Episode 222: How to Be the One Who Makes It Happen | Monique Siaw | Events Producer & Creative Leader at Soho Works
What does it really mean to be both the producer and the talent? Event producer, musician, and Soho Works events manager Monique Siaw shares how she’s built a career out of bringing other people’s visions to life, while honoring her own. In this episode, she and Kara talk about music, identity, ambition, and what it takes to build spaces where real community and collaboration can thrive. Monique reflects on lessons from the gig economy, why she sets boundaries around her time and energy, and how she’s learning to take up space unapologetically. Whether you’re planning your next event or plotting your next chapter, Monique’s story is full of powerful reminders: rest is productive, your silence won’t protect you, and just because you’re free doesn’t mean you’re available.
“There are times when you’re the producer and there are times when you’re the talent. It’s important to be able to distinguish between them to step into your power.”
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Soho Works is an international network of workspaces by Soho House, based in cities all over the world, in locations close to or within our Houses. Our global community is made up of Soho House members and people from creative industries who work and collaborate together in spaces that are designed to inspire. Our spaces include complimentary podcast equipment, phone booths, member events and more! You can redeem your day pass to any one of our locations, 10 Jay and 55 Water in Dumbo or 875 Washington in Meatpacking by filling out this form.
For more information, visit sohoworks.com or email at membership.swny@sohoworks.com
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Follow along using the Transcript
Chapters:
00:00 When you're the producer vs. when you're the talent
01:30 What it means to really "handle business"
03:15 Producing her first events as a musician
05:30 The power of saying no and setting limits
07:00 What makes Soho Works different from Soho House
09:10 Helping entrepreneurs connect, grow, and collaborate
11:00 The NYC small business recovery landscape
13:00 What small business owners actually need
15:30 Music as an entry point and a healing force
18:00 Building a purpose-driven events career
21:00 How to protect your energy and your time
25:00 Leading with flexibility, curiosity, and connection
29:00 On being okay with shining brighter
31:00 The difference between fitting in and belonging
34:00 How Monique recharges (and sets boundaries)
40:00 What she’s calling in: women-centered spaces & creative collabs
Being a yes man, yes woman. Who wants to be that? I wanna be honest and I wanna be true and I want to be transparent. I'm okay if I don't make everybody happy, that's fine. Especially being in the hospitality industry, I feel like we often feel like, yeah, the customer's always right and like to a certain degree they are.
There's also just things I can and cannot do and things that I will not do.
That's Monique Siaw. I'm Kara Duffy and this is The Powerful Ladies Podcast.
I like having people on the podcast who like know how to handle business.
And that's what you know how to do. You know how to handle business. The first time I met you, I was like, it's just handled. This is it's not, I don't have a lot of people that I have worked with in my life who show up and just have things handled and are done, and I'm like, okay, we are on the same page.
I love this. I get to do what I have to do. You've handled what you said you would handle, like it's such a rare, amazing treat. To be like, oh, damn, you got this. Amazing. So thank you. Of course. So before I keep bragging about you and handling shit, let's celebrate one. Who you are, where you are, and what you're up to.
Great. Thank you. Thank you. I really appreciate that. The Capricorn in me is yes. Order and grounding and all the organizing. So my name is Monique Siaw. I am a event manager in all areas of my life. I work for Soho House and Co at their coworking space. Soho Works. I manage all of their locations at in New York City.
And on the side I produce. Even more events. My background's actually in festivals. That's where I started. So large scale music festivals. And I just honestly help people like with their visions and help them come to life. That's pretty much what I do.
Me too. I feel that. Yep. It's, what made you want to help other people have their visions come to life versus create something yourself?
Honestly. It's been a very interesting journey and I got I think I got my first experience in event pro production through producing events for myself. So I went to school for music. And so I would throw on my own shows and my own performances, and all of my friends was like. How are you doing this?
And I'm like, oh, tell me what your idea is and I'll get you funding for it and we'll go do it. And that's it. And so it started with me producing events for myself, my recitals, my performances. I had a band back in the day in college and in high school. And that's where it started.
And I think people have really great ideas, but they don't always know how to execute them. And I have learned over the course of many years on how to execute them and paying attention to detail. And it's been a really great journey because I get to. Really see a final product and see how things like come into fruition.
And sometimes it's like a one month long journey. Sometimes it's so two weeks notice. Sometimes it's five months in advance where we're like planning out like large scale events and to come in and see how the audience reacts how important the conversations are. And then also from, working with people like you who I get to collaborate with.
Seeing them be like, wow, thank you so much for providing me the space. It's just been nice to have a full picture of all things. And I've done events where I've relied on other people and I'm just like, I should have just done this myself. And so that's where I've stepped in.
'cause I'm just like I understand the importance of coming in and wanting things to be the way that they need to be. And I think especially if you're an artist, you have to do all those things by yourself sometimes.
It just, it gives me a sense of pride that my intuition was on point when I knew that.
I'm like, no, she gets at a different level. And it's true because I often will describe myself as someone who knows how to actually make something from nothing. And I heard you just say that yourself, like you know how to make something from nothing and the details and what matters and what people are actually gonna notice versus not.
I think sometimes people who are. Creative, but don't have some of the planning analytical side to their, in their brain. They get really wrapped up in the detail that no one's gonna notice and forget oh, we need bathrooms, or where are people gonna sit? Or where are they gonna put their drink down?
Yeah. Or if you're gonna be doing this thing, you actually need two hours to set up, not 30 minutes. You think you could sometimes come in and, and so it's been really nice to especially be in a smaller scale setting where I'm producing events for 60 to a hundred people and.
Being able to see different, like layouts and formats and suggest it to, the people that I'm working with and say, oh, this is what you're thinking of. Have you thought about this? This would be a great way to activate the space. And it just allows a lot for playfulness, right? And reminding people like, you are the only one who knows what the vision is originally.
And it's okay if it changes and events. It's like you can plan plan. But. There will always be something that goes awry. And I think some people will be very uneasy about that. But if you're in that space all the time, it's just it's okay. Like we'll pivot and it's not the end of the world.
The only person who knows that it didn't work is you. That's all it is. And just reminding people yeah, pay attention to the detail, but let's be flexible, we can pivot and it's still gonna be just as impactful and just as wonderful. Yeah.
And that happened at the event where I got to finally meet you in person.
'cause we, you co-hosted an, a conversation about creatives in the fashion space who had started their own business at soho Works, the Dumbo Jay location. And we, one of our panelists got stuck in traffic. Unexpectedly. And so I was like, so we can't start the conversation yet. So Monique, would you mind talking about the space we're in now?
Like how do we entertain people in the meantime? You were like, no problem. And I was like, oh my God, thank God. I'm like, 'cause I can make up more shit in the meantime, but this is something real that we can actually do to benefit the space. So it was just so easy and yeah. I'm just it's why I am.
Looking forward to doing more things there because you made it so great and everyone who came was so excited to be there and the space is amazing. So people have heard of soho House. They haven't necessarily heard of soho Works. So what's the difference? Are they related, are they not? What can people get at soho Works?
Okay, great. This is my favorite part. Soho works. We are the workspaces to the houses. So if you're familiar with soho House, it's very social, but often just that, and, people use it like it's a cafe shop. They wanna work from the space, but we have a lot of house rules as they say. Sorry. We have a lot of house rules as they say.
And so you have to run to the elevator to take a call. 'cause you can't take a call wherever you like. You have to close your laptops after a certain time. You, before you know it, like the lights are dim, a DJs performing and like you got no work done. So the workspaces were created at the beginning of 2020 at least for our US locations.
And we closed seven weeks later due to COVID, but we've been back and thriving. We produced two or three events. A week across all three locations. We have 10 J and 55 water in Dumbo, and then we have 8 75 Washington and meat packing. We also have one location in LA and five in the uk and counting.
But I, activate the space by partnering with lovely people from our communities, everyone from our members both Soho work, soho House members and then people who are just doing really dynamic work like yourself. We do workshops, panels and it's just an, a space for creatives and entrepreneurs to come in get some work done, and then also attend workshops that are very fitting for.
The small businesses that they're trying to build or the industries that they're trying to tap into. It's just a little bit more conducive to collaboration and networking. We have complimentary teas, coffees we have meeting rooms available for booking. We also have complimentary podcasts equipment.
It's honestly like a one-stop shop for creatives to come in and do their work that they need to do. So it's been great to support that.
That's what made me so excited when Brit was like, I know the space. I know the person because there's so many values that Soho works have that are throughout my businesses as well.
We work with creatives and entrepreneurs. We want people to connect, we want people to collaborate, and we wanna just help people get to where they wanna go faster and easier. And so I was like, it was, the whole experience was like a 10 outta 10. And then having, it was also great. It's so nice to find partners like that because there are so many people that make it hard to connect and hard to collaborate.
And so finding spaces, especially in New York right now, like there's so many statistics about how the majority of the US has bounced back from the pandemic, but New York I think is only operating like 60%. Like revenue generation still, there's like the leasing, there's so many things that New York is still rebuilding.
So to be able to help the people who are trying to get things done in the city. It is a hard place to run a business though. There's so many
opportunities.
It is such a hard city and I'm like, and I feel like people are like, is New York the same anymore? Because a lot of our gems, like you walk around neighborhoods, not all the places that, were here a couple of years ago are here.
And I think it's important. And I think also, like there's been such a huge shift culturally. I think people are redefining if they wanna stay at their nine to fives. A lot of folks. Quit their jobs, got laid off during the pandemic and are entering new fields that they imagined of.
And it's listen, I only live once. I don't wanna work for anybody. I wanna work for myself. I wanna build my brand. I wanna do these things. I wanna do podcasts. I wanna everybody's creating. And it's such a exciting time and I think an experimental time for people. So to be able to collaborate with people to see them grow and it's nice to see people grow in in.
Business size here and also in terms of having launch parties here for their brands. And it's just really nice to see companies grow and individuals grow and really support that. Because I think we forget small businesses need love and this is what is, sorry, this is what's making the world go round.
Yeah.
And in the US a small business is anything under 40 million in revenue a year. Really? Yeah. Which I'm like, we need to redefine this because if that's what Yeah. If that's small, then we've got like mini micro, super micro. What are these big businesses making is my question. Exactly.
And so if the Small Businesses Association considers it 40 million or less, the average business owner in the US who's one person by themselves is only making $48,000. A year. So there's such a huge discrepancy between what the average person is generating on their own versus what we consider a small business.
And so I, that's part of like my mission of the tools that are traditionally given to people to start a business are not the ones that you need to go from zero to half a million or zero to a million. It's a very different approach because even to get to just replacing your income, how do you do that?
Yeah. And we're actually doing like an event later on next month that's around like financial literacy for small businesses. 'cause we forget about that too, right? Yes. How do you plan for your year? In your spending slow seasons versus, I come from a space of gig economy.
I I started in freelance, right? With a lot of the events that I produced, and there are slow seasons. So how do you plan for that as a small business versus like your busier seasons? How do you make sure you're taking advantage of all the information for your taxes? Like all of these things are so important as you're building, and I think, again, people have really great ideas, right?
But like. When you look at the details, you gotta make sure that you have those resources. So it's nice to also just connect people to things that they haven't thought of and being like, yeah, like we're having a conversation this evening about DEI and especially during COVID d.
There was such a huge social and civil change. We all had to stop and like really think about what are the basic needs that we are providing for ourselves, but then also what are companies doing to provide that for their employees, right? So I. Just really interesting conversations to tap into that I'm learning a lot from too.
So it's cool.
Yeah, no, everything that you guys post, I'm like, oh, I wanna, why am I not there right now? But I wanna come back to you. So did you grow up in New York? I'm born and raised in Brooklyn. Love it. And then what type of music were
you
playing?
Oh in high school, so firstly my dad is, was a dj back in the day, so I grew up on vinyls.
Heavy heavy. He was here like in the seventies and the eighties, like just with his fro DJ at local clubs. Like I've seen some, like we had a disco ball in our house, like we still have turntables in our house. That was his thing. So I. Love, like oldies. I love jazz. I love funk. I love rock and roll.
That's what I grew up on. I went to school for music and trained in jazz specifically. In high school I did a lot of rock music and in college it was very much like funk and soul. And I sing. I sing a lot of funk and soul, I'll say, and a lot of r and b. Those are my favorites. Yeah, it's been quite a journey.
Every so often someone will ask me to hop on a recording or perform at something local, and so it's been nice to also tap back into that space. Definitely need to do it more often. I think I'm a little shy sometimes about performing, but I still tap back into it when I can.
Yeah. How has your love for music changed how you look at the world? Wow. Music
is just, it's such a huge connector. Like I think about the music that I listen to that I don't even understand, like the language of, and but I'm like, this sounds amazing from, all the instrumentation and just how, it just crosses so many borders, right?
For people. And it's such a huge connector and. My first gig was because I was studying music and I used to work at this festival, which was like the largest festival in New York City at the time, or one of the largest. And it was because I was just studying like music and how it heals traumas and how it heals.
Like a lot of, and how we have very tough conversations through music. And it's very metaphoric because yes, I love music and it's changed my life, but literally it was an entry point to the industry that I'm in right now. So there's so many ways that I thank music for and it's just, nothing like to a concert and seeing your favorite artist live.
Nothing like discovering a new artist live. And just, there's just so much beauty out there and I think it reminds you that we're all very human and having a lot of human experiences and people are speaking about a lot of similar things. It's really beautiful.
I totally get what you mean about being obsessed with music that you don't understand the lyrics to.
I love French hip hop and I like have recently fallen back into a black hole of that space and then going down the Spotify web. And I'm like, I have no idea what they're saying, but this song is so good. But it's dope.
Exactly. Like it's just there's like a song by snarky. Snarky Puppies is one of these bands who like collaborates with all these different kinds of vocalists.
And they're French speaking, they're Spanish speaking. And I'm like, I don't know what they're saying, but like the music is just so enamored. So it's definitely a beautiful thing. And I think it also just shows you like. It just, everybody's doing their part and we're coming up with a beautiful thing together.
There's a lot of beauty in that, right? Every, every instrument matters, every vocal matters, and we're creating a beautiful project together. So it's nice.
When you moved into the event space and planning things. Yes. Did, were you surprised at how you tapped into a part of you that you weren't using the same way in music?
Did you know that you were this organized and detail oriented? Was it a natural step or were you like, oh, I didn't know I could do that?
Oh I feel like it was a slow discovery. And I think. I think it wasn't until some of my community was asking me like, how'd you do that? Or Hey, did you ever think about doing this?
And I was just like, oh yeah, I'll help you with that. I'll help you produce this. And then I was just like, I'm actually really freaking good at this. And I'm not perfect. There's things that, product management is its own beast, which I'm sure you understand as well. But I think.
I like, I think I've always had this saying of I don't necessarily wanna be famous for what I, who I am, but I wanna be famous for what I do. And if yeah. Like if I am, if I ever were to be famous, like I, I want people to know that they're getting a really great experience.
They may not know who did it or what's going on, but like they had a good time when they left and it just, I think it's still another. Another lens into performing, like I just want people to walk away with a really good experience. So it does feel similar, you want people to walk away feeling good and I know what I feel like when I produce something, I'm like, wow, that went really well. And I know what I feel like when I produce something. I'm like, oh, that actually a lot better. And yeah, I think I'm able to just tap into. A lot of the details that people don't normally see and it's nice to be able to have that eye and be able to share that with people and I love hearing that, like you starting off with that feedback of I had a great experience and everything was done.
I'm like, yeah, you're the talent. Like I don't want people to forget that. Like you're the talent, like you're here to co-host, but you're here to come in and we're collaborating on this, but this is your show and I wanna just make sure you're comfortable in the space. 'Cause I know I, as a performer, that's what I like to do.
I like to come in and feel comfortable, yeah.
And similar to you, I'm so used to having to produce it all myself. And when you're in that space, you, it's hard to remember to go through the mental checklist to be ready to perform.
Like I have to remember okay, who, 'cause I have to then, as a host.
In that performance seat, I have to remember to create the space for everyone who shows up and to create the space for all the panelists. And then remember okay, what am I committed to? Why are we here? What are the objectives? Yep. Do I have a drink? Have I used the bathroom?
Have you eaten? Did you just have some water this morning? Take care.
Yeah, and like I like to that same thing. It's like it's the next level of creating the space. 'cause I'm the one interacting with all the people there and
It's. I think it's easy also for people who go be between those roles of being the per performer or the host and being the producer that having to ask your team to remember today I am the talent and in an hour I'll be back to being the CEO, but right now I'm the talent.
So you got this. Okay, thanks. Yeah. You have to rely on
your team. I think. That's a huge one too. It's of course, as you're building your brand, you are like, sometimes a solo, oftentimes a solo person, and you're relying on your friends to support you, right? But yeah, you, I feel like especially if you are collaborating with someone and it's a strategic partnership, you gotta come in and things gotta be right because then people are not gonna wanna work with you and there has to be.
You only get one time to make an impression. So if the impression is that, oh, she, she was mute Moody today, or she was being a little, crazy or like aggressive or angry or she just was off today people are not gonna wanna work with you or it, same thing with the venue managing all these locations. If people don't like the experience that they get, they don't wanna come back, and thankfully that hasn't been the case for me, but it's because you have to make sure that, that's the mindset I have in mind where I'm just like, let's talk through things. Let's make sure you have what you need, and let's make sure that the show that we're putting on together is good.
And yeah. So yeah, you're the talent. You have to remember that. Like I'll be a CEO later,
yeah, exactly. And I really hear your commitment to not just the moment of the experience, but the compounding experie is that you're putting on, and what that. How that's establishing the brand that is soho works in Soho House.
Because they all have to get layered on to be like, look at this value. Look at who comes to the table here. There's been a lot of conversations I've been having lately about who's in your circle and who do you let pass the velvet rope? Because we want to be around other people who are thinking the way we are and rising together and.
Like just doing the things that actually matter. And it's so easy to. Most people in the world are not operating in the, anything is possible. How do we make it happen space? But when you're surrounded by people who are, it's a completely different experience of everything.
Yeah. Yeah. I agree. And that's why sometimes, again, people have really great ideas, but you may not know how to execute.
So I may say listen. Maybe we can't bring in 300 people in here, but let's bring in a hundred and here's how we're gonna do that, and here's how it's gonna be just as beautiful and just as impactful. And it's like this idea of being flexible and yeah, not being a gatekeeper either, right?
I feel like I'm always gonna talk to everyone. And believe it or not, again, I think of myself as a very shy person, but now I'm in a space where like I can talk to anybody and I just never know where something might go. And so it's never a, no. Maybe it's not a, not right now. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's not with soho.
Soho works, but it's with the houses, maybe it not with the houses, but it's with soho works, and so there's and sometimes it's even again, I have a network outside of this, I think in the event space. You're a connector often too, right? Like event yesterday it was an amazing turnout.
The person that I was working with ended up having some people fall who were going to be a panel. They ended up falling out. And it was a conversation about songwriting. And we ended up featuring a really lovely artist who like has worked with Flu Collins and Major Blige and is a bass player and all around powerful badass lady could also be on this podcast obviously.
And he was just like, I just need two other people. And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna connect you with somebody who I know is in the music space. They might be able to recommend some other people, but also if we don't get two other people, it's fine. Like she's dynamic her in her own. It'll be a great conversation.
And reminding people that like. Again, you have a vision, but it's okay to pivot and here I am connecting you. And yes, they could have also given you two other people, but it's okay if that's not the case. And not gatekeeping and being like, oh, we're just gonna cancel this. Or this is not what you promised me.
No, these, this is again, this events like things change where people. Things happen and it ended up being an amazing turnout and it was such a lovely conversation and everyone was super, super nice which is always a plus too. And so yeah, like I just will always talk to somebody and this was somebody who I just got connected with randomly and found out he's an amazing songwriter for some of the, some of my favorite RV artists.
And so I just feel like sometimes when you get to a certain place, you may. Kinda again, like gatekeeper, but I just think in this industry everybody knows everyone. Talk to people, connect them. Like it's important to be a resource, especially if you're a woman. Like I feel like sometimes we can con be considered being aggressive, if we're asking for too much or if we're being very like authoritative.
People can consider that as being aggressive, but it's let's connect and uplift each other. And if not me, maybe it's somebody else and like we're a community, we're all doing the same work and have the same common goals.
Yeah. That's a perfect segue to me asking what is a powerful lady to you?
Ooh.
A powerful lady to me is someone who's very self-aware of both their strengths and their weaknesses. Someone who leans into their community, who listens to their community someone who practices self care in the midst of all the amazing dynamic things that they're doing. Someone who is not afraid to ask for help, someone who is not afraid to do something new and to take risks.
And someone who's also not afraid to teach. I think sometimes again, we can be a little on our high horses sometimes when we get to some place. And I think about, what I would tell my younger self, or like the many amazing, powerful ladies I've had as mentors myself, and they always grabbed my hand and was like, Hey, like I got something to teach you over here.
Passing it on. So those are. When I think about powerful ladies and I've been blessed to have a lot of mentors and my mom, my, my grandmother who's influenced a lot of the bluntness that I made outta the authoritative side that I can have and also the creative part of me too.
Yeah.
If we go back to 8-year-old, you would she have imagined that this is your life today?
Absolutely not. I wanted to be like a teacher. And then I wanted to be a lawyer. So this is just not that at all. Like not this at all, and I always just think, yeah I think she would've known that she would've, that I would've been creative.
'cause I was the young girl who always sang at every single school performance and all those things. But I don't think she, I don't think she would've realized. How the art would continue to play a role in her life. Just maybe in a different way. Yeah.
What do you think 8-year-old
you is
proud of
about you today?
That I am someone who,
I'm somebody who. It is just open to growth and taking risks, if you like. Again, I'm a shy person and so much of my life has just forced me to be very front facing, and I'm like, surprisingly again, pretty okay with it. Pretty good at it. I wouldn't say I'm like, as like comfortable all the time, but the fact that like I, I'm.
Okay. With shining a little brighter. I feel like when I was younger I was someone who was a little timid and didn't wanna take up space. I'm learning how to be open and take up space and be unapologetic about that. So I think she'd be very proud of that.
It is, there's something so beautiful about knowing that you deserve the space that you are already taking up.
And it's okay to take a little bit more too.
Ugh. That is a big one. I think getting into the event space and sometimes even working with like high profile people you, I I feel we all kind of experience imposter syndrome sometimes. For sure. And I have to like, remind myself in my community I'm so grateful for my people around me.
'cause they remind me like, you've been doing this work, like this is just another step to what you've been doing. And so sometimes I'm even like, even if I don't feel like it, I'm gonna fake it till I make it. And I always come on the other side of that. And so it's nice to be reminded. Yeah.
Like to your point, take up that space and like you, you're doing that and you're fully capable of doing that.
My sister and I had an interesting conversation lately about like fitting in versus belonging.
And my perspective is always I belong in whatever room or table I'm at. I might not fit in, but I belong there.
Yeah. And we can figure out the rest from there. Yeah, it's, I think you said fake it till you make it. And I think people think that means. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing, but I'm doing it anyway.
But I think often what it more means is. I don't believe I'm supposed to be here yet, but I'm gonna do it anyway because usually we know how to do most of it.
Yes. We just haven't given ourselves permission to take that on, take that title or we don't believe it for ourselves yet. So it's like instead of faking it till we make it, it's like I'm gonna pretend that I didn't believe it until we
believe it. Yes. Yeah, and it's it's crazy because you get hired for all these gigs or you get all these opportunities and obviously someone is seeing something in you, right?
So you're like, yeah, of course I deserve to be here. But we often don't. We're our hardest critics. We don't often see that of ourselves. And I've I have a tattoo that's one from my, one of my favorite feminist, my favorite black feminist, and her name is Audrey Lord. And it's like your silence will not protect you.
Almost like you you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't, right? That's
such a powerful statement.
Your
silence will
not protect you. Thank you. Like you can sit there and say if I'm quiet and I put my head down, then no one's gonna bother me. Or I'll, be getting by.
And it's that's not gonna protect you. Someone can, still say something. So why not just speak up and be present and live life to the fullest and be as vocal as you can because it silence is not going to protect you, not in the ways that you think. So that's something I always remind myself of.
I am gonna be taking that with me to a lot of other people in a lot of places. So thank you for passing that quote on it. It says so many things, like we could probably spend an hour just unpacking that quote because it's true for when we're silent for ourselves, silent for other people, thinking that we're being the good girl or the polite person.
And it's polite and good are so overrated in regards to actually making things work and doing what's right.
Yeah, absolutely. And being a yes man, yes woman. Who wants to be that? I wanna be honest and I wanna be true and I wanna be transparent and I I'm okay if I don't make everybody happy, right?
That's fine. It's interesting, especially being in the hospitality industry, I feel like we often feel like, yeah, the customer is always right and like to a certain degree they are. There's also just things I can and cannot do and things that I will not do. Yeah. But it doesn't mean that, I don't care about your needs.
But again, we gotta pivot, we gotta shift, we gotta be flexible. So I'm gonna speak up about the things that can and cannot be done,
yeah.
I think there's a big difference as well between the customer's always, right? Versus. The customer is feeling whatever they're feeling and that's accurate to them.
Like those are, I think that's where it gets, they're, we don't have to say yes to all their demands, but we do need to acknowledge what they're feeling. 'cause they're feeling it. Absolutely. And it's all expectations. Like Yep. Their upset, their expectation wasn't met. That
is a huge one.
Managing people's expectations. It's such a huge one in this role. Yeah. It's yeah. Again, when people come in, they're like, we're gonna move this and we're gonna move that, and we're gonna, I'm like, oh, I can't move that can only move this. You know what I mean? And it's just a lot of managing people's expectations and it's again tell me what you wanna do and I will tell you what we can and cannot.
And there's nothing wrong with that. And it doesn't mean that the service that you're gonna get is gonna be any anything bad. But we gotta just make sure we're being realistic. That's a big one. Yeah.
So you have an important day job, you have important side hustles that also can take up a lot of time and space when they're, happening and in their zone, and you still have a whole other life.
So how are you balancing it? How are you doing that self-care for yourself? What are you doing when you're not making everyone else's world work better?
Ooh. I could be a lot better at this. I could be a lot better. I do think that, and you probably feel this way too, talking to people all day and interacting with people all day, you feel like.
First, like my social media is gone like by the end of the day after talking to people via Zoom, after hosting hundreds of people. It's exhausting, and so for me, I just retreat into myself. I feel like. The weekends used to be the time that I'm like out and about a lot, and now I'm in a space where like I'm like, I just need one day where I just don't leave my house.
And that's been like the thing that I'm trying to do more of. I watch. And listen to a lot of true crime that is my guilty pleasure of things that I do. It's really problematic. And then I also focus on having one-on-one time with my friends. I feel like I don't do that well with big crowds anymore and like parties, but I'll do a date with my friend a friend or two, and we'll go out to eat and like genuinely catch up and we'll go out to the museum and genuinely catch up. So more like small experiences where I get to still stay connected to my friends. And then my friends are super understanding, thankfully, and so always my family.
So since I'm just like, I do not have it today, and they're like. That's fine. Especially if it's like festival season. I'm like, I'm gone. You're not gonna see me for the next month. Love you guys so much. I'll see you when I get up and out from air. Yeah. It's nice to also have people who are around you and will support you and remind you do your thing.
And then I try to like journal in the morning. Therapy is a huge thing for me. So I go to therapy every week to ground myself as well. And lately I'm trying to have my mornings back. I feel like there was a point where I was just like going and not cooking as often and doing all these things and I'm like, you need to wake up a little earlier and.
Take this time in your morning and not just like hop out of bed and go to work. And now I'm just like, okay, I'm gonna wake up. I'm gonna make myself a cup of coffee. I'm gonna make myself some breakfast. I'm gonna sit down and journal. I'm gonna sit down and do nothing and just take a beat, take a breath.
And it's also saying no a lot more. I feel like I don't know, but you in New York City is like, it's. It's popping over the summer, so you feel like FOMO for everything. You're like, I need to be outside. And I'm like, I actually don't need to be outside. It's fine. And maybe today I don't have it in me, but maybe next week I will.
And giving myself the ability to just say no to things and I don't have to do everything that comes my way. So yeah,
I really relate to a lot of what you shared because talking all day. When the workday's done, I don't wanna talk to anyone, so I'm like, who wants to go for a walk and not talk to me and we can just walk together?
But it's a, I feel that. And then I also feel that pull, push, and pull between. I'm exhausted and I need alone time to recharge, but I also wanna make sure I'm getting checking the social box because if I don't hang out with my friends and do fun things, I'll be miserable as well. So it's like I do feel like I'm trying to give up the, whatever, when I'm not doing, like I'm either not staying home and like having alone time or I'm not being social.
So I'm trying to give myself more grace about whatever I'm doing right now is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, and it'll all be fine.
Yeah, that's word grace. Honestly, not gonna get it every single time. I'm like, my alarm clock went off late this morning. I was like, I had all these plans to get up and make my lunch and I did not.
And I was just like you know what? I still woke up, thankfully with the time that I needed to get ready. 'Cause my body was like, you're getting a little too much sleep right now. My body woke up like. Something's amiss. And like giving yourself grace to just it's ebbs and flows, like nobody's perfect. It's ebbs and flows.
I think you also brought up a great point of saying no. I'll joke sometimes that I help people con mari their business because 80% of what we have on our to-do list we don't have to do. And it's like somebody else's list. Like of what a competitor's doing, what we think we should do, what our mom said we should do.
And it, I do believe that we can have it all.
But it has to be our all. It can't be the culmination of everyone in our worlds, all because. That's impossible. I can't do everything everyone else wants, but what do I really want my have it all to look like, and most of us don't even ask ourselves that question what would it look like to have everything that you want?
And nothing else. You're like, po.
Yeah, because I think especially for women, like a lot of what people think of us and what people want for us was created before we even existed. Like before I was even a thought to my parents, it was like, women are gonna be da dah. And it's no, that's not what it is.
And. Allowing yourself to figure out your own pathway, and I think for me, boundaries at work is a huge thing and I'm not always good with it. I try to really turn off my phone, like when I'm not on still being available for emergencies. As they are, but sometimes somebody's emergency is not yours and you can't own that.
And so yeah, saying no, having boundaries and recognizing that you're already doing enough, and sometimes it's us in our own head thinking like, oh, I need to do this. I need to do this. And then somebody will remind you like, you're actually doing fine. And you don't need to do everything today.
And that list is never, honestly, the list is never gonna get checked off all every day. It's not especially speaking being in a membership space, i'll have a checklist of all this admin stuff that I wanna do, and I'll end up having a conversation with a member for 30 minutes and I'm like, oh, we need to connect again.
And but that's that's a part of my role too. You know what I mean? And so giving yourself grace to, to go through all the things that may not always feel the most productive, but is, and also rest is productive. I think we forget about that too.
Yeah. Sleeping should be on the to-do list. Do we give ourselves credit for actually sleeping?
Yeah. I have a thing where like I used to just be like pack my calendar crazy, even on the weekends and I started saying just because I'm free does not mean I'm available and I have to keep telling me like it's a morning mantra almost for myself because I'm just like, yeah, I have free time this time.
But what do you actually want to do with that time? Is it, do you wanna go out or. Do you wanna
rest?
Yeah.
My coach had to remind me that alone time sleeping does not count as alone time. Yeah. I was like, oh yeah. Thank you for that reminder. Yeah. So we ask everyone on the podcast where you put yourself on the Powerful Lady Scale.
If zero is an average everyday human and 10 is most powerful lady you can imagine, where would you put yourself on that scale today and on average?
Oh. Wow. I feel like I'll give myself a seven. I feel like there's so much more that I can do, like in this life. There's so like I'm not even at the top of it yet, but I do think for who I am and like my work ethic and how I like take my career seriously, I give myself a seven.
'cause I. A solid seven with the idea that there's room for improvement and there's, this is only again, the tip of the iceberg. So yeah.
I've also been asking everyone, what do you need? This is a powerful, connected, resourceful community. What do you need? What do you want? What do you manifesting?
How can we help you?
Oh, what do I need? I just got an assistant events manager, so I no longer need that. That was my biggest thing. So that's already checked off. I think
I definitely feel like I need. More only like women centered spaces. I think for me, I do have a lot of mentors, but I don't think enough in New York City necessarily. So for me it would be nice to engage with women who are. Super busy and may like maybe a little bit older than me who are balancing career and like love.
I feel like that's a big thing for me right now. I think I'm so busy that I don't always have time for romantic partnerships. And I think there's this myth also that women who are goal oriented and professionals don't always get that quote unquote happy ending. And so I wanna see how people navigate through that.
And see people who've done it and hear from people and like their, things that they wish that they've done better. I also think I definitely need a jam session soon. I would love to work with some, like other artists very soon. I'm always trying to exercise that a part of me. And I just, yeah, I feel like it would be great to help you, produce something where.
Maybe we bring all these amazing dynamic women that are, is in your network and let's just chat and chill and learn. I think we need more women centered spaces. So that's what I would like to see.
I love all of that. All right, so for everyone listening, if you can help make that happen, you know how to contact me and be able to, and so for everyone who does wanna help you, support you hire, you work with soho works, like how can they find and follow you?
I
think best thing is either you can follow me on LinkedIn, I do check it pretty often. You can look me up again at Monique si. M-O-N-I-Q-U-E is my first name. Last name is SIAW. So find me on link LinkedIn. Say that you listen to this and we'll chat. You can also follow me on Instagram. My Instagram is underscore A-R-A-B-E-N-A.
If you're wondering, it's pronounced Ana. That is my traditional African name. It means Lady Tuesday. From where my family's from the day of the week that I was born. So follow me, DM me. I'm pretty friendly. And if you just wanna say hello yeah, message me. Very accessible.
I'll now be thinking of you as Lady Tuesday for the rest of your life. It's like such a cool name to have. You're like, yes. I'm Lady Tuesday. I have an entire day just for me every week.
Yeah. And our tribe, we like named our children after the day of the week. So there's always a male and female version of every name, which is pretty cool.
And where is that tribe? It's from my family's from Ghana. So the Ashanti tribe, the ACON tribe they named their children that way.
Cool. Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to talk to me and share your story. This truly has been such a pleasure and I cannot wait to get back out to New York soon so that we can hang out and do more fun things.
Come on over. It was always a pleasure working with you, and it's great to see this podcast grow and to see all the amazing work that you're doing with your coaching and you're creating a really great community. So I'm glad that I can be a part of that. Thank you. Thank you for thinking of me. I really appreciate it.
Of course.
All the links to connect with Monique and Soho works are in our show notes@thepowerfulladies.com. Please subscribe to this podcast wherever you're listening, and leave us a rating and review. Come join us on Instagram at Powerful Ladies, and if you're looking to connect directly with me, visit kara duffy.com or Kara under Duffy on Instagram.
I'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Until then, I hope we're taking on, be powerful in your life. Go be awesome and up to something you.
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Website: sohoworks.com
Created and hosted by Kara Duffy
Audio Engineering & Editing by Jordan Duffy
Production by Amanda Kass
Graphic design by Anna Olinova
Music by Joakim Karud
