Episode 127: Stop Settling for “Good Enough” | Juliana Gambrell | Coach & Creator of Deliberate Living
Juliana Gambrell is a coach, entrepreneur, and master wordsmith who helps people design lives they actually want to live. She believes words create our world, and living deliberately means aligning your language, choices, and energy with your deepest values. From growing up in Ithaca to driving cross-country at 22 to build a life in Southern California, Juliana has made bold moves guided by curiosity and intention. She shares how to stop settling for “good enough,” why the right words can make change unstoppable, and how to filter out what drains your energy so you can end your days inspired, not exhausted. This is a powerful conversation for anyone ready to take ownership of their story and create a life that fuels them.
“Are you going to bed tired or inspired?”
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Follow along using the Transcript
Chapters:
00:00 – Juliana Gambrell on Choosing a Deliberate Life
04:00 – Growing Up in Ithaca and the Early Lessons That Shaped Her
09:07 – How Childhood Shapes the Stories We Tell Ourselves
12:00 – Moving to California and Building a New Life from Scratch
16:00 – Why Words Matter More Than We Think
20:35 – The Power of Finding the Right Words to Unlock Change
24:51 – Why Worry Is a Prayer for What You Don’t Want
28:00 – Filtering Out What Drains Your Energy
32:00 – How to End Your Day Inspired Instead of Exhausted
36:00 – The Role of Self-Awareness in Living with Intention
40:00 – Balancing Ambition with Rest and Joy
44:00 – Quotes and Books That Have Guided Her Journey
48:00 – Redefining Success on Your Own Terms
If you don't grow up with someone who's really nurturing and fostering that part of you, the potential in you, you, you might be living into a well worn out story, and that's where that, that hollowness and the experience of life comes from. When you're aligned in your plugged into who you are and what you're up to, and why you're here, life is magical.
That's Juliana Gire and this is The Powerful Ladies Podcast.
Hey guys, I'm your host, Kara Duffy, and in this episode I am very excited to introduce you to a woman who inspires me, is magical and is one of the most badass coaches I know. Juliana is empowering. She's full of possibilities, and she just really sees people in her life for who they are and how incredible they truly are.
I am so blessed to have her in my life. May her magic sprinkle on all of you listening. So many of you are making choices right now to live intentionally and you are making big changes in your life. Maybe you've quit your job. Maybe you're starting a new business, maybe you're moving. Maybe you're coming up with plans to travel the world and create more adventure in your life.
Wherever you are in creating your best life, my Thrive membership has something for you. Visit the powerful ladies.com to learn more and join today.
Well, welcome to the Powerful Ladies Podcast.
I am so delighted to be here and sharing this time with you.
I am excited that you're here because you're finally here. Um, you've been on the must have invite list since we began, and slowly but surely we've been getting closer and closer to this day, and now it's finally here.
And I'm just really excited for everybody listening to get to know you. 'cause to me, you're such a magical, special person and you have so much wisdom to share. And just a great story of. Your life and your journey. Um, so let's jump in and tell everybody who you are and what you're up to in the world.
Okay, well my name is Juliana Gambrel and, uh, I am again, so super excited to be here. I think each one of us have such a special journey, and I'm honored that we're gonna get a chance to slow down and talk about mine tonight. Um. Oh my gosh, what I'm up to. And the biggest thing, and I've been having conversations for possibility all day long, but my highest drive, and I, we'll, we'll get into a little bit of where this comes from, but is a world alive with passion and love?
All people living their lives fulfilled? It gets me outta bed every day. It lights me up, and I've made it my job to make sure that people, at least people I come engage with, whether they're friends, their clients, whomever mm-hmm. Have the tools and resources to live their life fulfilled.
And that's such a important distinction because there's so many people in the world who have, you know, success, have happiness, have accolades, have, they're smart.
They have, they have all these things and they are not fulfilled. It is such a you have it or you don't have it. Space. How did you get into knowing that? You want people to be fulfilled and, and get to that next level. And was that something that you always cared about or is that something you discovered along the way?
That's a great question and it is. I think it's always been in there. It's always been an essence of who I am. Ever since I was a small child, I was a middle child. And there are all those things that contribute to who we ultimately end up being in the world. Um, the significance of it. Is first. I do believe every human being has a possibility that they want for themselves and the world.
Mm-hmm. And so it's really being able to connect first with yourself so you can connect more with others. And that's a lot in my journey story. 'cause that I did not come out this way. I was a hot mess for most of my life. Most of my life. And this is the whole thing, because people have all the things that make them look successful, but do they feel successful?
Do they. Honor and are they living their life aligned with their values? Um, do they have a mission or are they just trying, you know, they caught into some of the things that we all get caught into me was people pleasing, right? I was a contortionist. I would like bend myself around and so much of my life was living for other people and not for myself.
And so when I began that journey way back in the late eighties, early nineties, that was when really the path.
Well, let's go to the, the beginning of the story. Where did you grow up? What did you imagine you would be, um, as a child like? Tell us what got you to that turning point in your life.
This is so funny.
I was thinking about this in preparation. Um, so I grew up in upstate New York. I was born in Indiana. I'm one of four kids. I'm the oldest girl. Um, we grew up in Ithaca in particular in upstate New York. Um, and so. My dream when I was in high school, one is I just wanted to belong like most kids. Right? And so I finally, in my junior year was dating the quarterback.
Mm-hmm. Larry Elli. And I don't know that we need to ble his name out, but, and my biggest dream at that time was to get married and have a beauty salon in the basement. Now that changed and I now live in California. But I think it's really funny because I had such a limited view for what could be in my life, and then there was something, you know, in my twenties that had me really open up and realize that.
That path was already well worn and I could do that path. But what was most exciting for me was to step outside of that. So at 22 years of age, I jumped into a car with a couple friends and we spent five days driving across the United States and I landed in Southern California 'cause it was the furthest place I could go to get away from my family at the time.
Well, and I just, um. Cannot imagine you as a hairstylist in a basement, like one I, I would just think you would wanna rip your eyes out and two, like think of all the people who wouldn't be impacted by you if that's the path you had chosen. Right? There's nothing wrong with having a beauty salon in the basement, but for you it's like, it's like taking.
Beyonce and being like, just sing in the back of the choir for the rest of your life. Thanks.
So crazy. Right? And I was very technically proficient and I really loved doing it, but clients would come in and I'm like, yeah, no, let's do something that's uniquely you. And so it was actually this thing that got me to want to see people for who they are and wanting them to be the themselves.
But yeah, when I look back at it now, that is just like crazy town. Yeah.
And you're, and today you are executive coaching. Is that how you would describe it?
Yes. I'm kind of a coach of all jack of all trades when it comes to coach. I'm primarily working with a lot of up and coming leaders and hypo folks, but I also have a number of private clients that I retain.
And so. It's all inside the, the framework of really wanting to make a difference. I do believe that the work that I do when I have the privilege of working with someone is around really healing the planet. I know that's kind of a tall order, but so is my possibility and what I'm up to in life. One person at a time.
And so that is what I'm primarily doing now, and I'm starting to branch on my own, which is why I opened up to having this conversation. But I, I want people to know, like there is work to do to integrate yourself and to really understand yourself so you can free yourself and be extraordinary in the world and have, have the experiences you wanna have.
I think you're at the first Powerful Ladies in-Person meetup and we had a great conversation about intuition and I still, what you just said reminds me of a quote that one of the, the women there said, which was, you have to go deeper to meet her. Referring to like how you really find yourself and. I am amazed being someone who's obsessed with taking personality tests and quizzes and, you know, what's my astrology say?
Like, gimme all the things that will tell me more about who I am and operate and how I might interact with the world. There are so many people who just don't, it's not in their frame of reference to, you know, look at themselves in that way and see like, where could growth be? What are we up to? For, you've worked with so many people at different levels of, of awareness and being woke and like aware of what they're doing.
What do you think is missing in the world where people don't realize that they have within them everything they're looking for and everything that they need?
Yeah, it's um. For me, it really goes back to education. We become so very compliant and malleable, and I find either people are in that compliant kind of mal malleable sort of space and they're, they're adjusting too much to the world around them, or they're so like resolute but not in a way that is, um, it's almost like proving it or like if they have an edge that they're going after and we do a really poor, poor job of igniting.
People, people in, in, in that, that little place. When we're young people like we until the age of five, you know, we are in the world, the way the world is. But after, at, at the age of five, we're then turned into, we start perceiving it, the world, the way we see it. And that means all the little whispers and all the little things that get inputted into us, that, that at some point can restrict.
How we see ourselves and how we see our place in the world, and especially for women. Um, I have a little bit of that, but I, I work with men and women and is that if you don't grow up with someone who's really nurturing and fostering that part of you, the potential in you, you, you might be living into a well worn out story.
That's where that, that hollowness and the experience of life comes from. When you're aligned and you're plugged into who you are and what you're up to and why you're here, life is magical and I love unleashing that in people. And to your point, you, you, you've gotta go within, right? There's a quote that I found from Carl Young and I, it's like when you look outside, you dream.
When you look within, you awaken. And I think that is so amazing, and I do believe mm-hmm. Everyone has that within themselves, but do we ever learn to nurture that? And we don't. We do a terrible job of that in school. Think about growing up as a child and how you were parented. I asked so many of my clients, they go, as a kid, did anybody ask you how you felt or what you needed?
They're like, yeah, no. I'm like, well, then why would you trust your own innate knowing? Mm-hmm.
And, and I think for some people listening to this conversation, they might even say like, I'm so far from that. Like, how do I even know if it's my innate knowing if it's ego, if it's fear, like I feel like there's so many voices that show up on a, oh my gosh, on a regular day.
How do you, how do you start to know like, that is my knowing versus that is the squabble that is, you know, in my head.
Well, to your point earlier about actually. Starting to engage with yourself, right? So in our world right now with all the unrest and everything that's going on, right, I find that people aren't very inclusive of themselves.
They're not maybe as curious about themselves as they need to be. And so it is a gift when someone. Bumps up against something. This is how you know you want something in your life and you don't necessarily get it. And let's say it's the promotion. I'm working with some people who are just going for a director role and they didn't get the job.
And so they come to me and we work on, well, what is it about who you're being? Mm-hmm. And when you can begin to see those self-imposed limitations, and you can actually see that there's something between. Where you are today and what you want and how, if you had free will, and you do, but how will you give yourself permission to live freely and fully in the world?
And, and it, it really is a, something you can cultivate. It's a skill current, and that's what I think is so. Important for people to understand. It's like communication would be another example. Everybody learns how to talk, but not everybody learns how to communicate effectively. So this self knowing is just, you've gotta pay attention.
The, the acronym for pain, and I know, you know, I love acronyms and frameworks and all of that, but is pay attention inward now. So if it doesn't feel right, start to trust that and get curious.
And, and I think we should say that again. 'cause that's the really big thing. I don't want people to step over listening.
So the acronym for pain is pay attention inwardly. Now, did I get that correct? Yes. Okay. Yes. And, and that speaks to so many things. It speaks to the books that are, you know, the body keeps the score, it speaks to, uh, the back pain that you have. It speaks to. Like, um, the, the repeating things that keep happening in your life mm-hmm.
Where you're like, why is this door not opening? Like, oh, it's like the, the frustrations that we have. But I think sometimes we, our body is so good at giving us clues and we are so bad at listening. Thank you. Science.
I'm just gonna say that out loud. Okay, so here's, here's, here's where I'm at with all of that world, right?
So when we discovered we had a brain and there's this gray matter and it lives in our head, and we started separating out the head and the heart. And there's a wonderful expression I learned recently and is called neuroception. And your brain actually lives in your body. Your brain is the, the computer that it deciphers all of this really rich, intelligent that's available through the senses, through our experiences, right?
And so part of the challenge is because we're all hardwired for survival, but we've built a, a, we've dug a well worn trench. There and we've gotta pay attention to that thriving part, that wishful thinking part, that magical part. Um, but really I do tell my clients all the time, what we're doing is we're recalibrating and we're connecting new mind, body, heart, and spirit.
Mm-hmm. Um, and so we stopped listening to our bodies. That's why health goes bad and all the things that you were talking about and, and you were given this amazing instrument. You're not playing it. You're not listening to it. Right? And, and they're learned behaviors. Again, this is a skill and anyone can learn it, and I encourage all of, you know, read a book, find someone who speaks to your heart or said like, wow, like, and Andrea and Owen, who is like, you know how to stop feeling like shit.
I mean, there are so much good material out there. Find someone who whispers or ignites that part of yourself.
I, I think, uh. The stepping stone, I think to some of that is also just what feels fun. Like we're, we're bad at listening to our bodies. We're bad at playing with life. Yeah. And remembering that it's all not to-do lists and checklists and pain and suffering and you know, scramble to make every deadline, rent, payment, all these things.
And it's like, well, hold on. What does it feel like to have fun? Like what would be fun right now? And. You know, a client said on a call earlier today, they're like, the empowerment occurs to them as like the, um, transition to permission was the phrase they used. Because usually we don't give ourselves permission to do whatever we're thinking, feeling, or actually want.
Right? Like, there's so many people who are like, oh, I think I should, you know, fire this person. Mm-hmm. Or I think I should add this product. And I'm like, well do it. And they're like, oh, okay, thanks. I just needed permission. And I'm like, why did you, why were you waiting for permission? And, uh, you know, it all speaks to what you're sharing of this lack of trust that we have in our own bodies and our own hearts and our own minds.
And. It's, it's, that to me is the heartbreaking part of what it, the journey from being five to adulthood is every time that mm-hmm. We're told something that like, turns it off and turns it off and is like, no, no, don't listen to that. No, no, no, no. Don't listen to that.
Yeah. We, we've done a terrible job as a society and helping people be great dreamers to really be able to discern, to listen to things that truly matter.
Um. You know, needing to even get permission. Like what kind of construct is that living in? And, and it's funny because we live in this dichotomy. 'cause as a grown ass adult, I should be able to make my own decisions and I have permission and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But here's the thing. We can't turn around fast enough to see ourselves, and this is where I'm gonna make a plug for people to get coaching or to have someone in their life who they really trust, who can see beyond their own self-imposed limitations.
Because we live in intention bias and we think we're showing up this amazing way and da da da da. But we need the feedback about how we're really showing up. We need someone to engage us in a meaningful conversation that has this go deeper and beyond the, um, the way that we've constructed our life, right?
Mm-hmm. So one of the things that I talk about in, in working with my clients is you need conscious. Constructs you need to really lean into and understand where you're at. And it may be a summation of all the different experiences, how many times something happens, and I'll share a little story, and this is one of those crazy ones, but, um.
It's like in middle school. So we're all stuck in our middle school brain and we're all trying to belong. And I remember when I told my best friend, I had a crush on Bobby Hines, and by lunchtime everybody knew it. And I was mortified and I made a sacred promise to myself, well, I'll never do that again.
And after a series of making these sacred promises that just are an occurring that happen as we're growing up. But those are the things that begin to be the bumpers on what's possible in life. Mm-hmm. I don't know if I answered that one right, but that's,
no, I think so. Yeah. 'cause because the, the, you used the phrase bumpers on life and it, it may even be more aggressive than that.
Right. Like bumpers is, are, I think of bumpers in bowling. Right. They're gentle, but sometimes they're like full steel gates that have like shut off. Absolutely. You don't even have a right arm anymore.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think. You know, first you have to wanna care about yourself. And so when I was talking earlier about we've been living in this time, and what is it to actually live a life where you care about yourself and your mm-hmm.
Your wants, your needs. I, I find people are terrible at knowing what they need. I don't know what your experience is. Right? And it was like, no, I'm not gonna tell you. Let's spend some time, let's think about this. Mm-hmm. Claire t does a wonderful job of breaking down, um, like needs, like is it practical need?
Is it emotional need? Is it thought support? Is it spiritual support? Like mm-hmm. We've gotta get better at training ourselves and each other, how to be fully functioning human beings.
Yeah, we really do. We do. It's, you know, emotional intelligence, financial intelligence, functioning humans at using all of our capacities.
Like, uh, we miss this in the traditional education system as you mentioned earlier. And it's great that we can all do math. It's great that we know how to read, but we can't optimize those skills if we don't have the awareness about ourselves, the world, and how to talk about it. And I, and I think that's often what's missing so much is the language to choose.
Like to really say what it is, like, you know, what is going on. And you and I have both done, um, training that kind of starts to separate. All right, is it a physical sensation? It like to really go through that list you're kind of talking about of how do we articulate what's happening versus just keep re repeating things that.
We either heard someone else say, or we've just started using it. It's not really accurate. Um, I've, some of the books I've been reading right now have been going into how important vocabulary is, and I know words matter so much to you. I'm so what is it about words that matter so much?
Um, I love that you put this one out there because our words create our world, and I did a course and that was one of the things that they said, and I've always been mesmerized by words and the thing that I love in working with my clients, there are words that really ignite people, and which, if you find the right words to really articulate who you are and what you're up to in the world, it turns on something that becomes unstoppable.
And so. We get really, really lazy in language and I've been challenging a lot of my, my director clients right now and I go, you can't afford to do that. 'cause your words matter. We settle for saying, how are you feeling? Oh, good, good. Tells me, Jack, how am I really feeling? Am I tired? Am I inspired? Am I overwhelmed?
'cause then how are we gonna get to what we need if we're all in this co conspiracy of good. And words actually have resonance. You can look this up online. There are words that are below the line and they literally bring your body energy down. And there are words that are above the line that really are compelling and inspirational.
But if we're not even listening to ourselves, because I believe self-care and self-growth and all those things start from within. Mm-hmm. You've really got to start. Filtering and listening through the noise of those patterns, you're living into the lost hopes and dreams and doing some rec, recla, reclaiming of those things that may be lost.
Um, but words dearly and deeply matter and I just think we've gotten a little bit lazy.
Yeah, there's, um. There's so much science and neurobiology behind what you're, you were talking about. And uh, my new favorite quote about that is that your brain doesn't hear the words no. So if you say, don't slam the door, all it hears is slam the door.
So when you're, if you're talking about things you don't want to happen, your brain's like, oh, you must want those to happen. And so it's so important that when we're speaking about our goals, our dreams, what we want. We have to use the sentences that say what we want, because our brain puts it into a checklist of like, okay, let's make this happen.
And subconsciously it's always trying to make those things happen. You know, even if we, that's why like affirmations, when they say no, say it like it's right now. Like, I am abundant. You say it now, your brain puts it in and it goes, wait a second. I know what your bank account looks like. I don't know if you're abundant, but it, because it, it sees this gap.
It is gonna force you to be more focused, more direct. It's all these things that trigger it where you don't let it go. It's subconsciously running, which I thought was fascinating. 'cause we have this tool that yes, it's us and yes, it's how we run our whole system, but it also works for our advantage of almost being a secret accountability buddy if we use it correctly.
We could spend the rest of our time talking about this one particular thing. And I think the sad thing that I, it's not sad, like in a bad way. I just think, again, we've done a poor job of actually teaching people how to be incredibly proactive in a manner that's meaningful, in the way that they relate to and express themselves in the world.
And so, you're right. If you say, don't forget your sweater, all you hear is forget the sweater. So if you use an active current word, like remember your sweater, and it's as simple as that. But it's, it's, there's two things that most people that I, that first come to me will start to talk about their dreams by defining what they don't want, right?
Mm-hmm. Because we spend so much more time in that negative space, and I'm like, okay, that's a great beginning. So if you weren't doing that, what would you be doing? And so there is a way in a shortcut to really elevate folks up, and then it has to be incredibly visceral. So here's the other thing I wanna say about what you're saying.
So many of my clients will write from the predicament they're in. They wanna fix something instead of being able to step outside of the predicament, and clearly with a heart connected manner, articulate. If I could have anything, I would have this. And so it's no longer tethered to something negative, which then creates more freedom and self-expression and power.
Mm-hmm. The universe doesn't care what you want, negative or positively. Um, you know, Wayne Dyer, who's one of my favorite thought leaders, this is one of the things that turned my head around and I wanna share it with all your folks, is that worry is a prayer for what you don't want. And when I got that, my worrying was actually bringing forth those experience that I didn't wanna have happen.
I got super busy and paid attention to what the heck I was saying, not just to others, but the most important conversation is the conversations we're having with ourselves.
And, and that's another point that I wanna repeat because that's so critical. Worry is the prayer for what you don't want. So every time you worry, you're calling that forward and not what you actually want, like.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Like, they have no other self-care. Do that one. Yes.
Well, right. And, and that's, and that's one of the things that I came up with. So coming outta COVID and working with so many people and we're in isolation and our wellness is in the toilet, and it's just like, oh my gosh, right?
Mm-hmm. But came up with what I call the COPE approach. And the first step in that is actually consider your concerns and your commitments, because worry isn't. It. It's all about, I'm concerned about something, but you're concerned about it because you have a commitment for something. Mm-hmm. And that within itself can flip you into a new orientation that can help have you back into that positive resonance.
Can you explain that a little bit more for people who might not be familiar with like the concern to commitment relationship?
Well, we're all walking around with concerns all the time. You talked about it earlier, paying the rent and da, da, da, da, right? And so, mm-hmm. If you only stay there, here's what I'm worried and concerned about, and you're not tapping into, okay, I'm worried and concerned about that because it's in relationship to this thing that I want in the world.
And that's the, those journeys and those desires. So we spend so much time over here on our concerns that our worries if you would, and we don't. Take that other step to really think about, well, why do I have this worrying concern? 'cause oh, I'm committed to having wealth, or I'm committed to being an amazing blow your mind relationship.
Or I wanna own a home. Right? And so in that you, we feed the worry monster. I'm sure you've heard the story about the, the, the two wolves, right? Like which one? Oh no, tell it. Oh my gosh. You're gonna have to cut this part out. 'cause I can't remember the whole story. But it's, it's, it's which one? There's the, the light wolf and the dark wolf.
So the dark wolf would be the negative kind of experiences and the light wolf is that positive sort of thing. And Well, which wolf survives? It's the one you feed. So if I'm always feeding my negativity, I'm gonna have more and more negativity if I'm feeding the possibility and knowing, knowing, I may not know right now, but can I, at least in a considering my commitment, figure out what that one next step is, because I think that's where other people get stuck.
Right? Mm-hmm. We think about, oh, I wanna have X amount of dollars in my bank for retirement. Well, what could you do today? Is it $5? Is it $20? Is it, you know, it's, it's those incremental, but working towards that commitment
and, uh, an exercise I love doing with people who are, who are stuck in the worry space or whatever, that first awareness level is like, I need to pay rent.
Doing the seven layer exercise is my favorite. Right. So why are you worried about paying rent? And you ask that question, okay, why are you, whatever your reason was, and you keep asking why to your answer seven times at least, because usually about seven you get to what really is underneath it. You know, I wanna be, I wanna honor paying things on time, I wanna be seen as a good citizen, whatever it is, right?
About has you stressed out about paying the rent? Because there's always something deeper. There's always a hidden why that you actually care about, because most of us aren't, don't really care about paying the rent. It's not we, we don't actually care about that activity. It's the other activities that it represents, but it symbolizes
well and.
I'm, I'm assuming most people are familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs and just the way that we're hardwired, but you know, that it's so critical that survival, if I don't have food and shelter, it's hard for me to then be interested in self-esteem and belonging, and, and it really, it does grow that way, and that if we would just slow down.
Like one of the things I'm, I'm hearing a lot of my clients talking about now is being present. Mm-hmm. And really being present with myself and others. And so it's really slowing down and that goes back to that paying attention to what's happening inside now and really. We've, we've blown beyond industrial Age, information.
Age, okay. Attention, age. We're in the age of purpose right now, and I think people are clamoring for meaning and significance. It starts with having a meaningful relationship with yourself, understanding why you care about the things you care about. One of my favorite expressions is I got myself into this mess.
I can get myself out. I can't remember what it's like living paycheck to paycheck and, you know, all these different things that people will struggle with, but. Being cause in the matter and saying, okay, well I got myself here. What the heck can I do? And, um, getting better at sourcing ourselves in the world.
That, that to me is something I'm really excited about of how, how COVID has shifted people. I, I saw something today, I think it was in the New York Times, that just in June alone, something crazy, like 4%. Of people, I, I'll put the exact details in the show notes, but some crazy number of people in June alone quit their corporate job.
Oh yeah. Which tells me like, get ready Juliana. Mm, quit. Go ahead. So just so many, so many people who are choosing this doesn't work anymore. And they saw opportunities because of the space that was created. And we talked a little bit about this at dinner on Friday of. It with all the horrible things that COVID brought in, the pandemic has brought, it did bring an awareness that every day could be different, which I don't think a lot of people thought was possible because of whatever hamster wheel they were stuck in, or financial in a box they had put themselves in.
And so I'm excited to see people saying, getting creative. Getting creative about how they can start taking steps towards a life that they want. 'cause to me, it's like a little windows opening and I'm like, okay, let's get in there, bust down the doors. You know,
I, I do. I I think to your point, that people who were.
Unconsciously going along with, and I grew up on the east coast, we shared that earlier, but there's this great old Dunking Donuts commercial where the guy is going through the revolving door and it's gotta make the donuts, gotta make the donuts to the hamster wheel conversation that you're saying and people.
Want meaningful experiences. And I think people are willing to sacrifice the, some of the status things that are in like, Hey, look at me and look at me. And it's like, no, no, no. I want, I matter. And in my experience of life is important and I'm no longer gonna sell my soul to things that aren't aligned with and congruent with my vision and my values that I desire for my life.
Mm-hmm. And. I think there's a lot of great corporations out there. I think that we've always struggled with engagement. I think that how do you make, how do you bring meaning into the workplace? I think that as we're going into the shortage of literally having bodies to put to work the sands demic that is coming, right?
We're, we're gonna have shortages is based on baby boomers and I mean like all these other things that are coming true, but. Will you, will you actually deal with lining your life up towards living a life now again to my living A life that you love Living with passion and living your life fulfilled, and that's what I care most about.
Mm-hmm. Well, I'm sure a lot of people who are listening are wondering, how did you go from the girl that ran away to California to this powerful, empowering, spreading the good light?
I am so, I'm so happy you asked this because I was really thinking about what was the turning point. And there were several, but one of them was, and I remember this viscerally, I was overweight.
I'm five four, I weighed 164 pounds, and I was spending way too much time trying to get dressed to go meet my friends to go for a bike ride. And I was so late that they didn't wait for me. And I had this tremendous break in belonging, and so I remember riding my bicycle. And my very put together, you know, outfit, not really, but I was crying.
I was absolutely crying. I'm like, why would anyone love me if I don't love myself? And that was the first thing. I was 25 years old. I'm 58 today. And that was the thing that really cracked it open. And so I started. Developing the muscle of what is it? To love myself, not in a narcissistic ego sort of way, but in a really holistic, integrated kind of way.
And the next thing I did is I picked up this crazy book, um, what to Say When You Talk to Yourself by Shed, shed, helm, setter, um, and it's a sales book. What I got and this thing, it was revolutionary. It ties back into why language is so important. I knew I would never be thin. I'm from the Midwest. I'm a Midwestern girl.
Right. But when I was reading the book, I thought, well, okay, I consider myself fat. That's the framework that I'm living in, and I'm committed to being something else, right? Concerned about that. And I, I knew I could be fit. So every day I woke up into this new conversation of what would a fit person do?
What would a fit person do? And it really is, and I don't wanna oversimplify this, but if you can shift your orientation into something significant and meaningful, and for me, that that just did it from then on. Mm-hmm. I, I went to work for this program, uh, super camp, accelerated learning life skills. Life skills program for teenagers, and it blew my mind.
Bobby Deporter and the body of work she does is amazing. But what I learned there at my ru, you know, age of 26 was we put kids in school and we expect them to learn, but we never teach them how they best learn. And that really began the journey, you know, 32 years ago, around how do people understand themselves in such a way that they can be most effective in the living of their own life.
And I've dedicated my life to that in the.
And besides being a superwoman and helping everyone else out, what are you doing in the rest of your life? Like I know, right, that you have this amazing house in Laguna Beach. I know that you're currently looking at the sunset out your window. Um, you have an incredible daughter. You have this really powerful circle of friends.
Like how have you built this life around you to support the extraordinary life that you want while you're helping others do the same?
Such a beautiful question, and thank you for the acknowledgement. I, I do have a really wonderful life and it didn't come like easy, right? Like it's willing to make some of the hard choices.
It's willing to be disciplined in who I am and what I do. And, um, it matters to me that I live my work. And so in doing so, it's. As I'm coaching my clients, what are your structures for success? I'm setting myself up in the same way. Mm-hmm. Right? Like how I get up and I meet my day and, and all the things that I, I bring forth.
It's, um, I really care. And I, I think the thing that is really cool about what's possible for everyone is when you are living into. Not just what you want for yourself, but what you want for the world. And this is this inclusive piece. It literally shifts. It doesn't matter whether I'm picking up the dog shit in the backyard because I'm raising a couple, you know, uh, support dogs right now or whatever the heck I'm doing, but I do have a mantra that everything I'm doing contributes to everything I desire.
And so whether it's from figuring out how to fall back in love with my partner of 12 years when we were a COVID casualty and we're, we're working our way back to getting our love on to managing my 18-year-old daughter who is living over her skis and wanting to make sure that she feels adored and all those things.
And just having a beautiful community of mostly women friends. Um,
and and how important have the women in your life been to. Your support system to keeping you on track, to picking you up when you needed to be picked up?
Well, I'd be a hot mess, Adam, so let's just start there, right? Like this doesn't look pretty without the support of a lot of people.
Um, so, you know. Women. It, it's so interesting. I think to be in a, a commun, uh, strong community, tribe of women is an incredibly extraordinary thing. Um, my grandmother, whom is super special to me, uh, grandma Helen, and I've got a picture of her back here Anyway. She knew I was different. And the why I am slowing down to talk about her.
And I think it's something we must do, we must do more of as women because women need to be seen, to be heard, to be acknowledged and valued for who we are. And my grandmother saw me. When my, my parents maybe saw this limited future for myself. And so I have ongoingly surrounded myself with a network of people who can see me, who can see and, and help me live into the best possibility of who I can be, who hold me accountable.
Mm-hmm. Um, and you know, I think we underestimate how much support we actually need, and I have no problem saying it like it does take a village.
Yeah, it's asking, right? Because if you're attracting these incredible people into your life, why wouldn't you ask them for help? Because usually it takes them What, like a pinky effort to actually help when we ask them for help.
Well, I, I, I think it's two ways. I mean, I think that, that, that. It's normal and natural for women to wanna give and put ourselves out there and take care of others, and, and you know, we live in some of those wonky constructs about it. So first you've gotta be able to acknowledge that, yes, I need some help, I need some support.
You've gotta know what it is. You've gotta feel loved and, and it's like you may not get what you want for heaven's sakes, but if you never put it out there, it's the same as a no.
Yeah. When you hear the words powerful ladies, what do they mean to you separately? And does their definition shift when they're put together as powerful ladies?
Oh, so powerful. I love the word having power, having freedom, being powerful. For me, that means that you're living aligned and congruent in who you are and what you're up to. Um, I think we've, I think we're finally coming together as women. And so, um, and I think it's time, it's time to embrace some more of the intuitive, organic, deep caring, deep contribution that women want to make.
We don't show up in the same masculine way of achievement and status and all those other things. And so it's been one of my blessed awakenings during COVID. I mean, I've always had wonderful. Tribe of women around me, but to really understand how important it is now, the Athena Doctrine, if people haven't seen that, like the leadership qualities and really creating an opportunity for women to be powerful in the world.
And it's seen and it's valued.
Mm-hmm. It's
a big deal.
It is a big deal. Um, when you, we ask everybody on the podcast where they put themselves in the powerful lady scale, zero being average, everyday human, and 10 being the most powerful lady you can imagine. Where would you put yourself today and where do you think you would put yourself on average?
Well, that's. So, oh my gosh, let me just slow down and get present because I had such a wild kick-ass day today. I was having conversation after conversation, igniting all these possibilities. So in my living, my complete desire of who I wanna be in the world today was an absolute nine. I think most days I tr I traffic in a seven or eight, but when you can.
Well, for me, when I can see in a conversation with another human being that something really opens up in who they are and how they see themselves, to me, that's living as a powerful woman in the world.
Yeah. No, it's, it's, um, you, if you're really seeing someone as you said earlier, and you're having those moments with them, you can see them change before your eyes.
That is like one of the craziest gifts to be given. 'cause it's, it's, it's like how they show in cartoons or movies when like, someone literally shape shifts even though they look the same. Like there's a different lightness, there's a different tone, there's a different sparkle. You're like, holy cow. Like did, did you just notice what you just did?
Yeah, it, it, it really is in the space of when you can reveal to someone some something that they didn't know that they needed to know, and in the knowing of that, it totally shifts their experience of themselves and in the world.
Yeah,
it's magic. So we, you open this up in saying like, that is the privilege of my life right now.
I get to spend conversations day in and day out, igniting people to be their authentic integrated selves.
And how awesome is that?
That's. Oh my gosh, I, I, I, I go to bed as my coach, uh, shared with me, she's like, do you go to bed? Tired? Tired or inspired? Tired? And most days I'm going to bed inspired, tired.
And so that would be one of the challenges I'd put out to your folks is how do you organize your life and set yourself up for success in a way that day in and day out, regardless of what you're doing, you're falling asleep, inspired, tired.
I love that. So for people who are now in Team Juliana and they wanna know how to hire you, work with you, come have you talk where they are, or just figure out a way to hang out and get a coffee.
Um, what's the best way for people to follow you or find you?
I love that you're bringing this up because it is like one of those moments. I've got my website that has still not been launched, but uh, it's super easy. You can reach me directly at juliana@deliberateliving.com because I really do believe that when you live a deliberate life, you live an amazing life.
And so please feel free to reach out. Um, happy to help in any way that I can and look forward to. Um, regardless whether you are reaching out to me, I'm, reach out to somebody, get what you need.
Mm-hmm. Um, and of course, you know, if with you living the extraordinary life that you lead, what are practices that you have in place or structures to keep making?
Make sure you're taking care of yourself and at your best.
Oh my goodness. I just love you. Um, here's the thing. I, in COVID I got asked to do quite a bit of self-care wellness workshops, and so it really is mindfully and deliberately designing your day, right? Like I get up at the correct of Dawn and I have my practices and I work out, um, but the three big blocks, and I'm a big Stephen Covey about figuring out what your blocks is and what.
What you need to put in or your rocks, he calls them, um, how do you set your day up for success? And I've got a very clear plan and pathway for doing that. And then during your day, it's like, how do you reset, recharge, and refocus? So I mindfully build into my day times to do that. And then the last piece really has to do when you're transitioning from one thing to another.
So when you mindfully and artfully put that together mm-hmm. Everything, you know, you design a beautiful routine for yourself and your life. Now, do you do it a hundred percent PRIs Samely? No, nobody does. But at least you'll understand what are the conscious constructs that have you thrive in your own experience of life?
Structures are everything, everything. So much structures. If we are, if we use powerful words and we put structures into our life, and when I say structures, I mean, you know, having a calendar, having a routine, having a system, having a, a plan, right? You spoke to having a plan to reconnect and refocus, right?
Like having a, a 1, 2, 3 process, just. Knowing what you need to live your best life changes everything. And within that, there's an opportunity to, to be selfish. Like we think selfish is, is a bad thing and I want more people to be more selfish because that's, that gets to the root of, of looking at us, figuring ourselves out, doing the work that you're doing.
If everyone's a little bit more selfish, we might put ourselves first. And who knows what could change. Who
knows? Yeah. And, and that, that's that inclusive place, uh, inclusive piece. It's being self full. It's really mm-hmm. It's valuing yourself. If you are not going to value yourself, how is anyone else gonna value you?
And it really does come down to. Will you matter to yourself? Will you understand who you are and what you need and design your life in a meaningful way that you have a much higher percentage of when you're hitting the mark?
Yeah, there I've been doing the Peloton workouts and runs, and one of the trainers has this phrase, treat your body today the way you would if it belonged to someone you loved.
I would extend that to say, treat your life, you know, the way that you would treat it if it was the life of someone else you loved. Like, we wouldn't think twice of, you know, taking your vitamins. Like we give everyone else so many instructions to like do what we know they should. And I think it's a really interesting thought to be if, how would you treat your life with the context that it belongs to someone you love.
And and simple as like what you say to yourself. Like, if, if some of the things that I know that my clients say to themselves, they would never say out loud to another human being. And so context is decisive. So choose a context for who you are and how you wanna live your life that has you live in a celebration.
Yeah. Well, I'm excited to hear about how many celebrations people now are making and there are so many amazing truth bombs in this conversation. So thank you so much for being here and giving the gift of you to, to me and everyone listening right now, and it really is an honor to have you in my life and definitely an honor to have you on The Powerful Ladies Podcast.
Wow.
Thank you so much for the invitation. I look forward to having many more conversations that make a difference and make what I most want is that things are accessible and actionable, that all people are able to live the life of their desire. So I, I so appreciate you. Do what you do, girl. Love you.
Love you. Thank you.
Thank you for listening to today's episode. All the links to connect with Juliana are in our show notes@thepowerfulladies.com slash podcast. There you can also leave comments and ask questions about this episode. That's the best place to tell us your favorite aha moment. Want more powerful? Ladies, come and join us on Instagram at Powerful Ladies, or we also have some free downloads to start being powerful today.
Subscribe to this podcast and help us connect with more listeners by leaving us a five star rating and review. If you're looking to connect directly with me, visit kara duffy.com. I'd like to thank our producer, composer, and audio engineer Jordan Duffy. Without her, this wouldn't be possible. You can follow her on Instagram at Jordan K.
Duffy. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Until then, I hope you're being powerful in your life. Go be awesome and up to something you love.
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Email: juliana@deliberateliving.com
Created and hosted by Kara Duffy
Audio Engineering & Editing by Jordan Duffy
Production by Amanda Kass
Graphic design by Anna Olinova
Music by Joakim Karud
