Episode 183: Why Two Minutes Of Calm Can Change Your Life | Massoma Alam Chohan | Psychologist, Author, TEDx Speaker
Stress and burnout are on the rise, but Massoma Alam Chohan wants to change that...one lunch break at a time. She’s an Amazon #1 bestselling author, TEDx speaker, industrial-organizational psychologist, wife, and mother. Kara and Massoma talk about the emotional and physical toll of workplace stress, the myths we believe about productivity, and how even two intentional minutes a day can shift your mindset and impact. Whether you lead a team or just need help leading yourself through a tough season, this conversation is full of real talk and practical tools for personal growth, mindset coaching for women, and redefining success on your own terms.
“We often use work as an escape. We overwork to avoid our personal issues. Then we burnout because we’re not doing enough of what replenishes our soul. ”
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Follow along using the Transcript
Chapters:
00:00 Meet Massoma Alam Chohan
01:30 Burnout, stress, and leaving med school
04:10 From crisis to clarity: finding her purpose
06:40 Becoming a psychologist and starting over
08:20 How anxiety shows up in our work lives
10:30 Building a mentally healthy workplace
13:15 What “Take Your Lunch Break” really means
15:40 Teaching emotional regulation
18:00 Creating boundaries as a working mom
20:10 Strategies for burnout recovery
22:45 Supporting female leaders under pressure
25:00 How mindset shapes productivity
27:20 Two-minute resets that actually work
30:00 Why business leaders need to slow down
32:00 The long-term impact of emotional suppression
34:00 Final thoughts: your power is in the pause
We are on autopilot. We just wake up. We go to work, we do our thing, we come home, we cook dinner, we spend time with our family. We go to bed and it's like the same thing every single day. And sometimes we're present, sometimes oftentimes we're not. We're preoccupied with the future or stress about
the past.
That's Massoma Alam, and this is The Powerful Ladies Podcast.
Hey guys, I'm Kara Duffy, a business coach and entrepreneur on a mission to help you live your most extraordinary life. By showing you anything is possible, people who have mastered freedom, ease, and success, who are living their best and most ridiculous lives. And making an impact are often people you've never heard of until now, as more and more Americans are identifying as having high levels of stress and anxiety, we need to be advocates for ourselves individually and for our teens and employees professionally, to have the tools needed to reduce stress and anxiety and find more balance in our lives.
Masuma Aam Chohan is the author of the Amazon Number One bestseller. Take Your Lunch Break. Helpful Tips for Relieving Work Related Stress. She's also a TEDx speaker, industrial organizational psychologist, wife's daughter and mother. In this episode, we dive into how to take care of yourself, how to take care of your team, and how even two minutes a day can change your life and the impact you're making in the world.
Welcome to The Powerful Ladies Podcast. Oh, thank you so much. Let's tell everyone who you are, where you are in the world, and what you're up to.
Yeah,
sure.
Thank you so much for having me. My name is Massoma Alam, and I am in Buffalo, New York. Sunny buffalo. Actually, our weather is beautiful right now.
It's like low eighties, very comfortable, very nice. I don't mind the snow that's, people always ask like, how's the weather there in the winter? So snow is great. I am, a business psychologist. I did my master's in IO psychology and I previously had been, had completed two years of medical school and anxiety forced me to drop out of medical school and, which we can probably talk about a little bit later.
And I just released my first book called Take Your Lunch Break, helpful Tips for Relieving Work Related Stress. And yeah, it's been like three months now, so it's really exciting. I also did a TEDx talk on overcoming anxiety, so I'm a huge advocate for helping those suffering from anxiety and mental health.
And that's like my passion nowadays.
We have so much that we need to talk about into those areas. I wanna go back to the origin story though, of how you ended up. Having this be your career in your area of specialty, it can be so hard to choose or to, I should say to pivot from the path that you thought was gonna be yours.
Yes. When you decided to stop going to medical school. Yeah. Where was your head at? How were you feeling about yourself and what made you then pivot into psychology?
Yeah, that was probably the hardest decision of my life. It was very difficult because my whole life I wanted to be a doctor.
My dad's a doctor. That's what I grew up around. It was my dream. And so when my mental health got in the way of that, and it took me a very long time to decide to drop out of something that was affecting my mental health. It was not an easy decision, but ultimately it was the best decision. And now looking back, I am happy and glad that I chose a different career path that was more suitable for me and my personality and more fulfilling, I would say, in a lot of ways. So it wasn't easy. My parents were like, listen, like you are really you're not doing well. I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping. I was like, for one month I was agoraphobic, which means I didn't leave my home.
And at that point, when sometimes when we hit the rock bottom, we realize, okay, something's gotta give. Like I gotta change something here. It's not what? Something's not working. And so I chose I did my bachelor's in biology and Psychology, so I had done a double major and psychology was also my other passion.
And so I fell back on that. That sec I guess plan BI would say. And I went into business psychology because it wasn't clinical psychology 'cause I am an empath and I take on everyone's pain and feel everything. So I was like, I don't know if I wanna do clinical psych because it's just a lot.
But business psych seems something that I could do and something that I. Be comfortable and enjoy. And when I started my master's, I was like, wow, I love this. This is so interesting. Learning how humans behave in the workplace and how to motivate them and through incentives, et cetera, just like understanding human, human behavior in the workplace.
And honestly at that time it felt like the worst thing that was happening to me. But now looking back, it was the best thing that happened to me. And I think a lot of people could probably relate to that in their life. There's moments where we are like, oh my God, like my life is ending, but it ends up being the biggest blessing later on.
So that's a good moral of that story that I also remind myself. When something, when I'm struggling with something currently, I say maybe actually this is better than what I even had planned.
Yeah. And then once you went into, back into. The organizational behavior space, which I also think is so interesting.
Yes.
Did you automatically see a career path or was it just an interest that you were following and then it started to spill out? A kind of ahead of you?
Yeah, exactly. I really didn't know what I was going to do with that. Master, to be honest, there's a lot of things you can do with it. There's a lot of different fields, consulting or working with universities or businesses, et cetera.
But I just really didn't know. I was following a passion and I was like, okay, you know what? Let's just wing it and let's just see where it takes me. And then when anxiety started affecting my work, when I was working at a nonprofit and I was anxious at work, I was anxious about. Like my deadlines and when I would have to speak to my boss and my performance evaluation and all of these things that were really causing me a lot of stress.
I started looking for resources to like lower that stress. And I felt like I really couldn't find anything good out there. That was helpful. Obviously I was in therapy at the time and all that, but I don't know. I'm a researcher, so I like research everything. I like to learn about everything.
And so I just kept doing so much research and after my TEDx talk about overcoming anxiety, like that was 10 minutes. I was like, there's so much more I could really say to help people to give back and to share what I've learned over I had anxiety for about nine years. So all these things that I've learned and research, like I wanna share this with the world.
And so that's why I decided to write a book about it so that I could have this. One place where somebody who's struggling just like I was, they could go to this place and find a lot of tools and techniques and tips and tricks and life skills and time management skills and habit building, but as well as stress reduction techniques, like the whole shebang.
It's like a, it's like a very research driven, but also a lot of personal stories. So I try to make it a little entertaining to read, not like boring, so hopefully, people enjoy it. And so far people have been really loving it, which is really humbling because I did spend four years writing this book.
So it just means so much to me that people are enjoying it and liking it, and it's helping them, which was the ultimate goal. So yeah, I just follow your passion and see where it leads you. Because sometimes, we plan things and God plans and. Things just fall, wherever the wind blows, whatever God plans, yeah. How does it feel to be an Amazon bestseller? Thank you. It's the best feeling, it's just your book something, you put so much work hard, work passion into like blood, sweat, and tears and hours on end, and that people like it and they're enjoying it. And I'm getting such, thank God, like positive reviews and that it's helpful and it's sometimes I feel bad, but some people have quit their jobs because of my book and which I'm like, that's not the goal.
If you realize something like, this isn't really working for me and my mental health is being affected, then, that's great. And so it's just it's really humbling and I'm just so grateful. I'm really grateful.
I think it's so fabulous whenever we can offer people a tool Yes.
To really pause and evaluate the choices that we've all made. Yeah. We're so bad at. Choosing things without intention. And without checking in to see is it good for us or not. Yes. We're recording this in July and we're right in the middle of having a conversation with my group coaching about like having a midyear check in and reset.
Yes. And nobody wants to make time for it. I'm like, you have to. Yeah. So important. So I love that you're encouraging people to choose that. And if people are quitting their job because of it, I think they're truly, it's a good thing. They're following their heart and what they need.
Yes. And they're also with millions of other people right now who are choosing very different paths than they may have pre pandemic.
Exactly.
When you think about how you incorporate your own teachings into your life, how regularly are you pausing to check in with yourself?
Yeah. That's such a good point that you make because.
We are on autopilot, right? We just wake up, we go to work, we do our thing, we come home, we cook dinner, we spend time with our family, we go to bed and it's like the same thing every single day. And sometimes we're present, sometimes oftentimes we're not. We're preoccupied with the future or stress about the past.
And so oftentimes we don't just stop, take a deep breath, look around and say I'm here, right here, right now, and let me see, check in with myself. Like how am I feeling? Or reassess is this what I wanna do with my life? Yeah. Is this what's bringing me joy? Is this what's gonna help me grow? We don't take much time to just stop and reflect and reflection is actually a great.
Self-love, self-care tool. We don't think of that. We think of taking baths or getting our nails done as self-love, which it can be, but also sitting and meditating and reflecting on our life is also self-care. That's the, it's not easy, always is not easy to deal with sometimes our personal issues, but it's really necessary.
And I, this is one of the things that I always say is oftentimes we use work as escape. Yeah. We use work to not deal with our personal issues and conflicts. And what ends up happening is we end up overworking to avoid our personal conflicts and issues. And what happens is we burn out. Because we're not doing enough of what brings us joy, what recharges us, like our hobbies or spending time with our family. So we think we're actually like avoiding certain situations where they keep growing and then we don't do enough of what, like replenishes our soul and we end up burning out. And so it's very important to take that time to reflect, to sit, to reassess where you are because you don't want to burn out.
And it's important to take preventative measures like before you're burned out, while you're burning out. Recognize those signs to say, okay, you know what? I need to stop, be more in the present moment and. Start taking care of myself. And I know it's not always easy to deal with personal issues.
They're uncomfortable. It's difficult. It's messy. It's like dealing with hard and difficult emotions and it's Ugh, I don't wanna deal with it. Nobody wants to, I get it. But after that comes growth. Like that saying the quote where you think you're being buried, like a seed is being buried under the mud, but really that's your growth.
And that's where the biggest growth happens is through our biggest struggles. And the universe nudging you to maybe make a change or. This is how you're gonna grow. And so if you see it that way, if you change your mindset instead of oh, this is horrible, this sucks, which it may, but rather, okay, let me use this as a growth opportunity.
Like what is my body telling me? What is my life telling me? Where do I need to make a change? And maybe start taking care of yourself? Yep, stop and reflect. It's so hard to put ourselves first, isn't it? Oh, yes I'm a mom. I get it. It's very hard to put yourself first because of the guilt.
You feel guilty or you feel selfish, but like they said, put on your mask before you put on somebody else's mask. And people are like why? If you don't, then you're gonna be passed out and the person next to you is also gonna be passed out. So there's a no winning situation there. And that's another thing is I tell moms is change your mindset.
If you do feel guilty or selfish, they. I'm doing this for my kids actually, or I'm doing this for my family. So yeah, if you have trouble doing it for yourself, then say, actually me taking five minutes to sit and drink my coffee or tea just in peace and my, my husband's watching my kids or whatever.
I'm doing this so that I can recharge, be more patient, be more present with my kids, because let's be real, when you're not, when you don't take time for yourself. I, myself, I could speak for myself, is I'm way less patient. I lose my patience way faster. I'm not present. I want to just be on my phone or put on a screen and I don't wanna play.
I'm tired. I'm tired. But if we like. When I do get say an hour in the morning just to do my thing, then I'm like there, I'm present, I'm playing, I'm running. I'm enjoying myself. I'm way more patient I can put up with the tantrums. And that is if you could tell yourself that, especially as a mom, then you know you're gonna go a long way and you're gonna not be burnt out.
You're gonna enjoy your life more. You're gonna enjoy your kids more. You're not gonna be resenting them. So
there's been such a wave of talking about mental health more openly and talking about how, essentially every human is dealing with anxiety or depression or some other spectrum of mental health at any given time.
What are you optimistic about with that conversation shifting, and how do you see it shifting with the organizations that you work with?
Yeah, that's a great question. I think one good thing that did come out of the pandemic is that mental health became a forefront of conversation because so many of us did suffer during the pandemic.
We felt lonely, we felt isolated. Anxiety and depression were on the rise or still on the rise. And it was like, we can't hide this anymore. We can't sweep this under the rug anymore. We need to talk about these issues because people feel alone. And when I talk about it or somebody else talks about it, it makes you feel less alone.
And that in itself can be a game changer because I felt alone for a very long time when I was struggling with anxiety and I thought the things that I was experiencing were. Unique to me and I thought I was going crazy. I'm going psycho. I'm gonna be in a looney bin, I'm gonna be in the psych ward.
These are the things that you kind of experience. And then when I read the book Dare, which is a like an amazing book, I highly recommend everybody. It's on Amazon Dare. I was reading some of the symptoms, especially like depersonalization and derealization, where you feel outta your body, you feel disconnected from reality.
I. I was like, whoa, I'm not the only one that feels this. Like I'm not, other people experience this as well. And that was like a pivot moment for me, especially in my recovery journey. And so that's the, that's what I'm optimistic about is that we all feel anxious and there's different degrees of anxiety and, being diagnosed with anxiety is very different than feeling anxious on a known trigger.
Okay, like I have a speech coming up. I feel stressed, anxious about that. That's very normal. However, like anxiety disorder, like you can just be hanging out with your friends family and all of a sudden have this like response, sympathetic response like. That you're gonna lose it and there's no known trigger.
There's nothing that caused it. It just happens. Your alarm just goes off and it's can be very scary. And it's that dread and apprehension that rises and your heart rate is increasing and your sweating, et cetera, and, so that can be very overwhelming. But the more we talk about it.
The more we'll feel less alone. And for instance, like my story, I love to share it because I can give people hope and I can inspire people that listen. Like I know it's hard and it sucks. But if you put in the work, then you can overcome it. You can come on the other side and live a fulfilling life and live with anxiety in a way that you're not diagnosed with it.
You may still feel anxious and I still do here and there, but you know how to deal with it. You have the tools to breathe with this, sit with it, accept it, allow it, and then it's gone within a minute. So if I can just tell anybody out there who's suffering that there is hope that you can live a great life and do everything that you're even afraid of.
I had a fear of flying, driving. Fainting, you name it. Like I would have all these fears and I overcame all of them. And I fly all the time. I love flying. I drive all the time. I don't like, it's not an issue. So you can overcome your fears, you can overcome anxiety and be happy and feel joy.
And that is like the main message that I wanna send out to everybody is there's hope.
How are businesses changing? How they address anxiety and how they encourage mental health.
Yeah. So I think that's also a great thing a lot of corporations are now addressing is having this flexibility of work hours, like the work from home.
A lot of people prefer that actually. And so they're adjusting their models to reflect that. And bringing in, like I do a lot of corporate speaking and corporate wellness presentations. And so a lot of businesses have been reaching out to me to come to their to talk to their employees about different tools.
A lot of corporations offer like employee assistance programs, so check with your employer to see what mental health resources they provide for you. 'cause sometimes it's not always known. So definitely talk to like your HR departments and I think that. There's a lot that will go into it.
It's not gonna be like easy fix. But really addressing like the core issues of why people are feeling stressed at work. So that may be pay, right? So that may be being able to, excuse me, take breaks during the day without feeling guilty. That may start from leadership. So like talking to your leadership and.
So that they can model that behavior for their employees. If my, if I see my boss taking a lunch break, I'm more likely to take a lunch break. If I don't, then I'm not going to, because I'm gonna be like he's gonna judge me, or I'm gonna get I'm gonna be looked on as I'm not working, or I'm lazy, et cetera.
But if it's encouraged in the workplace to take frequent breaks in the day to go outside for a little walk, even if it's walking, meeting to take a break in the day. And if I see the leaders doing that, then I'm more likely to do it. If the leader stops sending emails at 5:00 AM and at 10 8:00 PM then I will feel more okay.
With sticking within the nine to five hours, right? Honestly, it really does start with leadership and hopefully that's my second book, fingers crossed, is a book about what leaders and bosses can do to lower stress at work, especially for their employees and create a more thriving environment for their employees.
Yeah, there's only so much an employee can do, and I think that people should advocate for themselves. They should talk to their bosses. It's not, that's also very not easy to do that. It's but if you can get to a place where you feel comfortable to talk to your boss about the issues that you're having or you know your needs, you may be surprised because if you think about it, the other person sitting across from you is also human.
We also forget that like our bosses are humans and they also have feelings, have stress. Actually, employee like managers and bosses have probably the most stress because they're dealing with bosses above them and then their employees that they're managing. So they may actually relate to you in more ways than you think.
So if you're, if you really have a good. Heart to heart, like human to human connection conversation. Listen, this is what I'm experiencing. Here are some of the things that, if you come with facts I've done this, and this is my solution or proposition. Say, you need to pick up your kid at daycare.
Is it okay if I work an hour earlier and leave an hour earlier so that I could pick up my kid? Like maybe your boss may be flexible in that, and you may be surprised, but we're als, we're always so afraid to have these difficult conversations that if you don't ask the answer's always no. So yeah, just step outside your comfort zone a little bit and talk to your bosses.
They're humans too.
I get a lot of questions from my clients, most of whom are CEOs about what to do when a client, or not clients, excuse me, a employee. Continues to bring their personal life into work. Because there's a lot of compassionate CEOs who Yes. Are very flexible, who do give you time off, who want to know that they, you, they care about you.
And there's, we're always walking that line of when are we moving outside of workability versus where are we being compassionate? And I think it's a really interesting balance to talk about. Yes. I had a client recently who has a new employee who, when they're doing great, they're great. And then other days they show up like they're not there at all and they miss deadlines and they're really stuck on what to do.
And as with human nature, we start to cross the list off, like maybe they don't belong here. Yes. And, we were talking about how to bridge that gap of how they can help them decide what to bring or not bring to work and when to turn it off and when not to, and what was appropriate.
And I think there's a lot of gray area right now about what's appropriate for discussing that work because we wanna take care of our people, but we also need to be focused on getting the job done. Yes. So what is your advice in that space?
Oh, yeah, that's a very good que it's, this is I, to be honest, there's no straight answer, but it's a good discussion point.
So I think it's very difficult, especially as a CEO, because there's a job that needs to get done, right? At the end of the day. But, we're not robots, we're humans. So we bring, we unfortunately do bring personal life into work oftentimes. But I think what you're saying, the CEO is sit down with that employee and make a plan.
Because for instance I interviewed somebody for my second book and she was saying that this employee was like really struggling and she was just like feeling overwhelmed. And so as a manager, as a leader, you need to help them navigate these situations and harp on their skills. Focus on what they're good at and then what they're not good at.
Help them look okay, this. Let me present this tool to you, this course to you, this time management skill or tool for you. And let's work on it. So she was feeling overwhelmed with all the assignments that she had. And so the manager brought her in and taught her like how to prioritize her tasks, how to make a list and then what tasks to say no to.
And that's something we always forget is like, there's certain things that either you could delegate or say, I'm sorry, I apologize. I'm at full capacity right now. I can't do this. And so or books to reference like seven of seven Method or Habits of a Highly Effective People, right?
That book talks about prioritizing urgent, et cetera. So as a CEO, if your per, if your employee is bringing personal life issues to work one day, they're good. One day they're not. Having these conversations with them to say listen, let's, figure something out. And if, hopefully you could figure it out.
But, providing them resources and tools for growth is probably going to be the best thing that a CEO or a leader can do. It's hard sometimes not to bring our personal life into work. Yeah. Especially when we're dealing with real life shit. It's hard. But I think acknowledging that as a CEO and then also as a manager and CEO, you need to remember you are not a therapist and you are not a mental health professional, so you don't need to take on all of that load.
That's not your job responsibility. And like you said, where's that line? Yeah. Between talking about like real personal issues and I. Seeing the other person as a human. So yeah, sometimes you do have to draw a line and say I can reference you to somebody, or maybe a good idea to talk to a mental health professional.
I can help you in this way. Like maybe I can help you with the organization or time management skills or I can help you in this, et cetera. X, Y, and Z. And then maybe refer them to somebody else. Maybe the company has, a lot of companies are now, even having Calm, which is a meditation app business, there's Headspace business.
Maybe have those kind of resources for your employees or give them time in the day. Hey, 10 minutes, go meditate. Yeah. Take your you have 50, I do this 15 minute worry time. You have 15 minutes of the day. Set the timer. That's the only time you have to worry all you want. Write it down journal, get it outta your head, onto the paper.
That's really helpful by the way, when you have these like racing thoughts to just write them because it gets it outta your head and like releases that. And then. Then we gotta get back to work. We gotta, and then showing them like why they're doing it. So motivate them, right? What is the real purpose of, I've seen great like managers and CEOs like really rally their employees over like the simplest things.
Like whether that be like a coffee shop or like you are doing amazing work. Like you are bringing coffee to people that is starting their day. Like really glad a leader can motivate employees even on the simplest task. And add that purpose. Like, why are you here? What are you really doing? What's a bigger goal?
What's the bigger purpose? And that's that intrinsic motivation that. CEOs should always sort of, and it's like constant it's not like one time, oh yeah, I motivated them. Like it's motivation needs to be a constant sort of thing because we forget every day we need, or every other day we need to rewrite it.
What are we doing? Why are we here? What's the purpose? And so that would be good. I'm here for you, like one-on-one, but here's how I'm gonna help you through this. Let's get through it together. And then, you got this here's your motivation speech and then let's get back to work kind of situation.
And I love that you started with, talk to them and the second thing you said to do was give them tools that they can use. Yes,
yes. So
I find so often leaders want to either totally avoid it
or
stop giving them work, stop including them on the project. So just they keep pushing 'em over to the side because they don't know what to do.
Yeah. So true. Or a volunteer
to take their work back.
And
I'm like that's not gonna help anyone. 'cause you don't have time either. Yeah. You definitely don't have time. That's so true. Yeah. Yeah. But it makes me feel better that there's so many businesses being read by compassionate people who do care, especially in the small business space.
Yes. Especially
in the
small business case. Yes.
Yeah. It changes everything. Yes. And I love your thoughts on working with purpose and reminding people what the purpose is. Yes. I think it matters so much for us as well. Yes. CEOs forget to take care of themselves, just like mothers do or parents do.
Yeah. The caretaker
always forgets to take care of themselves.
Definitely. Yeah. And like you recommended, I've told, I like when CEOs have their why list,
why are you doing this? Because if you having a bad
day, you have to go back and remember.
Yes. You're wireless. Exactly. Yeah.
How are you incorporating what you know about mental health and anxiety and living a more balanced life into how you're raising your children?
Oh, I love this question. This is great because I thought that there's like a separation and what I found is actually I can include my kids on a lot of these tools for stress reduction. For instance. There's a book called Alpha Breaths by Chris Willard. He actually gave me a early praise quote that's on the book back of my book.
He's written like 15 books. He's amazing, like world renowned mindfulness coach, and he has this book, alpha Breaths, which is amazing, and it basically has different breathing. For kids, like the lion's breath, right? And like the alligator breath and all. And my kids love it 'cause it's animals.
He, my, rayon, my son loves animals. And then it's like breathing like in a fun way. So we do this breath work together, and then we do like cosmic yoga together, where we put it on YouTube. You can literally Google for free cosmic yoga. It's for kids. And we do yoga together and then we color together, which is also a great stress reduction technique.
I have my coloring books. They have their coloring books. Any like tactile activities like gardening. Anything that, where you are using your hands, cooking coloring, like you can include your kids on all that. And they love it. They love being a part of your life. They don't always need to have all these special toys, et cetera.
They just wanna be included in what you're doing. And it's it releases your stress and the, your kids dress as well and you're doing things together. What else? Like even you could sit with them in meds. Let's just play a game. Let's see who could sit still and breathe. Take a few deep breaths.
Like my 14 month old knows how to take a deep breath. And when my son is having a tantrum, like she will be like. And she guides him through it. And that's what I'm saying, it's never too early to start this stuff. They pick up on it and they will I let my kids feel what they wanna feel. I'm not pushing away emotions or difficult emotions it's okay to be angry. It's okay to be sad. I never tell my son like, stop crying or don't cry. Like I would say, it's okay to cry, I'm gonna be here with you and hug him, get on his level, breathe with him like I breathe and then he copies me.
And letting them just be humans because we, I think growing up unfortunately that's just how our parents were raised. It was like, don't cry, suck it up. All is good. Keep on moving. But unfortunately now we have a very difficult time dealing with difficult emotions because we don't know how and 'cause we never were allowed to, and now we avoid it. We avoid uncomfortable situations, difficult emotions, we don't know how to deal with it. We develop anxiety and depression because it's just too much for us. We push it down. So I'm really trying to foster an environment where all emotions are allowed and involve them in running, right?
Like we can exercise, we can play together, we can run around outside. Like working out was a great stress red doctor stress reduction technique and. Eating healthy. Like you wanna cut like cucumbers with me and things like that. You could definitely involve your kid. 'cause parents, we have no time, right?
A lot of parents to me are like, I don't have time to work out. I don't have time to sit and meditate. I don't have time for yoga. Then I say, include your kids in it, even if it's 10 minutes, even five minutes, whatever it is, take it and just include them in it because this will also build these healthy stress reduction techniques for your kids as well.
So they'll know what to do when they get older and how to deal with these difficult emotions.
So I love that you're talking about how we can do it in five minutes. I love that you're talking about including kids. I had the honor to take a psychotherapeutic yoga teacher training class. Oh, nice. I highly recommend it.
It's like the only one in the US right now based outta Dallas. Really? They do it remote. It's just Oh, that's awesome. It's psychologists, neuroscientists, and yogas yogis came together to make an intensive three, like course that braids it all together. It was so fascinating. Someone not being a psychologist.
Wow. Yes. Getting to see into that and learn the neuroscience and then just come away with so many techniques that I was shocked how quickly I was using it with clients. Like every class I come out of in the weekends, it'd be using it that week. And it is, it can be so simple, right? Like we make meditation or yoga.
Yes. Like we make them these big things that we have to set aside all this time for. Yes. And that's what makes me happy too, is a, I regularly use the Peloton app for working out and they're like, five minutes is fine. It counts. If you did five minutes, it counts. Yes.
So true. So true. We're just,
we're extreme often in what we consider like a good enough or done or not done.
And I think it's really interesting to be deconstructing that as well of Yes what's good enough for you? What's good enough for today? What's good enough for your body?
And balancing it, right? Because every habit optimization tool will be like your schedule and this and that, and how do we optimize it and it can really overwhelm people.
Yes. And I'm like, yeah, but you can also decide we're throwing all that out for today. We'll come back to it tomorrow.
Yeah. So true. I think you're so right. And I'm currently reading Atomic Habits by James Clear and. He says the same thing. It's like small little habits, little by little each day build up to something huge.
And I, this is something I have to remind myself too, like five minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minute Peloton ride, 20 minutes. That's it. Because you're right, we get overwhelmed, right? We are like, oh my God, that's gonna take so much time. I can't do it. I don't have time. I'm overwhelmed. I have so much to do. I'm over.
Me and my husband, I have to change my clothes. I'm busy. I'm, it's hectic. I don't have time. But I always remember small steps. Small, like small thing. One step at a time, one step at a time. That's like the mantra I tell myself when I'm like, I have so much to do one thing at a time. Yeah. One step at a time and I will say one hour at a time.
If one hour is too much, 30 minutes at a time, 30 minutes too much, one minute at a time, yeah. Just take it present moment and start with five minutes. Say, you know what, I'm just gonna do five minutes. That's it. And then you may end up doing more. You may not but stop, as a perfectionist.
Which I just realized I was, while I was writing the book, I never considered myself a perfectionist before that. But I avoided tasks because they were overwhelming because I couldn't do it perfectly. I couldn't do it exactly the way I wanted. But then my dad always says like a job, 80% well done, done is better than a hundred percent job not done at all.
Yeah. And so when he said that, I was like, oh my gosh, you're so right. And I would not do certain things. Not complete certain to miss deadlines, like it was affecting my life because of this perfectionist thinking mindset that I had. And now I'm like, you know what? Even if I do 20 minute Peloton ride and I don't even sweat and I don't even push myself, but I just get on it, then that's a win.
And that's fine and you feel so good after it. So like I love that you emphasize that, just small steps, five minutes at a time. Don't worry about it. Just do it. Just do it. It's like Nike.
Exactly. I don't know if it was in Atomic Habits or a different book, but I loved when someone said. If the first month you're only allowed to do two minutes.
Yes. You can't do more. And people get so mad. They're like, what do you I'm here. I can't do more than two minutes. It's no, just two minutes. And it's says like reverse psychology effort of because once you're there, you usually wanna do more. Yes. You're usually I'm here. Like I put my sneakers on, I'm not gonna run for five minutes.
That sounds dumb. Yeah. ' cause it is. It's so much of that prep I know for me. Yes. The prep. Yeah. If I know that I have a big day and I'm like, oh, I have to change clothes and shower again. Yes. And I'm like, oh gosh. Like it's not the working out, it's all the before and after to pivot between activities that will make me be like, you're so right.
Maybe I'll just do five minutes of core before I go to bed and you're like, that is so in my book, that's so cheating, but okay, fine.
Yeah. It is the prep. So I just put my workout gear right in the morning. I'm already dressed to go, so that kind of helps me. But you're right. If, then I'm like, okay, then I have to change and shower and then get ready and then I have another meeting.
I have this, and then it's okay, maybe I'll do something where I don't sweat too much so I don't have to shower. Or something that's like yoga yeah. Yeah. Don't underestimate yoga because it can be very difficult and you could sweat a lot, but maybe I'll just do like light yoga, something that maybe you don't have to like shower per se.
You should, but if you can't, just something like that. Or walk. Take a walk. Yes. Or dance. I love dancing like zba, which is my favorite.
There's so many things that women today have to manage. We just listed a few, right? What are the kids doing? What are the kids eating?
Yes. Am I working out? Am I not, my meetings like. A woman's to-do list never gets shorter no matter what's happening. Never ends. And I feel like with the state of the world today, it just keeps getting larger.
Oh yeah.
How do you go throughout your day to really decide like what matters to you that day and how are you gonna be intentional with your time?
Yes. I feel as women, we take on so much, we take on the whole world's load onto our shoulders. And then as moms we also take on the universe's load onto our shoulders. We're like, women, I don't know, are afraid to ask for help. They're afraid to delegate things they think, and they feel like they should do it all.
And I don't know. Exactly where this mentality came from, who the sick person was that told us that. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like you have to do a And the thing is maybe it's, we saw our moms doing it all right. Like my mom, didn't, we, I'm a, we're, I'm one of four. We didn't have babysitters. We didn't have a nanny.
But my mom didn't work. But there's four kids. Like she still deserved a break even if she wasn't working. And I think what we need to remember is let's learn to ask for help. That's a skill to learn, to ask for help. So if we can like, delegate some things, get a babysitter, get a nanny, get somebody that can help you out for a few hours a day or whatever you need, or daycare, et cetera, like that's okay.
And giving yourself permission. That's okay. Like you can still be a very present mom. You could be a great mom. I just saw a post the other day, which was saying like if you have a nanny, like you're not cooking, you're not cleaning. Like how are you being a mom? Like how are you being a good mom?
And the thing is, which the point is that cooking and cleaning are not exclusive to moms, like non moms or non like men also cook and clean, so that has nothing to do with parenting. Then also like you can, like a nanny or whoever is only there for a few hours a day. What about all the other hours of the day?
Where you are very present with your kids, you're taking care of them, you're cooking for them, you are teaching them, you're playing with them, and you're connecting with your kids and loving them. Love is the most important thing at the end of the day. Love. That's what will heal all. That's what will be remembered forever.
And so I think like learning to really ask for help. Learning to take time for yourself, learning to have that present, really intent. Be intentional with your time. And again, it's okay to have lazy days and just binge watch and just chill. That's totally okay. We don't have to be productive all the time.
We sometimes we need to rest, and rest can look very different for a lot of different people. So whatever that looks like for you, take that time to rest, recharge, and just replenish your soul so you can get back to a hundred percent, fill your tank and then keep on keeping on,
The title of this podcast being Powerful Ladies, can be Controversial for some people. So I'm curious what you think powerful means by itself, what ladies means by itself and what you think powerful ladies means when they're next to each other. Wait, why is it controversial? It, everyone has an opinion or a thought about, oh it's not like when you, when my experience has been that when people see powerful ladies, it always causes a thought or a
reaction.
Interesting. And I've had people say, why just ladies, or Why ladies and not women? Oh. Or why not powerful humans? And it's lots of opinions. So I think it's really interesting to ask, what do those words mean to you? And do they change when they're together? That's interesting you say
that because I feel like people.
Are a little bit nitpicky nowadays where, empowerment by the way. Like that recently too. Maybe not recently, but like when people are like empowering women. Women are already empowered, so it's okay. Or powerful women women are already powerful. I don't know. I love the title.
I think it's great. I think we are powerful ladies. We are powerful women. Whether it's Woo Ladies or women, it doesn't really matter to me. I think it has the same meaning. I think it's beautiful that you highlight all these women who are doing amazing things and showing showcasing like how powerful we really are.
Yeah, I love the title. I have nothing bad to say about it. I more props do I think women are powerful. We give birth. Let's be real. Are you serious? That is in itself is like one of the most intense, powerful moments that a human experiences. So
who are powerful women in your life that have inspired you, supported you, and guided you along your way?
I have to say my mom, let's be real. Like she is the real og. She is like so amazing. Four kids went through had a stillborn birth. Had a miscarriage, so really six pregnancies. She raised us all and. With love and compassion and really let us fly, let us do things for our education, let us go.
And my mom is she's what do they call, like helicopter mom? Like my pa a helicopter parent where she's a wor warrior, not, she's also a warrior, but like worrier. And she just like, but she let us go. Even though for her, like she would cry a lot and it would, we didn't know this, but like she would be so stressed out about, and still to this day, like I am, I have my own kids. Like she calls me multiple times a day. Like she keeps in touch with all four of us and she just is so caring and loving and I think seeing. Like how you can be powerful, but still kind and compassionate and loving.
And you can still impact so many people whether you work or you don't work. You could still be super smart, like my mom and intelligent and whether you're, she doesn't have, she doesn't work, but like she still has such a huge impact on this, on the people that she runs into and supports and all her children.
So I think like that to me is really beautiful. Somebody who can be kind and compassionate and still leave a positive impact on this world. Yeah.
It's. Powerful ladies know that they certainly have not gotten here by themselves.
Right.
And we can't function on a day-to-day basis by ourselves either in a healthy way.
Yes, we certainly can through stress and anxiety, and that's okay in, in, I say sprints, but in the long term it's so different having a support system.
You
know, when you look at your peers and your communities, how do they impact how you're able to be your best self?
I think, women, supporting other women is just really important, especially nowadays because unfortunately, we were brought up with this notion that we needed to compete with each other that we can't all be winners.
And that if she wins, I lose. And that narrative really needs to change and it is changing. And I think that's why I feel like your podcast is so important as well, because Thank you. You are supporting other women. You're highlighting other women. And, that is really beautiful because together we're stronger and together we can make even a greater impact and we can all win.
Like my win is your win. Your win is my win. Like we can really do so much when we have each other's back. And whether that's in your community, finding others, connecting, being a connector. Hey, I think you should really talk to this other woman because you guys could really collaborate and work on this project together.
So being a giver connector, these things are. Really important for the growth of all womanhood and ladies instead of oh, I'm not gonna share this, or I'm not gonna share her project or her event. Because I don't want her to get more people or supporters or money, whatever it is. Think about it.
If you really think about it is that really going to do anything? Actually, it's probably gonna cause you more harm and pain. That person's still probably gonna succeed by the way, whether you have their back or not. Whether you share their event or you don't like that person is still going to keep going and succeeding.
But listen, you know what really happens is when you help other people, you also grow and you also can. Be successful because the more we give, the more we get back. That's honestly, I feel like that's how the universe works. The more you give, the more you get back, the more you are kind, the more kindness comes back to you.
So whatever you're putting out in there, the universe is gonna come back to you. So always remember that when you're like, sending out negative vibes or being jealous of somebody or thinking negative things, like that's gonna come back to you. But just try it. If you're that person out there, which I don't know if people have self-awareness of that, I'm not sure, but if you think oh shoot, I do say that sometimes, maybe not your fault and maybe just the way we were brought up in the society, but being aware of that oh, I do that.
Maybe I wanna try to change it. If you start supporting people, start being kind, start. Like helping other ladies out. You'll see the results. Trust me. Just try it out. You will see more, will come back to you. And I swear by that, so
I totally agree. Yeah. There's plenty of room for everyone to be sharing Yes.
Their gifts and what makes 'em special. Yes. And being a contribution. And we need everyone doing that work. Yes. Because there's so many things in the world to fix and tackle and make better and improve and just you, you feel the difference when you're in a room full of people who Yes. Are. In alignment, either with their purpose or choosing things intentionally versus those who aren't.
Yeah,
exactly. I'm very clear what room I wanna be in as much as possible.
Yes. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's just, it comes back, the more you give, the more you'll get back. For sure.
Yeah. So for everyone who wants to support you, reach out to you, work with you, find your book where can they do all of those things?
You can visit my website. It's ww dot maa, M-A-S-S-O-M-A a.com. You can find my book on Amazon. It's called Take Your Lunch Break. You can connect with me on Instagram, which is also at maa, M-A-S-S-O-M-A-A. And I'm on LinkedIn, I'm on TikTok. I don't know what else. Yeah, Facebook, whatever. I'd love to connect with people.
I would love to hear what people think about my book. If they wanna work with me, I do corporate wellness presentations, one-on-one coaching, and I would love to talk to everybody who's interested. Love that.
We also ask everyone on the podcast where they put themselves in the Powerful Lady scale.
If zero is average everyday human, and 10 is the most powerful lady you can imagine, where would you put yourself today and where would you put yourself on average?
What? I'm gonna say 10. I know. That's like what? Okay. Ambitious. Because I truly believe that when you believe in yourself and that you are proud of yourself and confident you will be that. So what you believe is what you become. And so for me, I'm always like, but the only problem with the 10 is that I don't leave room for growth. I always think you should always be growing and learning. But you are perfect the way you are.
It's okay. Yeah, sure we all have areas of growth and that's fine. But we are amazing. We are powerful and we are perfect. So just, having that self-confidence and just believing in yourself goes a long way. That belief, that manifesting like I am amazing. It works.
It does. It does. I had a guest on recently who Yeah.
Now keeps a to-do list and a to manifest list. Yes. The to-do list. She knows how to solve the manifest. She does it, but she writes it down anyway, and I'm like, I love that.
I know. I love it. It's like you just, you just gotta believe in yourself and like having a focus of where you wanna go or what you wanna do, and.
When you think that can happen, your whole world, your lens, your, you start focusing on that goal and start finding things in your life that affirm that belief. So if I believe I'm amazing, like my brain will try to prove that it's called confirmation bias. And so it will find things like, oh yeah, there look, you're amazing.
Look. And so that positive self-talk is literally the number one thing you can do to increase your happiness. Yeah. And so that's something I've been really working on lately and I'm trying, not trying to sound cocky or like arrogant. When I say Ted, it's more about, hopefully it sounds more like confident.
Self love, right? Yeah, self love. There you go. There's nothing wrong with being confident. And as women we're always like, oh you don't wanna be too confident. You can look off as like arrogant or boss bitch or whatever, or like a bit. But no. No, it's okay to love yourself. It's okay to be proud of yourself.
Yeah. Like it's, you go girl, go for it. Exactly.
This year we've also been asking every guest what do they need? What's on your wishlist? This is a powerful community with lots of resources and connectors and gifters and all the things. So what's something that you are looking for?
Oh, wow.
That's great. I love that. What do I need? Reviews on Amazon would be really helpful. That really helps authors increase their visibility and credibility. If anybody's interested in my services, like me coming to your workplace to do a presentation, that would be great. You can email me at mass summa dot all@gmail.com or check out my website and, just anybody who wants to chat, you know about mental health, workplace wellness. I am, I love having deep, meaningful conversations like we had today. This was really in, replenishing, I think. These meaningful conversations are important and. If anybody who just wants to chat, I love that.
Amazing. This has also been very filling for me as well. This, I do the podcast. Thank you. 99% selfishly to hang out with amazing people like you and have great conversations. Oh, thank you. It just so happens that everyone else gets to listen into. Yeah. But it's been such a pleasure to talk to you today.
I'm excited to have more people reading your book. I'm excited for them to see your TED Talk, especially with its fun name. Thank you. I was not expecting it to include spaghetti.
Spaghetti, yes. Yeah, it's on YouTube Ghost Spaghetti, which is another great tool for kids too, by the way. You can use that with kids.
That's perfect.
But yeah, it's such a pleasure to meet you and know that you are up to great things in the world and you are making the impact in your corner so that. Those of us who aren't in Buffalo can relax knowing we got a calculating buffalo, guys. Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much. It was such a pleasure to be on the show and talk to you as well.
You're awesome. Thank you so much.
All the links to connect with Masuma and her book are in our show notes@thepowerfulladies.com. Please subscribe to this podcast wherever you're listening, and leave us a rating and review. They're critical for our podcast visibility and getting us in front of more people like you. Who would love to hear this episode.
Come join us on Instagram at Powerful Ladies, and if you're looking to connect directly with me, visit kara duffy.com or Kara Duffy on Instagram. I'll be back next week with a brand new episode and new amazing guest. Until then, I hope you're taking on being powerful in your life and go be awesome and up to something you love.
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Created and hosted by Kara Duffy
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Music by Joakim Karud
