. Again I did mention childbirth, which does require physical strength, but I'm so tired of an, the athlete argue argument of men are just better athletes.
It's so that means you should get paid more, or that means that we shouldn't be able to be president. It's just, it's fucking insane to me. Yeah. So I guess at the end of the day, the feelings I have at this very moment as we sit here, powerful women. To me is just anybody that is a woman right now and living in this fucking hellscape.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And having to go through their day every day as we watch what's happening to women, like the fact that we can get up, say hello, talk to each other, go to work function in this society with what's being done to us, that's powerful. Yeah. That's powerful to me.
Just
being a woman right now is powerful. Someone asked me on the podcast last recording we did about who, who I thought was a current powerful lady is Oprah still on the list? I'm like, of course Oprah's still on the list, but of course Oprah's always on the list. Oprah is the list. Yeah, exactly.
Exactly. If you asked me today like who, who's really killing it as a powerful lady, I'm like the lady in Texas who's fighting her HOV Lane ticket. Yes. 'cause that is hilarious and witty and I'm like, yes. More of that please. Because yeah, we have to answer Ridiculous with ridiculous. I just, that's like the only language that seems to be spoken right now.
Yeah. Yeah. That's true. That's very true. That I agree.
Agree. You're here. Yeah.
Here.
Yeah. Aye, I vote for you.
You, when we, when you look at your journey and where you've come from. If you go back to 8-year-old, you would, you have imagined that you were living the life you have now and that you were a comedian.
8-year-old me had a mustache, so I'm just glad we've grown out of that. But yeah, I think 8-year-old me was a bit of a maniac. I think I was definitely still trying to using humor to, to fit in. And it feels like this is just an elevated version of that. You know what I mean?
Yeah. So I think 8-year-old me definitely, she almost had bigger dreams. Like now I've, like now I've realized you have to you do have to narrow down the path that you want to walk down, and but I think, I feel like she'd be excited about New York, and I've always been a big, like a musical theater person, and so my, if I don't have a show, I see Broadway shows. That is my self-care, that is my hobby. It is what I do. I take myself on dates to Broadway shows all the time. I see everything numerous times. I know the gossip, like it's very fun. And so I think 8-year-old me would be very excited that she's now seen a little Shop of Horrors three times live.
Amazing she'd be excited about that.
How have other powerful ladies in your life helped you on your journey and inspired you along the way?
Let's see. I think powerful ladies, how have they helped me? I think just. When you're a female comedian there, I do feel like there's a little bit of a, a silent nod that happens.
Just because it's such a different, and I don't journey road, one of those buzz words for this, but it's just, it's such a different experience to go through it. So I say yeah. Female comics still doing it. It's definitely nice to have to be on shows with other women to be like, okay at least not, we know nothing, nothing bad can happen if we're both here, and it's just it's just, yeah, it's just helpful to have. Women doing the same thing as you. I think it, it's, even if it's not explicitly Hey, I'm gonna call this guy for you. It's just helpful to see other people succeeding in what you wanna do. So like female comics that have made it.
It's just, it's very, it's it's inspiring And I'd say that I've been thinking a lot about, like my grandma lately too, which has been in some way helpful, just remembering who she was in my life. And yeah I said, I think just surrounding. Surrounding myself with other women who don't give a fuck, which is nice.
And getting rid of, not getting rid of, but like definitely filtering out people that don't align with what I'm trying to do anymore.
It's exhausting. To
tiring
those people around. Yeah.
And entertain their fucking craziness. And you're just like, oh, this isn't, I'm not, we can't, sorry. Nope.
Not for me any, I'm too exhausted. I'm getting too old. It comes with age too, and it comes with finding the like-minded people around you to be like, oh, this is the energy I want around me. Not that. Yeah. I don't know if I. Answered the question. Did I? You did yes. I feel like a round because I've never really thought about powerful women in my life.
I just always I think I just appreciate being around women. And so I don't, like I said, I don't think it's like explicit help. It's just more of an appreciation for we're all doing this, man.
Yeah. I think there's a difference in like being around females and then being around like your.
Women, I think, or the like-mindedness. 'cause when I I was living in der for a while and I had a group of girlfriends there. We called ourselves the fancy frow and
It felt like I was eight every day hanging out with them because Yeah, you just crying, laughing, being ridiculous. The best it you, when you feel, when you're around other women who make you feel like you can literally do anything and get away with it, that's one of my favorite feelings.
Yeah, and I, yeah, 100%. And I do think that there is something like, especially with the last couple years and everything that's going on, I said there is this kind of, I feel like secret to where we're just helping each other more. I think. Yes. That there was, there, there are worlds where when you're younger or where.
Jealousy more plays a factor, or you're pitted against or you want what they have or you want their hair or you want the, and I think that just between the Me Too and Roe v. Wade and all this stuff, I feel like women are really coming together to be like, Hey girls, we got each other. Like we can't really count on.
Other people to understand our needs and what we go through. So I really do think we're there for each other in a way that, that maybe we weren't a couple years ago. I don't know. Maybe may I just feel like we're all, we're fucking in it now. We're just, we're doing it,
I think we've also. Realized, and I've seen this shift in my lifetime, I'm 40 also. And yeah, like when you wanted to be like a woman who made something of themselves, it felt like first 20 ish years of my life that there wasn't, there's three spots. And so you had to do a little bit of this to be like, I like get me into one of the spots.
And now we're like, oh, that's a lie. There's all these spots. There's a lot
of spots. Yeah. Yeah. And we've been set up to not support each other and then, yeah. Now we're like, wait, we need to, yeah, we have to because that's true. I see that in comedy too. Lineups that have one female comic, so it's like you're like, I wanna be the one.
And it's man, you can have more than one. Phe. Eisenberg always has my favorite. My favorite joke, whenever there's two girls on a lineup, she's what is this a breast cancer awareness benefit? Because it's it's always they always just will do like an only girl one. Yeah. And make some fucking big to-do about it.
It's like you can just put. Yeah. More than what we don't, we all have different experience. We don't have the same mother, we don't have the same 'cause you could see, men talk about the same thing over and people are okay with that. But two women mentioned the same thing and it's blah.
But yeah, you're right. We're we there's there. It seemed, we were brought up to believe that there was only a few spots and we realize now that there's a lot happening and you can make Yeah. There's new things happening too. There's not only these couple boxes, like it was like, you wanna be a teacher, you wanna be a nurse, you wanna be this, and it's now there's, it feels like there's everything.
And I think a lot of what powerful ladies have in common is we're realizing that we get to just do all the things anyway. Like our ideal place is overlapping, like 15 of them. Yeah. What like to be like Broadway comedy song and dance all together, right? And you're like, oh, that's what I wanna do anyway.
Let's just mash it up,
do it, make it, create it. We're in a world where we're in this crazy state where we can really, I. You can really create what you want. Again it's a lot of, it's a lot of hard work. It's not as easy, when you decide to take on anything creative, it's not as easy as a boss standing above you every day being like, yeah, I need the reports and I need you to, there's a, this is due, and type up and add all this.
It's like you really do have to work hard but you can find a place to do exactly what you want.
Yeah, you can. I was listening to, do you ever listen to the Smart List podcast? I don't. It cracks me up. It got me through, I think, part of COVID, like hearing how insane the, those episodes were. But they, Jason Bateman keeps talking about people don't understand what it's like to be an actor.
Like you get rejected all the time. It's not like a regular career. I'm like. Jason Bateman, like, how about entrepreneurs? Every day we're doing like the same thing, like anyone who's selling themselves know this. And it was, it just made me realize what a cute little bubble he's in of. I'm like no. Every day this is what's happening.
We're all selling ourselves most of the time, and even being in a safe corporate job, there's so much bullshit that goes on there and Oh yeah, it's, but it is it's different when. Part of me misses having someone to tell you what to do tell me what to do, but almost more acknowledge that I've actually done anything.
I get it. Yep. I'll run through the day and be like, did I do anything at all today?
Yeah. Meanwhile, you've sent 10 emails. You've crossed things that like,
yeah,
I totally get that. There is something satisfying about somebody seeing you do something and being like, you did it. Yes. Yeah. You did it. I know, but you just have to do that for yourself, yes. You have to. Indulge and, give yourself the treats. I don't know. I'm very into shopping as a way to be like, you wrote two emails, go ahead and buy that shirt online. You've been looking at,
I think I'm gonna take that advice later today. I'm like, three podcast episodes.
Check. Okay. Go.
There you go. You did something. Buy yourself something. I have no discipline. I have no self-discipline. I will spend everything I have on things I will never use. But you know what? It feels good when they come in the mail.
Yes. You get that moment.
You get that moment,
which I'd love to know a little bit about, like what your process is.
Speaking of discipline like you, when you're in control of what your day looks like how do you have a specific time for writing? Like how do you organize your day so that you can show up?
I feel like I'm the busiest person who does nothing. I feel like constantly I have stuff to do, but yet I do make time to at least watch three hours of love Island.
So it's I feel it's I am a person who gets more done when I'm busy. If I have every day free, nothing is getting done. Nothing is getting done. So it's like I keep part-time jobs. So that I have somewhat of a schedule, and I, and it actually, I find that it works for me because if I know that Tuesdays and Thursdays I have to do this, then I know that I, that there has to be productive.
I also give myself goals and homework, like actual dates. So like I'm doing the Fringe Festival in Edinburgh. This. Next month, so the whole month of August. So I actually, it's like I know that I have to be working on this show until I leave because if it's not done, so like I'll do things like that where I'll just, I will book a venue and say I'm doing a one woman show and then I have to write it, like I have to give myself sometimes these homeworks, but I'm not somebody that can look at a blank page and write.
I have to have things happen in my life and I find I'm actually most. And I should know this about myself by now and just plan for this, but like I'm most creative when I'm on my way to a spot. So when I'm on the train, I'll be like, when I'm on my train to the spot and I'm thinking about my set, I'll think of tags and I'll write it down.
When I'm sitting in the back of a comedy club, like in the environment of comedy, I can do that, but I'm not great. There's some people that are. Great at free writing. And I, if I had that as a habit, maybe I'd be better at it. But fuck man, I need life to happen. And yeah, I need to have that.
But I will say it also, writing the show about infertility was probably the easiest. Way to write is to pick a and I was like, oh, I get why people do this now. They pick one topic and you write about one topic because it's you. There's, if it's got enough stuff, there's a, you can write forever. So that was really helpful.
But no, as far as the process goes I'm all over the place. I'm all over the place. I am not also like a person that feels creative in the morning. Like I'm a person that if I'm off. I, my productivity starts at two. Yeah. Like I need a little bit of downtime in the morning.
I gotta do my wordle, my hurdle, my cordle, my up turtle, my sick turtle my, my framed. I gotta do all my shit and then and just like zone out for a bit. This is the same way I was in high school. My dad used to make fun of me because before I'd have to start homework, I would play no less than three hours of like solitaire or free sale on the computer before I started my homework.
It's like I need my junk time to be productive. And it's just, I'm just I'm a last minute. That's also me. I'm like procrastinator. I'm a last minute person. So if I have one hour to do something, it will it. That's. I will, I'll be on the plane to Edinburgh, still memorizing my show. That's who I am.
Not very organized, I mean organized actually, but like for my own stuff like that, I'm not, yeah. But like my shit's labeled. I've got containers everywhere. I'm the goddamn home. Edit everywhere else besides my brain.
Yeah. And every book talks about how that's how some of the most creative people are.
A mess. A mess. Not a mess, but just being the, doing the last minute 'cause yeah, there's so many, there's, I read a stupid amount of business and optimization efficiency type books and. There's this huge trend right now about, the same, we've all known that you get anything done in the time you're given.
If you have five minutes, you get it done. If you have five hours, you'll take five hours. You have five weeks, you'll take all five weeks, even though you get the same pamphlet. Oh yeah, what the hell is that about? I think we just need to give ourselves a break. That pros. Procrastination means that we're not wasting our time.
Actually. That's just how it is. It's just how it is.
Man, don't see now. That's, now I've got my excuses. I'll be like, I'm not
procrastinating. I just have a month. Yeah. We got time. It'll take me an hour. I'll do it on Tuesday. I I just, I have a month to do it. Oh my God.
That's funny.
We spend so much time thinking about it, right? Like even my team will tease me, if we're gonna do a new topic or theme or a new workshop. I know it. I'm like working on it in here the whole time. But it might take me, yeah. One to four hours, put it into something other people can consume.
But I don't like, I'm working on it the whole time. I'm sure you, I guess that's true.
Yes. 'cause my brain is always thinking about it. My brain is thinking about my show, but the actual sitting time in front of my script and my, and editing time, it's yeah, it's sporadic, but my brain is always thinking. You're right. Yeah. See, look, God, I'm so professional. I'm so good. You are. I do everything correct. I use my time wisely, man. It's crazy. Killing
it. Killing it. I'm killing it. I'm killing it. Do you consider one of your part-time jobs, the podcast?
Oh, my podcast. But I'm not really yeah.
It is more, yeah. I'm not making money on my podcast so it doesn't feel like a job. It just feels like a way that I'm staying connected with people. Which I guess also is part of the job. It's marketing, being a comedian, part of it is to always be putting out stuff for people.
It's it's just part of the job. Content creation is just fucking part of this job now. Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is part of the bigger job of the career job yeah.
Yeah.
All right. Okay. Let's go with that. Yes.
It's a hundred percent marketing. Hundred percent marketing. Yeah. Yeah. I, I am frustrated though as a.
Business owner, and I'm frustrated for my clients too, about how much content we now have to make. It's just in it. It's just part of it.
I
know. It's Gary, I saw Gary V thing and he's I just started filming my whole life and then I have clips for days. I'm like, then you're just your own reality show at that point, and it's whew.
But when
you're in this space, I know I talk with comics about this all the time. 'cause people are like, I don't wanna do clips. I want, I don't wanna do that. I go, then you're basically somebody handing out a CD in Times Square who has a fucking CD player still. Do you know what I mean? You're a dinosaur.
You have to pivot. We have to pivot and go where the, and yes, it's not fair that this job has changed in the last 10 years. Yeah, this job has changed, but there's just more. To it, but there's also more opportunity that way. Like people weren't making as much money as they're making as comedians now.
There's you can make money on YouTube and on TikTok and on Instagram and on Facebook. There's a lot of mon and on podcasts like, so it's it's like if you wanna not do any of this stuff, then you will continue to get your a hundred dollars from clubs and all that stuff. Yeah. But if you want this other revenue stream, you just have to do other work.
And that's just fucking part of it. And it is, it's very annoying. Especially at 40, like I have a Hotmail, like I'm not technologically savvy, but I know that I have to at least try to pick one of the things and stay. Stay up to date with where this job is going.
The exciting thing I learned the other day, and maybe you already know this anyone can film a TV show and put it on Amazon.
Oh really? Yeah, exactly. That was what I said. Oh
you put it on Amazon 'cause people buy it then from Amazon.
I think I, I don't know what happens after that, but I was talking to a friend of mine who's a producer editor and I was joking that we need a powerful lady podcast. 'cause there's like a lack of any like stories out there that I was, I'm like, we're missing all these great stories.
And he is you can just make it. I'm like, wait, what? I'm like, how much? And he's between two to 5K an episode probably. Whoa. I was like that's much more reasonable than I thought. That'd be a lot more zeros. I was like, that's, I was like, yeah, that feels very cheap. But yeah, I guess there's a way.
Yeah. So that's I think that's so fascinating now because they don't think people are thinking about that. He's yeah, then you get to claim that you have a TV show on Amazon. I'm like,
that is true. People are doing a lot, we're seeing it with comedians a lot put self-producing and putting on YouTube and getting like more views and they probably went on certain streaming services.
So there is a way just to like I said, there's a way to do things yourself. It just, it's just work. It's just, it's
more work. But there's ways yes. I have this post-it on my monitor that says if it's not fun, I'm not doing it. I love it. 'cause I keep trying to remind myself like we're for me.
And maybe you, this happens. You too. I realize I get committed into something, into the cycle and I'm like wait. Whoa, this is a great idea. And now I'm in it and I'm like, this is not fun. How do we make this fun again?
And I think that's, back to the content creation piece, it's like, all right, how do we make it fun?
I had to give up, ask me something that you wanna do. Yeah. What'd you have to give up? I just had to give up making it a thing, right? Because I was like, oh, I have to put makeup on and I have to do my hair and I have to put clothes on. Yeah. And then I was like, you know what? Today the only time I have to make content is walking my dog.
So you're gonna come on a walk with me in a baseball hat and who knows what I'm wearing? And there might be a truck going by, but Oh we'll figure it out. I like that. 'cause I think
that's where I get hung up a lot too, is making it a thing. And it doesn't have to be a thing. 'cause if it's a thing, you're right that it's not fun.
But if it's just me being an idiot, doing something with given no, I'm just, given like kind of it's just a split second. It's not too much thought goes into it. I think that's when they're better than when. When I do try to be too, Yeah. Too into it. So that's totally, you're right.
Doesn't have to be a thing. Doesn't have to be,
it
doesn't have
to be a thing. It doesn't.
Do you podcast tattooing that on my podcast, tattooing that on my fucking arm. Doesn't have to be a thing. I do enjoy the podcast, but it's true crime, so it's, there's definitely an element of having to do like research every week that kind of gets a little bit.
And but I do. And like I go off the rails, so we'll be talking about a murder and we'll get into fast food. There's just it's, I like to see where where the conversations go and how they go with different friends and stuff like that. So it's, yeah.
Yeah. No,
It's definitely fun. And for going into true crime, does it? Do you find it fascinating? Does it ever freak you out? Do you have it's almost like I put
it away when I'm done with it. Like some of them stay with me. Yeah. But like I to research and I don't always do murders.
I do like MLMs, I do scams, I do all kinds of stuff so that it's not So anything shady. Anything shady. Shady shit. But I definitely I use them, then I lose them. Like I, it's like I can't keep, I have to get rid of stuff for new information so it definitely, but there are some that you read and you're just like, ugh.
Like it's just that that certain creeps stick with you.
Yeah. I got into a sick phase of, I was also driving cross country to go home for the holidays. And I was, listen, I was binge listening to Crime Junkie. And I'm like, what am I doing? I am driving by myself on these shady highways at truck stops.
I'm like, I can't do this anymore 'cause I'm gonna. I'm walking into this very nice, normal looking hotel, being like, who's behind me? What's happening? We're order five. And I just, I had to stop because my head goes crazy. It's why I also can't watch even like SVU at night by myself in the dark
oh yeah.
You should. My si my sister had a rule that I've adopted. She says no scary things before bed. No scary. So yeah, we do Seinfeld's. I do love Island. Yes, I do only happy bright things before bed. But no, I was listening to, I was really big on sword and scale for a bit. I don't know if you've ever listened to Sword and Scale.
No, it is. It is the most intense, most detailed, like very gruesome, true crime. And I was like, okay. I, and I've said this on my podcast a few times, and it was like I'd be listening to her on the train while I was playing Candy Crush. And then it was like every time I played Candy Crush, like I would think about these murders and I was like, I gotta stop this.
I got, 'cause I was associating them with each other, so I was like, you've ruined Candy Crush for me now because I'm just thinking about. Like all this stuff, but it is one of the most intense ones. So I've actually I still enjoy documentaries and stuff like that, but I don't I don't listen to a lot of True crime podcasts anymore.
I like if there's one of those ones that's like a whole story, like a Dirty John and Serial, those are interesting. But no, I can't do the episodics anymore for myself, which is funny 'cause I do one, but I just, it was too much. I was associating everything. Yeah. I was doing with murder and I was like, this is not a healthy way to ride the train.
Have you done the, for the Minis series one, have you listened to? Not in My Backyard or Our Backyard, no. Is it good? Fascinating. And it's not I'll send you the actual links. Please. But it's about a a murder that happened in Central California by San Luis Obispo. Okay.
And the guy who makes it is like. He's an amateur investigator. Oh, I love it. He uncovers things that the police, we hadn't even had. And that's the wildest part about these. It's like, where the
fuck, how do you have to, yeah, it's like they're the, it's really a full-time job, some of these podcasts finding Yeah.
Shit. It's wild.
Yeah. Yeah. And the case has new things have opened up and things have happened because of the podcast, which I love.
That always is,
it's so shocking to me. It's wild. Yeah. For everyone who now also wants to be your best friends, where can they find you, follow you, support you, and come see you?
Yes. Come support me over. I'm on Instagram at case space. B-C-A-S-E-F-A-C-E-B. Twitter, Casey Bolham, TikTok at case space B. And I usually post shows on my Instagram in the stories. So I'm in New York, and then I'll be in Scotland the entire month of August at Fringe. So if you're in the uk, come on over.
Love it.
We also ask everyone on the podcast where they put themselves on a powerful lady scale. Zero is your average everyday human, and 10 is the most powerful lady you can imagine. Where do you put yourself on average and where would you put yourself today? I do cry a lot
I would put myself, you know what?
I feel like I, I, you wanna give yourself a 10, but I'm, but I also. Like paper cuts hurt. So I'm just trying to think, oh man, I there are parts of me that are very wimpy. I'm gonna give myself an eight on a powerful ladies scale. 'cause I've, I have it. No, you know what, I'm gonna give myself a nine 'cause the IVF and I'm only not giving myself the 10 because I definitely bump my knee and it frustrates, like the little things I do where a powerful woman would just bump and walk and I definitely, yeah.
Pause and grab. So I'm gonna give myself a nine though, because IVF is a fucking bitch. And I'm very powerful for going through it and getting up every day and living my life.
You are. You absolutely are. Big old. I'm a niner. And we've also been asking everyone this year, what do you need? What are you looking for?
'cause this is a powerful community and I really believe that what you need, someone might have the key that's right in front of you or listening. What would you like, what's in your magic wishlist?
Oh my God. I really want this special that I created about infertility to be seen. So I really would like that to be, to be picked up by someone to distribute, that would be awesome. I really, listen, I need everybody think about my baby. Tell 'em to tell 'em to come tell 'em. We're ready for them. And and I really need a way to reverse gray hair. And I really need it's just, it's going fast and I really need somebody in New York that has laser hair removal that they would like to give me for for Instagram ads.
I'll put it on Instagram if you get rid of my beard. Somebody help me. Please get rid of this fucking beard that I've had since I was 10. I'm done with you. I'm done with my beard.
I am very much looking forward to seeing the brand partnerships that now show up on your Instagram. It's vast and there's so many opportunities.
Hair removal. Hair removal, that's all. I'm very, I'm a simple woman. Sponsor me with cheese or hair removal. That's it. Done. Just gimme my, give me my dairy and take away my hair.
And maybe knee pads. So you don't need to have those moments
and help me with my, I swear to God, if there's a bench somewhere, I will find it.
I will find it with my knees. I'm not graceful. That's
not a powerful lady requirement at all. Oh,
good. Good. That's good to know.
Thank you so much for being a Yes to me and the powerful ladies and taking time to hang out today. This has been a pleasure and my face hurts much more than it does, so thank you for also building my back construction.
Oh, awesome. Thank you so much for having me on. I had a great time. And yeah, thanks for doing a podcast that supports women.
All the links to connect with KC on our show notes@thepowerfulladies.com. Please subscribe to this podcast wherever you're listening and leave us a rating and review. They're critical for our podcast visibility and getting us in front of more people like you. Who would love to hear this episode. Come join us on Instagram at Powerful Ladies, and if you're looking to connect directly with me, visit kara duffy.com or Kara underscore Duffy on Instagram.
I'll be back next week with a brand new episode and new amazing guest. Until then, I hope we're taking on being powerful in your life. Go be awesome and to something you love.
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Created and hosted by Kara Duffy
Audio Engineering & Editing by Jordan Duffy
Production by Amanda Kass
Graphic design by Anna Olinova
Music by Joakim Karud
