Episode 303: Recovering from Burnout and Reclaiming Rest | Erin Cain | Founder of Grace Reins
Erin Cain is the founder of Grace Reins, an equine therapy center and wild mustang rescue located outside Telluride, Colorado. In this powerful conversation, Kara and Erin explore how horses help us reconnect with our nervous systems, process trauma, and rediscover the childlike parts of ourselves we often lose along the way. They discuss the healing potential of animal-assisted therapy, generational trauma, mental health stigma, and what it means to live with authenticity and emotional coherence. This episode is essential listening for anyone exploring somatic therapy, emotional healing, or building a life aligned with purpose and presence.
“We often say that horses act as a mirror—while we rescue them, they rescue us, and together, we create a beautiful healing space.”
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Follow along using the Transcript
Chapters:
(00:00:02) - Introduction to Equine Therapy and Mental Health
(00:01:29) - The Growing Conversation Around Mental Health
(00:02:10) - Destigmatizing Vulnerability and Seeking Help
(00:07:42) - The Role of Horses in Emotional Healing
(00:21:39) - Erin's Journey: From New York to Telluride
(00:40:14) - Defining Powerful Ladies and Community Connections
There's a lot of notions around people being afraid of horses and horses are going to like that they're going to know they're afraid of them and they're going to take advantage of them or some things like that you've heard. That's not true. They don't have that insidious nature. They're not going to try and take advantage of you.
That's Erin Cain of Grace Reins Equine Therapy. I'm Kara Duffy, and this is the Powerful Ladies Podcast.
Erin Cain. I am in Telluride, Colorado in Southwest Colorado and I own and operate a, an equine therapy program and a rescue of wild Mustangs just down Valley, as we say here in the Southwest in Placerville, Colorado. So about 20 minutes outside of Telluride on one of the mesas in a magical place called Grace Rains, as I said, and we We serve all different populations of people, as well as rescue the wild mustangs, and we often say that's a mirror that they rescue us, we rescue them, and just create that whole beautiful healing space together.
Yeah. I think where I'd love to start our conversation today is that mental health seems to be an ongoing bigger and bigger conversation. And from your perspective, is it that people are more in touch with their mental health than they ever have been before? Is there truly a crisis of the human to human relationship and, us to ourselves and us to other people? What is causing this explosion of need, conversation, etc. In the mental health space?
Yes gosh, that could be an endless conversation. And I would say that my opinion is that we've done a really good job at de stigmatizing the mental health in general, that people are just feeling invited to And safe to step into and explore things that they would normally and still do hide Unfortunately, of course, there's still work to be done, but I take the positive side of things and i'd like to think that it's because of that we've really just rolled out this platform of Something is not right with all of us in some ways And of course, there's the whole spectrum of that idea But again, just destigmatizing and allowing people to be vulnerable, it is just a tremendous step forward.
And I feel that's what's happened over the last, 10 years or so, maybe a little longer, but but really just a very Really powerful propulsion in that direction that we're just all saying, okay, it's okay. We need help. We need each other. This is human nature and yeah, I'm super blessed to be a little part of that.
A part of it for me is also allowing myself to be in that space and to be vulnerable and to be able to help people towards that is just such a privilege.
I love anthropology. I love human development. I love exploring habits and optimization, but also looking at general generationally and culturally how we've changed what happiness means, how we've changed what peace of mind means.
And I saw a really interesting article that was actually referencing the Obamas and how they shifted how people view relationships and very similar to Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Are you familiar with that? Yes. So for everyone listening, right? There's basic safety things you need and then food and shelter.
And as you keep going up this pyramid, you start to have access to and conversations about peace of mind and what your wishes actually are. And a lot of first world conversations are in the top of that pyramid. If we jump to something like Gaza right now, they're hanging out at level one.
Can we survive today is like where they're hanging out. And. It was interesting to see how there's a way that you can overlay Maslow's hierarchy of needs into relationship expectations and not just romantic ones, but like interpersonal relationships and how, marriage used to be, oh, you have to be married because you need a pair to be safe.
And then you needed a pair to divide duties and responsibilities and financial support. And then you needed a pair because you needed those things. Plus it was fun. And now it's oh relationships should be inspiring. And I have a tagline called a ridiculous and extraordinary life.
And I also have one called the habit all method. Both of these taglines. trigger people. And I think it ties back to this mental health and expectations conversation of it's, it can feel like a lot of pressure. And so many people I know just feel overwhelmed and pressured and they're not ever going to get to where they get, they're going to be.
And it triggers this cycle. And I just keep thinking about how much of this is self inflicted versus truly something from within side ourselves.
Oh, that's smart. Such smart thoughts and topics. And gosh, yeah, I'm doing that ping pinball machine thing with all the smart things that you just said.
But one thing that came to mind is this sort of During, huge growth periods, there's also a point at which there's an auto correction, right? So we might swing wildly in one direction, and then we just check it. As you said, where do we land in a healthy way? And how subjective is that, right?
I think it's Really important to have perspective, of course because we can't all be skipping down the road all day every day. But what to, what percentage is right for each person? I think disposition is a big part of that. If you're a half full half empty kind of person.
So I agree with you that there is a pressure on people. But I think that what also comes to mind is knowing yourself. So that's a really important piece of all of these ideas. What applies to you specifically, you personally, and finding that which we have, we often lose in our young adult life and into our adult life.
We lose our sort of child like person, which I, we should all, I make a clear distinction between childish and childlike, because the childlike part of us is always available and should always be available and should always be a part of our lives, but we lose that along the way. And so just to segue into my work with the horses, it's one of the most powerful things that space brings you back to.
In such a beautiful and gentle way, it's not a traditional modality of therapy where people are, again, there is also sometimes a pressure that comes with a talk type of therapy where people go into an office and they're talking to a therapist and I know even for myself, sometimes I feel like So Do I sound, whatever, like we're very critical of ourselves, but in the space that we do our work, it really strips away all of that pressure of, how am I performing?
How am I sounding? How do I articulate really how I feel when I'm not even sure? So when you're in the company and in the space with a horse, obviously, language is not the primary focus. There's no pressure to say the right thing or to be the right person because this space doesn't require that or even acknowledge that.
for that matter, right? The horse is not looking at you and saying, what are they wearing? Are they, what do they do for a living? Or what have, what are they ashamed of? And what have they, all of that idea is left out of this context. Of being in an equine therapy space. So that's you set that up with that really smart conversation and idea of gosh, so many threads of conversation.
I do. I feel, I had a conversation yesterday for an interview and we landed at the end of the conversation with me saying that I don't want people to feel hopeless, I don't want people to feel beyond reparation, beyond forgiveness, beyond anything, because I feel like that's a very critical role.
space. Obviously, as we see statistics with death by suicide and depression. And I watched jewel had a post this morning about how when there is a crisis and catastrophe as there is in southern California, those rates obviously skyrocket. People really see the landscape of their lives when they're in a crisis.
And they're homeless there and they're traumatized so they're not even operating with their regular nervous system, their regular emotional construct. So that's another piece of what you proposed to that extreme.
It's. It's been so interesting to see the impact and I'm like, just outside of it enough where for the speaking to the LA fires, like I'm just outside of it enough where I was never in danger, but yet friends, families, clients, so many people in the powerful ladies community were in danger.
And so for those of us in Southern California, it felt like a, it felt like March, 2020 all over again. And it was also really unique to be in that experience and know that the rest of the world wasn't in there. Not that people weren't watching or concerned or horrified about what was happening, but it's a very different reality.
And we, a lot of us have been using this fire watch app and you have to have the. Notification audios turned on so you get the alert as soon as you do. And I realized, Oh my gosh, all of us now are traumatized by this bell sound. It's a very distinct alert sound. Okay. It went on the other day. Just to say Oh, there's an update.
We've contained more of the fire. happened and I was like, all over again. I'm like, wow, like we're going to have to, we forget that sounds, smells, all these things can trigger us. A friend was telling a story last night about how a woman had bought a bunch of chai teas to bring back to an office and that was in a horrific car accident.
So the car, like not only was she in the accident, but it got filled with all this chai tea flowing everywhere. So even to this day, if she smells chai, she gets a moment of PTSD and we forget how it's all encompassing with all our senses. And I can only imagine how being able to close your eyes and turn off and just be with the energy of the horse, how relaxing it must be.
Cause The hypervigilance is such an issue in my world, in my community, it's to just come back down to what can I feel right now, it starts just to relax me just thinking about it.
Got it. That. Yes. Oh my gosh. So much of what you just said is is so powerful and so true and that the olfactory experience and the trigger and the trauma and it's beyond our consciousness, right?
It's not up here. It's in our physiological beings. And I'm from New York. Originally I grew up in New York and my, my brother was a fireman and he was killed on 9 Thank you. Yeah. And some, there were a few references to that over the last week that some people that were there which again, we don't necessarily what we see and hear in the media even on social media, however, it's delivered to us.
is a lot of the helpful stories. What's happening, boots on the ground and all that inspirational, which is important. But of course, we're not hearing the people that are saying, this was like a nine 11 experience for them. And and so sure I've gone down that, space in my being.
Which will always be with me, it will always, it's a part of us but can we temper things? Can we can we narrate things differently through some healing? And it is a lot of it. beyond the conscious what we think. And so being with the horses, being in that equine therapy space just allows you to explore that idea and be in coherence.
Like you talk about how tense we are, how vigilant we are, our fingers are up over our ears and our jaws are tight and all these things that we are. Can really take step by step and I remember being taught that this jaw exercise during covid by a local shaman who's an angel that lives here and I will still do that.
I will still be driving in my car and just open my job because I, I know that this is a lot of space of tension. Also relaxing your shoulders and just decompressing a little bit, As you said, just talking about it gets you in a relaxing type of state, just the suggestion of it.
And someone asked me yesterday, what happens when people come out to my program? What happens? It's an idea of and I, one of the things I note often is that. People will come to, they'll book a session or maybe I know them or let them or talk to them and they come out for their time with us and they pull down the barn road and they get out of their car with their water bottle and maybe their journal or whatever.
And oftentimes people cry. They just get welled with emotion because they know they are giving themselves a space, a time, a block where they're going to be allowed to feel. And that is a really powerful thing to witness over and over again. Just giving ourselves that opportunity, giving, paying attention to ourselves is something that It's really important for us to do and get just get off the wheel, just get out of that space for a little while.
It really makes a big difference.
I fully agree with you. I have, I've had a lifetime of having coaches and mentors and being very growth oriented and very forward oriented and very optimistic as well. In August, I had the realization, you know what, this year has been a lot harder than I'm acknowledging it's been.
And I went to a therapist for the first time and I specifically said, I do not want talk therapy. I like, I was a college athlete. I know that I have already separated my mind from my body because that's part of what you do to just keep pushing yourself. you have to turn off some of the things that say this hurts.
I don't want to do this. And I'm like, I just want to be focusing on somatic oriented things because I have to reconnect my body to my brain. And I want that intuition back. I want that deeper connection to my knowing to come back. And exactly as you just said, just driving the 15 minutes to her office.
I already started bawling and I, cause I knew I was going to a safe space. I knew and I had tried some other therapists out and I was like, no, these aren't my people. No. I'm obsessed with my therapist. She is amazing. I'm hoping that she's a guest one day on this podcast. But we really did like this.
The second I had space to just let all the things out or even be asked a really good question. I think that's another part that. Sometimes triggers people who have done traditional talk therapy, like bad questions are getting asked. And so like doing the somatic component, just feeling things and letting it all go wherever it needs to go.
It just shifts everything, but I, and that feeling too, like there was a moment after I was at Mountain Film this past year where I was like, do I need to move to Telluride? Like my nervous system is different here. And I was like hold on. Why is that? It's I love Shea. I love the people who come for the film festival.
Like I was listening to all the things and I'm like, I don't know if that's an everyday reality, but we should come back here more often.
Yes. Oh, that's interesting. That's really interesting. I talk with people often about taking their experience with them, that it is physiologically, cellularly with them, just as our trauma is, as we're talking about the bells that have love, That stuff is there too.
The good stuff is also there, but we don't, we just forget it, or maybe we don't know it. We know the trigger, we know the trauma, but also when we had a beautiful breath session this week with a women's group that I host on Wednesdays, and it was just this incredibly encompassing breath work experience, and horses dropped into it, people dropped into it, and we talked afterwards about how that's accessible.
When you're not here, it's there when you're, having a hard time falling asleep or you get an upsetting phone call and just tired or having a bad day. Just remember just like for you tell you right is in you also that feeling. is a part of you. But yes, it is amazing to live here. If that's off the table for you, but yes being in a beautiful space, whether it's in your mind or whether you're physically here is just incredibly healing.
It really is.
Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And I know that my physical environment impacts me so much. I can't, it's I can't live in homes or apartments that I think are ugly and don't have good lights. I just, I can't, it totally impacts me. And I feel I have moved a lot. I feel very lucky living in beautiful Orange County.
And that makes it hard to go other places because you're like, all right, that's checked off the box. But I do, I really believe in the AstroCard astrology components of like where there's different places that light you up in different ways that you need at different moments of your life. And even if it's for a weekend or a month, you don't need to move there permanently.
But I, it's so easy for me to feel different in different places also because we don't have to, I don't do dishes when I'm in Telluride, right? Like I'm at a hotel or an Airbnb, there's no laundry happening. There's none of the things that get you into the hamster wheel. I'm really curious about when did you fall in love with horses and when did you, how did you get from New York to Telluride?
Yeah my horse magic has always been with me my whole life. I said, I grew up in New York, far away from any kind of horse life. Very far away, maybe out of the Hamptons, there were horses, but our, blue collar neighborhood was not, there were no horses near us, but they were always in my heart, I always loved horse books, horse movies, stuffed animals, all that kind of stuff and then as I got older, any time I could find, a horse or knew somebody that maybe had Potential exposure to horses, I would be there, but it took me many years into my adult life until actually when I lived in California, lived in Los Angeles for a long time, and I started getting going out to Malibu and riding and just, getting in touch with that life, and then eventually I moved back east to New York and lived in Connecticut for a while, and that's where I found my first equine therapy program.
Probably almost 30 years ago now. Actually, yes, I stumbled on this horse ranch and they were hosting the special olympics that summer and I just couldn't believe that these two things were together that I always had a heart for people with, challenges and special needs. And so when I found this place, I thought, Oh, this is for me.
And I stayed there for many years. It's when I went back to school and yeah. I worked in the film business at the time and for many years also, but simultaneously I was developing my equine therapy education and and hours and just spending all that time with that program and became an equine specialist in mental health and learning and a therapeutic writing instructor.
Yeah, some probably close to 25 years ago now I've had that. Yeah. How did you land in Telluride? My Telluride story is also about my brother. He came out here probably late 80s, early 90s right out of high school to a place that we had never heard of. It's from Long Island. We're like, where are you going to live?
So my brother, George, he came and lived out here and he did obviously come back to New York, went on the fire department, but always kept his love of Telluride in his life and in his heart. He would come back here. often had a whole group of friends out here. And so he was my Telluride person.
And then when we eventually moved out here, which is almost 12 years ago now I had this group of friends of his that I had nurtured my friendship with over the years. Since he was lost on September 11th. So it's really a very compelling place to be. For me, like you were explaining when something grabs a hold of your heart, it was George, of course, but it's also this place, this place is just very magical and healing, not an easy place to live.
For sure. There's a lot of pieces of life that are complicated and difficult to put into place. Work life financially in a small town. It's like a little campus here. So it's different, but it's perfect. I My nervous system has changed. When I leave here and I go back to New York and see my family, I feel very, it's like very frenetic and I have to get that part of me back out of the cobwebs because it's a different, it's a different adrenaline charge.
Yes. Yeah.
I'm actually flying to New York on Thursday. Oh wow. We're going out there to do a photo shoot for one of the companies and I'm excited about it. Like I'm from the east coast. I was born just outside the city in New Jersey and the tri-state areas where there's so many friends and family.
Yes. And I do, I miss being on the East coast. I consider Boston Home more. 'cause we moved up there and that's where I went to college and things, but, or Massachusetts. Anyway. There's something about the East Coast mindset that I feel like I need to dip back into get that bucket filled. And I'm like, okay, I can leave again.
So I'm excited to get a few days in the city and kind of get filled up in that way. When you look at the journey with yourself and horses, what have you discovered about yourself through just the time that you get to spend with them, let alone, not even counting in what the, how you're changing lives, but just how has a relationship with the horse changed you?
It's an ongoing thing. Honestly, Kara, I, it changes me. in so many good ways. It reminds me in so many ways. Also, when I get, worked up and out of my self, which I do because I'm an Aries and I'm fiery and I have lost my way many times with my emotions. And Yeah, and they are such a grounding source, such a reminder of like how I really want to be how, we are all complex and created many different parts of us.
But what do we nurture? What do we feed? What do we want to be most of the time, right? Because we're not going to be perfect, and that's unrealistic expectations. Of course, we have the reactions and responses to things. We have bad behavior. We have ugly sides of us. But ultimately I feel that they are their mirror for us for sure.
And that is not in the same way that it doesn't give us the guilt that other sort of mirrors do where we go off. I hate that part of myself. I wish I had never Seen that part of myself and now that person knows that side of myself, but they don't have any of that reflection on us.
They're just, they are there for you to show up authentically. That's one thing I love to share with people. There's a lot of notions around people being afraid of horses and horses are going to like that. They're going to know they're afraid of them and they're going to take advantage of them or some things like that, that you've heard, but they, that's not true.
They don't have that insidious nature. They're not going to try and take advantage of you. And in fact, they don't mind at all. If you're afraid of them, what they respond to is if you pretend that you're not. So that inauthentic energy is very clear to them, just like it is to us. Like you talked about how we have evolved anthropologically, like we actually have that baseline inside of us, that instinct that knows what's good for us and what isn't, who is feel safe and what feels safe, but we have a lot of systems to override all of those.
instincts that we have, right? We want to be nice. We want to be liked. We have to fit into this work situation or we have to be with these people that we don't really like, but we don't, we're doing that. And if we're conscious of it, we know that we're actually going against our spidey sense against our current knowing.
And when we're with the horses, that's all that exists. We can just be ourselves. And that with what we call this coherence. It's almost like a we know what coherence is. We're in alignment with others, but with the horses, when that happens, it's very obvious. It's more of a letting go of what we think we need to bring into the situation and watch the horse respond to you.
authentically being with them. Yeah. Man, whatever that is, if you're depressed, if you're angry, if you're scared, if you're whatever you are, they're still going to be with you. They're still going to come to you and embrace that.
And there's the the phrase of the mirroring effect. Can you explain what that is to everyone?
Yes.
Yes. It's that. That idea of if you're in a round pen, we only do groundwork with our program. We don't do riding. It's a different experience when you're up on a horse than with your, when you're with them, heart to heart, eye to eye, you're in the round pen with them.
You want to try to downregulate your own self so that you can be as present as possible. And you will see the energy between you and the horse evolve during that time period, whether it be that you're grooming the horse or petting the horse, or you could be sitting in the round pen.
Sometimes, we sit on like a plank or a chair or block or whatever and let the horse come to you while you'll so as you're down regulating and Dropping into yourself, you'll see the change in the horse's energy and you'll feel it in yourself. And that's the mirror effect. That's when we see what we are emulating.
We see how we're showing up in that space, which. Is a really interesting experiment for us to do as often as we feel like doing it when whether you're walking into a grocery store or you're coming home at the end of the day or you're going into a meeting and you sometimes we walk into a space and we go, Oh, I just, everybody's like weird here.
And right. But we don't say necessarily am I weird? Am I being weird? What am I? bringing into the situation, not to incite blame or fault, but just to have that awareness of, can I walk in here with a smile, and change what I think everybody else is feeling, right? We have that ability.
We, and we're offered this opportunity to remember that and to hone that once again, in our lives.
I just had this conversation with my friend last night. We were just the idea of being responsible for our power. We can use our power in good ways and negative ways. We can be really responsible about just radiating all of our stuff out versus we can actually contain some of it a little bit more.
Like we have this dial ability that. I'm very glad that I've had training in being present to now. It's anything else. Are we present to all the time? Of course not. But when you start, because you know it, like this came up in reference to a guy who had come into a party and everyone had to shift for them.
Yeah, because their energy was such that now we all had to change because we knew that they wouldn't. And everyone did it subconsciously. But my friend watched it happen. And it led into this conversation about how The room, it's like the biggest loser theory. I don't like that phrase so much, but a room is going to be dependent on the person who is least in touch or control with their emotions.
Yes.
And we don't think about things that way often. And, even people who see that someone's in that space, the fact that we have power to address it to them, pull them aside, talk to about it. I love, and I wish more people in meetings did the clearing exercises. We do often people talk about, Oh, a 10 minute huddle to kick off the day.
I'm like, That doesn't matter if it's not a 10 minute clearing huddle, because people need, you have to train people to be like, okay, what is in your mind? What are you worried about? If you say it do I just say it out loud, write it down? How can we separate it from what we're about to do for the next eight hours?
Because usually work is not a place to process it. It's just, it's something that I don't think that we pay attention to enough, and we can use it in positive ways. We all know how to walk into a room and be dazzling if we want to be. Correct. So it's of course we can do all the other things too.
We can make everyone know we're upset if we want to as well. What are practices that you put in place to Keep in touch with your own state of being and that regulation that to have your own pulse, like your finger on the pulse of that for you.
So great that you're, you were talking to your friend about it and that there's a collective I believe because anytime I talk about this with anybody they perk up because you're empowering people by telling them that they're actually participating in their lives.
That's something that is not really known to people. They just think, often talk about and I'm guilty of it too. And I think it's a, there's a lot of addictive behavior around this, that we are addicted to complaining or addicted to. We're addicted to those types of behaviors and so we can become equally addicted to this idea of sometimes I feel like, Oh, I hear my husband's like car coming up the road and I'm like, Oh, cause I'm not ready to be, in this space with him yet.
And I go, okay, I'm going to tell myself, I'm so excited that he's home. And I know it sounds silly, but it really works because guess what? You have to be in that space. So if you are sitting there saying just wish I had 10 more minutes by myself or whatever, then that's how you're going to feel.
But that's not going to change the situation. So assessing the way the situations that you actually have the power to change, you can simply say that Oh, I'm excited. It'll be nice to see him, and then you actually do feel that way. Mostly, yeah, or you feel into it, you feel into it.
And I, I have to just mention this, which will probably make you laugh, but I'm sure you've heard of the Mel Robbins let them series. And it's it's like taking over, in theory, regardless of whether, this is the number one best selling thing that's popping out there.
It's a really beautiful delivery because it does the same thing. It puts the focus back on you. Yeah, of course you're upset that all your friends have, gone out for drinks and nobody called you. And of course that's upsetting. And I'm not saying don't allow yourself to feel that way, but also let them, that's okay.
Let them love them. But more importantly, love yourself. Let yourself feel how you feel. Be aware of it because I know for me, I would take that into like months of being resentful or just being passive aggressive and, not calling somebody back or just perpetuating that. What really is hurtful things in our lives, but we do have a lot more control over our emotions and our autonomy than we, we remember.
We have to just remember to take it back and be okay with reminding ourselves.
1000%, and I think it's, For me, it's so embedded in how I coach people because that's why that the have it all method or the ridiculous and extraordinary life is not actually overwhelming because it truly simplifies.
What you're doing, like it, it makes it way more aligned with you. Like you're actually going through that choosing process. What do you want to do? Who do you want to work with? Because we're so driven by the survival component of I'll do whatever it takes to make money. I'm like there's lots of ways to make money.
Like we get so hung up about making money and I'm like, yes, it can be hard, but it's not that hard. Yeah. There's a lot of options we all have for how we want to make money. But yet that fear that it's not going to happen or that fear that we're going to have to struggle makes so many people just delete all the other things that are actually going to matter more than that moment.
I heard a really amazing podcast recently and it's tying back to something that you said earlier of If AI is going to replace all of our jobs, is that good for humanity or not? And they got to this point where the first three, four months, we all might be depressed because we have no purpose anymore.
But then we'll realize oh, wait, it's actually better because we can focus on being a human being versus all these other things that we put our worth into. And I do think that's what's coming up now with people impacted by the L. A. fires is when you have no things and you have no home and you don't have a school to go to, when all the markers of your identity are gone what are you still left with?
Yes. Yes. And I think the people who have done some of that work, I saw a beautiful post that said, we lost everything, but really we lost nothing. We, I have my husband, I have my dog, I have my child what else are we supposed to need? Exactly. I know. It's, so thinking of all of this, like how do you define powerful ladies and do the definitions change when those words are separate from each other versus when they're combined?
Yeah. So many things are coming to mind. I feel that is our superpower to, to not be defined by look, of course we all want to have a nice place to live and things around us. but to know the difference between how we're separated from those things to have that to have that narrative of ourselves, to have that idea of ourselves so that no matter what, where life takes us and what's next and what could be next we still maintain that identity of ourselves and that we're not free falling.
If one of those pieces. Are moved out of the way and it's so many things to come up around fear for people like a lot of what you're talking about a lot of what I personally deal with and people that come to me with we can really break it down to what is the emotion behind what you're experiencing and it's fear often the number one thing.
And then anger hides itself, anger hides and buries the fear we think, because it's like, it's a very accessible emotion for us. And so a lot of times we come out with that, but really what's behind it is the fear. And so I think just recognizing those things and understanding and appealing those layers back, get us back to our power our.
When vulnerability was introduced as a power by Brene Brown, it was like mind blowing for people. It seemed like it's contrary to power, but it's not, right? It's actually our superpower. And when we have amazing women like yourself in our lives, and we actually really share Our deepest darkest secrets and our fears and our shames and we feel collectively held and collectively.
Okay, because we've recognized that we're not the only one, which is an undoing of generational teachings, you have to pull up by your bootstraps and get the children fed and, be okay, even though everyone just died. We don't actually have to be you. And yet we will still survive, right?
That's the sort of equation I think that we have rewritten, that you will survive, even if you're vulnerable, even if you are full of fear and shame, like you will survive. Because you're with people that are going to help you because you've said it out loud. I need help. I'm, I want to be a part of this because I don't think I'll get through it by myself.
And that brings up again, you're just feeding into all my excitement around the anthropology component because community is what's at the core of that. And I think it's so interesting that people who tend to fall naturally into communities with deep connections versus people who are hanging out in communities with more service level connections.
And it's been a big, even experiment for myself in the past about three years of hold on, let's check back in. Who are my VIP people? Who are the people that I feel safe and held with? Who are the people that I'm like, Oh, actually. That's not actually a community connection that I, that's feel safe or rewarding or fulfilling.
And it's, I think, so interesting to look in contrast to the generational components of, my grandparents generation who fought through World War II. For them to be like, what are you talking about? You're not happy. You've got this and this and this. It's we There's that power in the perspective shift.
I see it on a more regular basis with people and their money stories. Oh, 10, 000 is so much money. And I'm like, not to Bill Gates, not to like, that's how much I spend on toilet paper. That's the joke I make. That's their toilet paper bill. So when we can shift, I think as well, like what we're that to that gratitude moment okay, I have a, I have shelter today.
I have food today. I have water today. The sun is shining. There's so much distraction about. Changing the bar for happiness and peace of mind and really feeling connected. And I think the, maybe the biggest battle for this century that we're in right now. We have an excess of choice.
We have an excess of accessibility. We have an excess of people we could connect with. And I think it's going to be the battle of continuing to come back to when you can, when you have all the choices available, what really are the values and the, and what matters, like, how can we still bring a whole globe of infinite possibilities down to five people that we feel safe and seen by, and it's a really interesting game.
I think space and time that we're in and how much that's being influenced in good and bad directions.
And I think that speaks to the threat again of knowing yourself because you do have infinite choices. And you're making them unconsciously and still feeling unfulfilled and still feeling lonely.
Yes. That piece of inauthenticity that is missing where, I didn't really know what I'm getting out of this, but I wanted it or now I have it. Now I don't know how to move out of this space because so again, getting back to knowing yourself because I'm honing those inherent. Senses that we were all born with.
They're still there. We just have to unpack them, pull a few layers off of them and get back to that. I know the inner child was a term used forever. And I do like to say that child like person because it is really the innocent innocence of us. that can really clearly make those choices and really clearly be okay with ourselves because we know that we're connected to that and that's again with the horses helping you find that space a beautiful another thing about the horses I like to share with people is what you were talking about that community.
They actually have in their herd, which is called a band. They have a heart coherence. So when they are living together and come together in a band, they will regulate their heart rates to one another. Wow, it's incredible, right? And the point of that being was that when they were out in the wild and there was danger, the first horse to see or feel the danger, their heart rate would change and all the horses would respond to that.
That's the energy that, it gives me chills. And when, have the same thing. We also respond to each other's energy, obviously. And we once lived like that when we lived in tribes and lived in the wild and had imminent danger 24 7. We once lived like that. So that is a part of our DNA. And again, just getting back down to the base pieces of us, parts of us are, is available to us.
In addition to working with horses, what other modalities or practices are you bringing in to your daily or regular routine to strengthen that knowing that you have?
Breathing for sure. Yeah, I'm a very like I vibrate like I have a very high energy which is great. As I said in the beginning, there's parts of us that just our disposition that we're born with, and sometimes some of those are hampered and And some of those aren't accessible to everybody, I think for me, I've had to just learn to breathe a lot of the time and and just be in check with myself and what a gift it is to learn, sometimes I wish I could go back and change things that I did or, Forgiveness is a big part of our journeys.
I, I believe I'm not alone in, in feeling that way. We have to recognize that we knew what we knew at the time. That's why Angelou said, when you know better, you do better. And that's what we can hope for. I feel like a lot of people are are strapped with a lot of pain, sadness, regret, remorse, and that is a real tender space for me.
I really hope to pull people along on that journey because I know that it's not easy to find the light, but it is there. You are worthy of that. You are worthy of forgiveness. You are worthy of reparation and redemption and all of that is available to all of us. So
I feel that, yeah, even in some of the therapy sessions I've had, like things are coming up and and.
I'll be asked, like, where is it from? And I'm like, honestly, I don't even know if this is my past generational trauma, a past life. I have I can't I'll say out loud. I'm like, I don't think this is mine. I'm like, it's here. We have to deal with it. But I don't think it's mine. Like I, unless I have completely blocked something out.
That I have no context for even knowing that there's a hidden door somewhere. I really don't know if it's mine, but like it's still here. We still got to process it and figure out what I'm supposed to do with it. There's that quote what's happened to you isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.
And I think it just shifts things to, what else is the human experience other than feeling these things and figuring out how to process them. I think so often we want the quick fix or we want to be done with something and not have to deal with it again. And I almost wonder if we could all just take a deep breath by knowing.
We're just going to keep working on this stuff. It's just, it's going to come up in different ways, different degrees, but the rest of our lifetime is going to be. discovering something, processing, being reacted to something. It's the human design. If we just accept it's part of the day, I think it, for me anyway, it takes some of the weight off of this again, like we're not actually going backwards.
Yes, I know, because we don't want to be in the darkness, we don't want to. Try to get out of there as quickly as possible, but it's not that bad, actually, I don't want to impose those thoughts or ideas on people that have really dark stuff, but not stepping into it is worse.
It's more painful and it. Means that there is no end game for you. If even if it's a tiny baby step it just has to be done for peace in this lifetime. Have you read the Galit Atlas book Heritance, I think it's called, about generational trauma? Oh my god, that's out of my list.
Let's explain that to me that you've had things pop up that you're like, no, this is she has she's a new york. They're she's israeli, but her practice is in new york and She's just rolled out this whole Truth for people like sometimes it's not your experience. Sometimes it is your inherited trauma World War II.
It could be what we, but just like we have inherited that we also are passing it on. So that's what you said. It is our responsibility and we are capable of doing it and that's what I encourage people to know and to explore it. Like you can do this and we will hold each other and support each other and As what a privilege it is to help people while we're doing our own work simultaneously.
I love to share that with people. People always look at each other and myself included and think, Oh, this person has it so much better together than me. I wish I could be like this person. And that's okay to have admiration and longing for things that other people embody, but it is for you too.
It's all there for you too.
Yeah, we can't look to others from a sense of lacking, but inspiration, that's okay. At least that's my two cents, I think, but that made me think of as well is there's so many people who having equine therapy could transform things. And I think like any of the other self awareness and discovery things you can do there's a spectrum, right?
One person might go. and move from a zero to a one. Somebody else might go from a zero to a seven from that experience. Someone else might be an eight showing up and it pushes them to a 10 in the positive way. So 10 is the more favorable side. When you look at the like dream clients for you who do you think?
it's great for? And who do you think you really make an impact with?
I really believe that anyone can get something out of this. And if it's just even if it's just to, to thaw a part of somebody out, soften a part of somebody. Of course the more acute populations that we work with, the veteran population, The addict population.
Work with the court systems here too. And we do the community service program. And so I have seen people come back after they finished their hours and they want to come back and they want to volunteer because they just want to feel that way. It's not, I don't even have to be with them or talk with them or have any kind of therapeutic experience with them, but they just want to be there, be around the horses.
Oftentimes like my partner will say, Oh, I really wish that, I could see this change in some of the young people. We have some young children in the program and I wish that his life would be different. I wish I could see, but I know that there are seeds being planted, just like we remember people from our childhoods, adults in our lives along the way that things that were so meaningful to us and did.
did shift the course of our lives. And sometimes we don't see that bloom before us. But I know that those seeds are there and that they're powerful and they're positive. And yes, so I just can't get this work done enough. Like I just want to be doing it all the time. But I also know there's a ReSTOR restoration period for us as well, for, we who do that this kind of work, we get out there and do our work and then we need to go and restore to be able to bring our full selves.
Also, you have to fill back up. .
Yeah. Yes.
Yeah, I think it's the biggest danger of being of service to people in particular is being responsible for the space that we have to hold. And it's not, it's harder than it gets acknowledged I think sometimes to be the empty vessel for all of that. And so yeah the time to restore and repower is really important.
We asked everyone on the podcast where you put yourself on our Powerful Lady scale. If zero is average everyday human and 10 is most powerful lady you can imagine, where would you put yourself on it today and on an average day?
Oh my gosh. That is such a beautiful question, and I don't want to come from it in a from with humility too much because that's how I feel.
That's my reaction to that feeling like, Oh my gosh, I'm nobody, I'm nothing. But in the context of being able to support myself and my community and anyone that comes across my path, I want to put myself Around a seven.
Perfect. We've also been asking everybody. What do you need? Either things that are on your, ridiculous list, your wish list to manifest practical needs.
What is something that this community can help you make happen and spread the word about?
Thank you. Just getting Grace Reins out there and letting people know that what we're doing and that it's available to them. And also I always encourage people to reach out even no matter where they live because PATH, my certifications are with the Professional Association of Therapeutic Horsemanship, which is a global organization.
I can help people find programs anywhere. Because once somebody steps into this experience, it's really life changing and I'd love for more people to be exposed to it and to know that it's out there.
Okay, amazing. For everybody who does want to connect with you, work with you, come visit how can they do that?
Where can they find you?
gracerains. org and it's r e i n s dot org is our website and there's tons of information on there. Yeah,
I could talk to you for hours. I imagine we'll have to have you back on again. But it is truly have been a pleasure to spend this time with you and learn more about you.
I'm already thinking of ways that to come out and to find ways to do some, collaborative events together, especially as an excuse to spend more time in Telluride. But just thank you for what you're doing and the space you're holding. I've said it many times in this podcast, but there's, this is one of the most selfish things I do in my business, but it's also one of the most system regulating for me because.
First, I get to meet incredible, smart women like you, and then I also get to take a little bit of a sigh of relief knowing the whole to do list we as women hold for the global community. It's easier to be like, okay. Aaron's got that. Aaron's doing that thing over there. I can be like, okay, we'll support her, but she's in charge over there.
Great. I don't have to be. And there's just this nice feeling of knowing that there are so many incredible women like yourself doing what needs to be done in the world. And the more that we can stay connected and share your stories it just starts changing the entire energy of this community that we're up to.
Giving us a good reminder of I can keep going because you are, and we're not alone in this process. Oh, I love that. Love that. Thank you for the work you're doing.
Kara, thank you so much.
Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share with a friend. Head to the powerful ladies. com where you can find all the links to connect with Erin Cain and Grace Reins equine therapy, as well as discover additional episodes and learn more about powerful ladies. Join us on Instagram at powerful ladies.
You can find me and all of my socials at Kara Duffy. com I'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Until then, I hope you're taking on being powerful in your life. Go be awesome. And up to something you love.
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Instagram: gracereins_stories erincain___
Website: https://gracereins.org
Email: erin@gracereins.org
Created and hosted by Kara Duffy
Audio Engineering & Editing by Jordan Duffy
Production by Amanda Kass
Graphic design by Anna Olinova
Music by Joakim Karud
