Episode 123: How Boundaries Are the Access Point to Living Extraordinary | Kara Duffy & Jordan Duffy | Powerful Ladies
Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re gateways to freedom, peace, and living your best life. Kara Duffy and Jordan Duffy dive into why setting boundaries in work, relationships, and personal life is essential for avoiding burnout and stepping into your full power. They explore how boundaries protect your energy, make space for what matters most, and shift you into a position of clarity and control. From real-life examples to practical tips, this episode will help you identify where you need boundaries, how to create them, and how to maintain them without guilt. If you’re ready to double your income, reclaim your weekends, or simply enjoy more of the life you’ve imagined, it starts here.
“Boundaries move you instantly into a position of power and clarity. They honor what’s sacred to you.”
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Follow along using the Transcript
Chapters:
00:00 – Why Boundaries Are the Key to Liberation
04:30 – How Boundaries Protect Your Energy and Focus
09:15 – Boundaries at Work: Respecting Your Time and Talent
13:50 – Personal Boundaries That Transform Relationships
18:20 – The Link Between Boundaries and Income Growth
22:40 – Saying “No” Without Guilt
27:15 – Creating Space for What Matters Most
32:02 – Moving into Power Through Boundaries
36:10 – Why Boundaries Equal Self-Respect
40:00 – Setting Boundaries in Creative Projects
45:20 – Holding Boundaries When They’re Tested
50:00 – Daily Practices to Strengthen Your Boundaries
53:55 – Final Thoughts: The Freedom on the Other Side
Boundaries equal liberation. You know, discipline equals freedom. You know, structures equal, you know, the chance to be spontaneous. 'cause so many people are like, I don't want structures and boundaries. I need to be free. And it's like, okay, well, like how free are you right now? That's Jordan Duffy and this is The Powerful Ladies podcast.
Hey guys, I'm your host, Kara Duffy, and in this episode, Jordan and I are digging into what it means to have boundaries. Boundaries in our personal lives, boundaries at work, and how boundaries are what leads to us being able to live. Our best lives. Find the peace that we're looking for, and to have liberation from the overwhelm and exhaustion that so often consumes our lives.
Boundaries literally lead to living your best life, having your best career, and having your best business. They're the cornerstone to you, being empowered. Before we jump into this episode, I wanna ask you like, where do you need boundaries in your life or business? Where are you sacrificing your best life to be at the service of others?
I invite you to come to one of my workshops, join my Thrive membership, or book a free introductory coaching session so that you can start listening to yourself as worthy and deserving of the boundaries you need to live your dream life. And I want you to have a plan on how to implement that. You know what could be possible by you stepping into your power, what could be possible by you having powerful.
In your life, you know, maybe you'd double your income, maybe you'd stop working on weekends. Maybe you'd love all of your clients. You know, your best life really is on the other side of your boundaries. I also know it's really hard to see where you need a transformational boundary and how to implement that in a powerful, confident way.
So visit the powerful ladies.com or kara duffy.com so we can connect and create boundaries for you to thrive today.
Well, hey Jordan, I'm excited to have you on the podcast again, not just as our audio engineer, but as. An active conversationalist in today's episode.
Thank you for having me on.
Well, I, maybe we begin by, let's tell everybody who you are and all the things you're up to in the world, and then we'll dive into the exciting conversation that prompted us chatting again.
Cool. Um, so my name is Jordan Duffy. Uh, first and foremost, I am your sister. Yay. Um, and secondly, I am an audio engineer, uh, for not only powerful ladies, but also um, ear Wolf, Stitcher slash Sirius XM Pandora, um, network, which is wild to say now since we just got bought. Um, and I'm also a musician, singer, songwriter, and I am currently in production for my album.
Finally. So
finally, 'cause we talked about it back in episode 22 when we had you as. On as a, you know, powerful lady's guest for the first time. Mm-hmm. Um, I think most people know that every episode they've ever heard, like you have been there in the background or you've contributed, uh, conversations. We mentioned you at the closing of all of 'em.
And, you know, being your sister, I am always making sure that, you know, maybe I'm not always making sure, but I'm always concerned, are you living your best life just like I am for everybody else. Right. And one of the things that you and I have talked a lot about in the past year is the exact conversation that we're having this, you know, July, 2021 in the workshop I'm doing, which I believe actually comes out tomorrow and also the entire month in Thrive.
And in my masterminds, we're talking all about boundaries and specifically business boundaries. And I wanted to bring you on to talk about this because. You and I spend a lot of time trying to figure out where you need boundaries in your life regarding work because you just do so much. Like how many podcasts are you working on right now,
including yours?
It's five. Um, but a year ago I had six or seven.
And in addition to the ones that you're responsible for all the time, you're also jumping in to help other people when they are sick. You're mm-hmm. Working on your own projects. You, for a long time, you know, you had our parents staying with you while their house was being built.
Um, you ended up being the caretaker of them and our brother when they all got COVID. Like, there's so many, when we look at your week, there's a lot of taking care of everybody else and very little taking care of you, right? Yeah. Um. We've talked a lot about that, especially recently. Now that you have your apartment back to yourself, now that you are making time to work on your own album, what shifted for you where you realized I need to put some boundaries in place, even if all that means right now is making time to do what matters to me?
I think first it was, I had so much going on that I couldn't really think about it. Mm-hmm. And I think between talking to friends and you and our other sister Donna, about even just like the lack of how often I'm showering to like, I'm not exercising, I'm not eating correctly, and I don't think I realized how depressed I was.
And so for me, that was a really big wake up call and I'm still dealing with that. Um, and so much of a wake up call that, um, you had suggested reaching out to a fellow powerful lady who's been on here and had a great episode. Um, Christina about, um, being open to therapy. I never thought that, um, turning 30 would mean so many things happening and.
I needed to talk to someone who, not that I don't talk to friends and family as much as I do, but I, I, I don't think it was as bad as I realized until I had like just the consultation with, um, Christina about the possibility of doing therapy with her and her realizing like, there's a lot going on that you're not talking about, and it's mm-hmm.
Um, like the first thing was just being open to saying no. Mm-hmm. For my own mental health about not adding more to it. So that was the, the first initial, um, wake up call about boundaries.
Yeah. So. Um, I know you have some questions about boundaries, some that are your own, some that came from people within, um, my clients or the Thrive community that we were gonna ask on here, so mm-hmm.
Maybe that's a great segue to kind of jump into that first question.
Yeah. So the first question that, uh, we and I have are what does it mean to have boundaries?
Well, I think you just really gave a great definition before of like, when do we just say no? Um, I know even for myself, like I love being a, yes, I love doing things, and I'm always like, yes, more, make more space.
And even being someone who like can multitask and can handle a lot happening at once, there's still a capacity, right? Like all of us have a different capacity for how many things can we do in a day or a week or in a month that allows us to feel excellent versus just getting by and. It's, it's, you know, when we're trying to mo like level up, right?
Or start a new business or move up in our career, we can feel pressured to say yes so that, you know, opportunities aren't taken away or people like us or money doesn't go away. Like if you're an entrepreneur and you start saying no, usually the first fear people have is how am I going to eat if I'm saying no?
Like, why wouldn't I just take people's money? Who wanna gimme money? Which of course is all rooted in not thinking that you're gonna make the money anyway. Right? So it's this funny catch 22, but you know, I, I think you brought up a great point about, you know, there's boundaries and then there's like self-work we have to do and it's really, it can be really overwhelming to pile more stuff on top of things we haven't dealt with or we haven't made choices on.
So to me, boundaries from a holistic perspective is drawing a circle around yourself and knowing what's allowed to come inside the, the circle, the, the buffer zone. So whether that's the type of people that are allowed to come in the circle, whether it's the type of opportunities that can come in the circle, whether it's the type of mindsets or attitudes, um, whether it's the, you know, it's not a
witches circle.
It's just a, a circle. Um, I mean
it could be that might, I'm sure somebody could tie it back to a witches circle, but, um, are you thinking about hocus pocus and like the circle of salt?
Yes. Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah. I draw that every morning. Do I? Am I, am I not supposed to do that?
Oh, okay. Whoops. Maybe, maybe that's what we should literally have everybody do in the workshop.
Get out your salt. I want you to stand up, put a circle of salt, about a three foot circle around you, and now decide what's allowed to be in that circle. Mm-hmm. Because you know that that's what a boundary is. I, I was gonna use the phrase, like put a box around things, but mm-hmm. After our last podcast recording we did, which will come out in a couple of weeks.
I like the idea of circles. I prefer circles myself anyway. 'cause you can't hide things in the corners that way. So how do you create a circle around yourself to protect. The best version of yourself to protect the light, you have to protect the gifts that you have to give the world. And honestly, it's like, what, what wall do you have to build around yourself to honor who you are?
Um, you know, castles have, have a wall and a moat to protect them, to make sure that no one's gonna come in who's gonna hurt it, essentially. Right? It, it allows you to protect yourself or have some defenses. And to me, having great boundaries allows you to love and be a yes, and be generous and be open without worrying that you're giving it all away to the wrong things or people.
That makes sense to me. What do you, what do you think a boundary is? What would you add to that?
Well, now I'm thinking that I should get a castle with a moat and then no one can come into my castle unless I give them permission. But no, I agree. It's, it's, it's taking that circle and really like, what is worth my time?
What's going to make me happy? And I think it took me a long time to like realize the, the projects that were coming up that were making me like really anxious or mm-hmm. Like in general, just upset. Like, why am I taking these projects on if I'm not happy with it? So like, why did I let those in my circle to begin with?
Mm-hmm. And now I know from here on out, like to really analyze what's coming in my circle and what's not. So I agree with you there. Yeah.
It's a sacred space, right. And yeah. There's a root of having to first believe that you are sacred. Mm-hmm. And worthy of having a circle. Having a moat. Yeah.
Um, another sacred thing, at least to me, is my job and money and how I make money.
Um, so another question we had was, what does it mean to have business boundaries? We've talked about personal, but what would the business boundaries be then?
You know, business boundaries are very similar, right? Because at the end of the day, everything we do in life is us and people and us and emotions and like the humanity exists.
So if, if humanity in a personal space needs boundaries, they also do in business. And I think people can get really clear on the boundaries they have for themselves as a, as a person. But when it comes to business. Because it goes into a money conversation and being driven or thinking about success, we can, we don't realize how quickly we throw our boundaries out the window.
Like anyone who will give me money. Yes. You know? Yeah. And all then we've realized that we're, you know, we're not charging enough. We're not working with clients. We want to, we're not working on projects. We want to, um, we might be making great money, but like, we hate what our day-to-day looks like. We hate the people in our lives.
We're stressed, we're overworked, and suddenly our job, our career, our business is running us versus us running it. Um, so boundaries in business all relate back to like what packages you offer, what products do you offer, what are you charging and why? When are you available? For a customer or a client, when are you available for your team?
What does being available even look like? Um, I would say like the number, the number one or like most profound impact I make with my private clients is putting boundaries into their business and in, in that sense, the sacred space yes. Includes you as the business owner or the professional that we're protecting, but it's also about honoring and protecting like what your possibility is for the world, right?
Because, just because people think I'm really good at, I don't know, organizing, but I really want my business to be coaching. How do I even protect what the dream and the wish is and, and the opportunity to serve and not get pulled into a space where people want, right? Like a really easy thing that I'm sure people can relate with as a creative or an artist or a business owner is like if you get a bad review or a customer complaint, so often it causes people to get really upset and be like, oh, we have to fix it.
They're mad. And I'm like, yeah, it's one person. Mm-hmm. Like, why are they mad? Like maybe they're mad 'cause they had a bad day, or maybe they're mad 'cause they didn't read the contract, or maybe they're mad because someone else yelled at them. Like, hold on. Right. Like, just 'cause someone's pounding on the door, like, let me in you, you know, whatever.
It's, it doesn't mean that we should bend or move or shift. And that's just one example, right? Because there's also plenty of people who, I know a lot of people who are getting text messages from. Bosses, employees, clients, customers at like ridiculous times. And if people don't, if you don't get back to them in five minutes or 24 hours, they're like, how can you do this?
This is horrible customer service. And it's like, mm-hmm. Well, hold on. Like, who even said that was part of my customer service package? Yeah. Um, so I really just see a lot of people who are being run by somebody else's agenda and not their own and business boundaries allow you to be really clear about, this is my agenda.
This is what my best life looks like. This, this is what I need to serve you best. And from that clarity and structure and those boundaries, like it transforms what a career path or a business looks like. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That makes sense to me. Yeah. Yeah. What, what kind of examples have you seen at your different jobs where there's like clearly no boundary?
I think there're at older jobs, not where I am currently. There was, there was even like no boundary on like taking a personal day off. Mm-hmm. Like I, I have worked at places where people were like, well why are you taking a personal day off? It'd be like, well it's personal reasons. Why do I need to tell you?
Yeah. Like, I don't think this is right. But no, I have had those moments of like even just leaving work and being so stressed out knowing that I have to go in early the next day to like finish a project and, or like all of a sudden on a whim I had to come in on a Saturday because no one else could. Um, or that last minute, like I wasn't expecting to do this project or, or especially the text messages.
I personally had to like leave a group text. 'cause. It was distracting. It was not as professional as I wanted it to be. And mm-hmm. I gave like a very clear and polite like, Hey, like I'm so happy to be part of this group, but like, I'm, it's distracting and it's making me anxious, but like, if you need me, uh, you can reach me here.
Or like, if you really need to text me or call me, like, please do. But like, let's just keep it strictly work related. 'cause that's, I'm, it's, it was a distraction and it was hard and it took me like a year to finally send that text. 'cause I didn't, I didn't know how it was gonna resonate with everyone.
Mm-hmm. And it was totally fine. I just had to like, get the guts up to finally do it and like, be like, everything's fine. I just, this is distracting me. So
yeah,
that was a big factor for
me. You're such an advocate for other people, right? Like if someone's wronged like you, you know, you transform into like Queen of Justice, you know, and mm-hmm.
So I'm sure that it's so much easier for you to see when somebody else's boundaries are crossed than your own.
Yeah. Yeah. Um, no, 100%. Even to like, if I overheard someone say something at work. Mm-hmm. And like, very negative towards either just someone having blonde hair to someone talking about them being part of the L-G-B-T-Q.
Mm-hmm. And it's, I will always stick up for something that I think is wrong. And to hear those types of talks at work, like that's a huge boundary crossed. So
as well as like federal and state. Yeah. You know, uh, not crimes, but like, it's a whole area of harassment and lawsuits and mm-hmm. Inappropriate workplace behavior.
Yeah. Um, when you, what are some boundaries that you feel like you're having to remind your, your friends or family about? Like, what, what are you seeing where you're like, that's unacceptable or, you know, where do you find yourself giving advice about boundaries?
I think, I don't know so much as advice, but I, when I'm starting to learn just personally is how much, um, my friends and family depend on me to be there to listen. And I typically don't get the same reciprocated back to me.
Mm-hmm.
Um, I might have five minutes to talk and everyone else gets like an hour to talk.
So, and working where I work and all I do all day is listen to people. At the end of the day. You don't wanna like call someone and just listen to them. Yeah. You're like, God dammit, lemme talk. Yeah. So what I'm personally trying to work on is a, like a little bit more clear communication and mm-hmm. Um, explaining the types of support that I need from friends and family.
Um, but it can also go the other way where I have friends who are in a different fields than I am and, um. One is actually a nurse and they're on strike and like on strike because of their rights, especially with everything with COVID and it's like mm-hmm. Just being there and like seeing their business boundaries and like understanding it and like the nursing and medical field is such a different realm of mm-hmm.
Business boundaries, but it's like, how do I support them? Or like how like just kind of hearing them out on how they feel about their business boundaries has been eye-opening and really helpful in making sure that they're okay. Even to the point of like, how are you financially? Do you need extra money?
So, mm-hmm. Yeah. That's more of a a, on a more personal level, but that's their business boundaries and
yeah, it's hard. Well, and I think you bring up a good point of. When we see it's really easy to see somebody else's boundaries being crossed when you're like, that's ridiculous. That's unfair. Yeah. How can they do that to you?
Right? Like, you're not getting a raise.
Like, how are you not getting a raise? You've been like literally saving people's lives.
Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. Or what do you mean you don't have health insurance? What do you mean? Like there's, we, we have a lot of conversations with the people we care about, about boundaries, and it starts with everyday things and it, and it extends into, you know, political and social injustices and inequality, right?
Like mm-hmm. What do you mean there's, they're trying to control you in x, y, or Z way. Right? So it's, it's interesting to me how we can see it so instantly for other people and we are so easily give it all up when it's our own. Yeah.
Mm-hmm. Um. The, an additional question that we got, which I think this is a great transition, is what do you need before you can create those boundaries?
That's a really great question, right? Because so often people, all they say about boundaries is like, no, like just say no. And you're like, well, like when to drugs. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Uh, it's like, you know, when do you say no? Or how do you say no? Um, because we need a, a more specific plan of how to build and create and also maintain our boundaries while not being in conflict with other things that we care about.
So I, the first part of, of building boundaries is knowing like, what's okay and not okay for you. So we have to do some work to be like, okay, if we're talking about business, what's okay for me? To make per hour or not. What's, how many hours a week am I okay to work? When am I okay to have communication from bosses, colleagues, clients?
When am I not, you know, what does it look like for me to take a vacation? Am I open to phone calls? Am I not open to phone calls? How do I take a vacation? Right? So it's a lot of looking at doing exercises to look at what is your dream life? Mm-hmm. And kind of mapping that out and then walking backwards to be like, are you there yet?
Yes or no? And what's missing from the dream vision versus now? So very often with business clients, what's missing are any structures around when they can be contacted, any structures about what is or is not included in their packages or, or pro uh, packages, services, products, whatever. How they built what they're selling, um, what does customer service look like for them?
And even if you don't have a business, anytime you're interacting with people in a professional way, you technically have your own customer service policy. So what does that look like? Do you wanna get back to people 24 hours later? Is that necessary? What does that make available? What does that limit you?
So when I'm thinking about my boundaries for business, I'm thinking about does this align with me having my best life? Does this align with me having the most fun? Does this align with me attracting the type of people that I want to attract and work with? Um, you know, or, and, you know, all that should be backed up with the financial aspect of what business is like.
Am I being paid in alignment with my boundaries? And what I will or won't accept. So most people, when we do the math and we calculate everything that they're giving to a client, they think they're making, let's just say $250 an hour. When they look at what they're charging a client and how many hours they're putting in, when we really dive into how many hours and how many things or tools or products they're giving to a client, the hourly breakdown becomes so small, like $1 an hour, and you're like, um, you do the, they do the math and they, they go through this process with me and they go, holy shit, what do you mean?
I'm making a dollar an hour? Like, no wonder I wanna go back to my corporate job. Like yeah. At least I could justify only working 40 hours a week and hide under that policy. Mm-hmm. If I needed to. Mm-hmm. So most humans are really giving, most humans wanna make a difference. And because we're so. Like, we want to do a great job and we want to serve people and we want to help people.
We end up doing a lot of work and not being compensated for it. So the boundaries all come back to balancing what we're earning for the work we're doing and the heart, soul, mental energy, all the stuff that we're giving to our clients. 'cause it's more than whatever they can see on paper. Like it's more than the tangible stuff that they're like, you know, I paid you for, you know, five podcast episodes.
And it's like, yeah, and like you and I have talked about this, right? Like, yes, a podcast episode might be, I don't know, 45 minutes. That equals, you know, an hour or to an hour and a half of recording, four hours of editing to, you know, from you, two hours from me. Plus making graphics, plus posting it, plus communicating back and forth with the, there's so many steps.
It's a lot of work Yeah. That most people don't see. So when we look at, you know, you get to choose what you wanna charge people for anything. Mm-hmm. And that, that really ties into the boundary piece. Um, and I think people are really afraid to put boundaries in place because if we do and we start saying no to people, what will happen?
And
that's my number, that's been my issue. Mm-hmm. Of if I'm saying no to a client or to the company I work with, or even to like. Like my own sister who, uh, who will call and I'm like, I don't even have the energy to talk to you, but like, I need to answer this call because like, maybe something's wrong or I need to answer this email because maybe something's wrong.
Like it's truly like, what is the back backlash to me not opening up that email to not answering that call compared to like, oh, I could have, it would, it would've been fine if I just opened this 24 hours later. I'd just been like, Hey, I'm like so exhausted, like, let me call you later. Mm-hmm. So it's always like that fear of what if you don't do this right now compared to, oh, I can just do it later.
Yeah. So
I love that you shared that. Can we talk about that? Which part? All of it. It's all one thing. That's the business. No, no. We're gonna, we're gonna take it into like the, into uh, kind of putting it all together. Yeah. Yeah.
Because
some of that is, so what I hear and what you shared, some of it's fear of like letting people down, right?
Yeah. Some of it's fear of an opportunity going away. Some of it's a fear of maybe making things harder for yourself later. Mm-hmm. You can just like answer it now. You'll have less work later. So all good reasons, right. To like mentally be like, oh, what if, right? Yeah. And to me that's, you know, when we say boundaries are just saying no, we miss a lot of the picture because boundaries are, are more than saying no.
They're saying no thank you. And it's, you know,
like improv.
Yes, exactly. Yes. And exactly. It's a yes. And it's like, um, hey, can, I'd love to talk to you. Yes, I would love to talk to you too, and like I don't have the mental capacity to talk tonight. Like when can we reschedule so I can actually participate?
Mm-hmm. Because that's where you get into like the, as Jesse calls it, like an ear beating, right? If somebody calls and you don't have the capacity to be a good listener or to contribute, you can literally put yourself on mute and like fall asleep and they would just keep talking, right? Yeah. And it really wouldn't be an exchange.
It's an ear beating. So not only, you know, because you didn't say yes and to that request there, there becomes such a diminished thing. Like it's almost, there's an opportunity to honor that person, that conversation. And if you can't show up to be there, just be honest about it and be like, Hey, I love you.
I would love to catch up. I, I definitely, you know, you know, I'm there for you. And right now I have to be a no. Like when can we reschedule? Yeah. And this translates directly to meetings. You know, one of the most powerful things I did was stop saying yes to meetings. Not all of them, right? But really being like, hold on, do I have to be here?
Like, my time is valuable. And you know, one of the things you have to have is like, how do you prioritize what matters to you? So if it's, if my priorities are getting done what's already on my to-do list, you know, getting to have creative time, getting to work out, then you kind of have your list of like what has to happen.
And that's why during the day, unless I have, you know, Kika mentioned this too on her episode, if, unless you I have a scheduled call with somebody, I usually don't answer. Hmm. I also usually don't respond to a text the second it pops up. Like, everyone's always horrified how many emails I don't answer and how many texts I don't, haven't gotten back to yet.
I will get back to people, but. If I continue to jump when everybody else asks me to jump, I'm a, then I'm a character in their story versus being the hero of my own. Mm-hmm. And that's what boundaries allow you to do. You, it allows you to be equals versus one person being dominant and one person being subordinate.
Yeah. Um, so I think that's really important. Um, it also, you know, there's like a, a worthiness and a like what you deserve kind of conversation that comes up too. Like how do you deserve to be treated? And usually the best people to answer that are not yourself. Right. Yeah. We, we are not good at that, but it's, the world is not gonna end because we didn't do one thing Right.
And we have to always be putting that into perspective. Like if, um. Anyone who's always, ever nervous about quitting a job. Yeah. But if I leave and like all this, this, this and this, that aren't gonna happen and we're gonna be laying these people down, I'm like, yeah. But I've worked at so many companies where I have left, where people have left my team, and it is always amazing to me how quickly business keeps going and things move on.
And you know, we have to remember that none of us are holding the world up independently. Like, yeah, you know, none of us are. You know, and sometimes we go into this power spiral where our egos are like, if we don't get this email back, everything's gonna fall apart. If I don't, if I don't say, if I don't take this call from somebody, it's all gonna fall apart.
And there's a little bit of humor in that to think that we are so powerful and yet we are not so powerful that we deserve to set the tone. Right. So if we're gonna have king or queen power, great. Let's lean in on that and let's make king or queen boundaries. Yeah. And, and, and we kind of play in this, we kind of flip it where we're like, I am almighty and powerful, and if I do or don't do something, it's very important and it'll change the trajectory of everyone's universe.
But I am not so important that I, I need to protect myself. And it's like, that to me is the funny part of how we usually spend our time versus like what we could be putting in place instead. Yeah. And it also all goes back to like, I need you to be at your best self because you at your best self means that you hold the door for people and you don't yell at someone and you don't hit your kids and you, you know, are, you get to be in your good space of being.
Uh, love-based human who sees possibilities. But if you are giving up all your boundaries, you start to feel small and not powerful. And, you know, you, you get, you move over into the dark side and there's like a whole domino effect of what happens there. So having boundaries is to honor you. It's to honor the other person.
It's to make sure that if your life is extraordinary, the people whose lives you're in will also be extraordinary. Mm-hmm. Being extraordinary is contagious. What? I know what, who knew? Who knew? No. What is this getting you to think about?
I mean, again, just for me, on a personal level, it's gonna be, it's gonna take some time for me to, with my own personal boundaries, to business boundaries, I think.
One of the things I've really stepped back from the going fully remote working has mm-hmm. Shifted so much stuff, especially within the recording industry. And, um, like, I don't think I got my footing until like the fall of 2020. Mm-hmm. And like actually got into a good rhythm. But I used to be like, if I didn't have every single thing done or ready for the next day, and I mean like as a sense of like, if I had banked like three weeks worth of episodes with a podcast that like those needed to be done today, I couldn't wait.
Mm-hmm. But I really had to step back from that and be like, you just need to concentrate on what's due this week.
Mm-hmm.
When needs to be sent to people to review and. Then next week you can concentrate on next week's worth. And for me, that opened up like, oh, like I have the time to like cook dinner.
Mm-hmm. I have the time to like go for a walk and like going from literally months of just in my room doing work, recording editing and like, not even seeing the sunlight is a really dark place to be in. Yeah. So, and it's um, I think where I'm at now and as the world is transitioning, it's, it's really like I don't need to feel bad about saying like, no, I can't help you with this because I'm already overworked.
Yeah. Or really putting my foot down. Being like, I can't record these Saturdays because I am doing stuff for my own projects.
Yeah, you're already booked. Mm-hmm.
So I actually, which I don't even think we talked about this outside of podcast stuff, but I had reached out to you about a potential client.
Mm-hmm. Um, and it turned, unfortunately, it turned out with their timeline and my timeline and to see how busy I was, I actually couldn't take this client. But what I could do for this client was give them three other people who were desperately looking for work Yeah. Who were desperately looking for additional money because they hadn't, like, had work for so long.
Mm-hmm. Especially in the, in this climate. And it was really hard to say no. And it was really hard to be like. Maybe, maybe it's not my time for this project, and I'm sure something else in the future will happen. Yeah. But if I had taken it on, I would've been like a pile of dirt. I would've been so tired and anxious, and I wouldn't even have time for my other work.
And so as much as I'm like semi heartbroken, I'm glad that I put up that boundary. Yeah. And I'm also glad in the end I was able to help like three other people who were like, thank you so much for this opportunity, because I haven't had work. I haven't like, or I haven't had an, uh, a ability to step my foot in here and you're giving me that opportunity.
So as much as I'm sad, I'm also like, cool. If I can help someone else out, that's, that's even better. So. Well,
and you, you hit on so many things in that chair. Yeah. Right. You. You talked about how great opportunity when you, instead of saying no to somebody, you can, you can pass them off to somebody else, right?
Yeah. It's, it's really high integrity where you said you could, and then you can't do something to replace yourself. And I do that all the time as well too, right? If, if I'm not a right match for a certain client, I'd be like, oh, hey, I know these coaches, they might be a better fit. 'cause you really wanna focus just on money mindset, or you really want to, you know, tackle marketing.
Like whatever the thing is. Like, there might be somebody a better fit to like, I'll, I'll pass you on. And, you know, knowing that you, there's some projects you wanna do and you just can't and it's such a bummer, right? To be like, uh, but there's also this belief in the abundance, right? Have, like, committing to boundaries to me is almost a declaration of I believe that I like, I believe in abundance for myself.
Because there are great projects that we have to say no to because of time or money or whatever. Combination isn't a perfect fit. And it's okay to say no to them, you know? Yes. I'm a big advocate of being ready to play when the universe shows up with an opportunity, but if it's not the right opportunity, we don't need to feel guilty about saying no.
And in fact, we get to like, just like a beach volleyball at like a concert and we pass this amazing opportunity to somebody else. Mm-hmm. That also allows there to be space for somebody to pass things back to us when it makes sense. Yeah. When it's the right alignment. Um, so you were able to turn an opportunity for you into being able to help other people still have the job get done.
Like you created all these possibilities for people. Mm-hmm. And you got to honor yourself, which, if that's all you did, that would also be okay. You know, it's, um. Yeah, there's just, there's, there's so many opportunities where we add a guilt, say yes. Yeah. And you know, there's, yeah.
No, I was just gonna say, it's, it's, I want to always be like, I guess, and a team player and, and I've talked about this in therapy, it's like, but it, when it hits you that it's like it's too much, or you literally physically can't put it on your schedule.
Like, yeah. You, you, you can say no. And I, I do think that like, I needed kind of that permission for someone to be like, mm-hmm. You can say no, it's. Like, just like at a company and you just like are trying to figure out if you wanna leave or not. Like, or you feel like you're holding out the world in your hands.
Like, just because you're gonna say no to this one thing does not mean everything crumbles down. So
no. 'cause again, we're not, we are not that powerful. Like, we're very powerful and not powerful at the same time. So like
there's,
we are not so powerful that every breath we take has a extreme reaction to the world, but we are so powerful if we are taking actions that align with us as a whole being, they can make a powerful move. Right? Like, if we choose things that are not the right fit, they don't match our boundaries, they don't serve us first.
Mm-hmm. Like. That, you know, they say that people, the idea of a poltergeist, right? It's, it's German, um, word, and it's, it comes from the idea of like the, the energy being trapped, right? So a poltergeist experience is supposed to be when like objects move and end up in weird places, right? Like there's a physical manifestation of bad energy.
Mm-hmm. And so we can think about when we're deciding, does this work for me or does it not? We don't need to make it super significant, but the more that we spend time choosing, saying yes to things that are not suiting us, the more we end up sp hanging out in, in just bummer negative energy. Like it's draining, it's sucking the life out of us versus invigorating us.
Right? And for somebody like you in particular who have so many, so many talents, like, I want a hundred percent Jordan, I don't want. One, 1000000th of Jordan, because you're not rejuvenating yourself and you're spreading yourself too thin and like, you know, you're not honoring you or all the things, right?
So yeah. What does it look like to getting to work with you should feel like is special and getting to work with you means that you can only handle six things at once? Right? Because if we divide up all your time and your energy and focus, there's, if there's 10 buckets, you, you're like, I have six projects I can work in for other people.
Then if there's other four projects, it's like my health, my family, my music, and just me. Mm-hmm. Right? Like, yeah, just me, whatever that means. Reading, watching a movie, sleeping Ru Paul's drag race, whatever it looks like. There you go. Right, right. That's in that bucket. Four. Um, so when you look at your life, where's a place that you see?
You could put another boundary.
Um,
I honestly, it's acknowledging that I have too much work. Mm-hmm. Um, like I'm, I'm very honored and it's fortunate that people think of me when it comes to their projects or their podcast and it's, it's to take another one on it then removes those buckets. Mm-hmm. And right now I'm still trying to figure out that balance of like, work and having the motive like to then like to work all day and still have the motivation to like.
Want to work out or want to do something more physical. And it, I'm still at that point and it's something I'm still working on. So for me, it's, it's find, it's still finding that balance. Yep. And it's, it's also like really just taking the courage of being like, I need help because I can't, I, it's too much for me.
Yep. Yeah. So that's what I'm personally working on. Do you have any boundaries yourself that you're working on?
Oh, oh, I'm like that I have lots of boundaries, um, that I'm working on. You know, I, I think the, the biggest boundary that I'm working on shifting right now is the order of which I think about those kind of buckets I talked about.
Mm-hmm. You know, when, when you read books about money and finances, they always say, and mom has said this too, of like, the first thing you do is pay yourself. But it's like, what does that actually mean? Right. So. From a practice perspective, it means, okay, if you're committing that 10% of everything you make goes into a savings account that you don't touch.
Or the new rule game that I think is really exciting to play is how do you put 50% of what you earn into savings and retirements or wealth building? Mm-hmm. And you just live on 50%. So that's a game that excites me because it has really clear rules, right? And challenges. And you get to get a little creative about like, how do we make that work?
Um, and that, that ties back to when we look at our boundaries and those kind of buckets we talked about. Like for you, we made up 10 just now talking here, how do you make your first bucket the you bucket? Yeah. And then the second bucket, your health and wellness, and the third bucket, your music and your fourth bucket, your friends and family.
How do we reprioritize those? And then all your, you know, clients or work projects come after, um. So often we put how we help others way before investing in ourselves and our well wellbeing. So shifting that around, and this is why a lot of successful people, when you look at how they organize their schedule, which is another boundary mm-hmm.
They put their personal investing in their personal bucket first. The first thing they do every morning they wake up and they're like, okay, what do I need in my bucket? I want a meditation. I'm gonna go for a walk, a run, or a workout. I'm gonna make a really clean, healthy, you know, breakfast. I'm gonna fill up my water bottle for the day.
Like I do all of that for me before I start serving anybody else. And while it can be intimidating to figure out ways to wake up earlier than you might need to, even that act of waking up early for yourself. And doing you first before you, there's like this mental acknowledgement of like, I'm first then you, I'm first then you.
Mm-hmm. And that's hard. That's like a, a hard thing. Like I'm sure there's plenty of people in therapy just for that conversation, like breaking through our old habits. 'cause especially as women, there's so many statistics showing how culture and cultural identities have always put females in the role of caregiver first.
And men never are like historically, right. From a Yeah. How culture is organized. So when you look at how a man spends his day versus how a woman spends their day, again, super stereotypical example. Mm-hmm. But how many choices a man makes for himself versus a woman. Like even like with Jesse, and I like a really silly thing like.
He will always make sure he eats. He may not make sure I eat. Whereas I think when I think about food, I think about whomever's in my space. We need to eat. Right. Yeah. And it's like a really silly thing of, of, you know, when I need this, I get this. Mm-hmm. Whereas I'm like, okay, I need that. So let me figure out how I can help all these 15 people and then I'll take a bathroom break or then I'll, then I'll get food.
Yeah. Or then I'll get a glass of water and I really just want more people to start saying like me first. Mm-hmm. And that's, and you even saying it out loud, I'm sure there's plenty of people right now that just went, I can't put me first. Right. I can't even say that word out loud. Like, 'cause we've been taught that me first is bad.
Yeah. And this even goes at a bigger level of like, you know, national versus international policies. We cannot help other people until we help ourselves. So if, if me as an individual isn't working mm-hmm. I can't help the people in my life that I want to. Yeah. And you know, there's this great, um, question of how would you treat your body if it belonged to somebody you loved?
Yeah. Right. And so we can just insert anything we want in there. How would you treat your time if it belonged to somebody you loved? How would you treat your schedule if it belonged to somebody you loved? And of course, we could all say right away, like, we should be loving ourselves first. Like, our body does belong to somebody.
We love us. You know? Mm-hmm. Again, number one. But even if you need to make the bridge of, okay, my body, let's pick somebody I love and we're gonna pretend that we're, how will we love on them? What will we prioritize for them? And every time it's health and wellness every single time. So, you know, coming back to a really practical thing of how do we, what's the first way we can put in a boundary, spend a little bit of time looking at what is okay or not okay for you.
Spend a little bit of time looking at what are your, we're, we're just gonna use four buckets. 'cause it worked really well for, you know, going through your example. But then anytime something comes up, like it's not a no, it's a no thank you. And yeah, like, I love that you wanna hang out tonight and I've already committed to giving my self a self-care night.
Mm-hmm. Or I love that you wanna, um, you know, you would love for me to work on your next show or project and like my schedule is full for the next couple of months. The second I have an opening, you're on my wait list. You're the first person I'm gonna call. Um. Even like putting boundaries in about, when we talk to people we care about, you know, like if you have a rule, like I don't answer my phone after nine 30.
Mm-hmm. Just tell people that if we communicate our boundaries, they don't look like you're anyone's being ignored. Right? Yeah. So if your boundary is, I don't answer the phone between nine 30 and seven 30, like, cool. Then people know, like if it's an emergency, like text call repeatedly, like take an action so you can break through my boundary.
Mm-hmm. Right? Because I'm gonna empower you to be responsible. If you do have an emergency, you're gonna tell me and I'm gonna be responsible for protecting my boundary. Like, do we have an agreement? And then it's like, yeah, that totally works. Yeah. And in fact, the more boundaries we create, the more it inspires other people to build healthy structures for themselves too.
And that's really what a boundary is. A boundary is a healthy structure that lets everybody win. There is no boundary that takes away from somebody else. Mm-hmm. And that's what I think we have to start removing, saying no. Saying no, thank you. Having a boundary, having a sacred circle, it doesn't take away from somebody else.
It actually enhances our job, our career, our business, our relationships, our friendships. Um, because it'll, like, it allows you to be in that namaste state. The lighten me honors and, and appreciates the light in you. I can't honor something if you don't have a sacred circle around it. Yeah. And so it's cool when you start being like, Ugh, this is scary.
I'm gonna do it anyway. And see what happens. Most of the time people are like, oh yeah, no problem. Cool. You know? Mm-hmm. And it's, it's, it's moves you instantly into. Beyonce, Oprah. It just moves you instantly into a position of power and a position of, uh, being a boss in your own life. Mm-hmm. And that's powerful all by itself, you know?
Yeah. Like you're building your platform to be like, Ugh, ugh.
I agree with that. Yeah. And I think for our last question, and I know that you mentioned it, but just to, um, chat about Thrive real quick. Mm-hmm. Um, what are the changes that you have seen with your clients or some of the Thrive members when they implement these boundaries into their business or into their personal life?
Yeah, that's a great question, right? Because people are like, cool boundaries sound awesome, but like, I need some motivation to really commit to this 'cause I don't have time to make boundaries. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And you, you cannot have your dream life. You cannot thrive. You cannot move to the next level. Of your greatness and being extraordinary if you do not have boundaries, that's the cold, hard truth.
So, uh, I'm doing a workshop tomorrow. It's open to anyone. You can, you can sign up@thepowerfulladies.com. You can sign up@karaduffy.com. It's all about boundaries. It's one hour that will, I promise, will change your life in some capacity. So come to it. Um, the whole month in Thrive, we're diving into this topic also in my mastermind groups.
We're diving into this topic deeper, um, because I wanna show you how you can apply one to five boundaries, you know, to that day that will start to change things. Because putting in boundaries means you are happier. Boundaries means you have more time to do what you want. Boundaries mean that you are making the money you deserve.
Boundaries mean you have amazing people in your life, like everything that you want, like this dream life that is right there for you. The, the keys to get there just include a lot of boundaries and boundaries are aligned with your clarity. So like, how do we build this bridge so you can start moving from chaos and overwhelm into peace of mind and results and this freedom, this, uh, liberation's been like the word of the day.
And like, boundaries equal liberation. You know, discipline equals freedom. You know, structures equal, you know, the chance to be spontaneous. 'cause so many people are like, I don't want structures and boundaries. I need to be free. And it's like, okay, but like, how free are you right now? Mm-hmm. And so we, you know, there's a little bit of, it might feel uncomfortable to do some of these boundaries, you know, verbally or in response to people or structurally in your life, but I promise you that they will make tremendous shifts, simple, really dumb boundaries like changing my coaching packages.
Transformed my business. I doubled my income because I made a boundary shift. Like what? That's like one thing. I did one thing around my packages and pricing and it doubled my business. So by doubling my business, what else did it give me access to? You know, different time cooler client, like whatever it was, there's, there's boundaries open a door that has a cascade effect that's positive in so many ways that we can't even imagine it before we implement it.
Mm-hmm.
You can have a slogan called Boundaries Equal Bountiful Hearts.
Oh, look at you. The poet. So what's been your favorite takeaway from this conversation? Jordan?
Um, I really think the circle assault is really gonna stick with me, I think. No, it's, um, I think it's, it's really that, like that circle of making sure what's ever in your circle is really what you want there and not letting, um, things that you don't want in your circle to be there.
Mm-hmm. Plainly. Yeah. So, and it's, it's just making sure whatever you're picking is, is still bringing you joy as much as it's bringing you, like, if it's business or personal. It's, it's actually what you want to do. It's what you can do. You have the bandwidth for it and yeah. So what about you?
Yeah. My favorite takeaway is that I now have a list of things that I can check in on you with, oh, God.
To make sure you're putting your boundaries in place. Um, no, I mean, it's, it's a, I love opportunities to get to have these really great conversations with you. 'cause so often you're listening, right? Mm-hmm. And this allowed you to talk and share and share with everybody how awesome you are and be self-expressed.
So I really like that. And you know who, it, it's really silly for me to focus on transforming the lives of strangers if I'm not committed to transforming the lives for the people that I already know and love, you know, which of course includes you. Mm-hmm. So transformation is, is personal and it's whatever that looks like for you and everybody else, but to just to be a stand for you, having an extraordinary life and getting to do that always makes me happy.
So thanks. I also know what's that? I said Thanks Kara.
I feel the same towards you. You
welcome. Aw. Um, little sister smoosh sesh. Um, so what I know that creating boundaries can be hard and overwhelming and you might not know where to start. So that's really why the workshop tomorrow is gonna be a big deal.
Um, the workshop will be, um, it'll be a replay available if you're a Thrive member, but like, come and do it and don't feel like you have to create boundaries by yourself, right? Like in your sacred circle should be people that you trust to help you make things happen and hold you accountable and mm-hmm.
You know, guide you hold your hand, whatever it takes to like, get you to where you wanna go. So that's why, um, come and hang out, come do it with us together. And yeah, I'm just really excited to hear how all of you listening and you as well, Jordan, like just implement. Some new boundaries, or if you don't implement them, start listening for, oh, that should be a boundary, right?
Mm-hmm. Because now it's p it's front of mind, so it'll start popping up. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Yeah. For those, um, one, do you have anything that you wanna plug? And then for those who want to join, um, that meeting, workshop, workshop, workshop, um, how can they, how can they do it, and what time is it tomorrow?
Oh, yeah, great question.
So the workshop is July 8th, 2021 at 12:00 PM uh, Pacific. It'll be for an hour. Um, if you go to kara duffy.com or the powerful ladies.com, you can sign up. Um, you're able to buy a ticket, I think. Uh, like within the first 15 minutes of it starting. Otherwise, I think it's cut off. So definitely get a ticket now.
Um, and if you want to watch the replay, if you wanna be part of this conversation, then go and become a Thrive member, which you can do at those same places. Kara duffy.com or the powerful ladies.com. And, um, yeah, just come and hang out. I mean, the workshop is a steal. It's $29, so. For two months of Netflix, you can change your life.
And I promise you, it'll change your life more than whatever you're binge watching will change your life right now. Um, and now I'll re return that back to you, Jordan. So where can people follow you? What are you, where can they support you? What do you wanna plug?
Um, you're gonna follow me on Instagram, uh, Jordan K.
Duffy. Uh, I also have a website called, uh, where you can go to Jordan Duffy music.com. Um, I don't know when my album will be out, but I am hoping for this fall. Um, and yeah, you can hear I have other shows like Best Friends, Spanish Key Presents, query the Deep Dive. Um, you can listen to all those they work on.
And powerful ladies. Of course.
Of course, of course. Well, Jordan, thank you so much for your time today. As always, it's a treat having you on and. Yeah, maybe we should do more of these. We'll have to ask everybody what they think of the Kara and Jordan conversation. More comedy.
All right. Love you, Jordan. I'll talk to you soon. Love you. Bye.
Thank you for listening to today's episode. All the links to connect with Jordan and find all of my other boundary related tools are available at the show notes@thepowerfulladies.com slash podcast. There. You can also leave comments and ask questions about this episode or share your favorite aha moment.
Do you want more powerful ladies, come hang out this on Instagram at Powerful Ladies. You can also find some downloadable tools to start living more powerfully today. Subscribe to this podcast and help us connect with more listeners just like you by leaving us a five star rating and review. If you're looking to connect directly with me, visit kara duffy.com.
We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Until then, if we're taking on being powerful in your life, go be awesome and up to something you love.
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Instagram: @jordankduffy
Website: jordanduffymusic.com
Created and hosted by Kara Duffy
Audio Engineering & Editing by Jordan Duffy
Production by Amanda Kass
Graphic design by Anna Olinova
Music by Joakim Karud
