Episode 309: Sex Work & The Stock Market | Carmen Bellagio | Founder of Thottie Revival & Exotic Dancer
Carmen Bellagio is an exotic dancer, designer, entrepreneur, and powerful voice for sex worker rights. In this episode, Kara talks with Carmen about breaking stereotypes, building a business from scratch, and redefining what it means to be empowered. They explore her journey from college student to creator of the Banklet®, her viral success with Thottie Revival, and why sex work and feminism are not mutually exclusive. This episode dives into sex work advocacy, personal finance, and entrepreneurial leadership.
“I feel like it’s about being unapologetically myself, owning my sexuality, being a bad bitch, and having control over my time and my life.”
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NSWP Global Network of Sex Work Project
Use Code POWERFUL to get 20% off your purchase! Visit www.thottierevival.com -
Follow along using the Transcript
(00:00:01) - Introduction to Sex Work and Feminism
(00:01:00) - Carmen's Journey into Exotic Dancing
(00:02:11) - Defining Sex Work: Umbrella Terms and Misconceptions
(00:03:00) - Stereotypes vs. Reality in the Dance Industry
(00:06:40) - Financial Strategy and Business Mindset in Dancing
(00:16:50) - Creating The Banklet: A New Business Venture
(00:23:20) - Family Perspectives on Sex Work
(00:31:00) - Defining Power: Personal Insights and Ambitions
(00:44:12) - Advocating for Sex Work and Feminism
(00:56:45) - Closing Thoughts and Community Support
You can be a sex worker and a feminist. We are feminists here. Bad bitches, for sure, Queens in the club, and just I need everyone to know that super you. Every someone you love is a sex worker. And whether you know it or not, respect us. Please. That's all we ask. We are real. We pay taxes. It's a real career.That's Carmen Bellagio. I'm Kara Duffy, and this is The Powerful Ladies podcast. Welcome to The Powerful Ladies Podcast.
Hi, so happy to be here.
I'm so excited to have you today. You are gonna be one of the most interesting guests that we've had in a long time. Okay? And so let's just dive in and tell everyone your name, where you are in the world, and a few of the things that you are up to.
Hi, my name is Carmen Bellagio. I'm located in Providence, Rhode Island, and I'm an exotic dancer, stripper, whatever you wanna call it, Doty. And I am up to some fashion design. I'm the creator of the banquet, a wearable ankle wallet and wrist wallet that holds a lot more cash on your typical wallet. Nice and safe. And it's really big in the clubs down here, over in Rhode Island. And we're reaching out across the di different cities in the country.
No, I love that. So part of why I wanted to talk to you is that it's not often, like most people either think they don't know someone who is a dancer or they have misconceptions about it. And there are so much overlap and I think so much of is getting. Discussed and talked about in places like TikTok there where it's, there's a whole sex workers hashtag you can be using where people are sharing their stories and talking about things. So I think if we just start at the beginning with some of these definitions, what's the difference between a sex worker and a stripper slash exotic dancer?
So a sex worker is an umbrella term that a stripper or exotic dancer, or like a dominatrix or even an oldie fans model or an escort, all that goes underneath the umbrella term sex worker to keep us, all inclusive, all on the same team.
And then, so I'm sure that a lot of people get confused then, right? If some strip clubs are nude, some are not nude. So how like. When people are thinking about that term, it could be everything from being paid to have sex to I'm just dancing and you can't touch me, or I'm an OnlyFans and you can't touch me. Yeah. Or a phone sex operator even. So like how, is there a hierarchy within the sex worker space of this is classier versus not, this is good, this is bad. Is there inside of that umbrella, are those conversations happening?
Yeah, I definitely think there is. There is a little bit with they call it the hierarchy. The hierarchy. Oh my gosh. I know. Yeah. Yeah, there are definitely like people in the sex work field that are like, I'm not a sex worker because I don't have sex, but it's a term that is coined to keep us all like under the same umbrella because we all in one way or another, sell sex if it's a fantasy or the real thing. I think that's a really good definition. Yeah. It's selling sex if it's a fantasy or the real thing, and there's all these new, I just read an article today in Business of Fashion. Where they're talking about how even like sex toys and sex accessories are having to shift how they're marketing, because Instagram changed their rules again about what can or can't be talked about.
So they were asking like, how do you sell? A vibrator when you can't use the word sex anymore. I know. It's what's happening in like the cannabis space. Like sure, you can talk about it, but don't use the word cannabis. You're like, okay. I know. It's weird the way they censor that stuff. I'm like, where's this free speech?
It is. It's like, where's the free speech? But also like how, and I think most people say yes, we should be protecting kids at the same time, but like, how do we filter for. I'm an adult, I can access this content if I want to versus I can't I'd like a filter on my Instagram for violence.
No, I don't need to see some of the stuff like Twitter X they allow like in Reddit and stuff I don't know. Maybe just Meta has a different. Protocol with how they handle explicit content. But you can, there's even a little tab that you can flip on your profile that says 18 plus, they should be able to say that stuff, but that's crazy. You may, yeah. It makes it a little complicated. What are you gonna call vibrator? A buzz toy?
I'm sure it'll be something else like Chanel handbags or something. They'll give a code word that we all actually know what it is. Yeah. Like when people say Un alive, I'm like, really? Oh yeah. The algorithm hasn't figured out that. Okay, fine. What's the difference?
It's like spooky spooky.
Yes. So I'd love to come back to you and your story. So when did you decide to have a career as a dancer?
I was, it was the second semester of my sophomore year in college. And I remember just being like, I had already sold pictures of my feet for money online and I was working at a grocery store and like absolutely was tired of it. And my higher management was already creepy enough. I was already dealing with creepy men on the regular, and so I was like looking on Craigslist for more like. Foot fetish, gigs at the time. And this was, 2018, so Craigslist was still probably on the fall off, but I don't know, they still do all those personal ads, but instead I saw an for trip club and I was like, OMG I've never thought of that before. Like, how have I not thought of that?
And then I remember I went to one that was like two hours away from me to hide my identity before like I worried about working close to home. And I just remember like hopping up, whipping 'em out, making like $26 and for two seconds. And I was like, like someone threw some money.
They're like, you're hired. And I was like, wow. Okay. So then I, instead of like these college parties, every weekend I was driving like two hours away to work at a club like three nights in a row and staying at like a crusty super eight hotel, which our motel, I should say. And it got better once I realized I can work like 20, 30 minutes from home.
It's really not that deep. And then I just, it was, I flourished, being able to just commute and I'd go to class and then I'd work the day shift. Like I'm a day strip, day shift, stripper, full blown day shift. Sometimes I'm like, damn, like maybe I wish I could work the nights, like in the beginning when I was 19 and I started out, I'm 26 now.
I was totally working nights, but I didn't even know there was a day shift. And then when I found that out, I was like, what? This is way more my crowd. I like the old, chill senile, maybe that's the vibe. That's your crowd? Yeah. Or like it's just more children the day, like not to, groups of people it could be overstimulating at a strip club at nighttime for sure.
I think the ones that have a good day shift, they have a menu, a bunch of food. Like at the club I worked at after that one, they had the best lobster or mac and cheese I ever had. They shut down though. RIPI love that club.
Aw. They probably couldn't afford to keep giving away lobster, mac and cheese on the regular.
I think it was like $35 though. It was like, yeah, I was them menu. It was good. It was good.
So so for people, I'm, again, I'm like, I have so many questions about this whole industry and your experience in it because there's so many stereotypes of what it's like to be a stripper. What it means if you're a stripper. What are some stereotypes that you think are complete bullshit, and what are some that you think are true?
I think a lot of people find that it's, we might struggle with like relationships and stuff, and I think that, determining on what kind of partner you're looking for. When you get into a career of sex work, you're definitely placed in a more progressive, sector of society and you're definitely going against the norm.
And so of course there's gonna be people that are insecure about that and aren't cool with that. And but then you're like, you have to think, why would I wanna be with someone that didn't accept me for who I was? I feel like, I've had relationships, I had partners that like, didn't accept it.
They or they did accept it, but then they relied on me for money and stuff and I was like, wait, I can't do that. So there's like a teeter-totter, like you don't want someone to take advantage of you, but you don't want someone that's just sitting there judging you and wanting you to leave the whole time, not enjoying it or, helicoptering you.
So it's sometimes it's better to keep a open mind in the relationship sector, until, but there's plenty of people with like happy marriages that are dancers or even escorts and stuff, or legal cortisols in Nevada. I'm sure there's plenty of them. Married casual, and especially if you have an open marriage and like you're very free flowing, which I probably would have one day. I don't know. I like reject tradition.
What do you think is a stereotype? That's true.
I feel like there is a little part in all of us that does have a, like an entrepreneurial streak. I don't know if that's like a stereotype, but since we make our own money, we have to manage it ourselves and. Or maybe there's a stereotype that we're all making like a bunch of money, or it just depends.
There's such a range. You could have such a good day and then have such a bad day. Or like that we only make ones, I barely make ones at my club. 'cause my stage doesn't really, we don't make as much on stage. It's more like lap passes in private rooms, which is my preference. And that's why the banquet comes in handy because you can fit a lot of bigger bills in there.
And I'm not really dealing with like hundreds of ones usually. I have before, but you always get those twenties, those tens and fifties and hundreds. You gotta keep 'em safe in your banquet.
I think that's part of the interesting thing, right? Because I think when people, they think that people who are strippers, like if I'm listening to some stereotypes I've heard, I.
Yeah. They come from bad families. Yeah. They have daddy issues. They've been abused. They come from foster care. They don't have educations. They're have low self-esteem. They like can't take care of themselves. They have a drug addiction. Like all these shitty stereotypes.
Yeah, no, it's like some of them, yeah. It's like a reach. 'cause I have. Plenty of friends that have degrees. I have a bachelor's degree, I got friends that have degrees, my master's degrees, nurses in nursing school. Like it's crazy. And we're definitely not dumb. We are so smart. We're so strategic. Like the strategy is actually crazy. Like I love it.
Of course there's there's gonna be drugs in a nightclub space, but I'm sure there is in a restaurant space where you're all like running around I'm, I don't know. And it's crazy. Yeah. I don't, no drugs for me stay safe out there. I'm not saying I've never done drugs, honestly.
It can, but you have to be careful, you have to, yeah. Make sure you don't get too sucked into that life. Of course you're gonna be experimental at one point, whether go in college or you become a stripper and you're at a strip club or you or never. It's probably for the best.
Never don't do drugs, kids.
But I think the strategy part I think is really interesting because you mentioned a few strategic things already of like day shift, night shift. Are you on stage or are you doing more private? I. Rooms like how much, when you're thinking about changing clubs or what your game plan's gonna be, are you planning it based on how much money you wanna make in a week or a month? Are you planning it based on that? Plus what feels safe, plus what works with the schedule? I want, like how does strategy come into what you're thinking about?
So if you like making a lot of money on stage, then nightclub night, night shift night. The night shift is better for if you're gonna make more money on stage.
But also there's different clubs even within cities and they often can have different rules. Like my club, you need to be scheduled three days a week, but I. I have a friend that works at another club and she can come and go as she pleases, but her average is like lower because it's not as busy. And you can tell like some of the clubs, like there's some, if there's some guidelines, it can be a pro and a con.
Like of course some people are like, I don't wanna be on a schedule, but, and then they're like, oh, but that's why it's so organized. Why, that's why they've been so successful this time is because they have a bit of a. A plan. But it is tricky. 'cause when you're an independent contractor like I am, it can be like, and how much do you want to be felt like you have rules, you wanna be more on your own, but you do have to like respect like the, the establishments, boundaries and guidelines to make money in the club.
And I imagine the ones that do have more rules or structure. Are the ones that feel safer, take care of you? Yeah. They're just running a real business, it sounds like.
Yeah, that's definitely true. Yeah, I feel pretty safe at my club. I love everyone that works there while I'm, and I've definitely worked at clubs where I was like, oh my God, I'm scared.
I'm like the manager, I don't know. But this the club I'm at now. I'm like, oh, it feels like a family. I love it. But yeah, like it's a, I don't know. So sometimes, like you could do at a dive bar, there's more like in cities, it's just. So many di different types of clubs. It's like crazy. I haven't traveled dance enough.
I just, I always wonder what is it like to work at like Tootsies in Miami? Would I, is there a day shift? Like I know there is, I think they're like 24 hours or a lot of those clubs are 24 hours. I'm like, maybe I'd work the 10 to five, like that would be like my club. It's like one to seven.
Yeah. And I like that. But I could get up earlier. Legs and eggs. Who doesn't love
those? That's amazing. I think other, there's other misconceptions about people who are dancing, that they're all young. They're all super skinny. They have a certain look. So like how much diversity is there really in the scene?
I think there's like a lot of diversity 'cause there's plenty of dancers. Like I have friends that are like in their forties. You could be, there's definitely clubs that have. Fifties, sixties, seventies, pregnant, whatever. It just depends on what the club allows, I think. But a lot of like dancers that have been in a long time, like they're really good.
Just because someone's, 22 doesn't mean they're gonna make more money than someone who's 42. Because the 42-year-old has way more experience and understands, like you can't sit with a customer too long before you know if they're not paying you, like you. Those are the things you learn. You have to be strategic.
You can't just. Sit with a customer for so long, 'cause time is money in the club. It's like basically the clock starts when you get in there and you're like, how much money can I make in this amount of time? And then if you're, strategic like me, you're tracking like, what's my average per hour?
What day is the best? What month is the best? There's so I don't know if everybody does all that type of data, but I, when I started dancing, I didn't write down how much money I made per day. All this data that I don't have. And that's like, whenever I think about it now, I'm like, every single thing I make, I write down and I track everything and I have all my investments like automated, so I don't have to think about saving for later in life, which has helped me greatly because. Those, those really early years, you can't get back. I wish I started that Roth I a at 19, it took me until 23. But it's still pretty good, hard to, I always tell people, you should get a Roth ira.
I'll help you set it up. Yes, please. So I think this is the part that's blowing people's minds that you have a savings account, you have an investment strategy, you have an IRA, you're tracking all your data. Like people who know me are like, this is why I know people now know why I asked you to be on this app. Podcast because I love spreadsheets. I love that data. But you're thinking about yourself as such a business, which I don't think people assume in this space that people are, but you're not just thinking short term, you're thinking long term as well. And I can't get half of my society accepted business owners to have an IRA for crying out loud.
Oh my gosh. Yeah, no, I know. Like I just, I don't, I just, I heard one dancer talk about it one time, and then I was like, I fell down the rabbit hole. It was like, what? Like I need to start this immediately.
I think the other part that makes you such an interesting human and maybe an enigma in people's minds is that. You are an independent contractor. You have your business degree, you're tracking all your stuff. You have your savings, you have your wealth building plan, but then you also now have created your own product that has a trademark on it. Yeah. And a brand new business. So where did the idea for the Banklet come from?
Okay, so the club I'm working at now, I still work at, so I started working there and they didn't allow purses or phones on the floor, which I wasn't used to. I have years experience dancing at other clubs and that was never a problem. You'd have a little pocketbook, but, so I saw everybody wearing their money on their wrist or their ankle in a rubber band, wrapped around and I did not like that. Like it was not, first of all, it wasn't comfortable. Like it's a little rubber band on my wrist, like it's like overstimulating for me, but it's also like dirty and people can see it and it increases your risk of thought, like theft and loss. So I just was like, all right, I don't know, like what can I think about?
And within a month or two of working there, I went to my little sewing machine, which I've always loved to sew, but I was never would've. I never considered myself a professional. I didn't go to fashion school. Yeah, I that would've been cool. But I, so I had this starter song machine little cute one, a little brother.
And I started getting materials from Joanne's and Hobby Lobby. And I was like, okay, what about a little ankle wall that like wraps around the, like the ankle And the first ones I made were really bad, but it sparked, it was just a little seed. And I keep, I kept making them. I kept making them.
And then I actually took a sewing lesson that actually took, completely took. Changed the traject one sewing lesson trajectory changed of how I made the banquet like I was making it. I don't know if it makes sense Right side out. Like I was sewing it. Yeah.
Yes. Same as if someone's made a pillowcase or every, everything you make, everything you sew is inside out first.
So I didn't even I should've knew that I, you think so Again, I wasn't a professional. I had never taken lessons. I was taught by my mother and my grandmother, just how to hem a pair of pants, a pair of shorts, how to fix a hole.
I could hand sew. But then I was like, okay, let's do this. And then it was the different types of material I went through OMG. It was crazy. Like I did regular leather, fake leather. Cactus leather. Like it was bad. Like it was it was just crazy. So many different kinds until I found silicone faux leather and that took it. That was it. That was it. Because the fake leathers that I was using before, of course, like they're cheaper and stuff, but they would hold wrinkles. So if you were rolling it up and you. Took it off, like you took it off, it would still hold that rolled up form. And I wanted it to bounce back and be more like a pouch again.
And like the buoyancy of silicone leather was just like, oh, this is, feels so good and it's nice on the skin. And it doesn't it's hypoallergenic, so it won't give anybody a rash. And if it gets dirty, you can just clean it. And it's just it's just crazy. Like I never even knew about the material, but I literally Googled hypoallergenic fo leather because the other ones could get dirty, like leather is porous. It was just like, eh, like I just, I knew you're gonna get sweaty just like a pair of shoes gets, but instead of, your shoes getting all stinky over time, your banquet might get sweaty, but it's not gonna stay sweaty and stinky because you can clean it and it repels off all those germs that nice silicone layer made in there.
And then and again, I wanna, I correct myself, I said trademark, but you have this patented, which is
Yeah, both, yeah. Trademark bankrupt, but internationally patent filed. It's pending. It takes a little, it takes time. But I did the whole like, international one, which, shout out to my lawyer. Yeah.
But it's, it is, it's it's something that's changing the game in your space because. You can wear this on your ankle, you can wear it on both ankles. You can wear it on your wrists. Like you could, you don't need to be a dancer to have one of these, like this is where you could carry your cash and Id if you're just going out to a club as a patron.
Yeah, just A regular non-sex worker, dancer at a regular club. I know dancers that I am, that I have, that have given, I've. I have dancers that go out outside of work and they always say they bring it to with them and they'd be dancing and they're like, I don't have to worry about losing my ID and losing my car and my cash 'cause it's on my ankle. And I'm like, all right. It's just it's good when you get drunk, you don't lose anything. I'm like.
One, and you can't, it's like, it's a, it's strapped to your leg, so it's not like somebody can re It's very hard to remove it from you. It's hard to get into it. Yeah. It's almost a safety thing. It's almost like when we, when they used to recommend you travel with the secret belt underneath your clothes. But it's just, it's not, so it could be secret if you're wearing pants, but it's protecting yourself so your hands are free. You don't have to worry about hitting people with your bags.
Even mom said that they liked it. If you're a mom and you don't wanna carry bags, you already carry like a baby bag. There's so many things. Even like I have friends that ride horses and they're like, my horse wants one too. Yeah. I like wanna one day, like I wanna make little mini ones just for fun, for like my friends that have cats and dogs. I wanna get a dog so bad. And I'm like, when I get a dog, like I swear I'm gonna make clothes for it constantly. I'm gonna. I'm, hopefully I need to stay focused.
They get a matching raincoat with their matching banklet. Yeah, it'd be so cute. Banquet on a puppy. At a minimum. You have to make that in Photoshop and Oh, yeah.
AI photo generation. Exactly.
Make as many mini chart on the horses, like in the Olympics for their banklets. Yes. Oh my God, it's so fashionable.
So functionable.
It's functionable, it's fashionable, it's very trendy. I just, I think it's something that the more that women in this space and beyond know exists, like how are you gonna be a dancer now and not have one?
Yeah, I know. It's so scary. Especially even if you work in a club and you make a lot of money, you switch off the ones for bigger bills and if you're leaving the club, even if you have a purse allowed in the club, when you leave the club, it would be really nice to just. Strap that money on your ankle, feel safer. I've seen those videos, everyone's seen those videos of people getting like followed home and that's one of my biggest fears.
I'm like, yeah, but, so basically just, it's nice to keep it really safe and it's also just nice to carry things. It's just, you can fit so many things inside of T other than cash too. Like I bring it with me when I travel and it fits every currency. There you go. A measure. Hello Amsterdam?
Yeah. I'm like, I'm going to the Grand Cayman Islands next week. I'm like, I think it's like the, I think there they have their own, I think it's like the, it's a British one. It has the queen on it, I believe. A pound or a version of it? Yeah, like a version of it. Like a Caribbean pound or something. I need to double check, but I'm bringing the banquet.
So you mentioned the influence that like your mother and grandmother have had on you from a sewing perspective. I know that you recently went on a trip with them as well. You had a three generation. Oh my God. That was my other grandma, but besides great grandma. I love that grandma. So how, how does your family feel about the work you do?
Like how have you had to have conversations with them about why it's okay and why it's safe? Yeah, so wait.
When I started, I told my mom after three months and she was just like, wanted to make sure I was safe. I told my sister right away, but I didn't tell my dad for four or five years, but now everybody knows and I'm so glad I don't have to hide it.
They didn't, they don't really they've both had their moments where they're like, really? That's what you're doing. Like you went to school. And I'm like, okay, but the job I got outta college was paying 15 an hour and you needed a degree for it. Of course, I like had to quit. I was like, and I, and it's not even about the money, like it's about the time.
The one thing that sex work gives people gives. Not just women. 'cause there's sex workers of every gender. Yeah. Like your time is you value it a lot more and you see how much you can make in a shorter amount of time. And of course there's gonna be people that are probably, not the no abundant mindset.
The scarcity mindset would be like, don't get used to it. You can't make that money forever. And I'm like, fuck you to that because if I make a lot of money right now, I can make that money, make more money. Earlier, and I don't have to slave at a job. I don't like making like bare peanuts.
Peanuts and just be sad. I was so sad in emo, like I'd wake up every day at 6:30 AM like, I was like slam my head off the wall. Like I can't do it. I'm just like I know who I am, I'm authority. I just wanna go back to the club. And that's how I told my dad. Oh my God. 'cause my dad worked at the.
He helped me got, get the job after college. But even he's worked there for 10 years and like he doesn't make good money. And I'm like, if you worked there for 10 years, what am I gonna do? Worked there for 10 years. They'll probably never gimme more money than, but they pay you. 'cause that's just like a weird, I don't like, like family matters in the workplace.
I don't know. I love a family business, but I don't know. It was, it was nice working with my dad, but it was just I don't know. It felt a little too close to home when you're in a professional work environment, you have to, it just felt weird, but I just love dancing. I feel like the freedom of expression is so fun.
And also designing, sewing, but, and finance is so fun. I do love the stock market too. I stay pretty in tune and I'm just a, I don't keep all your eggs in one basket. That's always it. Yeah. I love, I've always wanted to start businesses. I've, and even when I was a kid, I was, the lemonade stand girl.
I would sell key chains. I'd just be trying to make stuff, trying to flip for a couple bucks, whatever else I sold in high school. Who knows? We won't say, but I'm just kidding. Like it comes and goes. But I've always been like a, trying to make more money. Even though I did work at that grocery store for five years.
I liked it for the social aspect, like it, but it wasn't about the money. I don't think I, but once I got outta there, I was like, oh my God, how did, how was I here for five years? I think I just was. In a comfort zone. There's people there for so many long, people love it. People love it. It doesn't matter. It just wasn't for me.
Yeah. And there's so many things that, you know, as I'm coaching people through the have it all method, you are working really hard to have everything you want. You're working like you travel so important to you. You're traveling more than anyone else I know. Oh, the. The relationships you have are so important.
You have time to invest in those. You are, like you said, diversifying how you're making money and how you're using it. You have, you're working on new projects like. I don't, I know that there are parts of your life that you would like to enhance and improve, but at the same time, like you're taking a lot of actions that people wouldn't be brave enough to normally take to have the life that you actually want.
Thanks, Kara. Oh my God. No. I know. Sometimes I have to step back and be like, oh, wow, look what, look where, how far I've came because sometimes you're so focused on what you wanna do next. You know how fast you can do the next thing that's on your list of the grand scheme of things you'll always have to do.
But sometimes you have to sit and be like, I really I did that. Like it took like years and I completed, I didn't it. It's never over though. There's never a completion. It's just another goal. It's almost like a sigh of relief when you hit like another. Another. Another point. Milestone. Point.
Milestone, yeah. Oh, nice. It's milestone like just getting them manufactured was like. I can't believe I did that. Like what? And I had obviously people helping me and stuff. It was hard. I had to set up a production line and everything, but it was way more rego rewarding to know that I have a business that can work without me.
Ru like making them, because it took me like three hours to make one banquet and the demand was just so high. I was like, I can't, I don't have the time to make these banklets. And there was discrepancies, like I'm not a professional. Yeah. I'm not a professional and I'm okay. Yeah. Yeah. Even though the people that I would like and the ones I made, like I bare, like I sold them to some people, but some of them I was like, this isn't even that good.
You can just have it. Try it out. Let me know how you like it. Of course, in the beginning, you're gonna give them to your friends and just be like, let me know. Let me know if you like it. And they're like, I can't live without it. And I'm like, all right. That is like the confidence I need. I don't need to sell like hundreds of handmade ban cuts.
I'm just gonna go for it. I'm just, let's go. Like I, I make the money, let's set it up. And now it's cool. Like I, like even this week I had some sales I was gonna tell you in like Texas, and I'm like. I was like in, in my bed when I got those. I'm like, that's so cool. And I I don't know. I know I, I sell a lot of, in the beginning, of course, right now, I sell more of them in real life, like at the club that I work at.
'cause people can talk to me in real life. I can explain it. They know me, they trust me. And then just the internet, the whole internet transition, I'm, one step at a time. I wanna really do YouTube, let's go crazy. And also all the social medias. But yeah, just time delegation and making sure I stick to my goals. I put myself out there more.
And I was just reading today. I forwarded it to my team that Substack is now really encouraging live video content. Ooh. And so for everybody who's I want a podcast, or I wanna do more YouTube, I'm like, just go on Substack and do a Substack Live video and be done with it. It's like how do we. The way you think about like, how do we hack this system for more time efficiency and more money? That's also how I'm always looking at things too, because the idea of a podcast or a YouTube channel sounds cool, but then the 8 million steps that you have to do before, during, and after to like just produce one is exhausting. So when I saw that thing pop up, like about Substack Live, I'm like, that is such a great hack because. It's almost, it's, this could get really slippery, so I'm not sure how they're gonna control it, but you could almost start doing like OnlyFans on Substack if you wanted to. Ooh. But you don't have to. You can just be talking about whatever you want.
It's still your content. It could be behind a paywall. There's so many things there. Oh, I gotta check that out. Yes. I'll forward you the email. Hell yeah. It was really interesting because it's not just for writing, but I'm such a fan of that app right now because of the fact that you can earn a living and go crazy with all the things you wanna share and talk about and do.
And it can be in any creative way, written video, graphics, there's a lot of choices. I need to check this out. Yeah, I love that. Sounds awesome. So you of course. Have your act together, you're on top of things. You're powering through, you're now a multi entrepreneur. Yeah. What does being powerful mean to you?
Like how do you define the words powerful and ladies, and do their definitions change when those words are put next to each other? I.
Oh my God, I love that. I feel like being unapologetically I feel like it's being unapologetically myself and just like owning my sexuality and being like a bad bitch, number one, and just having control over my time and control over my life.
Like I feel like it makes me feel more powerful when I can wake up and decide what I'm gonna do today. Of course there's some things you gotta get done and it's cool that even. Without having a boss, like I get a lot of things done, like being my own boss. Oh, accountability, ooh, is trickling through. I love that. And I always aspire to have more accountability because I feel like, you can't have enough. 'cause some days aren't as easy as other days. Some days I'm like, I don't know how much I got done today and I feel bad. But then other days I'm like, I killed it.
Like today was it, I made it my pit. I love that though, that being powerful, like getting things done. Productivity just all around like being a lady, like just, I love being a woman. Like I wouldn't have it any other way. I just I don't know. I love being a powerful lady. I've, and this whole community is so beautiful.
What's a way that we as a society can support people who are in the sex working space more?
The NSWP, global Network of Sex Work Projects, promoting Health and human rights. Love it. That's like a good voice. There's definitely a lot of like great organizations that help, especially for like underrepresented sectors of sex work, like minorities in sex work that don't have the same privileges as like someone who like me, a white girl it's not as easy across the board. There's totally.
Can you explain that more? What's, what is the privilege hierarchy look like?
Unfortunately, like in sex work, people discriminate. Like especially in clubs, you'll find some clubs are like more predominantly white or there's more like that, like people would call it an urban club if it was like less white people there. That's something that is prevalent. It's ugh. Like they just try to, or like overweight people, so they. They, but some clubs, they are accepting of all of it. So my club is pretty diverse. Like we have a lot of different things, but some clubs don't allow bigger people to work there.
I don't know, or a lot of tattoos or piercings or they just flat out will be like. We can't, we're not hiring or we can't have you. Sorry. Or they'll probably just say they're all full or something. They aren't mean. Usually. I don't know though. You've heard a lot of, you can see online where people are like, they told me, I was like, I was ugly, I was fat.
I'm like, that's crazy. I could not imagine like owning a strip club and being like you are ugly. Leave. What? Like I'd be like but my club's nice. If they don't wanna hire somebody, they'll be like, we'll call you back. I don't know. I guess every club has their own like standard ideal of what they want.
They're perfect. Stripper to look like the management, but they can't, some, I'm sure that there's someone for everybody, everybody got different tastes. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I've definitely I've had guys walk up to me like, you're not my type. I'm like, hi, how are you?
Like, how's your night? You're not my type. I'm like thank you, sir. I'm like, alright, you're not mine either. I'm like, damn, were we getting married? Nah.
How has dancing boosted your confidence?
Oh my God. It totally boosted my confidence. Like I as this is when I was a kid. When I was growing up I was always very, boy, crazy.
I wanna say, I wanna just call it boy crazy. I was always, kissing boys at recess, whatever it would and I've been called slut plenty of times, like across the board and when I was in high school, I started just. Messing with guys that didn't go to my high school. 'cause I didn't like that everyone knew who slept with who or who hooked up with who.
And basically, and then I was in college and just, I had a relationship in college and he was an asshole and I. Believe that. I think dancing helped me not chase boys as much as I did. I put these boys I had a crush on this kind of pedestal and they had shown me no reason to be on that pedestal.
So I think I was just a little delusional. I was like, I sw, I don't know. I was on birth control and I think when I got off birth control I didn't like the partner I had anymore and I'm like, I swear. It makes you like have a different taste of than it. It does, it really does. It's scientifically proven.
That's crazy. I literally woke up and was like, I don't even know this guy. Like in the bed we'd been dating for two years. Like I had to f flee it. It took me like six months. But like I, because I was like, is this real? I just even he didn't even smell good anymore, but but when I was on birth control and I was in college and it was like just when I began dancing it, like it hadn't.
Set in the self-confidence yet, like it definitely was like helping. I just was like the type of guy like longhaired, raggedy, like no job, like play guitar in a basement. That was my type. And then I like got off birth control and had more dancing and I was like, I like distinguished gentlemen and girls and all of girl.
I was like, I don't know I don't like, I don't like dudes that are like, oh yeah baby you gonna love this. Oh, I'll do you so good. Like it. I'm like, I don't know. I don't like arrogance. I don't like, there's just awe. And then you see such a dark side of men, like what do you work as a stripper?
It makes you be like, it does skew your brain a little bit on you, you might be a little hesitant to trust men or you might assume that they might be a little bit, dirtier, suspect deep down. Yeah. Yeah, a little suss. Like you might like like check. So be just a little bit more can I trust this person?
I don't know it. I think your standards just go up. Which is cool.
I think they do as you get older too. But I like that your standards went up when you started dancing because you realized how many ding-dongs there are. You're like, none of these ding dongs are worth my time. New expectations.
Legit. I was a ding-dong magnet like at one point in my life. There's no way around. I could admit that. Not anymore.
Think every woman has been a ding-dong magnet. Like because listen, every woman I know. Is cool is up to something like they're beautiful. Like everyone has a magnet component to themselves. So of course usually it's the ding-dongs who are like, I totally am worth that. I we're at the same level. And just 'cause you're confident doesn't mean you qualify, sir. That's not how it works.
Literally. Like I hate like men like be like, oh yeah, like just only bring like sex to the table. And you're like, dude, what? You can have that with anybody. Like what? Emotional connection. I'm like, you could have that with anybody, but realistically, they have to be like a really nice person and wanna make your life better. If they don't I, oh yeah. Wait. Favorite quote? Favorite quote. Yes. If they don't make your life better, they make it worse.
It's so simple. It's so simple. You have to think about it and be like, would my life be better with or without this person? And if and if you're confused, if you even really have to ask that question, if you're confused, it's probably not the one, like that's and you can be so comfortable in a relationship and not realize that they're holding you back, which I've also had a relationship like that.
Like we were more like roommates. We were friends. I'm like, he would never broke up with me because I'm like, cool to be around. I'm fun. But I knew he didn't really like, like me as much as he could, like somebody else, and I was growing to not like him, and he didn't have the aspirations that I wanted. I, of course, I'm in like, I'm like, I wanna be like have all these businesses and have money.
Like I need someone with drive because that doesn't match up with me. I can't be with someone who's not ambitious. Yeah, like ambition is so hot, like across every gender, like ambition. Chef's kiss.
But it's just because ambition leads to other things. It signifies that they're up to something.
They care about something, they're playing some sort of game. Passionate. Passionate, yeah. Like you can be ambitious about giving kids clean water. It doesn't have to be about generating money so much, but it's like, what are you. What are you committed to using your time to do? And I don't know I think people get overwhelmed with ambition some time of isn't it always just go.
Don't you need someone to balance you out? And I think those of us who are very ambitious know we do probably need someone to tell us like, calm down every once in a while. Yeah. And have a soft resting place, but. It, there has to be some level of what are you up to? Because it's a momentum building machine and nothing's less attractive than being like, I can run circles around you.
Yeah. Yeah, I know. You pick the hottest guy on the planet and be like. If I can run circles around you, this is not going to work.
Yeah, no, because then you're like a ken doll versus a person and looks fade like who cares what looks, anyways, it's all about what's in the heart and in the brain.
Oh, do you have regulars that just adore you?
Yeah. And like they just wanna talk to you and hang out and they're like, you're my person. Yeah. Honestly, it's like sweet. I feel like I just have a lot of like good ones that are really just nice people, but I don't, I can't have regulars that aren't nice to me or like bad personalities.
I just I don't have any patience to maintain a relationship with someone who doesn't feel like. A good person. So I feel like all my regulars, at least like the top three, are like pretty great people and they've never been mean to me and they're generous and they're nice and they're not crazy, which is so important, especially as a day shift.
Stripper too. I don't know if it's just my club, but regulars are really important, I guess as a stripper or any sex worker, regular income, just like any other business you probably want. Yes. If I could have people on contract, I would I would think, how can I do? I love that. That's about, again there's so many ways to make money in the world. I'm just one step at a time .
Have you converted people into also becoming dancers?
I don't try to do that. I definitely don't try to do that because I feel like it's like something you should have the interest in on your own. But one time I was living in my college house, but it was the summertime, so none of my friends were also when they all went back home.
I was like, we, I have this house myself, like I'm living here, but I was lonely, so I went on Bumble b fff and I met a girl and we hit it off, became. Best friends almost immediately. And I was like, yeah, I'm a stripper. And she was like, what? I've never tried. I wanna try. And I was like, come on down if you want.
And she really liked it too. It's just like stuff like that I don't know. I've met people. That. Yeah, like I've had friends that have thought about it, but I don't tell them to do it. I just think I've been in it for so long. I'm like used to it, but I don't like overtly try to bring them in.
But yeah, I love when I meet another one in like in public, in the wild. I'm like, yeah, I'm an answer. They're like, whoa I used to be, or me too. I don't really go out that much. I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe when I'm on weekend, I'm like, maybe in Florida or something Miami, but no, yeah, I'm a, I go to bed at 10:00 PM.
Which, that's the only thing. It's so weird a strip per stereotype that we're party girls. I'm the biggest grandma, 26-year-old. I know. I'm like, it's the people who make fun of me. I'm like, I'm not going out there wait, what are you doing after work? I'm like, door dashing and like melting into my couch.
Just any other job. We also ask everyone on the podcast where you put yourself on the Powerful Lady scale. If zero is average everyday human and 10 is the most powerful lady you can imagine, how would you rank yourself today and on an average day?
I feel like. I wanna say like seven, like I don't know if that's like high, but definitely seven, maybe on average, like a five and a half. I think today's a good seven. I think at my peak I'm like a seven on my worst day. Maybe like a three and a half, four if I'm feeling, down. But at least I definitely have a few numbers in there. 'cause I got a lot of things done off my to-do list over the fast few years. So I feel like I, I feel like validated that I actually got done. It's things that I wanted to get done. Yeah, it's like a big breath of fresh air, but it's never ending. It's a journey and I'm so excited to expand. What do you wish I be more powerful.
What do you wish other women just knew? If you had a message to women in the world, what would it be?
That you can be a sex worker and a feminist. There's a lot of like sex worker exclusionary or trans exclusionary feminists that miss me with that. We are feminists here. Bad bitches for sure. Queens in the club. And just, I need everyone to know that supers you every, someone you love as a sex worker, someone you love as a sex worker. And whether you know it or not, respect us, please. That's all we ask. We are real. We pay taxes. It's a real career. Like it's real. We're real. We're here. We're human beings, human being.
I would imagine that sex workers skew towards being more feminist than right.
I know it's crazy, but sometimes in the feminist, like communities on Reddit, if you say something about sex work, you'll get like banned. Like some of the moderators you can tell like they're not, it's like there's parts of feminism if you're like extremely radical, like where you completely think anything from the male gaze is a thumbs down. And I'm like, okay, but it's gonna happen anyways. What us profiting off of it isn't a w like that's a D for me. And I feel like it's just, we need it. Like we need, like people need affection. Some people don't talk to any women and they come to the club and they're like, wow, I can get over my social anxiety talking to a girl. Just, we do. We do good god's work. I always say every day.
But I feel like it's there's truth behind that in so many levels of one, it's not just for the male gaze, like who knows.
Do it for the girls. I'm dancing on stage for the girls.
It's it's like you why not? Like it's just eyeballs at that point. Whoever's eyeballs wanna be looking great, like pole dances .
I'm not even that good on the pole. I can't even my friends are so good though. I'm like, I'll be like, they're on the stage. I'm staring, my eyeballs are coming outta my head. I'm like, whoa. So
Then when it starts to look like a Cirque performance. Yep. Yeah. You're like, what? I, yeah, there's, I have a couple of friends who have been doing the, like pole dancing classes. And one of my friends, she was a like power weightlifter. Oh, tiny petite, super strong. She goes to her first class and they're already having her do the straight out like flagpoles and other stuff. I'm like, oh my God, holy shit. Like it's so inspiring to see what women can do with their body, not for the sake of. Again, look, even looking sexy, it's wow. Like you can do that. Like it makes you wanna do it to be like, I wanna learn how to back flip.
I know it's so much harder than it looks too, like you think oh yeah, maybe I'd be able to do that. And then you're like, wait a minute. I don't even have like my muscles fully developed in my shoulders to do this. I'm gonna blow up, it's gonna come out the socket.
Or like even just can you get your leg anywhere near where it needs to go? Like I know in your hands you get crazy calluses. It's gymnastics at the end of the day. It is interesting how we so often want to control what something as simple as equal rights means. Like why are there rule? Like it's just, to me a feminist just means that whatever your gender is, you should be treated equally. Yep. And sex work should be decriminalized. What? So let's talk about that argument for a second. Yeah. Why should it be decriminalized?
Okay, so of course there's gonna be people that like ad admire the legal aspect of the sex workers in Nevada, which I, it looks so fascinating. I've never done that. I've always been intrigued by it. But then there's it being illegal, but with decriminalization like. You don't have so many rules.
So from my understanding there, based on what the type of work is, you can be arrested as a patron or you can be arrested as the provider.
Yeah. So there's different, there's, if. In the Nordic model, I think the man gets arrested. In the legal model, you work in a specific establishment and you need a license, but that license might put, you have barriers around it. Like you can't go in certain places at certain times. You have to work in a legal establishment, and that place might take half your money. And then decriminalization gives you the freedom to work on your own terms, in areas if you're a sex worker, like an escort in like a hotel room and if something happened, you can have access to the justice system and it won't be thrown in your face and you won't feel like scared to find help if something traumatic happens to you. So it just makes it safer to be decriminalized.
'cause I think that's also brings up another point where. Yes. Like sex workers are choosing to engage in things, but they're still consensual. And so I think this is also a reason why women who are, who need to use the justice system, who weren't a sex worker, have to speak up for it as there's layers. It's like another reason why to speak up when something happens to you because. You can imagine if women aren't listened to in general, sex workers are definitely not gonna be listened to. And it's the same crime. I know.
It's crazy. Exactly. It's just scary. Like I never wanted, like in the situation where you needed help and like you, it just is, that's why there's a lot of communities online, which luckily, blacklists to, to blacklist clients that, client gone wrong situations.
It's, and depending on again, where you are in the oligarchy, which is my new favorite word. Oh yeah. Horror. Horror. Hierarchy. Hierarchy, and the hierarchy where you are like, it's. There are, there's more risks and there's less risk. Like you have pretty low risk. 'cause you're also in a specific place. There's management, there's bouncers, there's other dancers. Like you're in a pretty safe environment. But then there's people who are in one-on-one situations that. How do we balance giving them freedom to do what they're choosing to do? Consensually, but also protect them at the same time.
I think like as long as like an escort, the escort or whoever's on the one-on-one screens the client like heavily, but even, screening a sign, you never know. Something can turn bad real quick. But same thing can happen in a club. Even though you have people around that you can tell. Sometimes they like, how much can they do?
Oh, a guy got a little too aggressive with me. Oh. Like one time I got bit on the wrist what are they gonna do? I, that was crazy. And I'm like, I've never been bit like outside the club. That was weird, but I don't know. Now I gotta get a rabies test. Damnit. Yeah. Like I'm like, what the fuck?
I just got bit like, it's just so crazy. But in it just, I think it's, the one thing that I think is safer about an escort is they can screen a client and really find the background of a person 'cause they know their name. But if you're in a club and you're doing a room with somebody, you didn't have time to go screen him, you don't know what his LinkedIn page looks like.
So in, in a way, you're honestly sometimes dealing with even sketchier people inside of a, in inside of a strip club. Then. If you were an escort and you had an ad online and you were like, you are navigating the clients that have inquired with you. It's more selective and you're higher charging and you go to a nice hotel or whatever.
I feel like that's why, sex worker is such an umbrella. I feel like I've done so many different things. It's why I don't know what else to call myself than a sex worker. I can say stripper, I can say whatever, but it's an umbrella term. I've sold the feet pics.
But I think it's important too, 'cause people think sex worker and they're only thinking that they're doing, they're getting paid for sex. And to broaden this umbrella to talk to that definition we had before of selling the, from the fantasy to the reality. I think it makes more sense, and it's also looking at what those protections need to be or not be. But all of the protections also sound very similar to regular business protections, regular health insurance, everybody needs and regular access to the justice system that people need to like.
Exactly. A business is a business, so why are we discriminating about who gets protected and who doesn't? I know, like why be treated less human in the forms of the justice system? Yeah, so of course, so much of the anti-sex worker space is often coming from kind of two places of oh, you shouldn't have to sell your body or a religious space.
We sell. How do you bodies all the time in different fields. What does a construction worker do with a jackhammer? Like I know he is, he's on it like he's digging a hole somewhere. Like we, but I go home, I take my body with me. Yeah. I lay in my bed. I here I am. I hate that argument. You know when people say that a lot. You're selling your body. I'm like, literally so is so many people and so many careers. You're selling your physical what? Your hand? A massage therapist. A chiropractor, a therapist. Verbal, we're therapists. Sometimes I feel like one, sometimes things I do, I believe it.
But even like someone going into dig coal Yeah, they're, that's hard. Truly ruining their body. There's no way to do that job and not shorten your lifespan. Oh yeah. You're breathing in all kinds of chemicals. Oh, man. So what do you do to just maintain your health, wellness, your, mental, physical, spiritual self?
I feel like every two weeks or even every 10 days, I get a Thai massage, specifically. I love regular massages too, but a time massage. And the place I go to, it's like a chiropractor, a yoga thing, and a massage because they crack me, they stretch me and they rub me. And it's I usually do 75 minutes. It's like an hour plus the extra 15 minutes of the head and neck, rub bliss, head and neck, whatever they call it.
But I love that and just take in a lot of time alone because especially after the club, like you're so used to being around all those people, you just need to have alone time. It would be really hard if I lived in a very busy crazy h household. I'm lucky I live by myself because when I wanna be alone, I just need to be alone.
But I guess if you'd probably make it work, if you had a lot of animals or babies running around, or a husband, I don't know.
I live for everybody who wants to find you, follow you, support, you buy a banquet. Tell people about it. Where can they do all those things? Thoughti revival.com. That's
T-H-O-T-T-I-E, revival. Dot com and we're starting up a YouTube channel, so watch out for that. And on Instagram we are thoughty revival, but with a zero as the O because again, censored for some reason. And then on TikTok, we're just regular Thoughty revival. So yeah, come follow, get a banquet, keep that cash safe and Cards. It fits a card also vertically and horizontally. The spur.
You're such a salesperson. I love it. I'm, and then for this is a big, powerful community. What is something that you want, you're wishing for is on your manifest list? I. How can we help you big or small?
I'm like, tell your friends, tell your family. Spread the good word of the banklet. Yay.
I'm so glad that you were a yes to this conversation to me, to powerful ladies. It's really impressive all the things that you're up to and how focused you are in making all your dreams come true. Yeah, just thank you for being you and being such a fun, bright light that's out there.
Oh, thank you, Kara. Thank you for having me. It was a very easy yes. I'm so excited. Oh my. You're an icon. I love it. This podcast is awesome. I'm so happy to be here and spread the word of sex work and banklets the good word. The best word!
Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share it with a friend. Head to the powerful ladies.com where you can find all the links to connect with Carmen Thoughty Revival. Buy a banklet and get your banklet discount code as well as learn more about powerful ladies, come hang out with us on Instagram at Powerful Ladies, and you can find me and all my socials@karaduffy.com. I'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Until then, I hope you're taking on being powerful in your life. Go be awesome and up to something you love.
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