Episode 36: Playing Full Out in Life and Sport | Erin Machan | Co-Founder of Project Bike Love

Erin Machan believes in showing up for life at full speed. As the co-founder of Project Bike Love, she’s on a mission to bring bicycles - and freedom - to women in developing countries. Erin shares her journey from competitive athlete to global advocate, and how cycling became a tool for empowerment, connection, and joy. She talks about the leap from personal passion to nonprofit leadership, the lessons she’s learned from women around the world, and the power of doing hard things on and off the bike.

“There’s something really magical that happens in an endurance race. Especially when you’re really present and full of gratitude and are open to it because it’s such a crazy trip in your head for that many hours suffering on a bike. For some it sounds absolutely miserable and in some ways it is. At the same time i’ve never started a race and ended it the same person. I always end it with much more appreciation, gratitude and love, I end it so much more grateful for my life.”

— Erin Machan

• Show Notes

  Project Bike Love
  Hello Possibility
  Landmark Worldwide
  Lugano, Switzerland
  Auburn, Alabama
  Nebraska
  University of Auburn
  Equestrian scholarship
  University of California Santa Barbara
  Philosophy
  Libritarian
  Freedom Fighter
  The magazine called Reason
  Free will vs Determinism
  Hungary
  Chapman University
  The University of Montevallo
  Doctors Without Borders
  Specialized Bike
  Cross Country Cycling
  Endurance Racing
  Leadville, CO 100
  The Surrender Experiment book
  Brene Brown

• Transcript

  Follow along using the Transcript

  Chapters:

  00:00 Meet Erin Machan

  04:10 From athlete to advocate

  10:22 The origins of Project Bike Love

  17:45 Why bikes are a game-changer for women

  25:30 Lessons learned from global travel

  32:15 Building a nonprofit from the ground up

  40:50 The mental side of endurance sports

  48:33 Finding community through cycling

  55:20 Advice for living life at full speed

   There's something really magical that happens in an endurance race. It's such a crazy trip in your head, but at the same time, like I've never started a race and ended it as the same person that started it, always ended it with much more gratitude, appreciation, love. It just fills me up and makes me so much more grateful for my life.

  That's Erin Machan and this is The Powerful Ladies Podcast.

  Hey guys, I'm your host, Kara Duffy, and this is The Powerful Ladies Podcast where I invite my favorite humans, the awesome, the up to something and the extraordinary to come and share their story. I hope that you'll be left, entertained, inspired, and moved to take action towards living your most powerful life.

  Erin Machan is one of the most powerful women I know. She plays life full out in every area of her life. Life shows up and she's there to match it. She's a competitive cross country cyclist doing crazy things like 24 hour races on her bike, and she's also the co-founder of the nonprofit project Bike Love who delivers bikes to women and girls around the world.

  She's a beast at pushing her life to the max. And we haven't even gotten to her day job yet. On this episode, we get into the details of what it means to play full out and show up and be brave and look back and say, fuck yeah.

  Hi, Erin. Thanks for coming on The Powerful Ladies podcast. Hi. Thanks for having me. It's exciting. It is. So you and I met because you and your charity Project Bike Love for one of the first charities that Hello Possibility helped and one of our first graduates out of the program as well, which is awesome.

  And we also know each other through taking landmark courses together and being a part of that community. And I just know you as such a big person both for your friend group and for the bike community. Like you're always someone who's up to big things. But let's start at the beginning.

  Ooh.

  All over. In a way, I was born in. It's crazy. I was born in Santa Barbara. I only lived there for about a year and my parents moved to Switzerland. My dad got a job in lag teaching for a few years, and then we ended up moving to Auburn, Alabama. So I generally say that I'm from Auburn, Alabama, 'cause that's where all my childhood memories are from, and all my childhood friends and all those, those like memories you have as a kid.

  So I always say that's where I'm from. I'm from Auburn, Alabama. But I moved in like middle school. My mom moved us to Nebraska and then I would live between Nebraska and Alabama. And then when my dad got a job in California and left Alabama, I went to live with him. And so I've been in California now since two.

  That or no, since 1999. So for 20, almost 20 years.

  Yeah. Yeah. How old were you when you first moved to Auburn? I think I was

  four or five. I was like four.

  And then how old were you when you moved to Nebraska? Oh, I think I was 11. Yeah. Okay. So like elementary? Yeah. And then middle school and then adulthood.

  Yeah. Into California.

  Yeah. And then I was spent, but when I, between 11 and 15, I still spent two and a half months in the summer and all my holidays in Auburn. So I still in a way was still spending a lot of time there.

  And most people know Auburn are, who are people that are either from the south or really care about football.

  Exactly. College football, war Eagle.

  Yes. Did you go to college there?

  I went there for a year. Yeah. I got accepted onto their equestrian program and went there for school in the College of Agriculture as a pre-vet major.

  This is so fascinating. I now have 50 million more questions.

  Yeah. And then I decided I wasn't really good at that.

  The college part or the veterinarian part?

  The veterinarian part, yeah.

  Let's back up for everybody listening because first why were your parents moving to Switzerland and in Auburn? Was it all for your dad's job and what he was doing?

  Yes. It was all for my dad's job. Anybody who knows anything about professors or teachers getting their PhDs and looking for jobs, it's really difficult.

  And he was pretty much chasing like a tenure year job at a university and out when he left Santa Barbara. So I was born in Santa Barbara. He got his PhD at Santa Barbara. Okay. And then he got a job teaching at a college in Luana, Switzerland. And then he got offered a tenure position at Auburn and he was at their philosophy department.

  And your dad has also been a pretty well known guy in his field. Yes. Can you tell the audience a little bit about what it was that he studied and taught?

  Yeah, he, so my dad had a PhD in philosophy and he studied or sorry, and he taught philosophy courses. He also taught business courses mostly like business ethics.

  And he wrote a lot of books on that as well. And he was a very active libertarian. I would even call him an activist in a way. He was definitely somebody who fought for what you would call a freedom fighter in some ways. And he founded a magazine called reason many years ago.

  And Reason Magazine was something that he was very passionate about and spent his life writing for. And so he was a, he is a writer a journalist. He wrote for the Orange County Register. So it was a very. Much more like political philosophy. Things like that sort, things that oftentimes were, are still over my head.

  He's still, to this day, the most intelligent person I've ever known in my life.

  Yeah. So growing up, what was it like for you to be in a family where you're moving for your dad's work and education and philosophy are such a, an important integral part of the family in his life and, just going through that space?

  Was it fun? Was it an adventure? How did you view it at the time?

  I think with anything it had. I had really, it was really great and it was also really hard. I think as an adult I appreciated a lot more as a child. I think I maybe was a little bit more frustrated with it. Our dinner table conversations were oftentimes arguments about things that were subjective versus objective and free will versus determinism and what, like we'd have these big discussions about what opinions were versus facts and this is what I, this is literally what our dinner conversations were since I could talk.

  And I think part of me as a child was frustrated by it. The other thing about my dad was an immigrant. He was born in Hungary and came over here when he was 18 and he didn't speak English, so that was a big part of who he was, it was becoming an American.

  And so part of that was the way that we talked, like growing up in Auburn, he didn't like that I'd come home from school with a southern accent, like he wanted it to be. He was always correcting my speech and the way I said things. And so he was really see how much he loved me. And the ways that he showed it, it was just different and, but as a kid it was frustrating.

  Yes.

  Like I moved around a lot too growing up, and we definitely had some interesting dinner table conversations, but they were not, that, it wasn't, PhD student level conversations when I was a kid about what we were talking about and how the world was being impacted. But it seems like within the way that I know you, like you're, you are you're so determined and driven, but equally like free and happy to just really pursue your own passions.

  Is that something that your parents taught you or is that something that you've discovered along the way

  along? I think it's a combination of both. I think my, I think my dad was unapologetically himself, was what he was passionate about regardless of what anybody thought.

  Even us.

  So I would love to also go back to how you got an equestrian scholarship, because that to me is really fascinating because I didn't even know that was a possibility.

  Yeah. It to be honest, that's, it's, that's one of the biggest, like turning that was a really big time in my life to be honest, because that was something that I worked really hard to do.

  I rode this here in California and I wanted to go to Auburn and I, it was like my dream since I was a little girl. Like it was the dream. I was gonna go to Auburn, I was going to ride horses. And so I applied and I had to go through all these steps. Like I had to take a video of me riding.

  To age myself. It was on VHS, so remember, like you had the big ass shoulder recorder, oh, yeah. And it like recorded onto a VHS, and then you have to like, send the VHS in and they review it. And it was like just videos of me showing and writing and then you try out and that, that's like your tryout.

  And I got accepted on a team and that was like, I don't know how personally you want me to go, but I just, I, in a lot of ways, I just, I didn't, I threw it away. The first semester was really hard and I had moved away to this really big school, and I was a Chapman that only had 20 people at the most in the class. And now I was in an auditorium with 300 people thinking about all the classes and I'd show up. And this equestrian team they were all like friends and they'd been on there for a while. And I was coming in as a transfer 'cause I wasn't a freshman, so I was coming in like in, in the middle.

  And, I don't know, I just guess I, I let a lot of my insecurities get the best of me and I eventually quit the team. 'cause I never felt good enough. And it was a really strange thing. I still rode horses after that, but I somehow, I don't know, I don't really, I just kinda gave up on it halfway through.

  And then what after you after you walk away from something that's been your passion for so long, like what did you focus on next?

  I guess what I was gonna do next. It's hard when I'm sure there's a lot of other, like 20, 21 year olds that can relate to this, but it's like you spend your whole life wanting to do something and then you get it and then it's I, I got it and I got there and I just don't know if I was really, I didn't really have what it took.

  I wasn't mature enough. I'm so impressed by 20, 21 year olds these days that I meet that are just like kicking ass at life. I was like, not there at 21. I was I had no idea what I was doing or what I wanted to do. Like I didn't, it had such a hard time making future goals and I always felt like I was running.

  It's not like running to something and chasing something and then I'd get it and then it wasn't good enough so I'd chase something else. And and that's what happened. I was in California. This is on I, to backtrack a little bit, I was in California, I was going to community college.

  And my best friend had committed suicide. That's when I woke up from being a like, I don't know what you call me just I wouldn't say I was a deadbeat, but I wasn't doing anything with my life really. Like I was just going to community college and serving, I was like, I have to do something different.

  Like I have to, 'cause this is it is just one of those moments, and so I immediately transferred to Chapman University. I started getting my shit together so I could, get the resume like I needed to be able to go to Auburn. And then after a year of going to Chapman and like getting good grades and in a sorority, I was like doing all the things that I was really supposed to do and I turned my whole life around, but I think I did it in this way that was very like. I like, I was like forcing it, it was like survival, I wasn't really like present to it, so I don't, so once I finally made it all happen and I got to Auburn and like the reality set in of all the things it was gonna take to succeed at that school and succeed on that program, I just don't, I didn't have it yet.

  I was just like, okay, now I'm gonna run to the next thing. And so then I moved to like northern Alabama and I went to this school called Montevallo. And then, after that I like packed my stuff and I moved myself back across the country and came back to Chapman. So just

  so even after you, you got into Auburn and you went to the two other schools and I look at, who I know you as is somebody who is intentional with how you spend your time and what you do.

  Like where did that change happen for you between being there and getting through college and like who you are today? What was, were there other turning points that really solidified what you care about and how you're gonna spend your time? Because and maybe we should also tell everybody that what you're doing now.

  So let's do that first and we can come back to the joke between them. Because I think once people know what you're doing now, it's like, it's it's amazing, which is why I asked you to be on the podcast. Thank you.

  I'm doing gosh and doing a lot of things in my life right now. I think my life is so incredibly amazing today compared to thinking about how it was when we were talking about, at 2021.

  I, right now I am the co-founder of Project Bike Love she mentioned earlier, which is a nonprofit that delivers bikes to impoverished women around the world. And we've delivered like over 300 bikes at this point to women and children. And that was something that I never in a million years thought that I could do or that I possessed the ability to do or that I could ever figure out.

  How to do that, and nor did I ever even know I wanted to. It's funny because my co-founder, Belin, she like grew up a humanitarian. She is like everything. She's the most inspiring person to me. As a child. She wanted to give back. She was gonna be a doctor, but she didn't wanna be a doctor that made a lot of money and worked in a fancy place.

  She wanted to work for Doctors Without Borders and she needed to learn all the languages, so she could speak French and Spanish and English, and that to me is so incredibly removed from anything I thought. As a kid, like when I was a kid, I was I don't know, I was like really unhappy and in a way very like self-centered.

  And to have, to meet this woman who is so passionate about humanitarianism and her wanting to actually do this with me I don't, I like just have so much gratitude for it. We it's cool. It's a great dynamic because it's I am somebody who found this passion much later in my life and she's someone who's had it, and in some way we balance each other out a lot.

  As soon as I went and, that from, working with you guys in Hello possibility to being like, okay now you guys need to go figure it out. And I'm like, what? Wait a minute. I really like the comfort of someone else doing all of this for me, and, so that took a lot and it, I look back and I, that girl at 21 that like quit the equestrian team and moved here and moved there and was constantly like looking for the easiest possible way to now being able to like really get through the hard stuff and like powerfully. And and that's really like project bike club's been a big practice in that for me.

  As far as just a lot of things like being told no, a lot failing, a lot not reaching the goals that I set and still doing it anyways. And then, I also. Work. That's my side, that's my side job, right? That's my full-time side job. And I work full-time for specialized bicycle components, which is a bike company, and I am the mountain bike technical expert.

  And I teach mountain bike product and suspension and stuff to retailers all around the country as well as to other teammates globally, which is honestly it's a dream job. It's so much fun. It's so rewarding. It's so hard. And I love it. It's just, it's a, it's such a cool, I don't know, it's such a cool job.

  And again, like it's just something I never in a million years thought that I would be doing.

  I obviously there's a theme of bicycles in your life and. There's, it's such a passion of yours and what we haven't gotten to yet is how you spend all of your free time, at least from my perspective, whenever I am following you on Instagram or on Facebook, like you're always riding somewhere.

  So do you wanna tell people what type of riding you do and how you compete? And I'm just gonna be curious, like how did you get into it?

  So after I got out of, after I moved back here to California from Auburn, I had stopped riding horses for a while, but eventually I got back into it and I was riding a lot.

  And something that may not be surprising to a lot of people, it's really fricking expensive to ride horses in California. Yeah. Much more expensive than it is in Alabama. And so I was. I was like working three jobs and all of this stuff to just pay for my horse. And eventually I realized, like I just came to the decision, I couldn't do it.

  I tried and I tried to hold on and I just, I couldn't do it. So I was obviously devastated. It was like saying, it was almost like a death, it was like its own kind of grief. Like you're saying goodbye to something that you've chased your whole life.

  That was like your love. And I, a friend of mine had suggested. That I ride a bike because I want, I didn't wanna be in a gym. I wanted to be outside, but I still wanted to do something active, but it couldn't be as expensive as horses, I just needed a new hobby. And so I was introduced to cycling through a friend of mine, and honestly, it just escalated quickly.

  Like my very first ride, I had bought a bike on Craigslist for $200 and I was in like gym shorts and sneakers and like some old helmet, it was just so typical. It was just like my first ride, I get on this bike and I get on the river trail and, I think I rode 25 miles.

  Only. You would time only you would. Yeah. And that's and it just, things for me that I'm passionate about escalate quickly. They just do, I go all in. With everything, whether it's relationships hobbies, whatever it is, I just, I know right away when I fall in love with something and then I just put everything into it.

  And that's what cycling was for me. And it evolved. Like before it was just road bikes, and then I started doing triathlon and it evolved. I was like, I don't really like anything but riding the bike. So I didn't want, so then a few years after riding somebody, I borrowed a bike from somebody and I did this local race in Orange County, called Over the Hump.

  I think you've been there. You went there. I have.

  I've been to a couple. Yeah. It's at Irvine Lake.

  Yeah, it's amazing. It's just weekday party and there's 700 people that show up to race their bikes on like a Tuesday night. It's incredible. And I did that race as my very first like mountain bike race and I was on like a, just like an old bike that was too big for me and I raced the beginner category and I won your first race.

  I won my race, my first race, and I was like, I was, I felt like I was gonna throw up and I was dirty and I think I might have even crashed once and I just fell in love. I'm just, I'm an adrenaline junkie in a lot of ways and but more it's just so challenging and it's not an adrenaline like I'm chasing like the adrenaline.

  It's more just like when I have something I'm really afraid of and I do it anyways and. I succeed in some way. It's like addicting to me to like, to do things I'm afraid of and then be okay. Yeah. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's it makes total sense. That didn't develop.

  Yeah. It just, it didn't develop until, probably like my thirties, like early or late twenties. Maybe even when I was 30, there was like a huge change. And that became, I didn't run away from things anymore. I more started to face them and then that has almost become just like what I'm up to.

  Oh, I'm really afraid of that. Okay, I gotta do it.

  What happened when you were 30 that led to this transformation?

  So this is like one of those things that just going back a little bit. When I moved back from Auburn and moved back to California when I was like 23, around 23, I met a guy and fell in love and it was really not the healthiest relationship.

  There was a lot of ups and downs and, I'll spare the details, but it just, it was just kinda one of those back and forth. I knew it wasn't good for me, but I really loved him, so I always would really try hard to stay. And then we'd break up and then we'd get back together and we'd break up and we'd get back together.

  And that pretty much was my entire twenties. 23 to 30 was that. And we had gotten engaged when I was like 25. And. Broke it off. And then he had got sober and then we had become friends, and then we got back together. We decided we'd try it again. 'cause we were new people now, and at 30 year, like actually just before my 30th birthday in February, I, he proposed to me again and I said yes again.

  And so then there we were planning another wedding and nothing was like, it wasn't better, nothing was better. I remember even when we were getting engaged, I was like, what is that? Why are we doing know? But I kept doing it. And I don't know if any, you can probably relate to this, but it's just there's things in your life that you don't know why you're doing and you keep doing it.

  Yeah. We wanna be in it. And I remember telling my best friend, I was like, you know what? What's the worst that's gonna happen? We're gonna get divorced. She's that's not how you start a marriage. But somehow I was just like, okay with it. We'll just go through it, even though there's pretty much, it's not gonna last, and and I remember when I broke it off that time it was really hard and it wasn't necessarily that I was losing the relationship, but I was just like, what the fuck is wrong with me? And that's a really devastating feeling to have about yourself because it's just there's so many things wrapped up in it, like the not worthiness, the like, why do, why am I not, like, why can't I do what I say I'm gonna do?

  Like, why do I keep ending up in something I don't wanna be in? There's, it's just like nothing. My emotions and my reactions and what I wanted, like nothing added up. Yep. And it was, I just was falling apart. And to be honest I sat at my dad's house, obviously. I moved back into my dad's house at 30 years old.

  Here I am 30 years old, moving into my parents again, and just thinking like, God, what's wrong with me? And I just cried every day. I laid in bed and I cried. I watched the entire breaking bad series on Netflix, like in a month. That's impressive. Like I was depressed. And I knew I needed a change.

  And at that point I honestly was like, I'll just do any I will literally do anything. And my friend Arden had done this thing called Landmark. And so she and I couldn't afford it. 'cause again, I didn't have a job. I just moved to my dad's house. I just ended a marriage, like all of this stuff.

  And so her and a friend of mine that had done Landmark, paid for me to go. And I, that literally, that changed, that just literally changed the entire direction of my life. Yeah. In a lot, in so many ways. I can't even, like so many ways out of three days. And I walked out of there a totally different person than I walked in, walked.

  And not because anything about me had changed in three days, but like my pers my perspective on like life and who I was and what I was capable of, like completely changed. And a huge process started in just forgiveness and compassion and love. It just opened my heart so fucking big to this world. I have never been like, so in love with like life and anything since then. And then that kind of just opened up a whole new world of like possibilities of what like I wanted to do in this like short little life we have.

  Yeah. Which is amazing. And for everyone that's listening that isn't familiar with Landmark, it's a transformational leadership program.

  That a actually a lot of people who have been on the podcast have either taken or I've met through someone who's taken, and it tends to collect people who I don't know if they're destined for big things before they got there, or they're just, they know there's something more and. I don't know anyone that's gone through it that hasn't found something to do that's bigger in their life than they were before.

  And it's not like some crazy cult thing. It's like a three day workshop about figuring your shit out. That's really, yeah. Sorry, Jordan's shaking her head.

  No I wanna tell, I want to, for those listening, it is not a cult thing. Yeah. As much as someone might think it is. I have taken it and I have taken like the communication course and I am here now.

  You like, yeah. Both you and Erin and myself have created lives that. May not have happened if that, if you hadn't gone through the course basically. No. Yeah. And

  Erin I'm the same way. Kara ended up paying for my course and I actually paid her back for it. Yes. So

  that's what I did.

  They paid for me. And when I was in there I was like, I'm gonna pay for somebody else to go now. Yeah. You pay it for the minute you go, it's just, yeah. It's so huge. It's so huge. And it's funny because people talk about it like, like it's a cult or something. Like they'll make these things like, oh, it's like a, what's that?

  Amway? Yeah. They'll make Amway jokes. And the thing is like the, is that I know that everybody who walks in that door makes an impact. And in the world. Even in the smallest way and some in the biggest way, like I have seen so many things transform in those three days with families, friends.

  It's who cares what it is? Like it's so powerful and so many people benefit and are impacted by it. It's just, I don't know why anybody would be afraid to do something that's like. Just so powerful.

  I can tell you why my fir, my first instinct going into even I our dad took it.

  Yeah. And he invited me on the last day or the last kind of his Tuesday night session. And I hated it. I was like, these people are way too happy. Who are these? I can't do it. I'm like, they're way too happy. It's a cult. Like all the thoughts that anyone could imagine all went through my head and I was at my lowest of lowest points.

  And I did it. And I remember the first day like fighting it and fighting it. And the end of that day I was like, oh yeah, I have to go back the next day. So

  yeah.

  What impresses me is how like you, when I like what I know of you as really is someone who cares about. People in the world and leaving in a better place and like really eating it all up like that, you are a yes to.

  Let's have an awesome life. And I love that you are the person creating it for yourself despite any circumstances or what shows up in your path. And I really honor and respect you for how vulnerable you are about like, what's happening. Like you're not afraid to put it all on the line for what you actually care about.

  And that's just, it's really honorable to me that you're willing to play that, that much out. That a lot of people are they just, everyone has a thought that I can't do that or that's not for me, or that's somebody else is better and one it's bullshit. And two yeah you, anyone can have access to having the, a life better than they thought possible.

  But you do need to play all out. Like you can't. You can't worry about looking good and having a great life at the same time.

  Yes. That honestly gives me chills because it's so true. And I, and it's funny 'cause I work in an industry and especially in a company that's very this, like it's all about being cool.

  And and. I have a hard time in those environments, which is, it's funny because it's comes full circle, right? One of the things that happened when I was, that 21-year-old in the equestrian team is I didn't feel cool enough to be on that team. Yeah. They were all so much cooler than me.

  They all knew each other and they were the cool girls and this and that. And it couldn't I always felt not good enough to be in it. And now fast forward to being 34 years old and walking into specialized and now it's like this, cool kids company and everybody's gotta be like, ugh.

  I don't even know how to explain it. It's just, that's the best way to talk about, it's really just saying, it's all about being cool and looking good. And I remember telling myself, when I took this job that like, I wasn't gonna fall into that again. Like I was going to be me unapologetically me, and I was gonna be okay with that.

  And I feel like I've done that. I've been, and I feel like I've been able to stay committed to that, agreement I made with myself, because I just think in a world that's it's so much about looking good, that I'd rather feel embarrassed sometimes, or dorky or annoying.

  I'd rather feel all those feelings than try to be cool enough. Yeah. If that makes sense. And I, and it helps because people want that. They want that vulnerability and that realness to connect to. Because you can't connect to coolness. No. There's there's no connection in coolness you, it's all the connection happens in the real moments when you, like, when you can be like, oh yeah, you too. Or, oh yeah, me too. And then that's when you're like, oh wow, we're all really the same. So you're not really cooler than anybody else,

  And as an outsider, it, I like chuckled to myself thinking about the bike world being cool.

  'cause I'm like, but everyone is an obsessed bike nerd. What do you where?

  I know that's the best part. Nobody's cool. Yeah. Like we all wear Lycra and dorky outfits and ride bikes and, we're not cool. It's just so funny. It's just so funny. It's just like that type a, male dominated industry, oh, but. And I'm not, and I'm not saying anything bad about the people that I know through my company. The people I work for and work with are amazing humans. So yeah, it's definitely. It's, I have so much gratitude for the relationships I have with the people I work with. Very fortunate.

  I really respect everybody that is working in a highly specialized competitive sport world.

  Whether it's the people I've met through running or the people that I've met through, working in the sports industry that are so committed to progressing themselves competitively and the sport and like getting as many people as possible to get feel the passion that they feel about why they cycle or run or swim for miles.

  Like beyond rational thoughts, distances that people do. Yeah. Even yourself, the competitions, 'cause there's mountain biking and then there's, is it cross trek? What's the like at over the hump? What is that called? That type of. Cycling. Like

  cross country.

  Cross country. Okay. And then, because you also compete in the crazy long distances of that.

  Yes. Which would be like in, it's called endurance racing.

  And how many miles is that?

  Ooh, that depends. So the, that's, that was, that's an interesting one for me getting into that because it just, I wanted to push myself and just see how far I could go. And a friend of mine had suggested I do like this, I guess it was 50 K. And I did it and I did great and it was so much fun. And so like the next year I did a hundred K and like that was my limit. I did this a hundred K race and I, it was so awesome. And then another friend's Hey, you should do this 12 hour race.

  And I was like, okay. So I right. Okay, why not? I'll try it. And then so I did it and I did this 12 hour race and I think I, I got second place and I was like God, I rode my bike for 12 hours and did a hundred and something miles and it was like crazy in, you're like in your head for, and you're just alone on your bike for 12 straight hours.

  It's nuts. And then I qualified for the Leadville 100, which is a hundred mile mountain bike race at 10,000 feet of elevation that pretty much goes between 9,000 and 12,000 the entire time

  in Colorado.

  And I did that and like I finished. Yeah, that's in Leadville, Colorado. It's like a pretty prestigious race out there.

  And you have to qualify on like a draw like a lottery. And I qualified at a race out here actually in Tahoe. And and then I did that. And then I did, and then of course, someone's why don't you try this 24 hour race? Okay. So then I rode my bike for 20 hours straight in a 24 hour race.

  And then, and it just, and. I don't know. I just like to try things in this, it's I'm just like waiting and it's like I wanna keep doing it until I finally am like, okay, that's what I can't do. Yeah. I've found my limit, but it's like everything that I've set out and trained to find that, limit.

  Like how far can I go and how long can I ride my bike? And there's something, it's, there's something really magical that happens in an endurance race, especially when you're really present and full of gratitude and are looking for, or are open to it because it's such a crazy trip in your head for that many hours suffering on a bike.

  And to some it sounds absolutely miserable and in some ways it is. In some ways it absolutely is. But at the same time, like it's just. I've never started a race and ended it as the same person that started it. Yeah. I've always ended it with much more gratitude, appreciation, love, like it just fills me up and makes me, I don't know, so much more grateful for my life and the fact that like I got, that I got through it or that I did well, or that I survived the really low points and, yeah, I don't know. It's a crazy thing, but for me it's very rewarding.

  I just love the approach of when somebody asks you to try something that you just say, sure, I'll try. And there's so much that people can get out of just adopting that philosophy to what shows up for themselves, whether it's a new job or a new project, or a new language or a new place to visit, because there's so many amazing things to experience in your lifetime, whether it's feelings or peoples or tastes or locations.

  And if you don't go and try it, like you really will never know what you're capable of, what you enjoy, who you could meet. There's so much behind that of being a yes for your, for life to see what's actually gonna happen. Like you don't know, like we're not good at. Planning or dreaming a life as big as we could have one.

  Like we are never gonna be big enough. Yeah. When we're pre-planning. Yeah.

  Yeah. I read this book last year called the Surrender Experiment.

  Ooh.

  And it's a Buddhist book. It's really good. It's a little bit it's very like spiritual, a little bit like, this is about a guy who like meditates all the time and like how he just started saying yes to the universe and this and that.

  And last year, I, last year I went through a breakup, moved away from a place I lived for 19 years, started a brand new job in a town where I didn't know anybody. And was like, like I was just really in a lot of resistance to what was happening. I was still say I was still showing up and doing it, but like I was having a really hard time finding like my joy.

  Yep.

  Because everything that I can connected to was like gone. And I had to start over and I, people would say it's one thing to go through a breakup. It's one thing to start a new job and it's one thing to move away from your home and you do all three at the same time.

  And so I read this book and it just like really changed my. It really changed my perception on things because I just started saying yes to the universe. And it was, it, and I took that on, right? That was something like I committed to my life. Like I was going to take on this surrender experiment in my own life and say yes. And like everything life threw me. And and this, you knew Matt Weber. Yeah. And he died tragically in September while I was in the midst of this like surrender experiment in my life. And for everyone I remember.

  That's who you were dating before, correct?

  Yeah.

  Okay. So Matt Weber was an ex-boyfriend that I dated for a year and a half. He was there with me when I started project. He was a board member on Project Bike Love. He was actually with me when my dad died, and he was a huge part of my life, and him and I broke up. And then we became really good friends and had had a really great relationship.

  Honestly that's one of the miracle relationships in my life that like people don't think you can have. But to have a powerful breakup where you like still really love someone and even though there's like hurt and things that happen in your relationship, like you sit down and you get complete with it and you define what the rest of your relationship is gonna look like.

  Like Matt and I fucking nailed it. It was like, it was honestly the most important relationship in my life because of that. Yep. Because of the fact that we had a beautiful relationship and then we had a beautiful breakup and then we had a beautiful friendship and. And it wasn't because it didn't hurt or because it wasn't hard.

  It was just 'cause we both showed up. Yeah. Con and then he went to south America to travel. 'cause he had just he had just like his job had just, he had, he got let go from his job and he was looking for another job. So he went to South America to travel. And we talked like every other day and it was so beautiful.

  'cause he just took this he took this leap to live big, and do something that he hadn't or wouldn't have normally done, just go solo and travel. And then he died in a hiking accident. And like that was, is, was, is really hard, especially like in my life when I'm in this and trying to really say yes, and I, I couldn't, yeah. I couldn't say yes. I was like, no. Yeah. I was with a really angry little kids stomping their feet on the ground, arms crossed across their chest. Fucking no. Yeah. It was like that, it was like so much resistance.

  I could not, I couldn't accept it. And it was, that was like, that was really hard. That was hard to show up for work. That was hard to show up for my life. Yeah. Like I had to fight for my happiness and my life in a lot of ways, more than I ever had because of that, just like one of those things where you're okay, like I am doing all of the fucking work universe.

  Why is this happening?

  So what did, what do you, what did you do? What did you go to, to get back to finding joy and to get back to being okay with being a yes to what was happening.

  I reached out to people who loved me. Yeah. And I learned, like I really, I guess like I really learned to let people in because I'm so independent.

  I will help you, I will do anything in the world to help you, but I will not ask you for help. Yeah. That's like my thing. I realized that like I couldn't do that. I could what? I guess what I realized is I couldn't do it alone. There's no way I was going to be able to get through it on my own.

  And I was like, to give you a little insight to where I was. It's I had moved out here, it's really expensive to live in this area. It costs a lot of money to have this apartment I was living in. So I wasn't doing anything. I was really just going to work and going home every day. And when Matt died, like I would just go to work and then I'd go home and then I'd cry, and then I'd get up and I go to work and I come home and then somehow I'd get through the week.

  And then on Fridays I would just collapse because I don't know how I'd have to force myself to be present because like I teach, I like get up in front of students and teach stuff. So like I can't be a mess like I have to. Yeah. I have to perform. So like I have to perform all week long and then I get home and I fall apart.

  And so it's honestly the people who would call me every day and just tell me they love me and tell me they're thinking about me. And I finally, I actually went to see a therapist, which I hadn't done in a very long time, but she really, she like changed my life. 'cause she was like, you're, you can't sit in your apartment every day.

  And she's and maybe this isn't the year you're getting out of debt. She was like, you need to spend some money. You need to go on this trip. You need to plan things and have something to look forward to. You need to be with people and make it a commitment to go be with people at least once a week and this and that.

  And I am just, I listened to everything she said and I did everything she told me to do, whether I felt like it or not. And it worked. And that's one thing that I know about myself at this point in my life is that I don't have the answer to everything. And sometimes just doing what someone else tells me to do is better.

  Even if I don't necessarily want to, because for sure I, I know that I don't know everything, and trying it someone else's way works. Like we're all the same. Yeah. So it's like, why wouldn't someone else's way work just the same for me because my way was not working.

  Especially people that care about you.

  Yeah, exactly. And that's why it was like, I, like I stuck so close to the people like my tribe. Like the people who I knew loved me because that was like the only way I was gonna get through it.

  Yeah. And where do you feel that you're at now?

  I feel,

  I feel like I have done, I have fought really hard and done the work to find joy and but I miss Matt like crazy. Sure. And some days I'm still mad at him. For no reason. Just because it's all the normal stages of grief. There's nothing, I don't feel like there's anything abnormal about my grief.

  I think the thing that is the hardest is that for the people who aren't like in it, the people who are around me that, after a certain amount of time, everyone kind of forgets about it. Yeah. But like for the person, like for me who's still really going through it, it's not, it's not as acceptable to just baw my eyes out in the middle of the day.

  Because for a few months everyone knew what was wrong, but now it would be like, what's wrong? Yeah. And it's like the same thing, but I feel like in a lot of ways I really. Took on, and I did this when my dad died too. And I did this when Jamie it was like, it was my best friend Jamie.

  And and I think that people can deal with death in a lot of different ways, but I think for me, what has really worked in my grief and in my life is to take the things that I loved most about them and try to be more like that. And somehow in doing that with my dad and with Matt, like they still are very present in my life.

  There isn't a day I don't think about them, because I'm constantly, intentionally living for them as well.

  Yeah. It's a way of healing yourself while honoring them.

  Yeah, exactly.

  It's yeah. And for people who have been such a positive impact and love in your life it's, why would you ever want to let them go?

  You don't have to and you shouldn't need to because

  Yeah.

  I believe that they're with you all the time now. But it's important that you feel it and that connection for you is just as strong as it was when they were physically here. I remember when your father passed away I could not believe what a champ you were in the sense that your father passed away.

  You had recently been laid off from a job. Like you had all these things happening at once. I'm like. There's no fucking way. All of this happens at once for somebody and you just kept showing up. Like it takes so much to keep showing up. And the fact that you are able to do that, I think it speaks to what you're trained for from the same person who can do a 24 hour race is the same person that can show up when life happens.

  I think thank you for being that example for people and thank you for continuing to show up, not just for others, but for yourself. You don't work this hard to have the life that you have and then, people that care about you aren't gonna let you not keep having a great life 'cause you've worked so hard to have it.

  And you make such an impact on people. Yeah, I think even just I look forward to coming back around to even like power project bike glove, because. It's not hard. Like it is not easy to run a charity because there's so little reward that comes out of it in the traditional sense of reward.

  There's not a lot of acknowledgement. Yeah. There's not a lot of money. There's not a lot of high fives no. To run. And it's so much harder than I think people think it is to do good in this world. And there's so much that you have to generate to keep showing up. And I know that, there is the reward, which is why people keep doing it.

  But yeah. What, what makes you keep, continue to do project bike love and what does it mean to you?

  Gosh. It's like even just listening to you talk, first of all, thank you so much. You're welcome. It's it's true. It's so hard. It's not like it's hard work. It's just like out on a date, like over and over again and they just keep saying no.

  And it's like the rejection never really gets better. Yeah. Like it's like rejection all the time in the weirdest, like it's just a lot of people telling you no telling and just searching for a yes in a giant fucking pile of nos. And it's and that's what running a nonprofit is like.

  That's the PSA, that's why everyone should do it. Yeah.

  But like when you find that Yes, and things start to happen, it is like fucking magic. It like co through your fucking veins and your soul and you're on fire and you literally feel like the world is so connected, and so it's it's worth it. You know what I mean? Like it's worth it.

  Like I will go through that pile of nos for the rest of my life to find the yeses that bring bikes to these women. Because when it happens, the impact is so incredibly beautiful that it's worth it. It is worth it. I would do it a million times over again to even get half the results that we've got.

  Yeah. Because it's like the one, obviously every time we donate bikes to women, it's different and beautiful in its own ways. Like whether we're in Paraguay getting, giving women time back into their lives and hearing their stories of how they used the bike to do laundry and like how they got their kids to school, or how they were able to go further to sell their products at the market to just like how excited they are that they like got a bike.

  It, for some of them it's the delivery itself just a gift that changes their lives. 'cause it's like they've never been given anything. And then like we delivered bikes to this Girl Scout troop in February on a Navajo. And it was amazing. These little girls, like all like elementary, middle school girls, just sat around Kevin, who's a bike mechanic at rock and Road, and he was like teaching them all the different parts of a bike.

  And these girls were so into it, they were like yelling out answers and this and that. And then we all went out and we rode the bikes and it's it's such a beautiful day. But then what happened afterward is what really? Is the part that like really matters. It's like the moms start to call and they say, oh my God, my daughter didn't wanna watch cartoons this morning.

  She just wanted to go ride her bike. And then they're like, my daughter, like all she wants to do is ride her bike now. And then she's oh, we hear these stories of one of the girls who didn't know how to ride a bike when we did it, when we gave her the bike is now riding her bike.

  And she went outside and tried every day until she like, going and riding together with their moms or their families or with each other. And you're just like, this is just, it's so cool. It's just so cool. Like you change their life and you inspire them and empower them and they, and not only just because they're on a bike, but like they actually want to give back in their own way now.

  And that's the part that's cool because that was something that I never expected. But what really happened, a lot of these women are like, look at these women helping women. We wanna go help women too. So not only are you actually like making a difference in these women's lives, but like these women start wanting to make a difference in other women's lives or people's lives.

  Yeah. And it's like the domino effect of this is like beyond anything I'll ever even know because it just will, it just goes and goes and that part is so beautiful.

  Have you done the exercise to add up how many people that you know you've impacted?

  Oh my God, I haven't done that. But that would be pretty crazy.

  I think you need to, it's so cool when, and for everyone listening, the exercise is just to add up. Literally write down everyone's name that you know you've directly impacted, and if you know that they've impacted somebody else, you get to put them on the list too. And when you do that and look at the magnitude of what you've done, we try in our lifetime just to make a difference for one person.

  And the fact that you can already make a list of people like, how awesome.

  I know. It's so awesome. I'll be like it's honestly so rewarding to do it, to feel like you're making a contribution in this world because it's so daunting. Because you feel so powerless. I think, and I'm, when I say you, I mean me.

  Yeah. I think that's was the deterrent. From really getting involved in anything like this was that I just never felt like I could, who was I to go change some women's lives like me? I couldn't even finish like an equestrian program. That was the story I was making up about myself every day.

  It was always the like, who am I to think I could have a cool job? I didn't even blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But who am I to think I could have a great relationship? I didn't, like that was like my, that was like my internal story all the time was like, who did I think I was nobody.

  And then that changed for me in a way that like, not for me, but like how I view everybody. Yeah. Like we all can do it. Like all of us, like I am not better, different, unique. I am nothing different than anybody else out there like. All I did was just do it.

  Yeah. I mean that it's funny, I've, I brought up that same statement a couple podcasts ago about how I feel the same way.

  Like I don't feel special, I don't feel different. I don't feel more or less capable than anybody else. And I'm present to the fact that we all are equally special and different and have this gift. And it's this push pull between we're all the same and we're all special. And that means that we all are, have a responsibility to really give our gifts out to the world.

  And we all it means that any of us can it shouldn't, yeah. It's like equally, it equally, I hope, gives people freedom to know that no one's special and equally give them power to know that they are special enough to make a difference. I,

  yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

  Can I just add this really funny, cute note?

  Yeah. So I actually, for those who are listening, got the opportunity to make my music debut and I was in, I created music for a project bike glove, like little YouTube commercial. Oh yeah. Years and years ago. And a few weeks ago I bought this shirt and I'm wearing it today. And I honestly was like, no, I'm not gonna wear this shirt today.

  And the shirt, no joke has a sloth riding a bicycle. That's the repeat print on the whole shirt. Yes. So I don't own anything with bicycles on it. And I picked the shirt to wear as we were recording. So I wanted to add that not knowing who you were talking to, not knowing, I didn't know who was gonna be calling.

  Yeah.

  I love it.

  For people who have now fallen in love with you and want to give you all of their money and resources what is a way that they can support Project bike love today?

  The best way is just to go to project bike love.org and donate through there. And then if you are a cyclist or you have a cyclist in your life, we also are doing a pre-order for some really cool kits.

  I don't know when this is going to air, so I'm not sure if it'll still be going, but there's always like the opportunity to purchase stuff on the website or different campaigns that we're running or great. Those are great ways to support.

  And if people wanna host a fundraiser wherever they are in the world or they want to get involved in a bigger way, then they can contact you through the website as well.

  Yes, you can contact to the website. My email, phone number's on there. My email is just aaron@projectbikelove.org. And I, we are always looking for partnerships. We like to partner with other nonprofits to do fundraising. Like we wanna support you and we wanna work together. That's been our mission from day one is, being part of a community, we never wanna go in and do it ourselves.

  We really wanna involve ourselves in your community and help. So yeah, if you have any ideas or organizations that want bikes donated or anything like that, we love it. So please contact me.

  So of course, this is the Powerful Ladies podcast. And I would love to know, you spoke a little bit about Berlin being an impact in your life, but who are other powerful ladies that have inspired you and supported you and helped you along the way of everything that you've been up to and becoming who you are as well?

  Oh my gosh, they're honestly, the women in my family are amazing. My mother is the strongest woman I know. She is just a beautiful, hardworking woman. Like I just, I. I, I'm so lucky to have her as a mom, honestly. And she is always been supportive of me. We had, like any relationship, it was tough when I was younger and we both, have always been committed to fighting for our relationship.

  And she is I don't know, she's one of my best friends, but most importantly, she's my mother. She's a great brother. And then my sister, who literally has been the person that I looked up to and wanted to be my entire life she's just an amazing woman and mother now, and she's a, full-time lawyer, raises three kids in New York.

  She is I don't know how she does it. She's like inspiring and beautiful and everything. So I love it. And then honestly, my sister-in-law, who's been in my family since I was. Late teens, early twenties, or my brother had been married like forever, so she's pretty much my other sister. And I love her.

  And the other thing is like the three women in my life, like in my family, they're so different. And that's what's so great because they all give me advice and inspiration in different ways. And I love that. And the, and my friends, like God of girlfriends in my life, I really I've had people comment on it and been like, God, you have really amazing friendships.

  And I'm like, yeah, I really do. I re they are deep and meaningful and they're like family, like the girls I grew up with in Alabama, those are like my girls. They are my family. And then, the girls, like girls that you even know, like Danielle. She is she is my family. She is, she's been there with me through everything and and she saw me, she was there when I ended my marriage. She was there, or my marriage, my wedding. And then she was there, when my dad died and when, and she did Landmark with me and her life change. And I've seen her life develop and I just gosh.

  And I have other girlfriend, my girlfriend Rossa, and my girl. I just have so many amazing girlfriends that honestly inspire me and make me wanna be a better person. And I'm so fortunate for that. I joke because like in high school, like I always felt like I had these like catty women friendships, the very like stereotypical ones and like I, those do not even exist in my life in any way. Yeah. Like the relationships I have now with women are so meaningful and they actually are like. In addition to, they actually are part of my life. They inspire me and they help me grow. And they're people who I actually like, take advice and listen to.

  They're not just like people I call the bitch to, like I do that too. Yeah. But then I also take the feedback and give the feedback. And we are, it's, we're all like in, the way I like to put it, and I steal this from Brene Brown, but it's so good, is that like we're all in the arena.

  Yeah. We're all in the arena doing the hard work, having the hard conversations, being vulnerable with our lives and each other, and that is huge. And I don't want anything else. I don't want anything else than that.

  No. It's so empowering when your worlds. And the people in it are all playing big.

  It changes the entire game. Like it's different. It's not the reoccurring conversations, it's not any of the cattiness and the gossip and all the smallness. Like when you're surrounded by people who are beasts at taking on their life to be the best it can be. Like it's amazing how fast it can transform your life by proxy.

  Yeah. Let alone when you are equally contributing the way that you are. Yes, I agree. We have had conversations in the past about how you gave up on makeup a long time ago 'cause you were bad at it. Yeah. And so what is, when you hear powerful lady, like what does that bring up for you and how do you think you fit within the term powerful lady?

  Gosh, it's one thing I love this 'cause this conversation comes up a lot like in all women's forums I'm in and stuff like that, because it's like someone will be like, oh, like God, she has on so much makeup. Or oh, there's always like these judgy things, right? With women.

  And I think that the way that I really, I just, I don't think that there's like a definition of a lady or a woman, right? Yeah. You can wear makeup, you could not wear makeup, you can wear dresses, you can heels, or you can wear Birkenstock and sweatpants. I don't think and that's, that hasn't always been it, right?

  Because, I think as a child, like you thought, like being a lady meant, a certain sort of look or the way you handle yourself. And especially in the south, I think. Yes, especially in the south. And I think, like when I think of a powerful lady and how I fit in that is I guess I really feel like loving women for all their individual, like ways of being is like really powerful, right? Like empowering women and supporting women and and it's not that in my head, I don't get competitive or judgmental or blah, blah, blah. It's not like I'm this like perfect person walking around that is absolved from judgment. I don't wanna come across like that.

  Like I am so human, but I feel like I'm so aware of it. Like I have so much self-awareness that I can be like, okay, Erin shut that thought down. Like you weirdo I like know it's happening and then I can get over it and really just. Be and like be, in a place of like gratitude and like compassion and all of those things.

  And I guess I guess maybe that's how I would see myself fitting in as like a powerful lady is just I love women. In all of their ways. Even the ones that I don't understand and can't figure out how to get along with. Yeah. I know it's me. Or I know it's not them. That kind of thing.

  It's still you can still not get along with everyone and love them and, have like compassion for them and root for them. And I think that's I think that's like the best way to be a powerful woman or a powerful lady in your life is to like really root for other women and really be like, part of the team.

  We, we both have worked in industries that are mostly men. Me, the skateboarding, sports world. Yeah. You and bikes. How has that, yeah, how has that been for you and how has that further defined you as a woman and you and your relationships with men, women, and everything in between?

  Gosh, I think there's so much there's so much that, that could be like a whole podcast.

  It is it's crazy 'cause that's what I do, I teach product mountain bike products specifically, so even more male dominated than, and I teach it usually to classes of like 20 to 25 men. And I go around to retailers and I teach them, and it's always men and I and, I sit in conference rooms and have conversations and I'm the only woman, and there's definitely challenges in a lot of ways.

  And I think that, I don't know, I think it's made me really tough in a lot of ways, like being, in the job that I have, we're constantly giving feedback. That's what we do. We get up there, we give a presentation, and then you come off and then you talk to your coworkers and they tell you how you can improve or do better, yeah. And then you get up there and you give another presentation and you come down and you give feedback and they tell you like what you did wrong, what so you are like constantly getting feedback and I work with all men, so I'm constantly getting feedback from men, whether it's like, it's anything from what shoes to wear to not say this crutch word to like, don't pace back and forth to you know what I, yeah.

  Like all of it. You get, you've done it, you get the feedback and it's and somehow, like I'm used to it, but like I sometimes sit back and think wow, I just constantly get criticized and feedback by men all day long. And I'm at the point where I don't really think of it like that. Like I don't think of it as like men.

  Giving me the feedback. They're just my coworkers. 'cause I'm like used to it. But I had someone tell me recently that took a class of mine and he said I love that you teach this class. He's I wanna bring my daughter because I want my daughter to see that she could do this. That there's yeah.

  And essentially he was saying how, amazed he was that, that I did this and I did it confidently and I taught suspension to a group of men, and he thought that's it's badass. And I think, yeah, it's badass. But like for me it's what I do. It's my job. I get paid to do it.

  I show up and I do it. But I forget sometimes that that's not that easy. Like for women there is, it is tough. Like it is, it's extra tough. It's, first of all, it's tough to do public speaking. Second of all, it's extra tough when you're a woman and you're doing it to men all the time.

  Yeah. I, I think that it's made me tough and now in a way it's making me like more compassionate and understanding and I feel like I can be a better resource or mentor for women who, who want to do something like this, and and I like it too, because.

  I think that I am a, sometimes it's like a, the women who get involved in like male industries are very like tomboyish, whatever that means, but that's, I'm just using that for lack of better term. They're like tomboyish. And then other women see that and they think oh, that woman's like much more relatable to men.

  And I try to break the barrier of still being, I'm still a very feminine woman, you have long, beautiful cur, right? Yeah. Yeah. I'm still very feminine in that way. So it's like I want more women to understand that there isn't a stereotype about what women can and can't do in the industry.

  It's like any, like, all women can be involved in a male dominated industry. Like we all can, it doesn't matter. Yeah. What kind of woman you are,

  no. And even like the definition of tomboy, right? Like it's, yeah. I'm curious how much longer that term is gonna exist. As in, I know in the vernacular because there're, I think the biggest extreme that we can look at in modern culture are the women who fight in the UFC because you have women who fight in the UFC who are straight, you have women who fight in the UFC who are gay.

  Yeah. You have women who have long hair, short hair, women who show up to fight wearing makeup. Women who would never dare exactly. Like women who can kick the ass. The most of the guys that are in weight classes bigger than them. Women who off camera are in sweats all the time and others that show up and you're like, they are look like they're ready for a red carpet.

  And I love that. Like women playing sports in America is no longer a surprise and I love that. Women are now given this space to show up on a spectrum. Even when they're doing things that were previously male dominated, yeah it's like you can work in these, male dominated industries and still show up as whatever version of female is to you, and that's a space that hasn't always been there.

  I even know, I never felt, I always felt like I was equal to everybody I was working with when there was mostly men in the group. And I always felt like I was honored and respected and taken care of, 99.9% of the time. And but I always knew that in my head I'm like. There's a few things I can't do at work and one of them is cry even if I want to.

  Yeah. Because that's just a no-no, you're not allowed to be, you don't get respected if you're a woman and you cry. And a lot of that, imagine that's what so many women think about and it, if you can't cry in one place, it means you're probably not crying somewhere else that you should. So there's still those like small things that, I guess small or big I guess is on the scale of just depending on where you're at on it.

  But there's still things that are getting redefined, which I think am honestly, I'm fascinated about how it's all happening right now. And I just think it's really interesting to see how it's evolving and what's changing and that no matter where you gender identify that people are going back to what matters in regards to respecting people and treating people and showing your strength in regards to whatever that means for you.

  Yeah. You definitely fall into the category of, with the, you classified yourself as adrenaline junkie and you've been a survivor of so many different things that have happened, and that's what your strength looks like. And at the same time I know how emotional you get when you get to deliver a bike, right?

  Because you film yourself and you share it with all of us. And I love that you can just in your world, see the example of you getting to fill whatever you want on the human spectrum of being, failing and doing, which is really cool. And I wish more people get inspired by you and take on being more like Erin.

  Oh, thank you. Thank you. And that's. Why I, I really took that on is trying to be, or not trying, I shouldn't say trying, but showing up like in a vulnerable way or, it's just so funny that you said the crying thing because this is what the universe does for me. Because when you commit to something and then if you're like not doing it, the universe is let me give you something to make you do it.

  Uhhuh and I was like that at work, and then when Matt died. There was no way, I wasn't, I couldn't go to work if I wasn't allowed to cry there, I had to be able to grieve at work and to be able to show up to do my job. And my boss, I remember one time, he literally, and he, my boss is so good.

  He is the guy who sits right next to you or right in front of you, close to you and has a hard conversation. And I remember if he sat in front of me and I just snot cried I don't know what to do with this grief and I don't know how to be here. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

  And he just was there with me and related to me and shared a story that was really vulnerable from like his past. And I was like, you know what? Why the hell. Am I afraid to be vulnerable at work? Yeah. Like this was so powerful to be able to connect with my boss right now in this grief.

  And here I was trying to be tough in a man's world. When that's not what I needed to be doing. So like the, like I wasn't I was trying to be tough and not cry and be in that world. And then the universe was like, Nope.

  Yeah. You think you're tougher than I am.

  Nice. Try. Let's,

  yeah, exactly.

  It does. I do appreciate how the universe has that sense of humor.

  Yes.

  Either it gives you exactly what you ask for or. If you're not living up to the agreements you made, it will shove them in your face and Exactly. It's like a bratty sibling sometimes like that.

  But I appreciate it. It's all coming from a place of, getting us where we need to go and honoring our word, which they all come back to the same thing.

  Exactly.

  So we ask everybody on the podcast where you put yourself on the powerful lady scale zero being average everyday human, and 10 being the most powerful version of a powerful lady.

  Where do you feel today and where do you feel on average?

  Girl, I feel like a one in 10 every day.

  And that is totally the truth. Like I feel there is like literally. I feel like a one, like a totally average person, like human, powerful lady. Like I just, that's what I feel like. But there are definitely moments where I feel like, fuck yeah, I am showing up. And I look at that. I did a self review for my job, like we have reviews and you have to do like a self-evaluation.

  And there was this project that I was supposed to go and do, and I didn't do it to the standard that I wanted to because it was like a week after Matt died and I couldn't do it. I couldn't show up alone. I needed support from my team. I wasn't able to like, complete it on my own, like it said.

  I was supposed to go like by myself and I didn't. And so I get on this review and I'm like, I didn't do it. Zero. It didn't happen. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I thought about it and I went back and I was like, no. I was like, sorry. I was like, success. And I literally wrote, I showed up. Yeah. And that's what I wrote.

  Because, you know what? I fucking showed up. And like sometimes that's that is like beyond powerful. That is that takes more effort than anything else is just showing up. Because you said you would, and it's not a failure just because you have to ask for help.

  No, of course not.

  Sometimes I think that's the most powerful thing is like saying, I can't do this alone right now.

  I need support. And so like I can look at my life like that now and be like, you know what? I'm a fucking badass. I showed up. Yeah, you keep showing up. And then and that I don't know. I think that's really, I think that's, that says a lot.

  It does. And people who aren't going through big things in life have a hard time showing up sometimes.

  And it, it's all wherever you're at on the scale of how your life's going, how you feel about it, like how much energy you have. And I've had quite a few women who have declined so far to come on the podcast because they don't feel like they've completed their story. And that is equally heartbreaking and enraging because that's not what the definition is.

  The definition is, are you, do you keep showing up? Do you, you might not hit your goal ever, especially if you are. A crazy person like I am that likes to shoot for Mars, not even the moon. So yeah. You gotta just keep going and Yeah. There is a, I don't remember who, we'll have to add this into the show notes, but there's a great quote about don't compare yourself to others, but compare yourself to where you were yesterday.

  Yes. And as long as you do that and you can evaluate good, bad, what do I need to do differently? And keep going forward. That's what it is. And sometimes it's not even going forward. It's I need to take a left. Like I need some real time. Yeah. And that's fine. It's it's the path that each of us is on for what we need to experience and get and help other people is so different and unique.

  And there is no, there's no way to know what it is. So just keep Exactly, keep waking up, keep saying yes. Keep saying hi to people. Yep.

  That's it's funny, I, one thing just to touch on really quick, I remember what Richard, back when I was taking SELP when I was coaching and I had lost my job and my dad and all of that stuff, and he said, just know that you don't know what it looks like yet because it's beyond your wildest imagination.

  Yeah. When I was looking for like a job or whatever, and that has stuck with me because now I say I'm going to make this happen and I don't know what it looks like yet. And that has been such a great way to set goals in my life and to keep showing up is not having an expectation of what it's gonna look like.

  But just knowing that this is what my commitment and being okay. That I don't have a clue what that's gonna look like, but it's gonna be better than I imagined or different than I imagined or whatever,

  yeah. And from that conversation with him, a lot of amazing things you never expected showed up.

  Yeah. Oh my God, yes. All all now, all the time. I like created that in my life. And so now it's just I don't know what it, like my job right now for I, I'd been applying for a job at Specialized for over a year. Yeah. And the job that I got was beyond any of the jobs that I had applied for, so it's I didn't know when or how it was gonna look like or how it was gonna turn out.

  And I just said yes.

  So I love it. What, as we're wrapping up, what are some final words that you want the audience to know? Any advice, quotes you wanna give them? Anything that you haven't touched on that you think is important for 'em to know about you or to know in general?

  I just, the one thing that I like to tell people if they're interested in pursuing a dream job or a nonprofit is that there's a lot of people who will say things like, oh, so many people are already doing that.

  Or, it's so saturated, or, it's so hard to do and it's such a deterrent for us. 'Cause we so often don't start things 'cause we, because we, people tell us like how hard it's gonna be. And I remember that in college. I wanted to go to Mar, I wanted to be a marriage and family therapist, and everyone's oh, the market's so fasted in Orange County, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

  So I just brushed it off oh, there's no room for me there. And the reality is. The fucking hard truth is that if it's your passion, there is room for it. In this world, yes, 100%. There's nothing that is too saturated for us to be, to build our lives around. It's to like, there can be 500 nonprofits that do the same thing and we still wouldn't do enough for the world.

  So it's whatever you wanna do, like just do it and like disregard all the noise that are telling you why you shouldn't, because that is, it's, and I think that's the biggest thing that I really like to tell people when they're pursuing their passion. Because so many people don't. And it's for the simplest things that, like somebody said it's oversaturated or it's too hard, or it's, I don't know.

  No, a hundred, it happened to me starting, transforming powerful ladies from an annual charity to. What it is today. They're like, why would you do that? Yeah. There's already 1,000,001 like women's empowerment things. It's a trend. It's going away. And I was like, what? No. Yeah. Like the women whose stories I wanna tell, no one's telling right now.

  What are you talking about? And similarly, it was like I was so caught off guard by why say no to somebody who wants to do something that hopefully will be a positive impact. Exactly. There's, you put it so well in that there's so much. Room for people to show up for other people in this world, or animals or the planet or whatever needs assistance right now.

  And it's for everyone who is accepting the advice that something is oversaturated or it takes a lot of work or it costs a lot of money and they're not doing what they know they're supposed to be doing, that's one less person that's like in the arena, one less person that's helping us to transform what we all know has to transform.

  And we can't do it without you. Please show up.

  Yeah. And then I think the one other thing that I love, and this is not my quote, it's Brene Brown's quote, but she says, if you're not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback. And that falls exactly into the other one that I just said because it's like there are people there like in your tribe. And those are the people whose feedback you should listen to and literally ignore the rest.

  Yeah, I was gonna say, there are even people in your tribe that aren't in the arena that sometimes you have to say I heard you, I took a note and I'm gonna ignore you right now.

  Exactly.

  Exactly. 100%. They are, they're like people. I'm like but you're no you can't even show up to like dinner with me. I'm not listening to you. Yeah. You can't even commit to like being at the gym at the same time, whatever. Yeah. I love you. I heard you.

  No, thank you.

  Yeah, exactly. Like you have to know, if you really want that feedback from the people who are out there living big and doing big things and taking a risk with their lives and having the hard conversations. And, those are in the arena. Like those are the people who. Who you need to like really connect with and listen to when you try to do something big.

  Yeah. And being in the arena doesn't need to be taking on some big global thing. It really is just No, what you said, oh god no. Of showing up and having the conversations that you don't wanna have.

  It's so true. It's so funny that you say that. I had a friend, a very good friend, a friend that I even went through Landmark with as I sat down with the other day and I was telling him about some stuff in my life.

  And he says something to me like, can I tell you something? I'm like, yeah. And he is I feel like you're playing a small game.

  I was like, hold on a minute. I was like, you don't. I was like, I being in the surrender experiment, being like still in my life. Like on a daily basis and like showing up to work and working on, the relationships at my job and like my ability to be still and be with the grief that I've been going through and that, that is huge.

  Yeah. And I'm sorry I'm not out there traveling the world right now, saving people's lives, but sometimes my biggest game is to just sit still. Yes. And that is where I'm at today. Yeah. And I think that's huge. And I don't want, when I say doing something big, I don't want people to think that you need to go like solve the world's water crisis to be doing something big with your life.

  Sometimes, like the biggest thing you can do is just be still. Too,

  and everyone's life goes through seasons. There's going to be moments Yeah. When you know you're not playing big enough. Unless you are out there traveling the world doing something and there's gonna be o other moments when.

  You are not like, what you need to do is be still, and there's gonna be, and there's things in between that I see where he was coming from and knowing how powerful you are and that he wants you to be playing even bigger for his sake and the world's sake. But what other people want isn't what works for us as individuals.

  So again, that's a great example of I heard you, I made a note, and when I'm ready and that makes sense, I'll call you back.

  Exactly. Exactly. When I'm ready to play that game, I'll give you a call. Yeah. But right now I'm in this game.

  Yeah. And that's also why I love that book. Big Magic because are you familiar with it?

  I am Not.

  Okay. It's it's by Elizabeth Gilbert who did Eat, pray Love. It's more of a Oh yeah. A conversation about like creativity and genius and where it comes from and how it flows through people. And how to find more creativity in your life. It's been a reoccurring Yeah. Recommended book on people who have been guests.

  But I also think that there are moments when like you have big, bold ideas and some of those ideas, like they land with you and you're like, I have to make this happen. And then other big ideas, you see them, you love them, and you're like, yes, but not right now. And that's not being a chicken shit. That's like really being aware of is this mine to have or is this just one passing by me? And the reasons that we jump on the ones that we do like it's because you can't not do them like project bike glove. You couldn't not do Yeah. It would've haunted you if you didn't take action on it.

  Yeah.

  Yeah.

  So there's so much in between the. Playing big and when to play big and it can feel really overwhelming sometimes. But that's why you have to be able to sit still and listen and it sounds so woo. But it's so true in that when you pause, it's so true. And listen, like you, your intuition in the universe are gonna tell you what you're supposed to be doing.

  Yeah, exactly. You, it's like you need that. It's go with your life. And then you're like, okay, I'm gonna need to sit still and, process, listen. Yeah. And process and then decide what's next?

  Yeah. Because it's, otherwise you miss these like little beautiful moments that are so important to see as well.

  Exactly.

  As I expected, Erin, this has been an amazing conversation. I'm so glad that you are a yes to powerful ladies. I'm so glad that you are a powerful lady that is part of my life and that I get to be inspired by. And now a whole universe of people get to be inspired by. I can't wait for you to have your TED talk someday.

  I think that's a possibility and that's a possibility. Yeah. And I look, I just really look forward to hearing the impact that this episode has on the world and the feedback that you get and we receive from it as well. So thank you so much for playing big and being awesome. Thank you

  so much for having me.

  I love you and I love that we've done a lot of work together and stuff, so this is really cool. It was really cool to chat with you and. And I appreciate you having me on.

  We all love Erin, and I'm sure you guys do now too. I'm going to dare to say this might just be what Oprah looks like on a bicycle. It's Erin. I can't wait to hear all of your feedback about this episode. Since we've recorded, she's had even more life changes. This is her quote. Basically, in a matter of a couple of weeks, I got recruited for an amazing job opportunity with Fox Racing to be the market developer for all of Colorado.

  I packed up and started my life all over out there. I'm loving everything Colorado has to offer so far and finding so much love and healing out here. To connect, support and follow Erin and Project Bike Love, you can follow her on Instagram at Outdoor Bougie Twitter at Erin Machan and Facebook e Machan.

  You can visit her website, erin Machan.com. Email her erin@projectbikelove.org, and of course, go to the website, project bike love.org to donate and see where they're delivering bikes. Next, for all the correct spellings, all the direct links and notes about everything we talked about on this episode, please visit the powerful ladies.com.

  If you'd like to support the work that we're doing here at Powerful Ladies, there's a couple of ways you can do that. Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Google Play, or anywhere you listen to podcasts. Leave a review on any of these platforms. Share the show with all the powerful ladies and gentlemen in your life.

  Join our Patreon account. Check out the website, the powerful ladies.com to hear more inspiring stories. Get practical tools to be your most powerful. Get 15% off your first order in The Powerful Ladies Shop, or donate to the Powerful Ladies one Day of Giving campaign. And of course, follow us on Instagram at Powerful Ladies for show notes and to get the links to the books, podcasts, and people we talk about.

  Go to the powerful ladies.com. I'd like to thank our producer, composer, and audio engineer Jordan Duffy. She's one of the first female audio engineers in the podcast team world, if not the first. And she also happens to be the best. We're very lucky to have her. She's a powerful lady in her own right, in addition to taking over the podcasting world.

  She's a singer songwriter working on our next album, and she's one of my sisters. So it's amazing to be creating this with her and I'm so thankful that she finds time. In her crazy busy schedule to make this happen. It's a testament to her belief in what we're creating through powerful Ladies, and I'm honored that she shares my vision.

  Thank you all so much for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. I can't wait for you to hear it. Until then, I hope you're taking on being powerful in your life. Go be awesome and up to something you love.

Related Episodes

Episode 116: Saving Lives And Empowering Women Through Bikes | Belen Ramirez Bourdages | Co-Founder, Project Bike Love

Episode 177: Why Traveling Could Fuel A Life Change | Candice Young | Founder, Trek Relief

Episode 330: Designing a Life You Love | Laura King | Gravel Cyclist and CMO at Paradis Sport

Follow Erin on Instagram: @outdoor_boujee

Follow Erin on Twitter: @erinmachan

Follow Erin on Facebook: /emachan

Visit her Website: www.erinmachan.com

Email her: erin@projectbikelove.org

Visit Project Bike Love’s Website: www.projectbikelove.org

Created and hosted by Kara Duffy
Audio Engineering & Editing by Jordan Duffy
Production by Amanda Kass
Graphic design by Anna Olinova
Music by Joakim Karud