Episode 193: When Being Everything To Everyone Isn't Sustainable | Jackie Waller | Beauty, Bags & Bravo
We’re juggling jobs, relationships, households, and, if we’re lucky, time to breathe. Jackie Waller, co-host of the Beauty, Bags & Bravo podcast, talks with Kara about the reality of holding multiple roles as women, and how she navigates being a researcher, wife, mom, friend, and creator. They get into why community is non-negotiable, how Bravo became her best therapy, and what it really means to honor the people in your life.
“It’s really important to tell the people in your life that you appreciate them. To let them know you see them and get them.”
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Follow along using the Transcript
Chapters:
00:00 Wearing all the hats: life, work, motherhood, podcasting
01:45 What led Jackie to launch Beauty, Bags & Bravo
04:00 Her unexpected path into marketing research
06:10 Why Bravo TV hits so deep
08:45 Balancing her podcast with full-time work and family
11:30 Real talk about emotional labor and invisible work
14:00 Why girlfriends are the ultimate support system
16:15 Learning how to ask for help
18:40 What she’s teaching her kids about being human
20:10 The power of gratitude and daily appreciation
22:45 Redefining what “doing it all” means
25:00 Her favorite Bravo characters and why
28:15 What powerful really means to Jackie
30:30 The messy middle of self-care
32:00 Why staying in the lines doesn’t work
34:15 Advice for women who are overwhelmed but driven
36:00 Finding joy even in the chaos
It's really important to vocalize appreciation and gratitude. I really do prioritize that. Like I don't always have the energy to show him in a thousand ways how much I love him, but I can certainly tell him every day how much he means to me and how thankful I am for him.
That's Jackie Waller and this is The Powerful Ladies Podcast.
Hey guys. I'm Kara Duffy, a business coach and entrepreneur on a mission to help you live your most extraordinary life. By showing you anything is possible. People who have mastered freedom, ease and success, who are living their best and most ridiculous lives and who are making an impact are often people you've never heard of until now.
Powerful ladies are a lot of things, professionals, daughters, sisters, moms, wi. Podcasters, business owners, athletes, chefs, finance, logistics, et cetera, et cetera, we're usually all of those things in one day alone. In today's episode, I sit down with Jackie, co-host of the Beauty Bags and Bravo podcast to break down all the roles we have, how we need our circle of support, why honoring each other on a daily basis matters.
And why Bravo TV might just be our best therapy. Plus, Jackie shares a few of her top beauty secrets from the podcast.
Welcome to the Powerful Ladies Podcast. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. Let's jump in right away and tell everyone your name, where you are in the world, and
what you're up to. My name is Jackie Waller and I'm currently in San Clemente. As of a week ago, I just moved. And what I'm up to is recovering from a move with two kids.
Two babies. I have a one and 2-year-old, and we're living at my parents until our house is done. So everything is chaotic and beautiful, and there's three generations of strong women under one household. So I feel like I'm on the right podcast right now. Yeah.
And what are you doing when you're not in mom mode?
I feel like that is the beauty of mom is like I'm never not in mom mode and maybe that's a separate discussion. But I work full time. I also have a podcast and I'm a wife. I take that job. Seriously, as we should, but I feel that in itself requires time. And I'm giving myself a new title as of this week I wanna be a general contractor.
When I grow up, I've decided, so I'm going to our new house every day and yeah, I'm too involved probably, but it's one of my passions. I love interior design and so it's just, I can't help it to be honest.
Yeah. I understand that. Yeah. What do you do for work and what is your podcast?
Okay. For work, I'm a project manager for a market research company which either sounds really interesting to some people or really boring to others.
Some people are like, no way. I'm like, yeah. We do research for all sorts of companies. Automotive, beer or wine, apple, Disney you name it. Everybody wants to know what their consumers are thinking. Oh, yeah. So it is actually really interesting to me 'cause I like being part of that process. I feel like the cool thing about market research, if there is anything, is technology has not figured out how to take or an it can't replicate human opinion, and that's just reminds me how relevant this field is like a computer. Can't tell you exactly why they liked that car or what they would change. So it's just a field that's really remained dominant throughout the decades, really. And I love it. I like brands wanting to know what we think, I I get excited over my work and then my podcast is like completely different. 180, it's called Beauty Bags and Bravo. And we, me and one of my best friends decided to start it because every week we were like, we have to carve out this time to talk about our favorite things, which our beauty product.
Fashion. And then bravo. I'm a housewife junkie, and so those are the things we go over every week and we give product recommendations and then fashion items that we're loving. And then we talk about the bitches of Bravo. Do you know that
we previously had as guests the host of bitches?
No. Are you joking me?
Yes. Oh my God.
Danielle or Casey
both. They're on together. Really? That's amazing. Oh my God. I can't wait to go back and listen. Wow that's cool. How are they?
They were amazing. Yeah, I was crying, laughing. Go listen to it because there's a whole conversation about burying people with coke. So oh and a Coke, not the drugs.
Yeah. Oh really? I was like, God, I'm surprised somebody let that go underground. Oh my God. That's funny. Okay.
Yeah. Wow. I'll link in the show notes what episode it is and I'll send you a link to it too. But yeah, they were so great. It's. Always blows my mind the variety of women who are a yes to being on the podcast.
And it's always fun when you get, when people go, wait, no, I know them. 'cause so often, like we op, the opener of this podcast is people you don't know until now. Because so often people doing cool shit, not enough people know about, which is why we exist. I love that. I love it. So it's, I wanna go into this podcast part 'cause I obviously we're on a podcast.
Podcasts are fun. Yeah, they're fun. So many people have said we should have just been recording this conversation. Yeah. How did you and your friend decide, actually we are gonna record it?
I think it was, I was the precipice for it. I think for me, I've always had a creative outlet, to be honest.
For most of my young adult life, I was acting and then I was doing improv and. Always, or I was making headbands, I was always doing something creative and then I stopped just because life and kids and marriage and I'd find outlets, but I realized I need something more regular. And I don't know if everybody thinks.
Podcasts are creative, you probably do. It's a medium and it's a medium to express. And that's what I was missing. And I've always fallen into that. I like to be heard more than seen category. That's why I loved improv. 'cause I could be a character. Yeah. It was like I didn't have to be me up there, which was great for me as an actor.
So the pod, a podcast in that realm, in that world was. Something that I really attached to the idea of, because I could sink into being heard. Not that I have anything profound to say but it doesn't matter. We all like to, be heard or seen or something. I think everybody has that.
So I just decided to go for it. And my husband's pretty techie, so at first I was leaning on him to you set it all up and I'll just chat. And then I realized quickly oh no, I gotta figure it out. Yeah. I can't, pass this off to him. So my friend was on board and we're just two chatty Cathys.
And I think it's easy when you talk about things that you genuinely enjoy, right? So it was fun. We just did it. And it's only been a couple, maybe four months. We do it every week and it's a commitment as yeah. Easier said than done, but it's been really fun. Like at the end of the night, we do it at night, we're just both smiling and oh, that was so fun.
So that's why I know we should keep going. I feel like we have 25 listeners and I'm like, talk to them specifically. 'cause I know who most of them are, but I'm like, you know what? I'm if we build it, they will come,
one of my favorite podcasts to listen to is smartless.
Oh, okay. It's will Anette, Jason Bateman and Sean Hayes, and he is launched it during COVID and it's one of the top podcasts in the world now. It's just, it's so good and it's just them mostly making fun of each other and then talking to a guest. But I love that. They always are like, Hey listener.
Hey one listener. Yeah. Even today they're like, there's just one and we're just talking to you and that's all we need. Hi one listener today.
That's so funny.
I can relate. I feel that you opened up this conversation in a way that I thought was really unique about how.
You really see your different roles all as jobs. Like you have a job of mother, a job of wife, your day job, your podcast job. You probably also have a job called daughter. Yeah. So how do you, how have you approached each of those roles and how do you integrate them into the one person that you are?
I always think of it.
I say jobs and that's interesting you say that. I don't think that's a negative thing. 'cause it is work, right? Like it does. I think sometimes job gets a bad rap, but it is work and it doesn't mean it's not fulfilling and that I don't love it. But there it's a lot. I really don't know where one starts and one ends, to be honest.
I don't know if that's fully healthy, but that's just me. Like I answer work emails at 10:00 AM and 10 at night. I answer, I'm just like always on. But I also, I. Have my kids while I work. So I feel that flexibility. And I pick up my daughter in the middle of the day and I do my podcasts at night and my boss knows about it.
You know what I mean? Like I am, I think one thing I am is transparent about all of them. And communication's really important for me, whether it's to my husband, to my mom, to my dad asking for help because I really can't do everything perfectly at all. Yeah. And I think as a woman that even. Is something I experience more than my husband does, is just taking ownership of so many things, so many areas of our lives.
And I'll tell him, sometimes it's the mental load that sometimes gets to me. It's not even what I'm actually doing. It's like I'm thinking, I've been thinking about picture day for preschool for four fucking days, and I'm just like, my daughter has really curly hair. How am I gonna tame that shit on the day of, you think he's been thinking about her hair for four days and is it a big deal? No. Did she look amazing? Yes. Like a little lioness, but that's okay. Or at least but sometimes I do. I think it's like the mental load of it all and balancing it for me is being really clear and communicative about what it is I need.
Or even just saying, it's a lot right now. Yeah. And my husband will be like, take a breath. Just breathe, take a break. And that alone alleviates sometimes more stress than I even realized. So I think it's just being transparent about it all and not expecting to be perfect at it all either.
I think that's something that women are so hard on ourselves about.
They're, I had a woman on recently and we were talking about breaking free from all of the good girl training that we had as a, through our culture and generations as women. And then that part of the good girl training is that things are perfect, they're neat, they're tidy, they're done the right time, the right way, the right.
We don't in, we don't impact things negatively, only positively. Did you have to give up the perfect problem solving or were you forced to give it up?
I have given it up partially because I think society ingrained that in me, but I will say that I feel really lucky that I have always been messy.
And not in my space. But just in my life, it was praised in my house. My mom's a strong Greek woman and she might, ingrained this we're tough, we're strong, we're women. We do what we want sometimes too, like my husband will be like, okay, we get it, like sometimes to an extreme, but I didn't really have.
That good girl pressure until I went to school. Like school is where I really learned it. And then I'd come home and I would cry every day. And my parents were like, why do you cry every day? And now as an adult I realize there was a release. Because I was such a good girl at school that I just needed, not that I wanted to be bad, but it's just like hard to be fucking perfect all day.
Yeah. And get really good grades and get along with everybody and do what the teacher says. And I get home and I'd be like. It was just like a buildup. And I see that now, the same sort of trait, like when I'm too forced to be within the lines and in this box I wanna go ah and crap. Yeah.
And I still do I was telling my friend Sharon on our podcast, like Gigi started preschool and I just, I fucking cried the first four days 'cause she cried. Like I couldn't help it. And it was a lot. And I'm also like, that's okay. And I had friends being like, I can't believe you cried. I thought you had everything sew together.
And I cried too. And I'm like, fuck yeah, I cried. It was so hard. And it's just like their shock made me be like, we should talk about this more. Like it's okay to cry and also be okay, right? Yeah, you can be both at the same time. You can be both at the same time. And I think reinforcing that good girl, we gotta stay in the lines.
It's hard. It's too hard. We gotta get a little messy like. This is my analogy of who I am, and it is the truth. The front of my hair is always brushed, but never the back because I can't see. So I don't really care. And if it bothers you, that's a you problem. You know what I mean? Like I can't be bothered with the back of my head.
No, that's, I, that's what I miss about having like girlfriend, roommates. Because they would make sure that your hair actually did look normal to leave the house. Yeah. Or like your mom would. And then like living by yourself or living with a guy. You're like, I don't know who's looked at the back of my head in like weeks.
No, that's true. Or I only ever clip one bra strap like the back of it. I don't know why I just, I can't even be bothered with this second and all through college. My friends always you're just like changing whatever. They'd always clip the back of my bra strap. And since I've been married I'm like, no one never does that second strap anymore.
That's just the way it's, you just girlfriends are irreplaceable you. Yeah. Thank God for them.
That's a great segue into what does powerful ladies mean to you?
And how have powerful ladies changed? Your
life and your trajectory? They mean a lot to me. My girlfriends are my, they're such a steadfast in my life.
Most of them I've had since, before high school, since our early teens. And they're still my best friends and I literally count on them for everything I really do. And I think that's what gets us all through this, especially like this early motherhood phase where we have these babies. It's amazing.
It really is amazing and it's really hard too, it's just both. And having my friends that I can be really raw and vulnerable with and them being really raw and vulnerable with too is that is what gets me through. It makes me feel like everything is okay. One of my best friends is a really strong, powerful woman in sports and I look, it's so funny 'cause she looks to me like.
Help me get dressed, like what should I wear? And I'm like, okay, let's do your outfits for the week. And yeah, I'm like, dude, you're running shit at work and like you need help getting dressed. And I love that we can compliment each other like that. I'll go to her and be like, okay, I need to strategically do this, or how should I ask for this at work?
What can I do to advance. A, B, or C, but it's just such a nice duality to have. To know each other's also weak weaknesses and strengths and not hold it against each other, but build each other up. I'm never like, why can't you figure out your outfits? I'm like, yeah, that's my job.
You do, you, you got important shit to do. I'll cover those bases, and it's my other friend, like designs kitchens, and I'm like. Okay, we're, this is where I need you step in. It's like we're always tapping each other in and out, depending on what we need. And I think part of our vulnerabilities and just being transparent with each other has enabled our strengths to rise.
And so we use each other as like a team, and it's you nev it really does feel like a village when you surround yourself with powerful women. It's like my biggest asset in life, I think are my girlfriends for sure.
Yeah. I'm telling all of my clients all the time you need. A coach, if not multiple coaches, and you need a community.
Yeah. And being an entrepreneur can be so lonely, just like being a mom can be so lonely. Or just being a person can be so lonely. And this illusion that I think women also carry a lot that. We have to do it by ourselves.
Yeah. Is
another one of those bullshit things. I'm like, who told us that?
Yeah. Who said that? We couldn't ask for help. We couldn't require like a friend. One of my new clients is also who's a friend. We've been friends for a long time, said that she's breaking down the idea of what it means to be a diva. Because we think if we need a glam squad, if we need someone to do our hair, if we need someone to like.
Bring us water or like for crying out loud, if I don't have someone bring me beverages or food during the day, like it doesn't happen half the time.
So I think there's an opportunity to reclaim that diva word and be like, hold on. For you to live your best life in your zone of genius, which you talked about for you and your friends, you're all in your zone.
You know your strengths. If we all just stayed in our zones of genius. And work together the way that you and your girlfriends are, like, how much easier would life be for crying out loud, easier and
it would, I think it would be, we would go farther. Yeah. This is a random example, but I think it really hits the nail on the head like.
Probably eight years ago, me and three girlfriends were driving to Sun valley, Idaho, and it was a long drive and there was four of us in the car and the driver was from Sun Valley. And she's it's a unique town you guys like, don't come in too hot. You gotta blend in with the locals.
And so we're like all talking in the car. We have 14 hours ahead of us and she's she's the driver. And she's I'll be the protector, I'll get us into the places, I'll make sure we're all together. And my other best friend was in the passenger seat and she's the navigator, like we couldn't get anywhere without her.
She's guiding the car. And my other friend who works in sports, who's just she's a powerhouse, she's she is like doing the reservation, she's booking the car, she's getting, she is like the connector. She's doing all the this is where we should eat. This is where we should go. I'll call this person.
And I'm like, fuck guys. I don't really know what my role is. Like we got a protector, we got someone getting us there, and then we got someone. Once we get there, they like connect us and they're like, Jack, you're the fun. You pull up that trivia and you make 15 hours fly by. And I'm like, I'm the fun. I'm gonna keep it light.
I'm gonna keep us going. And honestly we just leaned into those roles and had the week of our lives, like we had the best time. And I'm like, it's really just because we were like, where do you shine? And we gave each other permission to fucking shine, yes. And didn't worry about the fact that I can't get out of a cardboard box.
Like they were like, you're not obviously the navigator. So great, I don't have to bear that burden, and it, I just feel like di divide and conquer
yes,
know your strengths and lean into those and don't really worry about the weaknesses, and as a team you do better.
You do better, you have more fun. Yeah. As you said it's lighter.
Yeah.
After, when Roe v. Wade was overturned a couple months ago, my, and I woke up to that news. My first reaction wasn't. Political motivated. It was fuck something else on the to-do list. Like I don't need something else on the to-do list.
And I think that's where, as a society, we've been going through this growing pains of not feeling like we're. Dividing and conquering the things that matter in life. Like we have to read all the food labels ourselves again. I'm like, I thought that's what the FDA was for. Like we have to we have to check the source of all of our beauty products and our food.
Yeah. And where did that cow come from? And I don't what there's so many things that we want to be the new level expectations and we feel like we can't rely on the people who used to be experts to help us again, the burden of us as individuals and I think definitely us as women who care.
Where did the food come from and all the things that women care about is what are we gonna do about hair on photo play? Yeah. Yeah. Let alone what are we eating for the next Yeah. Or what's in the hair products? Is it gonna hurt
Our daughters?
There's so many things and so I think that there's this collective exhaustion of that mental to-do list you were talking about earlier, where our decision fatigue is maxed out.
All we have to worry about is maxed out, and the only solution we have is to find these smaller communities that we can be like, okay. Are we a tribe now? Because I need a tribe. Yeah. And I can't think about all the shit, otherwise I will stay awake. 24 7. And dying. Only death. And that's not the game we're playing.
Yeah.
Fair.
It's it, the first thing you said I actually thought was pretty inspiring that you felt like that was on your to-do list. And just taking that ownership of it, I think is so important and. I don't think enough of us have done that. Maybe, or maybe we have and we're just not seeing the change yet.
But I think with everything, taking ownership of that being a me problem instead of a them problem is half the battle. Like making that on our to-do list. Unfortunately, we have to, collectively. It's an, I just, I thought that was a good way of saying it, because it really does hammer down the ownership I think it's missing from this whole thing.
Yeah, this is affecting all of us, and we need to care for everything, to your point. And yeah, it's a lot. It really is a lot. And I do agree with the sentiment that we need each other to lean on, and that really is how we're gonna make change, I think, in our own lives. The minutiae and the large, right?
Like we we have to lean on each other and like we die alone, yeah. In that instance, it's just we can't do this alone. To your point, it really does take a tribe
and I think that's what a lot of us are getting caught up in also with how culturally, community-based and politics are all being mixed in this funny way right now.
Because if you leave 10 women in a room by themselves, we're going to figure out how we can get out of the room. Yeah. Get, how do we get outta this box? And there's so much of the, not just us taking ownership of what we don't like or care about, but yeah. Assuming that we're not gonna help the people next to us.
Like since when?
Yeah.
What? No, if someone on our street our one block, if somebody on our block had a family tragedy or was sick or didn't have any food, or their water was out or they didn't have power for the day, everyone on the street, we'd be like, no, we got you.
Yeah.
And I don't understand why when we start to scale that, that suddenly we don't, we're like, oh, that's not my problem.
Go figure it out. They're like, wait, what? It's
interesting. I'm like, I think part of it though is it was like that our street, if you need something on your street, your neighbors are there for you. I don't really know if that collectively is. The same as it was. I think that's changing, and I think that might be part of the bigger landscape.
Yeah. Is we used to rely on each other's neighbors or our neighbors a lot more than I think we do now. And honestly, we just moved into a neighborhood and they were like, we wanna throw you a little welcome to the neighborhood party. And I. Why do they wanna do that? Like my God was up and it was amazing, right?
Yeah. And like I really felt oh, I'm so happy to be home and to feel this collective energy on our street of everyone was so kind and so sweet. And shout out to Nancy and Alan and their late seventies, they see me and my husband moving boxes in and Alan's we'll be right over to help you. I'm like, we got it, Alan.
I was worried I didn't want Alan lifting a box. I'm gonna lean into the fact he'll never hear this. But he shouldn't be leaning like lifting boxes. But his instinct in that generation was not even asking, I'll be right over. Yeah. That blew my mind. And I think that's even, especially my parents' generation experienced that I grew up with our neighbors.
We're so close to them. And we've utilized that in the different homes we've been to, but I'm guilty of it sometimes. Like I'll oh shoot, people are outside. I'm gonna avoid it. Yeah. Kids break you of that. Because you people to love your kids that live near you, and so you go outside those.
I don't know. You don't hide, I think. You can't, maybe in my case you can't. With my two kids, there's no hiding. But it really does create a safer, better, more communicative like environment. One that honestly, I would do so much for my neighbors. To your point, why isn't that spreading more? And that almost is we gotta narrow it down and be kinder and sweeter.
Yeah. And more compassionate to our neighbors. And then hopefully. That will grow exponentially. But there is a disconnect there for sure. Something is amiss.
In the last block that I lived on, we were, it was very varied in ages and demographics. And who had kids and who didn't even like, political parties were clearly different based on what signs would be out on what street.
Sure. But the second that there was some like a weird noise outside, everybody went outside. Yeah. Like you had extra lemons. My neighborhood I'd come home, there be a bag of lemons on my doorstep. So sweet. Oh, hey, we're bringing the telescope out. Come on over everybody. Like it was, so like I literally went across the street to my neighbors when I was moving out and I said goodbye and I bawled.
And they're like, are you okay? And. I was moving out because I was also ending a relationship. It's okay. You'll you'll find someone. I'm like, that's not why I'm crying. I'm crying because of you. Because of you. Fuck him. Yeah, exactly.
It's true. It's hard to, but
it's so great.
It's a community.
It really does hit home. Yeah. When you find that it's, yeah, there's nothing else. There's like safety in that. It really, there's not much else that feels more comfortable than being surrounded by people that you like and love. Really.
Yeah. And it's, it makes it a completely different experience.
And that's where I think when we get so caught up in our little circle of what's happening it's like this self-fulfilling prophecy of, or loop of, it's just us. It's just us. It's just us. And the second that you are able to open that up and. Pivot from what do I need to, how do I help?
Like there's so many shifts in how can I be of service? And you don't even have to ask that some days. We've met through Dene.
Yeah.
And I, part of the reason I picked the new place I live in is 'cause it was a block from her and I'm like, oh, this will be great if I need someone out the dog or Yeah.
Whatever. There's someone right there. I'll feel safer. If I'm having a bad day, I can walk over. Yeah. And there's just a, there's a difference when. You can literally see someone in person also. Yeah.
And rely on them and just know they're there a hundred percent. Yeah, I agree completely.
There's a comfort to that and it really does transpire in all areas of your life, knowing that you're surrounded by people that support you. It really is important. I love that. We were neighbors. We were. I know. And like we know each other through our next, my next door neighbor passed. We moved.
That was a really hard. That was the hardest part of moving for us is leaving our mutual friends and our daughters became best friends. Yeah. And that is really hard, is just even explaining to my daughter what moving is and how that changes. And luckily, she's young enough where she doesn't fully realize that oh, we don't live next door to them anymore. Yeah. But she's just asking for her every day, yeah. Which is sweet. I'm like, we're gonna FaceTime, and we'll keep their relationship. Alive because it's so important to us, so yeah, it's just goodbye. It's not I don't know.
It's not forever, but it's hard. It's hard leaving, being good neighbors. It really is.
It is. So what I'm curious about too is like with the relationships you built with your girlfriends and they're powerful ladies in your life, how have you set up your relationship with your husband so that it can be. As extraordinary and, but on a different level with him,
my husband.
My husband is the best thing I've ever done in life. I could say that without a doubt. I don't know what I did to deserve him or but I do literally feel like I won the lottery and I don't say that lightly. 'Cause it's of course we're in like love and all. That's great. But it really is just the person itself who I married.
He's pretty extraordinary. But I do look at it as, I think, I look at our relationship now that we have two little kids. Before it was pretty easy, like just spending time together. Talking all those things. They came really naturally, shocker. Now I'm like, shit, I forgot to ask you how your day was.
We're just, and we're in the thick of it right now, and we acknowledge that. We say it like we'll lay in bed sometimes and just remind each other. We're in the thick of it. We had a newborn and a 2-year-old, and that was just fucking crazy. I was like, I couldn't believe people had more than one kid.
Like, how did they do it? I was just like, what? Why didn't anyone tell me? This is so fucking hard? But then it gets a little easier, like everything, right? You get used to it. And I think even for us, our relationship, it's just checking in. And like stealing moments with each other, whether it's about the kid or kids or each other, there was a meme and like I sent it to him and I'm like, nothing is more accurately describing the state of our relationship right now. And the meme was like this woman, and it's like she's in the kitchen. It was like three o'clock and she wings at her husband. Hey baby, like later on, and then it's eight o'clock and she's passed out on the couch.
I'm like we're not more connected than at 3:00 PM like when we still have energy, but I'll just be like, let's hug, or let's just steal moments because those add up. And might not get a date night every night right now, or every week right now. Like we're trying, we're getting there and moving closer to my parents will help, but it's taking moments or be like, let's just, will you gimme a hug?
Like not forgetting to do those things or hugging him. And also for us, I. It's really important just to vocalize appreciation and gratitude. I really do prioritize that. Like I can't. I don't always have the energy to show him in a thousand ways how much I love him, but I can certainly tell him every day how much he means to me and how thankful I am for him.
And I think people forget to do that. Yes. Or maybe they don't, I don't know, but I. I do remind myself just to say, ah, I'm so lucky I have you. Thank you for being such a great dad and husband and partner and working so hard for our family. And I try to say that every day. 'cause I genuinely mean it, so why shouldn't I express it?
And I think he receives it. I think that matters. Like you, just, to my point earlier, sometimes you need to be seen or heard and seeing other people as part of our job too, acknowledging their presence and their hard work, I think is important as a partner.
I talk a lot about the bus, the five Love, love languages, uhhuh with my business clients in the sense of.
How those same love languages are what we want to receive everywhere. Interesting. Including at work. Interesting. Uhhuh and one of, if I could add a love language into it, 'cause they, the five are acts of service, quality, time, physical touch, words of affirmation and gifts. Those are the five. Obviously physical touch doesn't apply in business setting.
But it did,
and
now we're in the water.
That's why we are where we are right
now. Yeah, it did. And hopefully all of you cashed out who had to deal with that. Yeah. Seriously. But there one that I think we miss sometimes is being seen. And there's just different people in our lives and they don't need to be a romantic partner, but there's different people who.
When you feel seen by somebody, it changes everything about how you feel about yourself and about how you relate to the world, not just that person. And I think that's something that we don't ask ourselves enough, like who actually sees us and gets us, and to your point, who have we acknowledged that we see?
I love the, in yoga. The word, just the word namaste. And I think I'll say that to people sometimes, and they're like, okay, yeah. Namaste. I'm like no, really? No. Yeah. And I'll say the English translation yeah. The
spirit in me recognizes the spirit in you.
I feel that too, so strongly. I wanna say that to so many people throughout the day. I see you.
Yeah. And I, so I guess it's a reminder to me this conversation of like just saying it to more people. Even if it's like I, I try to be really generous out and if there's a mom at a grocery store struggling and be like, what do you need?
Yeah. Do you need me to grab whatever over here and count it right now? I can. It's for me, it'll take four seconds. Yeah. It means a lot. Yeah. 'cause there's so many people are in this swirl of things, and Yeah. We're all gonna be in this swirl at some point. Yeah. And different reasons.
And sometimes
it's
just,
it's not even obvious, like which is just a whole nother thing, but. I think those acts go so far. They really do. It's like you don't know what people are going through. I said it today at preschool and then after I was like, was I embarrassing? And I am not lying to you.
It was my exact conversation. I'm not just saying it's 'cause it's so applicable now, but me and this other mom moved from Costa Mesa to San Clemente a week apart and we were like, wow, that's so strange. She's the room mom. And like I promised myself I wouldn't be the room mom. And I got a little tipsy and I was like.
Help you. I'm like, damn it. But anyways I saw her today and I'm like, are you in? And she's i'm like, essentially, I was like, I'm going crazy. She has three kids, one's a baby, and her husband works really late and they have no help down here. And she's I'm forgetting things. Like I don't, leaving doors, open keys in the car.
I leave my credit card everywhere and I'm like, it's so hard. Like I couldn't even tell her. It's okay. I'm just like moving it so hard yeah. And when you're in the thick of it, it's all relative. I realize there's bigger things going on. In this particular moment, it's a big thing in her life.
And I was just like, Ugh, it's, you've got it. And then I'm walking away and I'm like, I see you. Swear to God. And I'm just like, I want her to know, like it's fucking hard and yeah, it's okay, there's, and I can't fix it. I'm not gonna go over there and watch your kids. I'm not gonna move a box in her house right now.
But I'm also just letting her know, you got this like somehow in some way. Yeah. And also I see that it's really hard and it is, and that's all I can really do is just acknowledge where you're at. It's like running a marathon next to
someone. Yeah.
I can't
run it for you, but I can High five you.
Yeah, totally.
I can point out the water station yeah, that's it. That's a, that's it. No, it, and this, expanding on what we were talking about before, about how hard we are on ourselves. Like the only job as a mother that you actually can't mess up. Like you just need to make the kids.
Are the kids okay? That's it. And it becomes like, of course the kids are okay and it's yeah, but there's so many kids that aren't.
I know.
Like when do we get to just be like, yes, gold star, mom? Yeah. Made it through another morning lunch. Yeah. Afternoon dinner.
I know. Yeah.
Bath time. Those small accomplishments. 'cause they are, they're accomplishments. I forgot her lunch last week. Yeah. How did that feel? Shitty. But it's fine. Like also the teacher's don't worry, we had snacks. Like they covered my bases, yes. And just forgiving myself, I was pretty hard on myself, like, how the fuck did that happen?
But it does. And whatever. She was fine. Yeah. We had those net, but to your point, like at the end of the day, sometimes it's just like we did it. Everyone's. Good. I think that's why it's so hard when they're so young. 'cause not only is your job to care for them, but just to keep them alive.
Yeah. That's what's so hard is when they're babies and they're toddlers, they're constantly doing shit that's like really fucking dangerous. Like I'm just like, Jesus, I saved your life 14 times today. I'm exhausted.
Yeah. And then on top of that, the, like the, all the stress and like your, your nervous system. Like just being taxed all day long. Yes. 'cause you went from oh my God, okay. We got, oh my God. Like over and over again. It's like
Over and over. Yeah. It's kind part of the art.
I think it's even staying calm in that that's my practice is like trying to, I'm always like, be a fucking yogi. Be a fucking yogi. Try to harness that because they stay calmer. But that in itself is it's work, yes. I do that analogy. Like when you have so many balls in the air, you have to remember that you can't juggle them all.
You just have to decide which ones are glass and not let those ones fall. And that's can't let the kids die. Those are glass for sure. Yeah. Work depends on the day sometimes. It's a felt ball and other days it's glass. My husband, we have to choose each day like, yeah, where can we give ourselves grace?
'cause we just can't do it all. And that's okay. And some days I do feel like I do it all. I'm like, fuck yeah. General contractor. You go girl. Like not white paint is fucking brilliant that you,
well, one thing I ask everyone on the podcast is, where do you put yourself on the powerful lady scale? If zero is average everyday human and 10 is most powerful lady you can imagine, where would you put yourself today? Oh my God. And on average.
Is it weird that I was like, I'm a 10? No. Not because I'm great, but 'cause I'm raising a 2-year-old daughter and I have to be a 10 for her.
I'm not, I have to, and I do. I make mistakes all day. Like in the car, she's screaming today and I'm like, Gigi, you need to stop yelling. And then after she's mom, I need you to say sorry Tamika. It's not nice to yell at people. And I'm like. You are right, and like I felt shitty for a second, but then I was like, I've taught her enough about apologies that she knows that we can rectify this and that adults aren't above saying, sorry.
That was really an important lesson for me to teach her that I'm not a superior, that can't say, sorry. I wanna show her when I make mistakes that. I'm human and I'll apologize. And so I was like, I'm gonna chalk this up as a win. Did I yell at my daughter? Yeah. But did she tell me to apologize? Yeah.
And I'm stoked on that, yeah. Good. And that's worth more points. Yeah, that's more points. Honestly. Some days I feel like I have to go to bed every night and be like, I'm a 10 for her and for my son, right? And for my husband. And for me, like I'm showing up every day and that's the best I can do.
So I don't know why I wouldn't get a 10. Yeah, there you go. When I stop showing up, that's when it goes down. But as long as I'm there and I'm present for the most part, and I'm acting out of love and light, then I get a 10. Yeah. It's the best I could do, is that weird? I'm
like, self, no. Okay. No, I'm, I really wanna submit all the answers to like a psychologist to analyze them because people are all over the map.
Interesting. Some people are say like, ranking, this is really low. That I would never, if I was judging them. There are people who are like, I'm a 20. Yeah. And I'm like, great. Go. Yeah, good for you. And like the logic behind everyone's choices. 'cause every powerful lady shares why they pick their number.
Yeah. I never ask why. Interesting. But everyone always fight. Yes. They always do.
So it's really interesting to see how it shakes out. Yeah. That is that, I immediately in my head was like my daughter and I'm still feeding my son off my body. Like how could I not be powerful? Yeah. I'm his sole provider physically, so I have to be
strong.
And that's why I don't understand why in the US we've decided. Like to laugh at the face of true maternity leave
Uhhuh. Oh my God. If
you're a human cow, why are you forced to do any other job?
It's insane. And yeah, anybody that knows me knows that I'm a breastfeeding mama.
Like my boob is always out to my brother's dismay. He was just like, okay I'm gonna say it 'cause no one else is, it's still a boob. You gotta put it in. I'm like, bro, my son's hungry. Just leave the room. I don't know what to tell you, and he is a big guy and he doesn't love food.
He just loves milk. And I'm like it, if I were to clock the hours Oh yeah. By the day, probably like collectively is a lot to have a hungry little monster on me who I love more than anything, but still. Yeah. And then just to be expected to do everything else on top of it, it's, it is wild.
I'm waiting. Wild. Waiting for, I'm surprised I haven't seen this yet. Like I want. A woman to take a photo of the baby breastfeeding and like the laptop on top with a kid and all the things 'cause
all the time, right? All the time. Am I emailing with a little boob sucker on me constantly?
I don't know how else I get worked done if I didn't do that. Yeah. Oh. I'm like, I can hold him with one hand and like now he is big enough where you like. Can sit up and, oh, I can do everything breastfeeding except for driving, which my mom says my aunt used to do. But that's another story. Oh, that's amazing.
That's where I come from, these powerful Greek women that,
Yeah. Just strap 'em on. Keep going. Yeah, keep going. That was a different era. I do not think that was a good idea, but my mom's oh yeah, your aunt used to always drive and breastfeed. I'm like, fuck. I think she also breastfed till like my cousins were way too old.
It's, it was the old country way. So what can I say? It's pretty funny.
So how does a woman who is so in tuned to the relationships and. How valuable they are and who you are for people and being just really intentional to your commitments and what matters to you. How do you pivot to being obsessed with Bravo?
Oh my God, that's like
my escape, right? It's so fun. And I'm just like, people are like surprised by it. And I'm like, no, I was a sociology major. I love watching the psychology of this. Oh, yeah. And I like, love drama. I'm not very dramatic in terms of like relationships. I never get in fights with people.
That's not my mo, so I think I live vicariously through them. I'm like, I'm never gonna like. SSA bitch out, but I wanna see someone do it. I just think it's fun. I like the relationships, I like the lamb, I like the fashion, I like the cities. It's endless. It is so enjoyable for me, and it really is like breaking down psychology.
I enjoy people a lot and I'm like, yeah. Not that like trash TV makes me like a people person, but I do, I enjoy like watching their relationships and analyzing them and yeah. And like on the podcast, I think it's fun because we bring a little humor to it. And don't take ourselves too seriously.
But it is, for us, it's like loving Bravo, talking about what they're wearing, talking about their glam. It's, I've loved Bravo for a long time, and anybody that's like in the trenches is just yeah. It's once you take a bite, you're in it. Do
you like Bravo? I have not gotten sucked in. No, you're not.
But that's mostly because when all of the good shows were starting I was living in Europe. So I missed I missed four years of American pop culture. Yeah. And when I came back it was like already this like crazy machine. Yeah. And I was like. Wait, what happened to TV while I was gone?
Yeah, that's a little too scary to I'm afraid to jump in because there's no opening.
Yeah. And it's a big, it's a big hole to jump into. And honestly, I don't even watch scripted television. I'm always like, Ugh, this is fake. And yet reality TV is can't get more raw and real than those ladies.
I can't explain it, but I fucking love it. It's fun too. It's just an escape.
Have you nerded out and seen any of them in Orange County?
So have I. Not yet. My cousin goes to school with her kids all go to school with one of the main OC housewives and lately I've we have a Bravo text chain, obviously, as all good girlfriends should and bitch that's.
Says when you see like a housewife in the wild, it's like boots on the ground. And we've had more boots on the ground between the seven of us the last two months than ever before. So they're out in the wild. They're filming, they're here. It is, it's full on. I don't even, my husband called me at side Cardona and he is.
They're filming housewives and I thought you'd wanna know, and I'm like, I do wanna know, go up to a producer and ask him who's filming and what they're doing. And he did and he reported back like a great husband would. And
so
I love that. Yeah. Yeah. So they're here. I have boots on the grounds telling me they're going to coffee shops, donut shops, restaurants.
One of our friend's moms was in the background of a restaurant scene. So it good. It's just fun. We love it. We text all day. Throughout the week about anything bravo that comes up and it's just like light. We're all moms. We all work. We all need like a little break. Yeah, and you know what it is to me, it's our mother's soap operas.
Oh yeah. Stories. Yes. But luckily we don't have to sit home in the middle of the day. That wouldn't work. Right now we have like on demand and Bravo app and like we can watch 'em at 10 o'clock at night in bed. I eat meat, my husband's what are you watching? I'm like. Atlanta, but it's fun. It really is. It's like a very guilty pleasure that I enjoy and don't apologize for. 'cause then, I could be like doing a lot worse.
You could. You could. Yeah. My ex was in one of the episodes 'cause he really a server, so if you wanna scoop, he might be a great guest in the podcast of oh wait, was it Orange?
Orange County?
Oh my God, that's so interesting. And did he sign all the things? And
I'm sure he did. Yeah, because he's on the show and you and I don't know if you see him. Yeah. You see him and he's like taking, he's talking to them a little bit, taking their order and stuff and so he loved it.
And we were actually, we were in Napa running a race. And he's getting all these texts like, did I just see you on Rock Lives? Oh my, wow. And he was, he didn't know he would've made the cut or not for the show. You would've thought I was on the, on this trip with a celebrity. Did you see the episode, celebr?
Did you see the episode? Oh my God. Oh, hey everyone. I'm an episode 1 46 or whatever. That is amazing. Oh he
loved it. Loved it. That's so good. Everyone wants their five minutes somewhere. Somehow Love. I think he also
liked to have seeing how it actually happened on the back end.
Yeah. That's interesting. For sure. It's like definitely production, right? Cameras everywhere, signing waivers, like setting it all up. It's a full blown, that's cool. It's good for him.
It's fun. And to your point, they go to real places and they show up. It's how do they not mess up everything else for this business?
Yeah. Because
they could real fast. I know with my friend's mom, the, she goes to the restaurant all the time and the owner had reached out to her like the week before and said, they're filming on this night. Do you guys wanna come in? So it was definitely like some plans. Yeah. It wasn't just like spur of the moment.
But I love it. Yeah, here we are. But it's fun. It's really fun to watch. So yeah, we dive into all things Bravo, and then we talk about beauty products, which we love. And honestly, I love, my friends are like sending me pictures of all the recommendations that we make and I'm like, oh my God, this is fun.
I really do. It's only things I love. So I like talking about them and then they're buying 'em and being like, oh, I really like this too. So it's a fun hobby,
have you guys set up your, buy it from us page yet? No. Okay. We're shitty influencers. Yeah. 'cause I'm like, no you, we immediately, we need to set up a website for you.
We can like all your Amazon products or whatever the affiliates are. Yeah. 'cause I know you probably, you're missing out on prob a couple, minimum, couple hundred dollars a month probably.
And kickbacks. I know. And like this. My friend works at a agency and she's yeah, I talked to the podcast agent and she was just like, you need to build like a social media presence and that's how you're gonna get more followers.
And for me that's so vulnerable. I'm like, what? You want me to go on Instagram and like TikTok? And it's like now I'm like on my phone, it's like reminders post on social media, but talk about I'd rather be heard than seen. So I just have to rip that bandaid off and it. Feels very vulnerable to be like, I'll tell you all about anything.
And you wanna see a picture of me? Oh, how dare you.
I couldn't. I think there's so many options of the podcast too, where, because the, it's the podcast, not you. There's like more options to Okay. Hide behind some other things. That's
good. That's good to hear. They're just like, how could you be like recommending things and we don't know that we don't know who you are?
Like how do we trust your, that's true. Opinion. I'm like, because if you listen, you'll just realize we have good opinions and good faith. Come on, it's gonna speak for itself. And part of me does feel like that. And then the other part's, like I have to, I know we're like running over and I'll never forget this girl, I was in drama class when I was like 19 and she was fucking killing it and hustling and hustling and I was like, man, you're like really going after it and you're doing so well.
And like you're waking up at 6:00 AM and like hitting the streets. Like you hustle. And I'm like, I don't, I told you that. I'm like, I don't think I do. I'm like, I wanted it. I'm not lazy. I like to work. But I just didn't have that same kind of veracity that she did and she's oh yeah, I'm hustle.
She's but you're flow. Yeah. So don't worry about it. And I'm like, I've always leaned into that. Like I'm a little bit more flow, so I need to incorporate some hustle, but I also am who I am and I'm more of yeah, the flow state. So I'm hoping to marry the two a little bit more and get after it
And I don't like, yeah, I would say be in flow and then just think about how do I be in flow?
Tell people how do I be in flow and make money? Because especially the affiliate pieces or the links to Amazon and were to find something, it's pretty easy to put that together. And even if you just said, guys, here's our Google spreadsheet yeah. Get it on our, here's the Lincoln bio. Done.
Doesn't have to be complicated,
right? And that's what we do. We have Lincoln Bio, but no affiliates. Yeah. No we just gotta connect them. Thank you. This is motivating.
Yeah, you're welcome. Yeah. It's this is me not being able to help myself. Like I, yeah. That's not business coach.
That's why you're good at what you do. Yeah. It's a little crazy. No, it's good. I am just so glad that you said yes to spending time with me today and sharing your just really powerful perspective on how to make all the things work that matter to you. I'm also glad that I have a new resource for fashion and beauty because those are the two areas that I always put last, especially when they're, for me and I love fashion.
It used to work in fashion. And, but I'm so oriented towards the getting things done piece. I used Dene, who we met through Yeah. Who does my hair. And sometimes I feel bad telling people that Dene does my hair because I'm not a good representation. You have beautiful hair. Thank you. But there are days that I'm like, Dee doesn't want me to tell people today, but I would tease her because I'm like, damn.
Am like. I am, how I look at business is like, all right, what are the steps to do to things to be great? And when I think about beauty or hair or just some of these like tips to look effortless. I'm like, I feel like people tell people steps five through 10 and never tell us zero.
Through five. Because I'm like, and I would ask today and she's dude, this is this. I'm like, hold on, let's start at the basics. Yeah. What should my shampoo be? Yeah. How should I
be
washing my hair? That's my best friend. That's my best friend. It's one steps one through five. Yeah.
And she goes, wait, what do I do? What do I do? Yeah. Another friend called me and said, what do you mean I need to shave my face? Yeah. I'm like, you do. We all should be, and I'm gonna tell you how. And she's can you post a video? And I'm like, that's a lot for me. But everybody will love it. I'll show you the razor.
It's so easy. Your skin will glow, your makeup will go on. It takes two minutes and you'll never be happier. Yeah. And she's just just show us. Show us. Yes. Tell us the basics, right? Because we assume, like sometimes Sharon and I are so into it that we assume everybody's no, but I like paring things down.
I like saying buy this. Use it on your face in the morning. You'll love it. It doesn't have to be, some things we recommend are like $180. Other are like a snail mucin, like mucus. It's fucking amazing. It's $20 on Amazon and it will make you like a glow, glowy, dewy goddess. I use it everywhere.
Yeah.
Okay. For 20 bucks
you can't fuck it up. It's like stuff like that. It's fun. It's just like a fun, cheeky podcast. And we hope for helping a little bit along the way.
I think you're not giving yourselves enough credit. 'cause I'm already thinking if this whole snail thing has opened up for me that you guys might not be making podcast episodes fast enough for people like me to consume.
Yeah. Because. I was raised by a mother who's Maybelline mascara, razor deodorant. Bye.
Yeah.
And I was like, wait, no. I know that there are more things. Yeah. What don't we know? We don't know.
Yes. We're your, she's Mexican and I'm Greek and Warrior Mexican and Greek mothers. Like to this day, my mom will go, are you wearing mascara?
Your eyes always look a little bit better when you have mascara on. I'm like, dude I'm just like, okay, great. And she's the most complimentary person ever, but she does not forget to remind me that I also need a little lipstick. Okay. Oh yeah. And I'm here just to remind you, you feel a little drab.
Put a little lipstick on. No big deal. No big
deal. No big deal. All right. I love it. And now love it. I'm gonna, I've always wanted to make the book things my mother didn't tell me. And I think I now know that we're gonna have to, you're gonna have to be a consultant in this book. Yeah. Because I have some things you, yeah, I think that maybe you should just write the book and so I can read it.
At this point. I'll do a chapter in your book. Perfect. I love it. I love it too. Again, thank you so much for being here today. This has been such a treat and I hope that we get to see you in, in real life again. You, me too. Ditto. Oh, thank you. The best.
All the links to connect with Jackie and the Beauty Bags and Bravo podcast are in our show notes@thepowerfulladies.com. Please subscribe to this podcast wherever you're listening. And also huge request. Please leave us a rating and review. They are so critical for podcast visibility. Come join us on Instagram at Powerful Ladies, and if you're looking to connect directly with me, please visit kara duffy.com or Kara Duffy on Instagram.
I'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Until then, I hope we're taking on being powerful in your life. Go be awesome and up to something you love.
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Created and hosted by Kara Duffy
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