Episode 2: From Surviving to Leading with Love | Ali Owens | Author, Speaker & Empowerment Strategist

Feb 27

Ali Owens has lived through challenges that would break many - domestic abuse, disordered eating, and a long fight to reclaim her self-worth. Today, she’s an empowerment strategist, author of Bad Fat Person: A Reflection on Plus-Size Bodies in a Cookie-Cutter Culture, and a voice for women learning to trust themselves again. We talk about listening to your intuition, building real self-love, and creating a life that inspires you every day. She’s not speaking from theory. She’s speaking from experience, and she’s walking the talk.

“When we fully connect to our intuition we can trust ourselves more. We all have intuitive hits. It’s just how much stock do we place in them? Looking back, In my old relationship, my intuition was screaming at me “get out”, but I wasn’t’ listening to it. I didn’t trust that it was truthful.”

— Ali Owens

Grounding Meditations
Landmark Worldwid e - personal development & training programs
Insight Tim er - guided meditation app
Elizabeth Gilb ert - author Eat Pray Love & Big Magic
Jen Sin cero - author You Are a Badass, & You Are a Badass at Making Money
Mel Ro bbins - speaker and author 5 Second Rule
Tiffan y Haug - podcaster & Dietician from San Diego
Hocu s Pocus the movie
J oe Rogan - comedian, MMA commentator and host of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast
DoTer ra - essential oil brand & company
The Body Remembers by Babett Rothschild
Follow along using the Transcript
Chapters:
00:00 Meet Ali Owens
01:15 Growing up in Fort Collins, Colorado
03:00 Life before the turning point
05:10 Surviving domestic abuse
08:30 The long road back to self-trust
11:00 Borderline anorexia and body image
13:20 Writing Bad Fat Person
15:10 The power of intuition
18:00 Learning to speak up and set boundaries
20:45 Landmark and personal growth work
23:15 Building an empowerment strategy practice
26:30 Tools for grounding and self-connection
28:50 Redefining beauty and worth
31:15 Creating a purpose-led business
34:00 Advice for women starting their self-love journey
I really deeply trust that intuitive voice that I hear, and it helps guide me and helps me make decisions. And now I don't agonize over decisions anymore like I used to. I just like, there's something that I'm not quite sure what to do. I, I just get quiet and I listen, and the answer comes to me, you know, maybe not right away, but within a few days I'm like, oh yeah, I, I know what to do.
It's so much simpler to just trust the intuition.
That's Allie Owens and this is The Powerful Ladies Podcast.
Hey guys, I'm your host, Kara Duffy, and this is The Powerful Ladies Podcast where I invite my favorite humans, the awesome, the up to something and the extraordinary to come and share their story. These are people that inspire me and remind me that everything is possible. I hope that you will be left entertained, inspired, and moved to take action towards living your most powerful life.
Allie Owens is a girl you want in your corner. She's a motivational speaker. She's a writer, and she's the author of Bad Fat Person, A reflection on plus-sized bodies in a cookie cutter culture. On top of all of that, she's an empowerment strategist on a mission to transform women's lives, and she knows what she's talking about.
She's gone through it as a survivor of domestic abuse and borderline anorexia. On this episode, she shares how she left the abusive relationship, how she found her voice, and why it's so important for her to be showing other women that the life they dream of is possible. One of my favorite things about the Powerful Ladies Community has been all the recommendations I've received from women for other women or people they recommend to be on the podcast or to be featured in The Powerful Ladies Shop.
In fact, you can recommend a guest yourself by going to our website, the powerful ladies.com. And clicking the refer a guest button on the podcast landing page, Allie Owens is one of the first recommendations I received, and it came from her cousin Ryan Gura, who is a friend of mine and will be on an upcoming episode.
I'm so happy Ryan connected us because Allie's story is so inspiring and I can't wait for you guys to meet her. All that's coming up shortly. First, the powerful latest podcast is brought to you by Boldly Fine. Boldly Fine is a small but mighty design and development agency based in Los Angeles, specializing in website design, brand development, e-commerce, and bringing big ideas from awesome people to life.
For a 20% Squarespace discount or a free design consultation, visit boldly fine.com. Boldly fine is who is the creative minds behind the Powerful Ladies website redesign? And I cannot be happier with choosing them to. Help us transform powerful ladies from the website that I designed on myself to the beautiful, awesome website that we have today.
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Okay. So, um, if you're ready, we'll begin the podcast. Okay, sure. Awesome. Um, well Ally, thank you so much for being part of the Powerful Ladies podcast. Um, uh, uh, so everyone out listening, like I know Ally, she was introduced to me from my friend Ryan, who will soon be a podcast guest and also fellow powerful lady.
And um, I know you as Ryan's cousin, we just met a few weeks ago. 'cause she's like, you have to have Ally on the show. She's amazing. She's the most powerful woman I know. She's like, beautiful, smart. So inspiring. I'm like, yep. That's all the boxes that we're looking for. Uh, so that's how I know you as, but I would love for you to introduce yourself.
Well, thank you. Um, yeah, I'm, I'm Ali Owens and I'm an author and a speaker, and my goal in life is to empower women to, you know, create the lives that they want and understand how powerful and amazing and beautiful they are.
Amazing. I wish everyone was doing that same mission. Yeah, me too.
I think
the
world would
be
a better place.
Awesome. So I love to take our guests and just kind of start from the beginning. Um, like where did you grow up and what was your childhood like?
Um, I grew up in Fort Collins, Colorado. My parents moved us there. Actually here, I'm here again. Um, but we, we moved here when I was five from Southern California.
And, you know, growing up I thought it was really boring and I wanted to go other places. Um. And you know, I think a lot of kids feel that way, but then you do go other places and you're like, oh, hey, wait a minute. This was an awesome place to grow up. So I'm back.
It's beautiful. Um, when we had talked before, I mentioned that, um, we live briefly in Colorado.
Colorado and went to Fort Collins quite a bit. And yeah, there's just something really special about Colorado in general and, and Fort Collins as a city.
Yeah, I really love it. They just, the people are great and I don't know, I just, it really called to me once I left, so I'm, I'm very happy to be back.
Awesome. So as you were growing up, were there things in your life that predicted that you would be an author, speaker, and a stand for empowering women?
Um, the author part? Yes. I have wanted to write books since I was five years old, so it's a dream that's many, many years in the making. Um, the speaker and empowerment part, not so much.
I was always kind of shy and, you know, especially as I got older, I didn't really like the spotlight and I didn't see myself as someone who is very inspiring or strong or empowered. So, um, that's been something that's been actually really surprising to me to find that this is my calling, but I love it.
How did you come across your, your calling? I mean, so many people talk about, you know, that's, that's how you find your purpose in life. That's really where you find your joy and peace in life. And a lot of people get stuck in it being this very like, mystical, far removed thing to get to, like other people have it and I don't.
How did you find your purpose?
Honestly, I found it through the healing process after domestic violence. Um, I was in an abusive relationship for nine years and once I finally left that and started my life over, I, I found myself really examining our society, you know, the society that we live in that allows things like that to happen.
Not just, you know, here and there, but very frequently and very regularly still. And it really, it, you know, it made me angry and I, I had a lot of anger after that and I did a lot of work to get through that, but at the same time, it also lit this fire in me like, I have to do something. You know, I wasn't empowered and that's the reason that I allowed all those things to happen to me when I was younger.
And I just figured if I can help empower women. And, you know, and let them know that they don't, they don't deserve that. They deserve amazing lives. They deserve to be treated wonderfully, you know? Mm-hmm. I figured I can make the world a better place by helping women avoid what I had gone through.
Does, does your, and thank you so much for sharing, um, you know, that very personal part of your life.
Um, does your empowerment focus specifically on women who are survivors of, of abuse, or is it, is it a broader platform?
You know, not specifically. I do a lot of writing about domestic abuse just because I, you know, I have a lot of experience there. Um, and I have been able to help women who are victims of violence.
Um, but it's kind of more across the board, you know, I think even if a woman hasn't personally encountered domestic violence or any kind of abuse, I think still we, we live in a society that so often likes to quiet us and keep us small and keep our lights dim, you know? Mm-hmm. And. I don't think it takes trauma to really find ourselves in a situation where we're not very empowered.
And I think it's important for every woman, not just ones who have been through trauma.
Yep. But before, um, you were in that relationship, did you, did you feel empowered? Like, did you go through a phase where like you felt powerful and confident, then you did it and then now you found it again? Or how would you say that your path has happened in your empowerment?
Huh. That's an interesting question. Honestly, I don't think that I ever really felt powerful until after I left that relationship. I never felt powerful through my adolescence. I was always very insecure and always just convinced that everybody else was, you know, just better than me. Like on some intrinsic level I had, I had a lot of self-esteem issues.
I struggled with depression and anxiety and I just, I never felt powerful. And then, you know, I think that's why I allowed. Myself to be in a relationship with someone who treated me that way. Mm-hmm. Because, you know, obviously it didn't start out that way. You know, it started out fine and things, you know, just got worse over the years.
But I would've left a lot sooner if I had understood my true value as a person. And I didn't, not until I was, you know, 29 years old, that's when I finally left. So no, I didn't really feel empowered until I was in my thirties, honestly. Yeah. And I wish I had sooner. And that's another reason why I do what I do, because I want women to feel empowered as early as possible.
When, when you were in that relationship, were you, um, still seeking inspiration and were you still following women that were spreading an empowerment message or an inspiring message, or was it a complete topic that you were like, avoiding or couldn't relate to? Like what was your relationship with other women?
When you were in that space?
I was really isolated, um, for a lot of that relationship. We lived in a very rural area. Uh, we didn't have internet service a lot of the time, and so I was really cut off actually. Um, I had a few acquaintances, but I didn't really allow any deep friendships mm-hmm. To come in because I was so shut off.
You know, I didn't want anybody to know what was happening. So I was really isolated and I didn't have many women to look up to at the time. Um, you know, I wish I had, I think it would've helped me leave a lot sooner because I think it's really important that we have role models like that. But unfortunately, I, I didn't really until I left.
It's the, um, unfortunately the shocking part of what you've shared so far hasn't been that, that you were part of a, um, abusive relationship. Because as you mentioned earlier, there are so many women who deal with this. Um, right now, and it's, and it's not going away as fast as that, we want it to. What just surprised me in your share was that you spent so much time without internet, and I really don't want that to be the conversation for our society.
Like, that's where I was like, what did you do? And part of that comes from knowing how much, um, in what you and I do, empowering women and being part of that community, like being connected is so important. So I think, um, like what would, what would you tell women who are feeling isolated, who, um, whether they have an internet connection or not, are able to, you know, what would you tell them to do to gain that connection?
That I think both you and I believe is so in critical to finding your own voice.
I mean, I think it's really important to connect with other women as, as much as possible. Mm-hmm.
Um.
I also know though, that in a situation like that, you know, many abusers tend to purposely isolate their partners because they don't want them to talk to anyone and, you know, tell anyone what's going on.
So if that isn't an option for some people, which I know it's not. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, if there's any way to connect online, if that's a possibility, that's great. There's a, you know, large community out there and the internet has made it so that we can connect with people all over the world, which is amazing.
Yeah. So if that's a possibility, I think that's great. If it's not, I mean, if there, if there's no internet access, if there's nobody around, I suggest journaling. Mm-hmm. Which seems really kind of innocuous and you know, like how could that help? But honestly, like journaling saved me and that that's how I got through everything.
I wrote everything down and I just worked through my feelings that way because I didn't have anyone to talk to about it. And, you know, being able to get it out on paper. Then kind of read through the story of my life. You know, it's, it's been huge in my healing and it was huge in my decisions to finally leave as well.
How, how far, um, after you had left that relationship, did you become an author?
Um, I started writing my book about three and a half years after I left, and I'm about, I'm a little over five years out now, and I just finished the book, so, yeah.
Congratulations.
So, three and a half to five years. Thank you. And let's tell the audience, what is your book
about?
My book is called Bad Fat Person, A Reflection on Plus Size Bodies in a Cookie Cutter culture. It's about body image and self-love, and how I think we need a lot more self-love in our lives. Uh, we live in a culture that likes to tell us we have to look a very specific way in order to be beautiful or successful or important, or, or whatever any of these things we're striving for.
And I think it's a loadable and mm-hmm. I wrote a book about why that is and mm-hmm. How we can overcome those damaging notions and just start to live our lives without worrying about what size we wear.
Yeah. What would be five things you'd tell people right now about how to bring some self-love into their life?
Um, the first one is to express gratitude Every day. Um, every morning I write down three things that I'm grateful for. And if I'm feeling particularly off about my body image, I will write down three things I'm grateful for about my body specifically. And sometimes that's hard because if you're feeling like, you know, oh, I'm ugly, I'm awful, whatever, it can even be something like my heart is beating, right?
I'm grateful for that. Even that it helps connect mind with the physical and it helps really get into this body that I'm in and helps me connect with it on a, on a grateful level. Um, so that's one. The second one is meditation, especially grounding meditations. Again, we, we tend to dissociate from our physical bodies.
Mm-hmm. Especially women, um, because there's so much shame and all of this wrapped up in the notion of our bodies and our sexuality and all of that. Um, if I think if we do grounding meditations regularly, which I do mm-hmm. Um, it can really help, you know, bridge that gap between our, our heads where we spend all this time and bring us back into our bodies and actually connect with our bodies.
Because, I mean, I think that's the first step connecting with the body we're in. We can't really love our bodies unless we're actually, you know, grounded in them. So that's been something that's helped me a lot. Um, a few other things. Um, there's an exercise that I do that just. It's basically just paying attention to the thoughts that you're having.
Like if a, if a thought comes up, let's say you put on, you know, a shirt and you're like, oh, I look too fat for this shirt. It's just a, an awareness like, oh, there was a thought.
Mm-hmm.
And as long as you can just be aware that that was a thought, you don't have to, you know, feel bad for having the thought.
You don't have to, you know, work to change it right away or anything like that. Just being aware that you're having it is enough to separate yourself from it. And when you do that, you can see, oh, maybe that's not actually the truth. Maybe that's just, you know, a limiting belief system that I have been operating under, but maybe it doesn't have to dictate what I wear or how I feel about myself.
Yeah. Um, it, have you taken any of the, the landmark programs at all, or have you heard of Landmark? I've heard of it. I haven't taken any though. Okay. Um, I've taken some, I've taken a bunch of classes I've coached in, in a bit as well. Um, but what you just hit on is a big part of what their, you know, main kind of distinctions or teachings are about really being aware of like the separation between your thought and if it's based in reality or not, and whose reality it kind of is.
Um, I'm totally blundering it for them, so I apologize to people who are officially part of that one Landmark Corporation. But, um, I think there's something really powerful about looking at like the thoughts you have and if it's something that's real just to you or real that, um, out in the world. One of, one of the ways they recommend looking at it is, um, if nobody else can.
Um, measure it and get the same result that you got. It's probably not real. And it's, it's a decision that you've made and, and potentially a limiting belief that you're putting on yourself. So, uh, like we can all measure, I can measure your height, you can measure my height. My sister could measure our heights and we'd all get the same height.
Mm-hmm. You know, assuming that we're using the same ratio of math or whatever. But in regards to any superlatives, you would never get the same spot on the scale. Like, that's
so true. It's so true. And I, I love that method because it really illustrates the discrepancy and I think mm-hmm. So many of us are used to just living in our heads and taking our thoughts as complete truth.
Yeah. And that's where we get into trouble when we can't separate from those thoughts and look at them objectively. They, they run our lives.
Yeah. And, and it's, it's, um, and like words are so powerful, right? Like they can be things that really help you too. Um, be bold and, and be unreasonable with yourself and take things on that you normally wouldn't have the courage to do.
But they can also, and I think most of the time, uh, when you don't realize that it's something that you're choosing to use for good or bad, like most of the time it's, you don't even realize that these things that you think are facts about yourself or in the world, they're just made up.
Totally. And it's amazing how much these, these made up things dictate our lives.
Mm-hmm. You know, like we can spend our whole lives missing out on things and limiting ourselves because of these beliefs we have about ourselves that aren't even rooted in truth. And I think that's just terrible and heartbreaking.
Yeah. Yeah. Yes, and, and honestly, that's how I got into creating powerful ladies as a whole, is just seeing how many people, women in particular.
Start the day or a conversation saying like, I can't, or not me, or that's for somebody else. Mm-hmm. And I, I just, exactly. I believe so much in being the hero for your own story and like, why not you? Like, yes, there are people who are, have amazing gifts and talents, but everyone does. And if you haven't found your talent or gift yet, it's probably because, um, you either haven't been exposed to that, an opportunity to, to find it yet, or you're stuck on one of those limiting beliefs that we are, we were talking about.
So, and it's so great. It's so great and I'm so glad and happy that you have that awareness, um, about yourself because look at what it's opened up for you and now what it's opened up for all these other women that are, you know, reading your book and following your website and following you on Instagram and now hearing you on the podcast.
Yeah. You know, I, I feel so grateful every day because I know that. If circumstances had been maybe just a little differently, maybe I wouldn't have come to this conclusion. Maybe I wouldn't have found that. And I, I'm just, I'm so grateful that I have my life and I have this power now because I can't imagine living without it.
For sure, for sure. How did you, how did you choose to get out of that relationship? Like, was there a person, was there a moment? Um, did you just jump,
you know, there, there was a moment and it was so weird because I, I always thought that it would have to be something really awful that would make me leave, you know, because mm-hmm.
There was physical violence, there was sexual violence. It was really bad. But I never, I never left and eventually. I think I, I just got so angry. I had so much anger and resentment building inside. And I remember the day that I left, um, my ex and I fought, and it wasn't even a bad fight. It was like a normal run of the mill argument.
And I remember even thinking in the middle of it, like, is this how normal people fight? This is awesome. But, but even so, I just, I felt this seed of anger just like take root in my solar plexus and just start to build and build. And it was like I was a volcano about to explode.
Mm-hmm.
And I just had this sudden flash of clarity and it, you know, I, I thought to myself like, look what this is doing to me.
This is not who I want to be. And it was, I don't know, it is so hard to explain the clarity, but I just suddenly knew. And so before I could talk myself out of it, I picked up my phone and I called my mom and told her I needed help. And so she, she was at work, but she sent my dad to come pick me up and.
Honestly, I think the only reason I didn't go back was because my dad was driving me away and because I didn't have a car until a while later. And so I think, you know, I think I would've gone back. It was, it was almost like an addiction. Mm-hmm.
But,
you know, the fact that I just, I don't know. I had that clarity and I made the phone call and I couldn't even understand why I did it.
But it happened and it was, you know, definitely the best thing I ever did for myself.
And, and I think you brought up a really important point for people who are in similar situations right now, or are going through the, the like separating process. Like the first couple of days or weeks after are so critical, even probably hours.
So you were, you were, um, you just gave credit to the fact of just logistics and distance, right? Mm-hmm. You didn't have a car, you couldn't get back. Like what else were you, um, like saying to yourself in those first couple of days or weeks to. Either, like, were you just like leaning into it and seeing what was showing up?
Were you regularly telling yourself like, this is the right thing to do? Were you, did you stop listening to yourself completely and just trust, uh, who you were with?
Um, it was kind of a combination of things. Um, I definitely just felt like I needed to relinquish control and like, maybe I didn't need to know right away if this was the right thing, but maybe I just needed to let go and let things happen and see what happened, and then maybe I would know.
Mm-hmm. And that approach was actually pretty good because I, I did end up knowing for sure that I had made the right decision within, you know, a couple months. Mm-hmm. You know, it wasn't, I, I wondered if I'd be just bothered by it for the rest of my life if I never went back, you know? But, no, it wasn't like that.
I, once I'd been free for a couple months, I realized suddenly, like I, I think I, I asked myself the question, like, what do you wanna do right now? Then it dawned on me that I, that wasn't a question I would've been able to ask myself had I still been in that relationship, because it was never about what I wanted ever.
You know? And that made me think, and it was like, oh, my life is really different now. My life is better now. And something else that I, I would tell myself when I was having moments where I would feel like I just wanna call him, or I just wanna go back, or I miss him, or whatever was, I'm feeling bad right now, but how would I be feeling if I was back there with him?
Mm-hmm. And the answer was always worse. And that's kind of just how I knew that, yeah, this sucks and this hurts and this is hard to navigate through. Mm-hmm. But it's so much better than it was, you know?
I mean, and, and I what a profound and yet simple moment. Right. Or thought to like keep coming back to for, for assurance, right?
Oh, yeah, yeah. It was very powerful.
Yeah, I mean, I, you could hear it in your share, like how the clarity in that moment is still so present to you. What, so as you're out of that relationship and starting to create what's next for you in life, like, what were some of the things that you took on to rediscover who you were?
Well, I started writing, um, I mean, I'd been writing my whole life, but I started actually putting my writing out there on blogs and social media, and I started getting published. I wrote for the Huffington Post for a while, and I had a few other publications publish some of my works, and it really gave me confidence like, oh, okay, I, I am a good writer.
I can do this. And so then I wrote a book, and now I'm, I'm actually working on overhauling my website, um, and getting my blog up and running again. I took a hiatus from blogging, so, um, I've missed that. I'm getting back to it, which is really exciting. Mm-hmm.
Um,
I'm also working on creating a program for women to help them overcome limiting belief systems, um, and, you know, just step into their power and really own their lives and start creating lives that, that they want rather than just the lives they've sort of fallen into.
Mm-hmm. So I'm really excited about that as well.
Amazing. And what, what format are you thinking? Would that be another book? Would it be a series?
Honestly, I don't know yet. Um, it's, it's just kind of simmering right now. I'm not ready to jump into it yet because I don't have all the details. Yeah, I know it's there and I know it's exciting.
So I think that's all I need to know right now. We'll see how it unfolds.
It, it, there's, um, I'm not sure if you've read the book from, um, Elizabeth who wrote, eat, pray, love. Mm-hmm. About, uh, big Magic it's called.
Yes, I have read part of it. I'm actually about a third of the way through it right now.
Oh, perfect.
It's so good for where you're at on your journey right now. Yes. Um, I, I love that book because it really gives, uh, you space, um, as a creator and as someone who is really tapping into what you can generate yourself, um, to be in the process exactly like you talked about now. Um, I don't think that we give ourselves enough credit, especially when we step into, you know, being powerful and being up to something and taking on like, what were our purposes, that it's awesome and beautiful to be in the process of creating it, like it doesn't need to be done.
You know, kind of like the, um, present is, is a better than perfect concept. And I love that that book speaks to it. I love how you just shared what you're up to in like, we're fi still figuring out, like you're still getting to know what that new project is. And I love being in that part because it's the most creative part, you know?
Um, and just not knowing what's next. Like, all right, we're gonna, this is kinda what I think it's gonna be and let's figure it out.
Yeah, well, full disclosure, just, you know, to let some of my humanity through here, um, this is not my normal approach to, to launching something or putting something out in the world.
I'm very impatient and I want to do all the things that I want to do them now. Uh, that's been my mo for the last few years and it's led me to some burnout and things I don't really wish to revisit. So I'm making myself try something new and that is letting it simmer and don't get too crazy about putting it out in the world just yet.
And yeah, so it's not comfortable for me, but, you know, I, it feels pretty good anyway, so I'm, I'm gonna stick with it and see what happens.
Amazing. Yeah. You are preaching to the choir on that one. I think like every job interview I've had, they're like, what is your weakness? And I'm like, um, patience every time.
Right? Yeah. It's like there's, I mean, it's familiar. Yeah. Even, uh, as we're recreating powerful ladies into this new phase, I keep forgetting that. All the ideas and visions that I have haven't actually been created yet or shared with everybody. And I'm like, oh, right. I'm, I'm five years down the road. I totally forgot.
We haven't pressed play on that yet. Okay. I need to slow down. Hold on.
Yeah, I hear you on that. Completely
amazing. So, when you were writing, um, your blog and writing for the Huffington Post, um, what kind of genre were you focusing on?
Um, when I was writing for the Huffington Post, a lot of it was social justice and equality.
Um, I wrote a lot about women's rights, anti-racism, things like that. Um, and that was awesome. It was also really hard because there's just so much going on politically right now.
Mm-hmm.
That is difficult. And, you know, for a while I, I wanted to be a warrior, right. I wanted to be an activist. I wanted to be out there on the streets.
Like I went to DC for the women's March and all this stuff. But, you know, after I was so immersed in politics for a long time, I found myself struggling with depression again. And that's been a theme off and on in my life. And it had been gone for a while, and it, it came back and I realized after a few months that I think maybe I needed to pull back a bit from the political stuff, stopped focusing so much on what made me angry, which was the inequality and the misogyny and the racism and all of this stuff.
And instead focus on things that I could do to help other people make the world a better place.
Mm-hmm.
So my writing definitely evolved from the more, you know, angry feminist political stuff to the more gentle, let's love ourselves and how can I help you love yourself, you know, sort of realm, which, you know, it's not, it's not as aggressive, it's not as out there in your face like, I'm making a change in the world, but I still think it's important and it feels more like where my, my soul needs to be right now.
Well, and I wanna make sure that you're getting, giving yourself credit too. 'cause I definitely think that both approaches are equally changing the world. Like there are, there are not enough people, um, including compassion for themselves or for others in, uh, how they're expressing what's not okay in the world today.
Totally. And you know, I, I mean, I think we have to listen to ourselves and the, the cues that we're getting from ourselves, from our minds, our bodies and everything. And for me it was an act of self-care to step back from that and start taking this approach instead. And it's, it's feeling good and I, I love it.
That's great. Um, what was, was the, the triggers to kind of move into this softer place based on like, overwhelm from the state of the world? Was it overwhelmed from like how politics works and the general tone right now? Um. Like, what, what was it that was like made, you know, like I, I can't keep going at either this pace or in this, uh, tone of voice anymore.
You know, it was both those things. It was the overwhelm, um, from the situations that were happening, from the anger. I felt a lot of it too was, was anger with people in my life because we had political differences. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, I have some family members who are on opposite ends of the political spectrum as I am, and I would, I would talk to them about things like racism and sexism and, you know, planned Parenthood and LGBT rights and all of this, these things, and they just would not be able to understand why that was important to me.
And it really drove a wedge between me and some family members for a while. And I found myself contemplating, do I even need a relationship with these people? And that hurt a lot. It didn't feel. Because these people weren't bad people. They just had completely different life experiences and weren't open enough to see other people's experiences.
It's, you know, it makes them flawed. It does not make them terrible people. Mm-hmm. And I realized that I was holding onto a lot of anger that I probably didn't need to be clinging to like that. Yep. And I think letting go of that deeply political and divisive writing helped me reconcile some of that anger and come to the truth that like, hey, we are all human, and maybe if we all just loved ourselves more, maybe we'd have a, an easier time loving everybody else too.
You know? And I think that's how we can make the world a better place through self-love.
Yeah. I, I think that that is a topic that is not getting talked about enough, because, you know, of course you hear the stories of people who. Have come out or have, you know, married interracially or, um, you name the polarizing, um, choice that they might, uh, have made or who they are that causes polarization to other people.
Um, and you hear about them getting disconnected from family members, but you, I don't think we're talking enough about how it's bigger than that and that right now, uh, in the US in particular, there are so many people of all walks of life on both sides of the spectrum that are struggling with being disconnected and not feeling, um.
Not feeling what they want from their family or potentially close friends, just based on how the conversations are being talked about today. It's not even the topic sometimes, it's just how they're being talked about. Yeah. Um, I, I don't, I think everyone I know in my life, I could probably name where that is coming up as a conversation.
Um, and I just wish more people understood that everything that we need in the world, there's enough of, and I feel like I, I bring that up. 'cause I feel like so, so often the things that cause us to be in conflict with other people, nations fill in the blank, is because there's, we think there's going to be a missing for us because of that difference.
Definitely. It's speaking, you know, we operate from a scarcity mentality and it causes so many problems that don't need to be there. And it's sad.
Yeah. So, you know, I, for me, whenever people come to me with that situation where they're dealing with, I don't know if I can be, you know, close or have my aunt in my life anymore because she can't, we can't have a relationship past these topics.
It keeps coming up like, I still love my aunt. Like, what do I do? Um, I always give them the perspective of like, what does it look like for you to still love your aunt and have her in your life, and not compromise on your values and beliefs and feel like you're, you know, compromising on yourself and other people.
And it's been really interesting to see what comes up there, but what advice would you give to people to still have the family that they, you know, love and want and be firm in their convictions?
Oh man, it's, it's so hard for me. A lot of it has been just don't talk about it.
Mm-hmm.
You know? Normally I'm all for open and honest communication and speaking your truth and saying what's on your heart and all that.
But I do think there is some value in knowing when to take a topic off the table.
Yep.
Uh, that's what I've had to do with certain family members and if these people start going there, it's up to me to draw the boundary and say, actually no, I don't wanna talk about that. Let's talk about something else.
Mm-hmm. It's hard, but. You know, doing that. It also, I think it feels less like I'm compromising myself because it is me drawing the boundary. Mm-hmm. It's not me allowing someone else to silence me, you know? Yeah. So, I feel like I can take back some power in that situation, even though I know it's, it's a losing battle if we go into it.
Mm-hmm. If I make the conscious choice not to go into it, I think that helps empower me and it also helps me focus just on the person in front of me and their humanity. And that's what it comes down to, is just seeing the humanity in the person, you know?
Yeah, totally. Sometimes I
picture them as, as a little kid, you know, and it is hard to, you know, look at a little kid and hate them for their future political beliefs, you know, so if I can just picture them in, in a vulnerable state like that, it definitely helps.
To relate to them on a human level, even if we can't relate on a political one.
Y Yeah, a hundred percent. I mean, there's, there's that saying, right? That everyone is who their five or 6-year-old self was like, that never changes for better or worse. Yeah. And I, yeah, I think you made a great point about it is so hard, right?
Especially when they're, um, people that you respect or are your elders that, like you want, you always, you grew up thinking that the people who are older are also wiser or the people who have more life experience should also be wiser in all areas of life. And to be able to give people the grace to still be on their path and still be figuring out what they're meant to figure out in this lifetime is really hard.
And it's so hard. It's like you, um, it's really the example of like, you have to be the adult yourself that you wanna see in other people.
Yep.
And when you're, it can be really disappointing sometimes, but it can also be really liberating for you and for them. So anyone that's it. Can anyone that's out there, if you can imagine as Ally has recommended that whoever you are in conflict right now, that you equally love, uh, or don't, because I think this applies in the workplace or on all the very heated talk show debates right now.
Um, just giving 'em the grace to be where they're at and, and see what comes up from it. Sometimes just taking the heat off for a minute allows people to step back and realize that they're not also in danger. I can actually start to have a conversation. Yeah. Wouldn't it be amazing? I agree. If we could just talk about everything like five year-olds and then probably
I sure would.
We could just go back to recess. It'd be amazing. I know. Yeah. Um, so now that you are taking on your book, are you doing, uh, a campaign tour for it? Like did you get published with someone? Are you self-published?
I am self-published. Um, the book was released in February, so, um, right now I'm kind of going around Colorado to independent bookstores and trying to get it on shelves there and, you know, seeing if I can come back and do signings and things like that.
I'm hoping that I can take that more on a national scale pretty soon.
Amazing. So what, um, was it an easy choice to become self-published and kind of, what was that process for you?
No, honestly, it was, I agonized over it for a long time, um, because, you know, I think there's, there's kind of. A belief out there that people who self-publish just automatically aren't of the caliber of people who have a publisher and have a book deal and all that stuff.
Mm-hmm.
And it's so not true. I mean, you know, there are people that self-publish that are amazing at what they do, and it doesn't mean that, you know, just because they don't have a publishing house doesn't mean that their quality of their work is any less. But it was a hard hurdle to get over because I, I wanted to be taken seriously.
I wanted to be seen as a real writer. Um, definitely, I've kind of a complex about that, to be honest. Mm-hmm. It was a, it was a hard decision, but I, I figured, you know, look, I'm gonna try it and if it doesn't work out, if it's something that isn't very fruitful, then maybe I'll try it. The, you know, try going through a publisher next time because there's definitely going to be a next time.
This isn't the only book I'm going to write, so you know for sure. I just decided to give it a shot and it's been scary and weird. Confusing and all of the things, but it's also been a really good experience and I'm glad I did it this way.
Amazing. How, what do you, what are your tips and tricks for keeping yourself self-motivated on a daily basis, especially going the independent route?
Um, honestly, it's to not try to do it on a daily basis. Amazing. I, I've learned that I have to give myself grace, and if I'm just not feeling it, it's better to back away and do something else instead of just sitting in front of the computer, beating myself up for six hours and not getting anything done.
Anyway. Yeah. So that's something that this process has taught me very powerfully. Mm-hmm. That I, I need to give myself grace and listen to myself, and if my brain is just fried and I, I don't have it in me today, then that's okay. And not being upset at myself for that.
Yeah. Great advice for everyone to take a step back and listen to yourself.
Yeah. You know, I don't think we do that enough. We're, we're so used to drowning out that inner voice with, you know, social media and everything in this digital world, you know, but it's so important to just settle into yourself in silence and just ask, what is it that you need right now? And it's funny how the answers.
Can surprise you, but also you're like, yeah, I knew that already. I just didn't wanna hear it. You know?
Yes. I mean, that is a super relevant topic. Last night we, um, hosted a powerful Ladies by doTERRA, um, manifesting event. So I brought the powerful ladies kind of process of manifesting, and, um, a powerful lady brought the doTERRA presentation of like, how you can use oils for emotional support and for, um, you know, bravery and courage and all the different things that they can do from a emotional support of like clearing things away for the manifest and also creating what's next.
And one of the big things we talked about was, was listening. It was a reoccurring topic that we brought up about. You know, I have my own personal experience of hearing and choosing to ignore what I thought I should be doing, you know, which I'm now doing as powerful ladies for a long time. And how it just kinda sits on the back of your mind and you're like, this isn't, like, this is great.
And it's still there. It's still poking me. Yep. And you know how even once you start to like really listen to what your heart and mind are telling you, um, is the path that you should be taking that you don't, you have to keep listening because it's either listening for the small details or it's listening to the people in your life that care about you that might see things differently or have a great contribution.
And just becoming just aware of how much support there is for you and for your greatness between the people that care about you and. The universe, God, like whatever your perspective is on where the source comes from, uh, as well.
Oh yeah. I think it's so important to really look for that support and focus on that support, especially from the universe.
You know, that's another thing that I've learned over the last few years is that, yeah, it is there to support me. I just need to let it, I need to be able to receive the things that it's trying to give me. And once I put myself in that mindset, things get a lot better.
Oh, yeah. I mean, and, and I'm sure many people, regardless of where you are on the spectrum of, of, of belief or faith in things greater than you are.
I, I think a great example is just going to a yoga class. Like I don't know anyone that's never left a yoga class and hasn't felt better somehow. Yeah. Like you, you can, that's true. You can't go through a, a, a so-called workout where you lie on the floor and get to close your eyes for five minutes or a minute and not get something out of it.
Yeah.
Right. That's like my favorite kind of workout.
Exactly. Exactly. Um, especially the warm ones where like you feel like you're in a blanket all wrapped up and cozy. You're like, it's safe here. Mm. I'm surprised I haven't fallen asleep, honestly.
Yeah. That's, that's hard. Like meditation and things like that.
It's really hard sometimes to not just drift off.
Yeah. And you mentioned that that's one of your, um, the big things that you lean on. Mm-hmm. Do you have a spec, a specific meditation process, or how did you, like, was it an easy thing for you to get into or has it been a journey?
It's been a journey. Um. I, I started trying to meditate in my early twenties.
Mm-hmm. And it just didn't sit well with me. I was around someone who told me I was doing it wrong. You know, there's one right way to do it and I wasn't doing it right. And, um, this person practiced zen meditation, so it was very structured. Mm-hmm. Which is fine for some people, but that's not how I roll.
So I just had it in my head that I, I couldn't meditate. And it wasn't until years later that I realized that there's all different kinds of meditation and I could find one that worked for me. So, um, it's really only been the last year or so that I've been meditating regularly. I try to do it every day.
Not gonna lie, that doesn't always happen just because life, you know, but, um, it, you know, it's really been transformative and I don't always meditate the same way. I'll try different things to mix it up. Sometimes I'll do guided meditations. I have an app called Insight Timer that I love for that. Um, they have amazing guided meditations.
Sometimes I'll just put on some music and, you know, sit, sit with it and just see what comes up. Um, yeah, I just, I have a few different things that I cycle between, and sometimes if I'm feeling like there's something that's really heavy on my heart that I need to work through, I'll meditate specifically on that for a month or something.
Mm-hmm. And, you know, I just, I just keep it playful. I don't keep it set in a certain, you know, it has to be like this because I know myself and I know that that's a very good way to get myself to just quit. So, so yeah, I just, I like to keep it interesting and mix it up and keep it playful and stay curious.
Okay. Awesome. Yes, I am currently in the process of trying to add more meditation into my life. Um, and not being patient is definitely a challenge, but I found a few apps where they have, like the five minute one, I'm like, all right, I can do five minutes.
Exactly. There have been days where I've literally done a three minute me minute meditation.
I've set my little timer for three minutes. 'cause I'm like, okay, brain, you're, you're upset right now that I'm gonna make you do this, and that's okay. Handle three minutes, you know, and, and it does handle three minutes and it's fine. And then at least I've done it even if just for three minutes, you know,
with the meditation, do you find that you are more in tune with your intuition?
Yes, 100%. That's been one of the biggest takeaways from it actually, is being tuned into my intuition and really understanding that like I'm, I'm a magical being like we all are, right? Mm-hmm. We just. So many of us don't tap into it. And it's been amazing to be able to tap into that and really just manifest things in my life that I never thought I could have.
And there's been so many examples of just really weird things happening that I'm like, oh my God, okay, universe. Like, I get it. You know? And I don't know. I, I really think it's all because of meditation.
Yeah. I'm, I'm a firm believer in the namaste principle of that there's light inside of you and to lean in on the people who can see it in you.
And that same principle is very similar to the Christian belief of like, the Holy Spirit is outside of you, but also inside of you. Mm-hmm. And I, that's part of like what's brought me on this journey of. People realizing the power that they have inside themselves. Like so often, especially when there's a big decision to get made, people will stress, um, in the indecisiveness of like, I just don't know.
And to me that's always been like a line that's like, that's bs. Like it's not that you don't know, it's either you don't wanna listen, you don't like what you know the answer is, or you're, you're choosing something that's not actually adding value to distract you to what the real decision is. And it is, and I get it, it is so hard sometimes to make like huge decisions.
Um. That's why it is so important to find some time to just like, get out of your head space or, and sometimes the physical space. And listen, like for me, the, the practice I put into place is every morning, you know, after I walk my dog, the next thing that I do is go on a walk myself and or a run. But usually it's a walk because it allows me to walk and be in silence or walk and listen to a podcast or walk and call someone.
And every time I get something out of it that, um, that's gonna add value to my life in that day, like it is a game changer for how I start my day versus when I don't. And to me, like, you know, people think a lot about meditation is like sit and quiet and your eyes closed and you know, burn sage and you're like, no, there's so many ways to tap in.
Like, you could literally sit in your car in the parking lot before you walk into the office, or you can do a walking meditation or you can meditate while you're doing the dishes. Like you don't have to come to complete. Uh, I think you referred the Zen meditation before, like there's no rules about it as long as it's clearing your mind of the junk to a point where you can hear the things that you haven't heard loud enough or ever before.
Yes, and I I also think too that when we fully connect to our intuition, we can trust ourselves more because. I mean, I, I think we all have intuitive hits. Mm-hmm. It's just how much stock do we place in them. I never used to trust those intuitive hits. And looking back, like in my old relationship, for example, my intuition was screaming at me like, get out.
You know? Mm-hmm. I wasn't listening to it because I wasn't a, I, I didn't wanna hear it, so I shut it out. But also, I didn't trust it either. I didn't trust that it was, it was truthful, you know? And it was like, yeah, okay, I hear you, but what if you're wrong? You know? And now that I've been meditating regularly for about a year, I, I really deeply trust that intuitive voice that I hear, and it's helps guide me and helps me make decisions.
And now I don't agonize over decisions anymore like I used to. Mm-hmm. I just, like, there's something that I'm not quite sure what to do. I just, I just get quiet and I listen. The answer comes to me, you know, maybe not right away, but within a few days I'm like, oh yeah, I, I know what to do. Mm-hmm.
And
it's just, it's so much easier.
It's so much simpler to just trust the intuition.
Well, and one of my, my favorite benefits as well is, is, um, just having peace, like, like trusting that there's an element of like, not being alone in it, literally, or figuratively. And like, it brings so much more focus. Like, since I've made the choice to lean into powerful ladies, the productivity that I've had is through the roof because, um, and I give full credit to the fact that I'm able to be in the zone and be at peace with everything that's going on and just go.
And it's such a nice feeling to have, like how I feel right now. I wish everyone could feel.
Same, I'm, I'm right there with you. Mm-hmm. I'm feeling so centered in what I'm doing right now. And that, that sense of peace that you're talking about, I feel that too. And it is glorious. Like I, I want everyone to know about it.
So I've been like, I don't know, I've, I was telling Ryan the other day, you know, I feel like evangelist. 'cause I'm going around telling people I just meditate. It's gonna be awesome. You'll see. You know, but that's, that's how I feel. It's, it's amazing. It's life changing.
Well, and, and, and I, I think that there's a wave of, of that type of evangelism happening in general, whether it's meditation or it's, you know, clean eating or any of these things that bring you back to honoring your, like heart, mind, and body in a way that allows you to perform at your best.
And the people who are like, who have gotten it. Like, when you get something, you can't not share it. Like, that's how you know something is with you permanently.
Totally. And I, I love that as a society, we're going there more. Mm-hmm. I, I love that so much of it is moving away from, you know, do this diet so you can look a certain way.
Yeah. To, Hey, try this lifestyle habit that'll make you feel amazing every day, you know? Oh, yeah. I'm so happy that that's where our focus is moving. I, I mean, we've got a lot farther to go, but we've made some awesome progress with that, and I hope it keeps moving that direction
completely. I mean, and, and going back to the intuition part, I mean.
There's, whether it's crystals or essential oils or even food, there's many philosophies right now that say if you hold things in your hands or you even just look at those things your body was telling you which ones you need in your life and wherever you, you know, the audience and all of us live on the spectrum of, um, hocus pocus to science.
Right. Of like how that stuff works, Uhhuh. Um, like there are moments when like your body's telling you you need something. Like if you start craving spinach, you're like, oh, well that's not, that's a not a normal trigger. I think I'm gonna need more of that in my life right now.
Or spiders what? Or spiders and hocus pocus, she eats the spiders.
Oh, clearly her body needed that.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And again, it came up last night in, in the event that we were doing of like. There's different oils that smell different to you at different times. Because, you know, oils are essentially just, you know, food. 'cause they're coming from plants and vegetables stuff.
So, um, yeah, your body's like, if it smells great, it probably is because that's what your body's like. Yep. I want some of that right now. Thank you. And if it doesn't, like you don't need it right now. So it's, it's really interesting how you can turn on intuition in a lot of different ways, not just the kind that I grew up with was, which was like, Ooh, it's a dark alley, this doesn't feel right.
Like, there's actually a lot more that you can do with those, you know, human spidey skills that we have
so much more. I use it to, to gauge people that I'm interacting with. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. '
cause I'm, I'm really protective now about who I let into my close circle. Um, just because I was so cavalier earlier in my life and I ended up a lot of people who weren't good to me, you know?
Yeah. And. It's a really just trusting my gut when I meet someone. I, I can usually tell within the first 20 minutes or so if this is a person that is okay to, you know, come into my circle or a person that maybe I just need to be like, polite to and keep my distance, you know, that's been hugely valuable.
Yeah. I totally agree. And, and it's not like this is a, a skill that everyone's born with a skill. It's just a matter of if we're ever told that we have it or if we ever start to use it. Yeah. One way to start becoming your own hero. For sure. So you mentioned earlier that you participated in the women's March.
Is that the one in 2016?
Uh, yeah, that was the one after the. Um, the election after the election. Mm-hmm. And then I, you know, I, I felt compelled to, I, I was gonna march in Denver, which is near where I live, and I don't know, I just felt compelled at the last minute to go out east. And I don't really even know what drove me to do it, but I had a friend reach out and say, Hey, I was thinking about it too.
Wanna travel together? And so we went together and it was really, really amazing.
I, I didn't go, I've had a lot of friends that went, I was here in California at that time. How would you describe it? What did you get out of it?
I, I got a huge sense of camaraderie. Mm-hmm. I, I mean, it was, I, I knew that there were a lot of people who, who agreed with me on the things that I'd been writing about and, and all of this, you know, I knew that I had allies.
Mm-hmm. But being able to travel to a place and see, you know, half a million of them in one spot was pretty. Amazing and super overwhelming. Yeah, I am. I'm not great in huge crowds. So that was definitely pretty big step outside my comfort zone. But I'm so glad that I did it because even though, yeah, I, I had moments of anxiety and that just the, the fear of like, I'm in this massive crowd right now.
What if something happens? You know? Mm-hmm. But it was, it was really beautiful. And, you know, being able to listen to the speakers, and when I say listen to the speakers, I mean, we were so far back from the stage, so we were watching everything on a screen, you know, we couldn't actually even see them in person, but it was just a really powerful moment, you know?
Mm-hmm. It was so, I felt so privileged to be able to be there and be a part of it, and really just look into the faces of all these people who were like, I got you. You know? It was, it was amazing.
What do you see happening in Denver particularly about, um, the women's movement or Me Too, or just, you know, political, um, participation in general, or Colorado, excuse me.
Colorado.
You know, I, where I live on the front range, it's definitely kind of a bubble here. Mm-hmm. Um, and the whole rest of the state where it's more rural, um, I honestly don't. I, I don't have a lot of experience in those areas. Mm-hmm. So I can speak to what's going on in the front range, which is where people, I, I feel like the vast majority of people are on board for the changes that we need to make, you know?
Mm-hmm. Such as, you know, fighting against sexual harassment and fighting against misogyny and, you know, domestic violence and the things that, that women go through that have up until now just been kind of a Yeah. It's, it, it comes with a deal. Right? Yeah. You know, I, I think a lot of people are becoming more aware of the things that need to change also, like environmentally, you know, just so many things that are, that are happening in the world right now that people are, are starting to say, Hey, wait a minute, what if it doesn't have to be like this?
You know? And I'm, I feel very fortunate to live in an area where people are thinking progressively like that. Um. And yeah, I mean that's, that's really all I can speak on as far as Colorado because it is such a divided state, really.
Mm-hmm. As you're on your path for your empowering, uh, womanhood, uh, are there, who are women that inspire you?
Are there books that you love? Are there blogs that you're following? Like where do you go for your, um, women's inspiration?
Oh, there are so many. Um, Elizabeth Gilbert was a huge one for me. She's the one that you mentioned earlier. Thank you. Wrote, we Pray Love. And that book, I know a lot of people are like, oh, whatever that book, you know, I know some people love it, some people don't.
But it really helped me a lot when I was going through my abusive relationship because to me it was a story about a woman who was like. Rock bottom. And then she went out and just did some stuff and lived her life. And that to me was so inspiring. I think I read that book like probably 11 or 12 times, you know?
Wow. And it just, it, it represented hope for me. Like maybe, maybe someday I can do that. Maybe someday I can, you know, get out of this situation and see the world or whatever, you know?
Mm-hmm.
So, and, and now, you know, she writes about like the creativity, like in Big Magic and she's just a really inspiring woman to me.
Um, I also love Jen Centro, her books. Um, you are a badass and you are a badass at making money have been amazing for me. Um, Mel Robbins, her five second rule is awesome. I love her to hear her speak. She's just so down to earth and realistic about how you can. You know, get stuff done and build your life and still stay sane throughout it.
All that magical balance. Yeah. Yeah. And as far as online, um, Tiffany Han has really, really inspired me. She has a podcaster and she also has classes and things that help people like, like achieve their creative dreams. And she is, her podcast is phenomenal. I started listening to it about four years ago, and, um, since then I've had the privilege of meeting her and taking classes from her and everything.
And she's wonderful as a coach and as a speaker and everything. Um, but she, you know, she talks a lot about meditation. She like talks about listening to yourself and, you know, just, I don't know. She's, she's just a really, really inspiring person and I feel very fortunate to be connected with her.
Mm-hmm.
Amazing. I mean, I agree with you that there's so many sources now. Um, someone recently asked me when I shared with them when I was up to. If I, if they, if, um, sorry. Their question was, aren't a lot of people doing that? Like, isn't there too much competition? And I sat back and I was like, no. Like if I really do believe in this abundance concept and I believe that there's room for everyone, and even in the event if I was worried that there wasn't enough room for everyone and that we would start kind of drowning each other out in that sense.
Like, there's so many people who still need to hear this message, and I am feel so honored and blessed that I get to showcase like, wonderful guests like you and, and allow your message to get out because I really believe that somebody needs to hear it.
There's, I agree. And you know, that's such a common trap that I think people fall into.
They, they have this dream and then they're like, oh, well, someone's already doing it. Mm-hmm. So what? Yeah. This is a big world. Like, there's so much room in this world for us to do the things that we wanna do. It doesn't matter if it's already being done, because when we do it, we're gonna put our own spin on it, because we're an entirely different person than the other person who's doing it.
You know? I, I think that's a really great point that you make. Like, yeah. Though, no, there's not competition because mm-hmm. It's just, it's a thing that everyone needs to hear.
Yeah. And, and like, I can't wait for the time when all the conversations are talking about empowerment and creating your own thing and, and building stuff, because that would be such a better conversation level than what we have today as Oh my god, our common conversation.
Yes.
That would be amazing.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So what is next for you in the next couple of months that you would love to tell people about?
Well, um, I'm working on developing the, the empowerment program. Mm-hmm. Um, and I'm, like I said, I'm still kind of debating whether it's going to be a class or one-on-one sessions or things like that.
But, um, I'm definitely excited about that coming up. I'm also in the process of designing a planner, um, that is specifically aimed toward helping people incorporate self-love and self-care into their planning routines. Mm-hmm. For a more balanced life. You know, and, and directing them toward goals rather than like, you know, what are you gonna fill your time with?
No. What's important to you? What are your priorities? Mm-hmm. And let's schedule around that, you know? Mm-hmm. And then there, there are a lot of planners out there, um, that have been moving that direction and I've been, you know, for years trying to find one that really resonated with me and I just couldn't.
So I decided, you know what? I'm gonna make my own. So I did, and then I showed it to some friends and they were like, okay, this is awesome. You need to work on this and sell this. So I was like, okay. So awesome. So hopefully within the next few months I'll have that
available into the world as well. Amazing.
Amazing. So then, um, but I would love to talk about now is, you know, I met you through a powerful lady that you are lucky enough to have as a family member. Yes. Who have been powerful women in your life that have made a big impact on you, and what has an impact been?
Well, Ryan is definitely one of those people.
Um, she and I, we call ourselves the Wonder Twins because we're so very much alike in so many ways, and a lot of our life experiences mirror each other. Mm-hmm. So no matter what I'm going through, I always feel like she's right there with me. And I don't know, man. She's, she's amazing and I feel so fortunate to be able to have her, you know, she's always there for me when I need her, and I can't imagine living without her.
Mm-hmm.
Um, I'm getting all emotional over here.
It's okay to cry in the Powerful Ladies podcast. I know, right?
Um, my, my friend Kate Farmer, she is an amazing human. Um, she is my BFF and she, you know, she was there when I was in an abusive relationship, but we weren't close. Mm-hmm. So she didn't know anything that was going on.
It was only after I left that I started to open up to her and tell her what had happened. And she has just been. So instrumental in my own healing process. She has also, you know, been through stuff of her own and she is coming into her own as a musician and really making leaps and bounds and making her own dreams come true.
And I'm just so proud of her for that. Um, and my friend Victoria Benjamin, who I went to the women's March with, um, she has done a lot of work, um, a lot of advocacy work with victims of violence and sexual abuse and things, and she's just one of the strongest women I think I've ever met in my life. She's been through her own stuff and come out the other side.
So strong and so powerful and I'm just in awe of her every day.
Amazing. Thank you for sharing those and who, you know, on the other side of the spectrum. So I keep telling everyone that powerful ladies is certainly not women exclusive or gender specific. Uh, we will have, um, we will have some men on the podcast and we.
I get with X, is that the right thing to say? Mm-hmm. There'll be some X people on the podcast as well. Um, but who, who I really believe that it's not just women that empower women. So who ha who have been some, um, men or other people in your life that have really been a huge contribution in creating who you are today?
Oh, well, my boyfriend Paul, he is amazing. He is, you know, I, I really learned from him what a relationship should be like. Mm-hmm. Um, he was the first person that I dated seriously after leaving my abusive relationship. And it was like, wait, you mean it can be like this? You know, just the level of love and trust and respect was just mind blowing to me, and he really helped me on so many levels, understand that I deserved that.
Mm-hmm. He also was instrumental in helping me with my own body image because, you know, dating as a plus size woman. It was terrifying. And I definitely came across a lot of people who, you know, you'd meet, you know, you're dating online, you've never actually seen each other in person. Mm-hmm. You meet, you know, he shakes your hand, he looks you up and down and looks disappointed.
Mm-hmm. You know, and Paul didn't do that. Instead, he just seemed really happy to be with me. And after a while into our relationship, I actually like brought it up. 'cause I was like, I, you know, it was killing me. What does he think about my body? Like, is he disgusted by me? Like, what's going on? You know? And I brought it up.
I told him that. I was like, yeah, you know, I should probably start working out. And he was like, oh, if you wanna work out, fine, but like, I hope you don't feel like you have to do that because of, you know, think or whatever. Mm-hmm. And we had this great conversation and I realized like, oh my God, he thinks I'm beautiful just the way I am.
I had never had that feeling before, ever. So that was huge. It was instrumental. I honestly don't know if I would've like written a book about body image if it wasn't for his outright acceptance of me and who I am.
Mm-hmm. How has that changed how you feel about yourself?
You know, it, it's, it's complicated because I, part of me is like, you don't need a man to approve of your body before you can love yourself. You know, that whole thing, right? But it definitely helped because, you know, as women, we are conditioned to seek male approval, right? Mm-hmm. I mean, that's just the way it is.
And so being able to have that, as much as I kind of hate this, it really validated my own, my own sense of like, okay, it is okay to look the way I do. Like I had suspected that maybe it was, but I wasn't quite sure yet, you know? And once I realized that. Like, even, even some men don't think I'm disgusting, you know?
Mm-hmm.
Then I don't know, it really helped solidify for me, like, okay, this, this body image journey really is something that I need to embark on because it's true. It's not, I'm not just telling myself this stuff to make myself feel better. It's actually true.
Yeah. And I, and I think that, you know, we need to give ourself just grace about the fact that we're biologically triggered to think that and to seek that in, uh, a potential partner because that's how we're wired.
Like there's for sure, there's so many layers of, of culture and community put onto that, but at the same time, it's a biological trigger as well. So, yes.
Thank you. Because I was, you know, I, I've struggled with that, like bad feminist, you know? But it's true. I mean, this is how we're wired. This is our. How we're conditioned with our society.
So we really do need to give ourselves grace for things like that, even though it's hard.
Yeah. And it, it made me, I laughed out loud partly because I was thinking about, um, how Joe Rogan says it's like complete bs If a guy becomes like the super feminist and says that he never wants to like, touch or think about girls that way, he's like, there's no way.
Like, not, not as a heterosexual man, like, just stop, like admit that that's still what you're thinking. And yes, we should have a conversation. Like
Yeah. And we can like establish healthy ways to think that way, you know, but like, yeah. But yeah, I, I hear what you're saying. That's, it's, I don't know. We have to be realistic.
It's great to have these ideals of having perfect, beautiful equality in our society and all that, but we also have to be realistic about how we're wired and about how we've been conditioned.
Yes. And that there's so many different combinations of that also, um, like throughout the world. Yeah, totally. Um, but I think it's like really great for people to hear that part of your story as well, right?
Like, there's this, there's the journey, there's the struggle, like the things that for each individual that are areas that keep coming up for you or that have been like, big things in your life that, that you have to had to grow through. Like, it's not like it's, um, to your point before, it's not like you go from like having the idea to being like, oh no, now I'm superwoman.
It doesn't bother me ever again. Everything's perfect. Yeah. And it's like, no, like just because you've gotten over that hurdle today doesn't mean it's not gonna show up tomorrow. Like, come on. Yeah. I mean, that'd be nice, but, you know. Yeah, of course not. I think, I think the, the best, um. Perspective is that knowing what, when you're up to big things and your attention is so focused on creating and serving and not about you, like that's when the, those conversations start to go away more.
But it's not like they go away, they're just buried beneath like all the other awesome stuff that's happening so that they're not as big of a distraction. But yeah, it's not like you snap your fingers in all the things that have ever bothered anyone go away, unfortunately. Totally.
Yeah, because like, I mean, and even though I've written a book about body image, I still struggle with my body image.
It's not like I'm, I'm just there and I'm done. And it's, you know, I never think about it anymore. No, I think about it every day. Mm-hmm. So that's, you know, that's another thing I've had to give myself grace with, you know, just. Knowing that I don't have to be perfect at this to write a book about this, you know?
Yeah. Do you, do you have goals about like what, what you would want for yourself in regards to health and fitness and where would you say you're at on that, on that goals and like, how, how do you approach that? Like, there's one thing to have self-love and self self-acceptance, and then there's like what, like what you just kind of said of like what you think about every day.
Like how does that occur for you?
Well, a lot of, you know, a lot of what I think about every day is the, the knee jerk reflexes. Like, what if I look fat? And that I'm like, oh, wait, I, I am fat and that's okay. I decided that that's okay. You know? So, yeah. Yeah. A lot of it is just correcting that and making it, you know, turning it from a bad thing to like a Oh, right.
We decided this was fun, you know? Mm-hmm. Um, as far as the, the health and fitness thing, um, I actually, I started working out with a personal trainer last year. Mm-hmm. And that was really hard for me because I. So, I mean, I used to be really thin. Mm-hmm. Um, I was borderline anorexic. I was starving myself regularly eating very low calories, you know, working out obsessively.
And so it's, at this point now, it's triggering for me to even contemplate, like trying to lose weight on purpose. Mm-hmm. That, for me is a very triggering experience. So when I started working out with a trainer, it was because I wanted to feel stronger. My body was feeling, I felt like, you know, I didn't, I wouldn't be able to like, catch myself if I fell or something and maybe like hurt myself or whatever.
So I wanted to just be stronger, have better balance and all that. Mm-hmm. And I was fortunate enough to find a trainer who was very understanding of my past with disordered eating and was willing to, you know, forego the things, like weighing in and measuring and all that. And so all we did was just do exercises that would make me feel strong in my body and it was great.
Mm-hmm. Um, so, you know, I think that as long as. That's as my focus is, is feeling good, not losing weight or being smaller or anything like that. Mm-hmm. Then I, I think it's great, you know, for me personally, to bring that into my life. Same with, you know, with eating. I've been really focusing lately on bringing more healthy eating habits into my life and having them stick, you know?
Yep. Because it's easy to say, oh, I'm busy, I'll just, you know, we'll order pizza or whatever, but, you know, so I, I really do eat fairly healthy food on a regular basis. Mm-hmm. Um, which makes me feel good and I love it, and no, I'm not losing weight and that's okay. Yeah. You know?
Well, I think, uh, you know, that made me think of when we were talking about listening to your intuition before and how a lot of, there's a, a book out there, the body remembers.
I think it's called, I might be butchering this, so maybe if you wanna Google it, Jordan, that'd be awesome. Um, but essentially what it talks about is if you've gone through trauma of any kind, and it could be from zero to now Sure. That there's like the, there's the emotional part, there's the physical part of, of healing, and there's also the parts of like, not just trauma, but when, when you're a avoiding or ignoring what your intuition's telling you.
Like what is that doing to your physical body. And there was a great, I don't think it was in this book, but there was a, a great analogy between until, yeah, it's called The Body Remembers by Bette Rothschild, but there was a, an analogy separate from that book about how for your physical body to be operating at its best.
It needs to trust you that, um, it's not going to need to get put into, um, survival mode again. Yes. Whether it's because of your head, your heart, or literally what you're like doing to your body yourself.
That is so true. I, I fully believe in that and I, I think that if we took that approach toward caring for our bodies, I think we'd all be better off, you know?
Mm-hmm. If looked at it through a lens of intuition, like knowing that our bodies know what they need, you know? Mm-hmm. And yeah, some days, like you were talking about earlier, you know, craving spinach, you know? Mm-hmm. Like some days I, I crave a salad, and then some days I'm like, mac and cheese, you know?
Yeah. And I, and I listen to it because I, you know, a, I've, I've decided that I like, honestly, I love to eat, I love food. It's one of my hobbies, you know? Mm-hmm. And. And I'm not going to deny myself that pleasure because I do get pleasure out of it. And on the, you know, on the same token, you know, I, I think that if we just listen to our intuition and let our body tell us what it needs, it's not going to fill us full of, you know, fast food all the time.
It's also not going to restrict us and say, no, you can never have the birthday cake at the party. You know? Mm-hmm. So I think it's all about finding that middle ground, letting ourself have the things that bring us pleasure and also doing the things that our body is telling us it needs to stay healthy.
Yeah. And, and I would think I would just be happy if more people were looking at, um. What, like what's happened, like you're looking at your past and looking at your habits and looking at like, okay, which one of these cause trauma to my body, independent of me that I maybe haven't like, gone back to evaluate or dig into and see if it's not, if they're not healed yet.
Like if at a cellular level, almost like what hasn't gotten healed from where maybe my mental and emotional part has been healed. Um, you know, there's a, um, again, I'm gonna totally mess up the source of this information, so forgive me, I'll have to add Cliff notes in later after we do the podcast. But, um, there was a guy talking about how when you're going through like a clean gut diet, like, because so often the messages that we get from our gut control, so much of what happens in our brain and, uh.
When you have bad, um, things, microorganisms, bacteria, living in your, in your gut, it can literally take over your body like an alien and tell you that you want things that your body really doesn't want. And that, you know, bet until you start getting rid of that. And then until you start giving it things like cilantro or other herbs that are known as like cleaning, um, foods, like your body's gonna be like, why would I trust you?
No, we're in survival mode. I'm keeping you alive. We're gonna keep all this extra stuff that you don't think you need from a visual perspective. But guess what I need? 'cause I can't trust you and I can't trust the Yeah. The creatures that are in your gut right now. 'cause they're out of their mind. It's like having like a rave going on where it's like just all at once is like drugs and alcohol and there's like no sense put into it until you're like, time out.
The raves over, the music's stopping. Like the police are being called in like, until it happens. Like it's, it can't reset itself. So, um, again, it goes back to the whole intuition and, and the fact that heart, mind, body is all one thing. So like, what are you doing to make sure that it's optimized? And I think it's, it's such an amazing thing that there are so many people of like colors and shapes and sizes and all of that.
And yeah, I just, for me, it's like I just want everyone to be healthy. Like, do you, to your point, do you feel strong? Are you able to live your best life? Okay, cool. Awesome. Check exactly what's next.
Exactly. And there are so many studies that have been done. I mentioned a lot of these in my book, that, you know, we have this, this belief in our society that thin equals healthy.
Mm-hmm. And that's just not true. And there are so many, you know, there's, there's all this scientific data that shows that it is not necessarily a death sentence to be overweight or even obese. You know? Mm-hmm. It just depends on what your lifestyle is and what your habits are and things, and you know, that is something that so many people are really reluctant to believe, but the data is there and the, the truth is there, you know, and so I, I love, like I said earlier, I love that we're focusing on things that, you know, that aren't aimed just at looking a certain way or, you know, appearing a certain way and just on things that make us feel good and that make us happy and healthy.
Yeah, a hundred percent. A hundred percent. So one of the things that we ask all of our guests is where you feel, uh, right now and then on a daily basis on the human to powerful lady scale. So where would you put yourself Now, if human is a one and powerful lady is a 10, where would you put yourself right now in this moment?
Hmm. I'm gonna go with my gut and say about an eight. Awesome. Yes. Yeah. And in comparison, yeah, I'm feeling really in my power lately. It's awesome.
Awesome, awesome, awesome. Um, yeah, I think it's like, it's, it's a silly scale of course 'cause it's completely unrealistic going back to our conversation before, but I think it just kind of speaks to like, checking in with yourself, um, like it's a game, right?
Be whatever you wanna become and whatever you're up to in life is a game that you're playing. And we don't often correlate it to, like when you're kids and you're having fun and everything's a game, but it's just adult games and, and totally. If we approach them with more fun and less pressure, a lot more fun and creativity and peace of mind would come about it.
So I think between having fun and checking in with yourself, it's a good skill to look at, um, as we're wrapping things up. Like what. What messages or what topics do you think are really important or on your mind that, um, you want the listeners to, to know about, to think about, or you need to get something off your chest about?
I just want people to know that if they're struggling with body image and if they feel like their bodies aren't good enough, the problem is not your body. The problem is the beliefs that you have about your body.
Mm-hmm.
That's a, a really important one. Um, also just that you are magical and you can do the things that you wanna do.
You can have that life that you dream about and you already have the tools that you need to do it. You just have to trust that and really get familiar with yourself. Get familiar with your intuition and let that lead the way. I had a lady email me a while ago telling me that one of my Huffington Post articles helped her leave her abusive relationship and stuff.
So, whoa. Like, I love, you know, when people reach out to me and tell me that. What I've done is helped them somehow. Like it's, there's nothing better than that, so That's awesome. Bring it. Awesome.
Was that just a complete sob fest? Like how did you take that?
Oh my God, I cried. Yeah, and I, I called Ryan and like, told her about it, like, oh my God, I can't believe it.
It just, I don't know, it, it really made me feel like. It was, everything that I've gone through has been worth it. Mm-hmm. You know, and I, I wouldn't change any of it because it's put me in a position that I can help people and I am helping people and that feels so good.
Yes. Like I I people do, um, in the Manifesting workshop last night, we, everyone reviewed their year 2018 and they, there were only two columns, love and Lessons and Oh, I love that.
Talking about how there is nothing bad that happens to you. Bad is actually one of those words that's on the scale of potentially make believe, um, how do you put everything in those two columns? And it, it was in the chorus, like people were pretty open and like just took it and started doing it. Um, but on a bigger scale, like that's another huge breakthrough that could change a lot of things I think as well.
Oh, totally. I love it. I love the stuff you're doing.
Thank you. I really like, I, you know how it is, the support you get from your community allows you to keep going. Yes. When you have a moment when you're not actually feeling powerful, but actually like the biggest loser that you've ever met, and you're like, what the hell am I doing?
Like, they don't, yeah. The schizophrenia that comes with taking on your calling or, uh, taking a big leap into entrepreneurship isn't talked about enough. And so I look forward to having that as a, a reoccurring area of conversation on this podcast. Um,
yeah, because that's a big one. It's huge.
Yeah. And like, there's, there's so, there's so many amazing things that like, inspire you, but you're like, no, like, let's talk about the real shit.
Like, what's a practical thing that I need to worry about as I'm taking this leap and knowing, like knowing the insanity that you feel is totally normal. Welcome to the club.
Yeah, exactly. Like, no, you're not flawed and broken. You're normal. Yeah.
Yeah. This is what it feels like to be a human doing big things.
Yes.
I love it. Um, well, I am so honored and excited that Ryan connected us. This has been an amazing podcast. Thank you so much for being here and all of your great wisdom that you're sharing with the powerful ladies audience. I'm really excited to follow, um, the journey of your book, of your empowerment program and also your planner.
I'm obsessed with planners, and I really think, as you mentioned before, like there's no, there's no right one for. Everyone, right? You have to like test 'em and try 'em out. And depending on the season you're in, you need a different kind. Sometimes you need one more relaxed, sometimes you need one that kicks your ass.
Like they're always gonna keep evolving and so are you. So that's why like finding your planner match is like, there should probably be an app for that. So let's put that in our things to monetize later. Um, I love it. But yeah, and of course to meet you in person, I can't wait. And we're planning some powerful lady events.
Um, I'm excited for you to be part of this tribe and this team. And yeah, just thank you so much for being on the podcast.
Thank you. I'm excited too, and I love what you're doing, so thank you so much for putting it out in the world.
Of course. Thank you.
It's one thing to be preaching self-love and it's another thing to be living it. And with Ali, you get that she's living it. And I think that's such an important place to be sharing from because so often we only see the end result. People aren't sharing life as it's happening. And kudos to Allie for being so real and so down to share what her real personal stories were and for being committed to paying it forward.
The clarity and wisdom that she's bringing makes me really excited for all the people she's impacting. One of the things that makes The Powerful Ladies Podcast special is that we ask each guest if they'd like to collaborate on a product for The Powerful Lady Shop. Allie was a yes, and we're happy to announce that you can get the Allie Owens by Powerful Ladies journal@thepowerfulladies.com.
And as an amazing quote of allie's across the front, she decided to stop trying to change her body and change the world instead. I love that quote. And the journal is beautiful. You can show Ally your support by following her on Instagram at Ally Owens empowerment and sending her a note about what you got out of this episode.
I know you guys heard something and she would love to get the feedback. Then head over to ally owens.com where you can see where she's speaking next, and by her book, bad Fat Person, a reflection on plus-size bodies in a cookie cutter culture. Use code powerful to get 10% off. She's super brave and is also down for you to email her directly, so you can send her a love note allie@allieowens.com.
All of this information, plus the other notes from the show are all on the powerful ladies.com. If you'd like to support the work that we're doing here at Powerful Ladies, there's a couple of ways you can do that. Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Google Play, or anywhere you listen to podcasts.
Leave a review on any of these platforms. Share the show with all the powerful ladies and gentlemen in your life. Join our Patreon account. Check out the website, the powerful ladies.com. To hear more inspiring stories. Get practical tools to be your most powerful. Get 15% off your first order in The Powerful Ladies Shop, or donate to the Powerful Ladies one Day of Giving campaign.
And of course, follow us on Instagram at Powerful Ladies for show notes and to get the links to the books. Podcasts and people we talk about. Go to the powerful ladies.com. I'd like to thank our producer, composer, and audio engineer Jordan Duffy. She's one of the first female audio engineers in the podcasting world, if not the first, and she also happens to be the best.
We're very lucky to have her. She's a powerful lady in her own right, in addition to taking over the podcasting world. She's a singer songwriter working on our next album, and she's one of my sisters, so it's amazing to be creating this with her, and I'm so thankful that she finds time in her crazy busy schedule to make this happen.
It's a testament to her belief in what we're creating through Powerful Ladies, and I'm honored that she shares my vision. Thank you all so much for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. I can't wait for you to hear it. Until then, I hope you're taking on being powerful in your life.
Go be awesome and up to something you love.

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follow her on instagram @aliowensempowerment. Send her a DM letting her know what this episode meant to you!

Then Head over to her website where you can see where she’s speaking next and buy her book, “Bad Fat Person: a Reflection on Plus-Size Bodies in a Cookie-Cutter Culture. Use code POWERFUL to get 10% off!

Email her directly ali@ali-owens.com. Send her a love note!

Created and hosted by Kara Duffy
Audio Engineering & Editing by Jordan Duffy
Production by Amanda Kass
Graphic design by Anna Olinova
Music by Joakim Karud

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