Episode 362: Choosing Yourself, Telling the Truth & Redefining Marriage | Kerry Docherty | Co-Founder of Faherty & Author of Selfish
What if being “selfish” is actually the key to living a more honest, aligned life?
Kerry Docherty, co-founder of Faherty and author of Selfish: Unlearning, Reclaiming, and Telling the Truth, joins Kara Duffy to challenge everything we’ve been taught about putting others first.
They explore the conditioning women face around giving, the courage it takes to tell the truth in relationships, and how redefining marriage as a choice - not a contract - can transform connection. Kerry shares the deeply personal journey behind her memoir, the realities of running a family business, and what it means to finally listen to yourself.
“Success doesn’t have to be individual—it can be collective.”
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362_Kerry Docherty
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Kara Duffy: Welcome to The Powerful Ladies Podcast. I'm Kara Duffy, and today's guest is Carrie Dockerty, co-founder of Apparel Brand, Faherty. An author of a new memoir, selfish Unlearning, reclaiming and Telling the Truth. We Discuss Her book, why being selfish is a good thing, the power of listening to yourself, the realities of running a family business, redefining our expectations for long-term relationships, including marriage, the power of telling our truth, and so much more.
Kara Duffy: I'm very excited to talk to you today. I am very excited about your book. I have pre-ordered it already.
Kerry Docherty: Thank you.
Kara Duffy: It is one of the words that I am using with my clients the most all the time. And as I was previewing your [00:01:00] book and going through the things, I'm like, oh, we probably need five podcast episodes to talk about all of the things.
So before I go any further, let's tell everyone listening who you are, where you are in the world, and what you're known for.
Kerry Docherty: My name is Carrie Dockerty. I'm reporting live from the Jersey Shore where I live with my husband and two kids, moved to my husband's hometown, and I am one of the co-founders of Feherty Brandand, which is a lifestyle casual clothing company, and I am also so many other things.
Kara Duffy: And you have a brand new book coming out
Kerry Docherty: I have a brand
new book coming out title.
Kara Duffy: three weeks.
Kerry Docherty: I am starting to get sweaty over here. Lemme call you in three weeks. Yes.
Kara Duffy: Yeah. And it's called selfish.
Kerry Docherty: It's called selfish unlearning, reclaiming and telling the truth.
Kara Duffy: Okay. So there are so many things I wanna unpack that you cover in the [00:02:00] book. But beforehand, part of why I was so excited to speak to you is how many parallels. We had, I felt like, oh, like I feel like this is someone who gets me and I haven't met them yet. I feel like we're in similar struggles with things.
Also a college athlete,
Kerry Docherty: Which sport? Okay. Okay.
Kara Duffy: Of course in New England College, 'cause you can't play field hockey. You can kind of go in, there's like three other options in the whole us. I have a big background in footwear and apparel sportswear for a very long time, and I launched Powerful Ladies because the part of me that probably should have gone to law school, like you did the justice oriented, are we fixing things fully and completely was not being fulfilled?
And I'm like, okay. I don't have a law degree, so like what can I do to empower things? And I'm like, well, we're gonna bring every woman [00:03:00] in who's doing her part so we can talk about how, being selfish and leading into what we're doing makes such a difference. So when your book came through and your publicist, was pitching you for this podcast, I was like 1000% yes, by title alone. So when you look at your life up to this point, would 8-year-old, you be surprised?
Kerry Docherty: What I love about kids is they have such a wide and vast imagination of what could be. And so I don't think my eight year olds would be surprised. When I was eight years old, I was a cr, an avid journaler. I was, enmeshed in creativity. I think my high school self would be surprised. I think my law school self would be surprised, but not my 8-year-old self.
Kara Duffy: What are you most proud of where you've gotten so far?
Kerry Docherty: I am so proud of writing this [00:04:00] book. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, not only from like a self. Discipline perspective. And I remember at some point being like, is anyone gonna save me? Like even when my editor would like, give comments back, I was like, okay, but do I have to make those edits or are you gonna make them for me?
And having worked for so many years. At our family run company at Fairity, we had a team of people who I could have a vision and they would help me execute this. And writing a book is such a solitary, lonely process, but I'm so proud that not only did I finish the book. But that I really feel like I left it, not to give a sports analogy, but I left it on the field.
I wanted to finish this book and feel like this was the most accurate, true version of what I chose to share on the page. And I feel like I did that.
Kara Duffy: Let's dive into the word selfish. [00:05:00] Why did you choose that as the title of your book?
Kerry Docherty: So the book opens with my husband and I in couples therapy, negotiating my salary, and my husband is saying, I should just make more than you because they already brand was May and my brother's dream, I work harder and I'm just more committed to the brand and to the marriage, and you do what you want. And I challenged him back and I said, well, why don't you do what you want? And he said, 'cause I'm not selfish. And that's how the book begins. And I think as a woman, that word is so triggering because we have been so groomed to equate our goodness with giving. The more I give to other people, the more I care take, the more I, show people I am worthy of receiving love by giving them so much love, the more I will be.
I'm guaranteed a good outcome for my life, and that [00:06:00] equation didn't work for me. And I have been groomed my entire life, not just by my family, but by society to be a woman who gave, and this book Chronicles what happens when I stopped doing that and started to look at what are my needs and what are my desires and how I'm, how am I going to meet them?
Kara Duffy: And having previewed the book the opening it that way completely sucked me in. So well done To you and your
Kerry Docherty: Thanks.
Kara Duffy: Within three paragraphs I'm like, oh yes, we're reading this as soon as possible. So when I'm working with my clients about the word selfish. I often use my parents as a classic example of why we need to be more selfish because they are both giving and listening to the two of them try to decide what to eat for dinner drives me absolutely insane.
It's a conversation I hate to be a part of. I'm like, just tell me where we're going. Just tell me what we're having. But to hear the two of you go around and around being like, what do you want? What do you want for [00:07:00] an hour? And then we're all hangry at that point. I'm like, just be selfish. Someone choose like, it's the simplest way to be selfish.
Just decide what I want to eat. Today is good enough for everyone.
Kerry Docherty: I know, but the act of stating what we need, we have to first know what we
Kara Duffy: Yes.
Kerry Docherty: and that process of what is it that I need? We have to keep peel peeling back those layers. And some of that is, is having, there's a lot of mindfulness kind of seeped into the pages of this book, but we have to know how things make us feel before we can choose what we want.
Kara Duffy: And it is shocking to me trying actively to be determined with my life and to be constantly choosing what's next. I'm often caught off guard that. We're not regularly asking ourselves Why this town, why this house? Why this t-shirt? Like this check-in that we have to do. 'cause [00:08:00] you're right we're all kind of have been put through this serve.
Others do good, be the good girl mind, especially for women. And we're seeing this very masculine selfishness showing up in the world right now, which is not helpful. Yet, you and I both know that women definitely need to be more selfish right now. How? How do we balance those two versions of selfish to kind of maybe come back to empowering more people than it is right now?
Mm-hmm.
Kerry Docherty: Becoming aware of how things make us feel is so helpful. So instead of, is this the, how are we even making our decisions? And part of what I share in this book is book is becoming aware of how does it make me feel when I speak my truth? Oh, it actually makes me feel empowered. How does it make me feel when I prioritize myself and I say no to people or no to ideas or no to social settings that don't bring me.[00:09:00]
Joy in some way. And the more we start to practice that, it's less about, is this good or is this bad, but what are the consequences to me when I do these things? It starts to show us these paths of, huh, I wanna choose things that make me feel good, that make me feel alive. And I really share in the book that we are complicated, multifaceted humans with competing needs and desires sometimes. The act of being selfish is. I, the other word could just be whole. And we bring our whole self, everyone gets a seat at the table. 8-year-old Carrie, 12-year-old Carrie, lawyer, Carrie, wife Carrie. We bring everyone to the table and we have a family discussion. And spiritual care has to be the one in charge. Has to be the one in charge, so.
Kara Duffy: I also thought it was really interesting, like talking about the honesty of long-term relationships.
Kerry Docherty: yes.
Kara Duffy: You know how I, I don't remember the type [00:10:00] of book, I'll put it in the show notes, but it was talking about the evolution of marriage over time and how it used to be something for. We were property as women. So it used to be who owned us and then who could protect us, who could feed us, who could help us level up in society. And they call it the Obama Effect. When Obama was elected president and we now saw him and Michelle as a couple, we started reaching for this inspiring couple where our partner didn't just provide for us, but inspired us. And while that sounds really lovely and very high on Maslow's hierarchy of needs it doesn't speak to the layers of a long-term full in depth 360 relationship with somebody. if you compared how you view your marriage and long-term relationships now versus maybe when you met your husband how would you explain the key [00:11:00] differences that you now sit in?
Kerry Docherty: So my husband and I met the first day of college and we've been now together, we were off and on. We broke up when we were, when I was in law school, started a business together. So we've had a lot of different seasons in our life and we used joke that marriage is a year to year contract. Like, hold on, I'm a lawyer.
No one signs a contract for the rest of their life. Let's talk about this. And we would joke about it. This, I share a lot in the book, some really difficult, painful times in our marriage, and what we've really decided is we're never stuck. And if at some point this relationship is not working for either one of us, we don't have to be in it.
The question is, do we wanna keep choosing each other and do we believe that we are better together? And shifting that from we are married for the rest of our life, no matter what happens to do, we wanna keep choosing each [00:12:00] other. It like infuses choice back into a relationship that keeps it very active and alive.
And it's been a, it's been helpful and I hope my husband and I are married for the rest of our life. And also I. We have to keep tending to this fire if we want it to keep us both warm. And so there has to be a sense of agency and accountability for both partners. And I think what happens in a lot of long-term marriages is we just start the blame game.
You did this to me, I did this to you. Point keeping. I mean, I can be a point keeper. And shifting that. To be like, actually, I'm not the victim. I am choosing to be in this relationship, and how do I wanna contribute in a way that makes it better? And if it's not better, then what conversations do we have to have?
Kara Duffy: Well, and that brings up the other thing that I had on my list of things to discuss with you. I'm such an advocate for asking the scary questions. [00:13:00]
Kerry Docherty: Yeah.
Kara Duffy: How do you step into courage and bravery to say what you need to say at work with your relationships? And is that a skill that you are actively developing, or do you just pinch your nose, jump in and be like, oh, I hope this conversation goes
Kerry Docherty: Oh gosh. My husband will disagree with it. I do not like conflict. I hate conflict. I grew up as a peacemaker. My whole entire, like law school career was focused on peacemaking reconciliation.
Kara Duffy: You're in Enneagram nine,
Kerry Docherty: I'm an Enneagram nine,
Kara Duffy: Mm-hmm.
Kerry Docherty: and also how did it feel in my body to, to not be saying my needs or sharing my truth.
It didn't feel good in my body. So when we talk about peacemaking, we have to be aware of who is the peace for, and am I included in that? And I'm a big advocate that if you do not share how you are feeling, it will manifest and come out in other [00:14:00] ways. And it will be worse than probably just being able to share, how you feel.
I also think after now having a business for 14 years from a leadership perspective. If we are not communicating clearly where people are succeeding or where people are falling short, there's that quote like clarity is kindness. And we have learned the hard way that when we are not sharing, how things are going, honestly, it goes sideways. And so I think from both like a leadership perspective and from like a relationship perspective, I have realized that it is always uncomfortable. There is no short cutting hard conversations. They are hard. And also they can be hard and I know I can get through them.
Kara Duffy: And also I think asking. For that environment, like asking for coachability, asking for wanting to evolve and get better makes it so much easier to be brave to step into those spaces. How are you passing that on to your [00:15:00] kids?
Kerry Docherty: I grew up in a household that did not like conflict and things were often minimized or bypassed or just not discussed. And so I am trying to model a different type of environment to them without having to explain why it's different. I think my kids see, my husband and I in
conflict, we're not yelling at each other. We're not name calling. We're not physical. Sometimes our voices get a little bit more animated and sometimes my son will say, are you fighting? And I'll be like. I don't think so, but we might be. We're disagreeing. We're disagreeing. And this happens 'cause my husband and I al also work together. So there's always things we are hashing out. But I think modeling to my kids, I mean, my kids fight with each other and that is completely normalized. The question is not are you disagreeing, but what's the behavior and what's like the socially acceptable standard of disagreeing [00:16:00] that we can model to the kids.
Kara Duffy: Inc. Magazine is a great article about the work you're doing with indigenous communities.
Kerry Docherty: Mm-hmm.
Kara Duffy: And how it came from an apology. And for those who aren't up to speed listening fair as a brand was using indigenous designs and inspiration from them and realize, oh, we're not actually working with indigenous designers, so why don't we change that? That sounds silly. And since then, you guys have been able to donate how much money now
Kerry Docherty: I mean, over a million. Yeah.
Kara Duffy: which is so incredible. How has working with that community one, like allowed you to go back to your origins, but like how has that opened you up as just a human in general?
Kerry Docherty: Oh, I love this question. Thank you for even asking it. Yes, so Faherty was using native inspired designs. None of it was benefiting native populations. So in Central, I mean, it was just appropriation. And I think [00:17:00] a lot of fashion brands, particularly white run brands, like we take from other cultures, we sell beautiful clothes and then we get the benefit of those prints, though they do not belong to us.
The process of starting to work with different native artists and forming deep relationships with them has, I think, been one of the gifts of my life. Not only because I'm so inspired by the artistry, but just being able to witness and be a part of communities that are so focused on collective wellbeing versus individual success and all of the different artists that we work with, and it's across a wide range of tri wide range of tribes still have this common goal that they want to be. Quote unquote successful in order to rise tides of everyone in their community, and they don't think in the individual capitalistic success as a lot of, [00:18:00] Western brands do. And it holds me accountable to continue to think and have it mirror back to me about what real success looks like.
Kara Duffy: I don't understand when we as a collective stopped wanting to help each other.
Kerry Docherty: Mm-hmm.
Kara Duffy: And I think that's the biggest dissonance I'm happening right now. When I look at all the things that are happening in the world of why we're not looking at a more collective approach. Especially when all the economics talk about how expensive things are when we don't. And coming from the fashion world, there's so much. Opportunity. Right. I love that you started the collecting back of Faerie and like
Kerry Docherty: wave program.
Kara Duffy: Yes.
Kerry Docherty: Fairity Goods on the site. Yeah.
Kara Duffy: Yeah. Like the responsibility of like, we made this, we're gonna own it and take it back because we put this into the world. So what, like how do we make sure it goes to the, it ends its life cycle the right way? There's the environmental collection of course, of like how. [00:19:00] How are brands choosing to look at their impact from the beginning?
Kerry Docherty: yeah.
Kara Duffy: there's the social impact and so many brands. I have worked on so many projects over the years because we have the technology to do things, quote unquote the right way.
And every time we were doing it, we were getting so much pushback from the consumers at the time. Have you guys seen that pushback, or have you guys decided internally like we're doing it anyway?
Kerry Docherty: Yes and no. We have definitely seen the pushback. We used to be a little bit more outspoken po politically on Instagram. And now my big thing is are we just doing the work? Just do the work and then. If you wanna share the work, but number one, do the work. Sometimes people share the work and they're not doing the work, so do the work.
And then absolutely. There is, the world is becoming so bifurcated about what people think is quote unquote good or [00:20:00] bad. We are a family run brand. We are not owned by private equity. The gift of having a brand that is ours is we get to make decisions that selfishly feel good. And some of those are tied to causes.
That other people do not like. I always say I was Chief Impact Officer for years. Like, we cannot delineate politics in life. We have an American brand, and our team faces American problems every single day. Do they have access to healthcare? Do their kids feel safe at school?
Are they being discriminated against? Are they worried for family members who are undocumented? And then for us as a corporation, what are tariffs? How is our supply chain working? What are the environmental regulations? And so politics affect us every single day, and we're gonna speak out if we feel inclined.
And if a customer doesn't wanna buy from Faherty because of that. I'm thrilled for them. Like that is [00:21:00] conscious capitalism. Conscious capitalism is supporting brands whose values you are aligned with. And if it's, if that's not us, great. Do your research and then support brands whose values you do support. I mean, they might not have as good stretched Terry pants as we do, but like, go for it.
Kara Duffy: I was just in a fairity store yesterday the Lido Village Store in
Kerry Docherty: Oh, you were. I love that.
Kara Duffy: Being someone who's from the East Coast, I do think East Coast summers are the best. Everyone in California might, vote me out of the state at this point. But I liked. I like the feeling that, that are in the stores. So great job to your, I believe mother-in-law, she's still doing the interiors.
Kerry Docherty: She's, retired, but she was, quintessential in, in making sure that in store vibe is what it is.
Kara Duffy: But it feels it reminds me of home when I'm in there, so thank you for that gift.
Kerry Docherty: Love that.
Kara Duffy: It's a really hard choice right now for people to. [00:22:00] Be in their truth because being seen can be really scary right now. And yet it's the biggest thing that we crave. And you write in the book about wanting to be fully seen. Who should we want to be fully seen by? Who do we let fully see us? I'm curious of your thoughts on like wanting to be seen by whom and then who kind of gets that privilege,
Kerry Docherty: Yeah, great question. I wanna be seen first and foremost by myself. I wanna be the most authentic version of myself. And I understand that sometimes people will, may not like that authentic version, and there is a choice that women have to make. I am I willing to be unlikable? And in fact, when I wrote this book. After the first draft, my editor pulled me aside and she said, Carrie, this is great, but I need you to be a little bit more likable. And I have never been more proud because I'm literally the most likable person I know. It meant I was [00:23:00] telling the truth about my inner thoughts, my inner competing desires, and I felt like I was doing myself an active service about willing to be unlikable in trait of honesty. Okay, so number one, that's that. Number two though. Does everyone get to see all sides of me? No. There are a lot of people I don't feel safe with, and I will show up and I'll be kind and I will try to be neutral. But you don't get, you don't get to know my, deepest, darkest secrets. You don't get necessarily some of my energy. So there is a layer of protection that we I, maybe I should say discernment.
Kara Duffy: Yeah.
Kerry Docherty: About who we show up with and how that's not in authenticity. That's I think, intuition and protection.
Kara Duffy: Another thing that I think you and I have in common, and forgive me for overreaching having just met you today, is that we love to bring people together and talk about really big [00:24:00] things. How many years now have you been doing the retreats?
Kerry Docherty: I've been, we've had almost five now. We used to do smaller ones and then we did sleepovers, retreats, some people call them. But yeah.
Kara Duffy: I see your, you just answering that question, your face completely opened up in a different way. So what is that like? How does that feel in your heart, I guess, having these experiences?
Kerry Docherty: I mean, just expansive. And I think this is an example of selfishness. Does a clothing brand need to do retreats with artists, activists, and thought leaders? I mean, from a marketing perspective, sure. Could that be a great return on investment? Maybe. I selfishly was like, I want to invite in some of the most inspiring people and bring them together for two days for rest and ignition, and conversation and not need anything out of it except that level of community, because it makes me feel [00:25:00] great and I know it'll make them feel great.
And so the retreats were selfishly motivated. But I think that the truth is when people stand in their alignment and pursue things that make them feel alive, it is contagious, and that energy will help inspire other people as well.
Kara Duffy: The power of being in circle it, it is underestimated. Even if it's just, for solo entrepreneurs meeting for a coffee once a month it starts to change things. I regularly tell people, this podcast is the self most selfish thing I do
Kerry Docherty: Mm-hmm.
Kara Duffy: and 'cause it I'm like, no, I get 10 times more out of it than anyone else does, who's
Kerry Docherty: Yeah. Yeah.
Kara Duffy: and being able to have an invitation. For the people who inspire you, that you want to highlight, that you want to allow [00:26:00] into the circle is such a powerful tool for maybe people who are different than you and I who don't just create the thing that we want to do. How do you recommend people find a circle start, maybe even be brave enough to talk to somebody who inspires them.
Kerry Docherty: Yeah, and I am what, isn't there a new term extrovert? It's like an extrovert that like, but then. Needs to retreat for days at a time and like
Kara Duffy: Ambivert, that's me too.
Kerry Docherty: Okay. Okay. I think people just again, have to be aware of what makes 'em feel good. Not everyone wants to host events. Not everyone wants to go to event. Some people just love one-on-one meaningful conversations, and the world is so full of a vast, beautiful array of different types of people. And I think. Online and social media, and like it is it can be a way to find your people, slide into people's [00:27:00] dms, start conversations, go to the library, go to the places that make you feel alive and see who's in them and just start a conversation from there.
Kara Duffy: Something. I'm also talking to people a lot about is selective rule breaking and there's a great part of your book you incriminate yourself about illegally airbnbing your apartment.
Kerry Docherty: IRS
Kara Duffy: yeah.
Kerry Docherty: the limitations. I think I ended up paying it guys. Don't worry. I paid my taxes.
Kara Duffy: But so, without incriminating yourself, like where. Where do you think it's what rules are meant to be followed versus broken? For you to have the extraordinary life that you are here to have?
Kerry Docherty: I can't say with specificity exact rules, but I will tell a story. And the story is in the book that my grandma was married for seven years. She's still alive. She's an artist. And after my grandpa died, I remember we were at her funeral and all [00:28:00] of my aunts and uncles were telling her what to do. You know what you should do? You know what you should do, you know what you should do. And I just looked at her. I said, grandma, everyone's always telling you what to do, like, what's your life mantra? And she said, oh, Carrie, I just smile and then do whatever the fuck I want. And I was like, this is it.
Kara Duffy: Yeah.
Kerry Docherty: am open to feedback.
I will greet it with a smile. At the end of the day, I will do what's best for me. I don't have to fight you on it. I don't have to get into argument. I'm going to do what's best for me. And I think when we do that, we sometimes end up breaking a lot of rules.
Kara Duffy: This makes me want that to be the title of her memoir now.
Kerry Docherty: I know. Smile, do whatever the fuck you want.
Kara Duffy: Yeah. When we look at the need for, women have always done the work and there is a lot of noise right now about the wine moms who are being activated, [00:29:00] and it's really interesting to be equally insulted and feared at the same time.
Kerry Docherty: Okay.
Kara Duffy: And I think this is just what women are used to. Like that's kind of where we've always been put,
Kerry Docherty: Mm-hmm.
Kara Duffy: you don't know what you're doing and oh, you're also gonna cause a problem, so we have to do something about you Ra, you have a daughter and a son, is that
Kerry Docherty: Mm-hmm.
Kara Duffy: How are you looking at the two of them and trying to raise them equally as humans, knowing that we have, again, the bifurcation of what's going on in our society. But we just have the documentary like Manosphere that just came out, and then we've got people who are saying like, wine moms or idiots don't listen to them organizing at the same time.
How are you balancing that, having the kids that you have at the ages that they are right now?
Kerry Docherty: I think the best thing that parents can do in raising their [00:30:00] kids is to not how am I helping my kids? How am I helping myself? How am I evolving? And it will rub off on them. We are modeling it for them
every day. We are modeling it for them. It's hard because it puts the pressure off of them and back onto ourselves.
But I have received so much parenting information from parents who the way that they're living their lives feels in complete dissonance to the type of kids that they wanna raise and our kids notice. And so every day I am reading the news and I'm seeing, we all know what is happening collectively.
All I can do is tend to my garden where my kids are seeds and they are growing and I'm gonna try to pull out the weeds as I can. But how am I handling myself? How am I standing up to men in my life who I think are being patriarchal? Because there's microcosms every day that we are [00:31:00] deciding how we're going to respond and whether or not our kids see that or not. It's still a form of creating shifts.
Kara Duffy: It radiates from us. Mm-hmm.
Kerry Docherty: Yeah.
Kara Duffy: What are things that you do on a regular basis to maintain your sanity and bring yourself some joy?
Kerry Docherty: let's see. I love walks in nature. I live a couple blocks from the beach, so, it's the Jersey shore. It gets freezing in the winter. I walk in the rain, I put on my jacket. I look for sea glass. I love that act of looking for small treasures. I read, I think I'm 10% happier when I'm reading a book. I can tell if I've been doom scrolling or reading.
Kara Duffy: Mm-hmm.
Kerry Docherty: and I try to have a community of people who that when that in a mutually reciprocal group, particularly women where we feel safe to share how we're feeling and it just like [00:32:00] externalizes and gets things out and we can laugh about it. And that is just such medicine for me.
Kara Duffy: When you hear the words powerful and ladies, what do those words mean to you? And does their definition change when they're next to each other?
Kerry Docherty: I think women are inherently powerful. So when I think of the word powerful, I inherently think of women. I don't even need the ladies. It's just powerful, the things that women endure, what we have signed up for, how. Every day our body reminds us of the things that we have to endure through and overcome, whether it's giving birth or bleeding every month, or all of it.
And our definition of power, I think, is different than men's definition of power. And so when I think of powerful ladies, I think of a much more expansive view of power than maybe what the other gender does.
Kara Duffy: What has surprised you the most? Having this book about to be out in the [00:33:00] world.
Kerry Docherty: I think I was unprepared on how some people might respond, and I think when you write a memoir and not even write a memoir, let's just expand to people everywhere. When you share the truth about your life. It will not always be met with a round of applause. And it goes back to, that's okay if we feel like the act of telling the truth brings us alive.
Kara Duffy: Are you able to sit in that and accept it or like let it kind of flow past you? Because of why, like, is it conversations you have with people who you. Discuss in the book before it went out into the world? Is it your commitment to the truth? What allows you to, , be as least reactive as possible?
Kerry Docherty: gosh. I mean this has been like a 10 month bootcamp on all that.
Kara Duffy: Mm-hmm.
Kerry Docherty: but I think it has reminded me of, again, [00:34:00] going back to the word of selfish. Sometimes we choose to do things for ourselves and it will bring other people pain. But if it makes, one precious life, if it makes us feel more alive, and I think ultimately when we do things that make us feel alive, it can be a gift to other people.
I feel like this book, it was so honest and will be a gift to other people, even though it's hurt people around me.
Kara Duffy: How, and so, I think a lot of people that kind of triggers the traditional definition of selfish. Like we, we've, until very recently, we've made that word be a negative. Like, don't be selfish. It means all for you, none for anyone else. And I think, I've been discussing how that is not what that word can needs to mean.
So how, like, how are you adjusting? You've stepped into selfishness, you're getting some reaction. Is there an adjustment? Does there need to be, how are you kind of healing the people close to you who have been impacted?
Kerry Docherty: it's not my job to heal them, [00:35:00]
Kara Duffy: Mm-hmm.
Kerry Docherty: I think that is also the act of being selfish. Each of us is on our own journey with our own set of problems, with our own set of karma and. I share one of my favorite quotes by therapist Prentice. Hempell, the self is not an individual, and I also know I am who I am because of so many people have affected me and they have imprinted me and helped shape me into who I am.
And so there is, I have a accountability in that. And also some of this stuff is just not my job. It's, we are all connected. And also I know what I'm responsible for. And at the end of the day, people get to choose what they want, the outcome of their life to be and how they wanna respond
to things.
Kara Duffy: yes. What would you want people to know about Fairity, about your book, about the family business? Like, what do you wish people knew that maybe doesn't get talked about enough? Mm-hmm.
Kerry Docherty: I am so proud of the business we built, like Fairity brand was my first baby. [00:36:00] It still is my baby. And also it's, there's real people behind it. We are not a huge corporation run by shareholders that no one sees that makes decisions. We are a family. We have family dynamics. We have great wins and we have great setbacks.
And I think I had read so many books on entrepreneurship and like how to be the CEO who like wakes up at five o'clock and I'm like being like, can I talk to this person's partner? Can I talk to the kids? This book is so honest and I think it really pulls back the veil of like what it means to have to start a brand, to start a company, have a family business.
Kara Duffy: and I don't think people equate, I'm speaking from my own businesses, right? So we launched a women's garment bag last March. The brand's called Olivet. We love it. It's a someone who used to be a client of mine we're now business partners and it's, people think that a successful [00:37:00] business is always a hockey stick. And to me, a successful business is one that survives,
Kerry Docherty: yes.
Kara Duffy: like the chasing for a profit or throwing any acronym you want about financial metrics of a company. If you are a heart led business, you're going to have months, years maybe, where you're like, great news, it's Friday and we paid all our bills and there's $1 in the bank account
Kerry Docherty: totally. Okay.
Kara Duffy: and there's gonna be others where you, where there's extra and you get to do all the extra things you've been waiting to do. And I do think that there's this room to reset. The majority of real businesses that are out there and shifting the narrative away from these huge tech companies that are getting this crazy injection of cash when 98 point something percent of businesses are self-funded.
Kerry Docherty: I know, but, and then you see who makes it right. The chances of [00:38:00] making it as a small business owner are so slim. The odds are against you. They just are.
Kara Duffy: Mm-hmm. Especially in a product based business, it's, there's every opportunity. There's another way for the extra cash to go somewhere else.
Kerry Docherty: Yes.
Kara Duffy: I know it's like we could have an entire conversation, I think just about the realities of product based businesses and what's happening. But we are here because of you and your book, and one of the questions we've been asking everyone this year is. What do you need? How can we help? What's on your to-do list your wishlist. Big, small. What can this community of powerful ladies help you cause?
Kerry Docherty: I would love for people to read the book.
Kara Duffy: Mm-hmm.
Kerry Docherty: Because I think, I hope, in me being so honest, it makes you feel seen.
Kara Duffy: Mm-hmm.
Kerry Docherty: And then if you love it, give it to a friend. I think this book is supposed to start conversations. This book is uncomfortable. This book is [00:39:00] activating, I'm a complicated character, right? It explores marriage, motherhood, business. I'm not gonna anything way marriage, motherhood, businesses longing, creativity, but I think it strikes. Gonna probably make the reader have some sort of response. And that's what excites me is having conversations, having these type of conversations, having conversations with people that disagree with us, and talking about what does it mean to be human?
What does it mean to be a self and what does it mean to put ourselves first.
Kara Duffy: Who are you inspired by? Who are you following that you just love to see what they're up to? Whether you know them in real life or just through Instagram.
Kerry Docherty: I am just so inspired by so many of my friends, some of them who have no platforms on Instagram. They are just showing up every day in doing incredible work, whether it being incredible moms and parents, whether marching in the streets, whether pursuing something as a hobby. Whether being a single mom and raising kids [00:40:00] on their own, like humans are so incredible, and I'm just inspired by like the smallest moments in so many of our days. When we choose Love over despair.
Kara Duffy: I just recently watched the swimmers. Have you seen that movie?
Kerry Docherty: mm-hmm.
Kara Duffy: I highly recommend it. I did fast forward through some parts that were giving me a little too much anxiety. I am, my daughter will be five months on Saturday
Kerry Docherty: She's crying in the background. It's
Kara Duffy: Yep, that's her. Sorry. She's with the nanny. I'm like, we have soundproofed the room.
I'm in
Kerry Docherty: I was like, she's up and she's hungry.
Kara Duffy: She's going through that sleep regression, but luckily it's during the day and not at night, so she's like, why would I nap? I'm totally grown up
Kerry Docherty: And you ready?
Kara Duffy: girl. Yeah. But it was, I've been left with some postpartum anxiety and so there is a scene in the movie where I was like, and we're fast forwarding 'cause I know that they'll get through it, but I can't handle watching this right now. But the reason why I'm recommending it, despite there being anxiety moment, is [00:41:00] the, I kept crying because of this sheer love for fellow humans
Kerry Docherty: Oh
Kara Duffy: and like I, I'm so craving those stories right now, or people just choosing the the helping hand of choosing to make someone else's life easier of choosing to pay it forward. And it was, it's just filling up because that's not the news that we're getting on a regular basis. And after you've gone through, like everyone, I've been doing an exercise of. Thinking about the people I know who are doing great work, and very often a meditation I'll do, I'll put like my hands out, like I'm holding hands in a circle, thinking about the guests I've had on this podcast, thinking about my friends, like, but to your point, women who I know every day are making a positive impact, whether it's in their kitchen or it's in the world, because that allows my nervous system to chill out.
Kerry Docherty: Yeah truly.
Kara Duffy: Like [00:42:00] otherwise, we're trying to do it all ourselves. And that's the part where I think when people say we can't do it all. Yeah, we can't. We're like physics, the laws of physics don't allow us to. But what I love about you sharing your truth and using the word selfish is that I think that we can have our all it's one of my coaching methodologies is how do you have your all.
Kerry Docherty: Mm-hmm.
Kara Duffy: And when you're looking at the life path that you've chosen, are there things that you have actively said, no, thank you to and let go to have more of the things that you want?
Kerry Docherty: I think I've let go to relationships that haven't felt mutually reciprocal or loving. I've let go of I mean, I still hold onto a lot of things that aren't good for me, like phone addiction. I've let go of a lot of alcohol and numbing and becoming acutely aware of like when I wanna distract myself or how I'm feeling. And again, I think [00:43:00] of the act of being selfish. Just the looking at the minute, small decisions we make during the day of like, is this serving me?
Kara Duffy: Mm-hmm.
Kerry Docherty: Do I need to do this? And looking into our patterns of how we wanna escape our lives, and then actively choosing to be more present and more love filled.
Kara Duffy: I know for myself, I've had to do so much work in the past couple of years of reconnecting my brain to my body because for so many years through athletics, I was told to ignore what my body said and keep pushing through.
Kerry Docherty: Yeah. Same. Yeah.
Kara Duffy: What is something that's helped you reconnect?
Kerry Docherty: To my body. Solitude is really helpful for me. I need spaciousness and I know you can practice mindfulness in any part of the day. You can notice you if you're holding your breath where stress lies in your body, but the act of walking for long periods of time. Really helps me figure out how am I feeling and in order to [00:44:00] know how I'm feeling, I have to touch base with my body. So that is helpful for me. And it's also interesting I think our cycles of menstruation for a long time helped that pacing helped. Me understand like what was happening in my body. Like am I in the luteal phase? Do I feel creative and external? Am I bleeding? Do I need time for like self care and lot more internal, like go back into the womb and protect myself here. So there are so many opportunities, I think, to, to trust our body and see what it's saying and give it space to communicate with us.
Kara Duffy: I also love walking and I I only know it as a pebble meditation where you take pebbles, put 'em in your pocket and like everything you wanna let go of, you drop a pebble as you do it. It seems so silly and I've realized I get so much joy out of when people around me think I look a little. [00:45:00] Like, it makes me laugh at the world when that happens. Either when I'm like talking back to a podcast I'm listening to and there's no one else next to me. Or when people are like, why are you throwing pebbles into the ocean? You're like, it's fine. Don't worry about it. I mean, just being a weird lady. It's totally fine. Well this has really been such a pleasure. Thank you for sharing your time and being a Yes to powerful ladies in this conversation. Thank you for making this book. I feel like you've made it for all of us. And just, thank you for doing everything you can to make the positive impact to, in your family, within the business, with the communities that you want to serve and are a part of. Yeah, like I see that and I honor it and I say thank you 'cause again, it Okay. Another person who is. Doing the best they can to share their light in the right direction, and I so appreciate that.
Kerry Docherty: Well, thank you so much for this beautiful conversation.
Kara Duffy: For everybody who wants to follow you, support, you get your book, where can they do all of those things?
Kerry Docherty: You can follow me at Kerry Docherty. [00:46:00] That's my Instagram. And then bookshops.org is the best place to find selfish. It supports independent bookstores, but I'm also on Amazon Target. But bookshops.org is the best.
Kara Duffy: That's where I got mine today. Mm-hmm.
Kara Duffy: Thanks for listening to The Powerful Ladies Podcast. If you enjoyed this conversation, please subscribe. Leave us a review or share it with a friend. Head to the powerful ladies.com. We can find all the links to connect with today's guest show notes, discover like episodes, enjoy bonus content and more.
We'll be back next week with a brand new episode and new amazing guest. Make sure you're following us on Instagram or substack at powerful ladies to get the first preview of next week's episode. You can find me and all my socials@karaduffy.com. Until then, I hope you're taking on being powerful in your life.
Go be awesome and up to something you [00:47:00] love.
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