Episode 38: Surviving Four Strokes and Finding Everyday Joy | Sarah Remage Healey | SHRH Designs

BusinessEntrepreneurshipInspiration & Motivation
Written By Powerful Ladies

Sarah Remage Healey was 33 when her life changed forever. A wife, mom of three, CPA, and creative entrepreneur behind SHRH Designs, Sarah experienced four strokes within weeks, just after her wedding anniversary and days before Christmas. With no warning signs, no family history, and no underlying conditions, she was forced to rebuild everything from the ground up. Sarah shares the lessons she’s learned about resilience, creativity, and why she now measures life in birthdays and small celebrations. We talk about letting go of proving yourself, creating joy even in the hardest seasons, and the unexpected path from corporate life to running a design business that brings sparkle to every day. Her story is a reminder that we can’t control everything, but we can choose to make someone smile - and that might just change everything.

 
 
“He said, ‘You just need to now focus on your girls birthdays and every year that you make a birthday. You need to celebrate that and know that you’re there and you made it.’ That’s kinda how I started to focus on these big party invitations. It was a little celebration every time.”
— Sarah Remage Healey
 
 
 

  • Clark University
    Waltham, Massac    husetts
    Disney Princess    es
    Bar    bie
    CP    A
    He    r Royal Highness
    Stroke
    Anxiety
    Migraines
    Boto    x
    “Glotox    ” 
    Mass General Hospital
    Bri    ght Horizons
    D    estiny's Child
    H    omecoming on Netflix
    B    eyonce
    Coache    lla
    A    riana Grande
    Oprah
    The Brui    ns
    Gluten Intole    rant
    Dairy Intole    rant
    CASA
    Dunkin Donuts
    Clark University
    Worcester,     MA
    Courtney Pr    ice Oroszko
    Patrick Oroszko
    Ellen

  • Follow along using the Transcript

    Chapters:

    00:00 – Meet Sarah Remage Healey

    06:00 – The first signs something was wrong

    13:00 – The day life changed forever

    20:30 – Finding joy through celebration

    24:01 – The pressure women carry

    29:47 – Big dreams and Oprah goals

    33:00 – Cupcakes and kindness

    40:15 – Living with low energy and migraines

    46:00 – Creating a business that fits life today

    52:49 – Choosing kindness every day

    58:00 – What being powerful means now

     He had said, you just need to now focus on your girls' birthdays and every year that you make a birthday, you need to celebrate that and know that you're there and you made it and it should be a big thing. And that's how I started to focus on doing these big party invitations 'cause I, it was a little celebration every single time.

    That's Sarah Remage Healey and this is The Powerful Ladies Podcast.

    Hey guys, I'm your host, Kara Duffy, and this is The Powerful Ladies Podcast where I invite my favorite humans, the awesome, the up to something, and the extraordinary to come and share their story. I hope that you'll be left, entertained, inspired, and moved to take action towards living your most powerful life.

    Sarah Cheley is a wife, mother of three daughters, a CPA, a small business owner, and a stroke survivor. She was 33 years old when she had her first stroke the day after her seventh wedding anniversary, and just a few weeks before Christmas. On this episode, she tells her stroke story, how she and her family have rebuilt their lives, what matters to her today, and how she adds as much sparkle and glitter to every day.

    Welcome to the Power Pole Ladies podcast. Thank you. I'm glad to be here. Me too. We met going to Clark University and it feels like it was just yesterday, but unfortunately it was not.

    It was way too long ago now. It was.

    It was. Let's start by, introduce yourself and tell us like who you are and what you're up to.

    Sure. I'm Sarah Re I live in Walham Mass now and am keeping busy mostly with my three girls. I have a 10-year-old and almost 9-year-old and a 6-year-old, so they keep me plenty busy. And then I have lots of mini jobs now, so life's crazy and wonderful. And I'm exhausted and happy.

    And your oldest daughter is a proud ginger.

    She, they're all beautiful. She is. She is. My redhead. Yep. Obviously I'm excited. I'm biased.

    I denied the fact that she was a redhead when she was first born. I was convinced that it was just golden. And then there was no denying it anymore. And she has this amazing head of hair. Yes.

    And I love that.

    Following you guys on social media. They have such distinct personalities and they're all coming through from the photography.

    Yeah. It's funny because my husband Duncan, he was very much, anti pink purple, wanted to make sure they weren't, getting into too many Barbies and all that and Disney princesses, but, and we, they had a turquoise blue room when they were little and they've all grown up that way and still found their own path.

    And two of the three are obsessed with princesses and wanna wear makeup and, but still have very different personalities. And then our oldest is. All out Tom girl and sports and nothing pink. And God forbid there's a sequin involved in anything she's near

    and one happens to blow across the table.

    Yeah,

    she claims she's allergic to glitter,

    oh, I like that. It's

    tuckered in this house because there is a lot of glitter between me and the other two. Other two.

    And there is, do you wanna tell the audience why there's so much glitter in your house besides your girls? Yes.

    So I started to focus on a design side.

    So a weird part of me, I guess is the fact I went to school for accounting and became a CPA, but have always loved art. And after some changes in our life, I really started to focus more on that because it made me happy. So I have a small design business that I'm trying to get started.

    So mostly invitations, birthday invitations, some wedding invitations, and other paper party supplies that are just over the top and lots of detail, lots of glitter.

    It's the cutest, most well done. Paper based party excitement supplies that I've seen, so thank you. You're welcome. We're going to give a full shout out later and say 80 times, but what is your Instagram handle that everyone can follow?

    Yes,

    it's SHRH designs. So it was a big joke when, 'cause my maiden name is Hague, that when I married Duncan who has a hyphenated last name re that I could be HRH or her Royal Highness. So I I had to keep it so it's not actually my name, but for business. It worked perfectly.

    I like her Royal Highness.

    I think it should we should remind Duncan that he may not be always fulfilling it on making sure that you are treated like a queen every day. If he's not that he isn't. I think he's a great husband and father and he is

    pretty amazing. He tries, but yes, there are days where I don't necessarily feel like the queen.

    I think everyone should. So I'm encouraging everyone listening to add an RHR, or sorry, RH h rh Wow.

    To whatever their name is,

    to whatever their name is. Yeah. It just becomes standard. If you, we should start knighting people as powerful ladies. And once you're united, you get to add officially the HRH to your name.

    I like it. So your name would be amazing because you'd have the CPA, but also the h Rh, duplicated HH.

    Which honestly brings me much more joy, I think, than the CPA ever did.

    I am sure. I would love to start at the beginning because you have such an amazing story of, what you've gone through, what you overcome, and where you're at now.

    So let's begin wherever you think your story should begin. Sure. So

    Like I said, I was in accounting, went to school for it and really had the job I thought I wanted and we were, both living in the crazy lifestyle but really felt like we were doing it well where the kids went to work with me each day.

    'cause daycare was at my work and, we were both working crazy hours but making it happen. And Gracie our youngest, had just turned one. And I actually had a stroke or a couple strokes. And so that was the start of everything. I guess everything halting in our life for a little while.

    And definitely needing to look at what we were doing and what was important and how to appreciate. Every bit of time we had and not really knowing what was going to be happening in the near future or the future at all. So it definitely shook things up in a crazy, scary way.

    And to paint the picture prior to the stroke.

    Yes. You and Duncan also met at college, so college sweethearts. You had gotten married. You were living outside of Boston, similar to where you do now. And you had three daughters, so you're basically living the all American life, right? Totally.

    We both had great jobs. We, we were making good money for our jobs and enjoying it and able, it seemed like we were able to do it all.

    So it was and I look back now and it was definitely a moment where it's okay, I've done this. I've, I'm that mom that I needed to be, and like a supermom and doing the full-time job and the full-time care and still, still having time with your kids and still getting them to where they needed to be.

    It was crazy, but it seemed we were doing what we were supposed to be doing.

    Yeah. It's everything that people like it looks like on tv and it's what people talk about. And prior to your stroke, boom. And you were like both of you have always been active and healthy. So Yeah, we were

    both athletes through college and always very healthy.

    So it was a big, out of the blue, completely unexpected change to our life. So

    what happened did could you explain the initial experience? Were you at work? Were you at home? Yeah,

    so I was at work and it was a day that the kids were at daycare too. And I was at, I remember so many of the details I was going over because.

    Our middle daughter Bailey had pink eye and so I was going over to give her medicine in the middle of the day. A lot of parents can feel that pain of how often conjunctivitis is an issue at daycare. Oh, yeah. And while I was there, just knew, I didn't feel, I felt like I was gonna pass out, so I figured, oh, I haven't eaten enough today.

    It's nothing. They gave me a muffin at the daycare to feel better. And again, the daycare was right at work, so I was just crossing a street.

    And then got back to work and still just wasn't feeling right. And one of my best friends was working too, and she could tell something was going on and I was hot.

    And then I started to get a little bit more nervous and I tried to call Duncan to tell him that I thought I needed to go see a doctor and I couldn't dial his phone number. And then my eyesight started to go. And by the time. Stupidly, we drove to the hospital because again, you don't think anything's really happening to you, right?

    I started to lose my speech and couldn't see anything but black and white out of one eye, and my right side started to go numb. So all the classic signs of stroke.

    And

    what are those for people who don't know. So they talk about fast. Basically the big thing you need to look at is if there's facial drooping on one side, if the speech is slurred there's a new one where you can't stick out your tongue, which is so weird to think about.

    And a lot of times vision changes. So I had 'em all, it just, it, I didn't really know about stroke 'cause I was 33 years old. So it, it didn't phase me. I think on the way there when I started to not be able to answer questions, that was when like, oh my God, am I having a stroke? But it was still so surreal because,

    It's something that you, and am I having a stroke is almost a catchphrase for when something's just going wrong. Like I don't even know if you thought you were actually having one or just knew something wasn't working. Exactly. I you I would've been like, were you freaking out? 'cause just me thinking about it, I'm having a mini panic attack thinking about it.

    It was pretty the, and it was in December and we were having a horrible snowstorm and we were driving like four miles an hour and all of it was just awful.

    A lot. And this is your best friend driving A lot of, yeah. There was a lot of, moments and there were moments. What's very bizarre is there was also moments of complete where all of a sudden I felt fine. It was a long process before stuff really went downhill. When Duncan finally got to the hospital with the girls, I was able to take the girls to the bathroom.

    It's very weird. That

    is crazy

    how it's going back

    and forth between Totally. Everything's fine and everything's not fine.

    Yeah. And then I wanna yell at him dunking and be like, why did you just have me take the girls to the bathroom? I was having a stroke.

    I am hurt Royal Highness, you are getting this all wrong.

    But we found out that after. Having, being in the hospital for quite some time that I have a connective tissue disorder, and that's what caused it. So all the, all my arteries in my neck actually dissected, which caused the stroke. So I don't have like risks of, it's not heart disease or high blood pressure or anything like that.

    It's this other

    issue. You just said that and I instantly got a flashback of some crazy, like decapitation or something. Like what, when the arteries in your, you said the arteries in your neck disconnected, dissected. Dissected. So it's

    basically they get cuts in them. It's, it's really horrible.

    Yes, and I'm glad that you were able to laugh after saying it's so horrible. But

    yeah, it sounds ridiculous and it sounds unbelievable.

    It does.

    Yeah, so the first one I had one and that caused the first two strokes. And then two weeks later, the other three dissected.

    That. And so it was just a long process for sure.

    So how does that part happen?

    It's just the other We don't that Yeah. They, it's one of those things that they just don't know. Yeah. I don't fall into any category that makes a whole lot of sense. 'cause I don't have the family history. I don't have, high blood pressure.

    I don't have high cholesterol, I don't have the overweight, I was always active. I just didn't fit into any of the common factors. So it's just one of those weird things when

    doctors and nurses are saying that they don't know, how does that make you feel?

    It's been a. It's been a long process and it continues.

    So it's not one of those things. You go in and then once it's over. So there's been lots of testing Yeah. Over the last five years. And it's a weird feeling to almost hope you have something so that you can explain everything. And not that you will even know what the future holds, but it feels really unsettling to not have any clue when your body could completely turn on you again.

    And I think that was a really hard part for me to get over that I'd been so healthy and that it was completely outta my control. What happened?

    In my head goes to being mad at myself for like, why bother making healthy choices when I could've been eating cake every day and who knows what would've happened

    yeah. It's all, it's, there's a ton of mixed emotions, I'll tell you that. And. They told me it didn't make sense that I carried three babies to term. And that was really hard to hear too. And it was really hard to be told that we couldn't have any more babies because it wouldn't be safe. And there's just a lot of unknowns and a lot of confusion and back and forth and lots of wonderful things have come out of it too.

    But yeah, there's been a couple that we, that are harder to get past for sure.

    When someone is a stroke survivor. Like what happens next? Like you have a stroke and then I'm sure you have 80 million tests like you said, and Yes. Like how long were you in the hospital? Do you, are you in the hospital regularly or in checkups?

    Like what happens? It's certainly checkups

    regularly. The first time I went in, like I said, it was December, so it was December 17th. It was the day after our seven year wedding anniversary. So we'd gone out to dinner that night and then the next mor morning I was in the hospital. So that makes it a little hard too, to celebrate each year 'cause it just brings up a lot of rough feelings.

    And I came home the first time on Christmas Eve, so that also has a lot that comes with it. Especially for my oldest daughter. Sure. Who's been really affected by the whole thing. But lots of appointments. They're less, this year than they were in year one And I have good weeks and I have not good weeks.

    So it's really affected, it's affected my me physically. So a lot of people say, oh, I would never know you had a stroke. And even that's a really hard thing to hear because it's frustrating. 'cause I know physically I don't look different.

    But I know how much has changed in me because of the stroke.

    I nap almost every day. And if I go to the grocery store, that's my one thing I do that day. 'cause I'm too tired to do anything else. And if we have something at night, I have to, I, it gives me anxiety 'cause I know how tired I'm gonna be the next day and everything's planned around my energy levels.

    That's tough. Yeah. Especially with kids.

    And I am. Super ignorant in regards to strokes and what happens and, I've heard of the fast before and I like you I think of strokes and I think of people who are much older. Yeah. So what are the long-term effects that you've had to deal with be in addition to energy?

    Ener. So energy's the biggest one. There's a whole bunch of anxiety that I have around it. 'cause it's great that each year I make it through without anything is Yeah. Always good. But you just, we don't know exactly. What it is because of the, it doesn't fit into the perfect category of knowing expectations.

    But

    I also deal with migraines now and for a long time after I was having daily head headaches on top of migraines so try to a whole bunch of medications to try to find the one that worked that didn't make me more tired. So now I gratefully have a very flat forehead because Botox seems to be working for my migraines.

    So I get that benefit.

    That's the secret.

    Yeah. Someone told me I was glowing the other day and I said, I think it is the blow Botox.

    Yeah. No, it has an actual phrase. It's aox the glow talk. Yeah. And I just heard this term recently, but it's such an la. Thing to say the CLO touch.

    I just feel like if I had to have all this other shit, I can have a flat forehead.

    Yeah. I think you get, your HRH rules apply across the board now,

    right?

    Yeah. It's yeah. So after you had the first stroke, or I guess the first two, right? They were clustered?

    Yeah, they were clustered. I after, so I got home on Christmas Eve and then about less than a week later, I think I had a TIA, which is like a mini blood clot break off from the other dissections.

    And I, so I ended up in the hospital again for a few. A little bit. I don't know exactly how long. So all my hospitalizations were in the beginning. Yeah. It was all, it was like a two month time period of living at Mass General Hospital, which is my second home. My, my oldest calls it Mommy's General Hospital.

    Oh. And once you had the cluster, did you did you have to leave work? What were the changes that you had to make and how quickly were you making those changes?

    So I think during that time I hadn't gone back at all yet. 'Cause it was also soon I tried to go back first part-time.

    And again, it was still that mindset. Not only did I like my job, but it was like, I'm not gonna let this take. I don't want the stroke to take my career away from me.

    And so I, after trying part-time, I worked up to full-time and it was just, it was awful. I wasn't able to take care of the girls at all.

    I would get home and just go to sleep or fall asleep at the dinner table, and I had such bad headaches, I couldn't function at all. It was a terrible time. So I ended up cutting back again and I'm, I've cut back now to the fact that I'm only working eight hours a week. So that's really all I can manage.

    And is that all you're working for accounting or that's all you're working for? All your so that's all I'm working for accounting.

    Because it's really, it's hard to explain. So some of my deficits come in the fact that I used to be able to get a page long email and be able to read it, process it, and do whatever needed to be done.

    And like that kind of stuff just doesn't happen quickly anymore.

    And. The brain work gives me a headache. Trying to do a lot of this hard analytical math stuff. Yeah. It just wears me out even more. So that was also a really big part of why I could focus on the design side because one, it was just good for me to have something because I don't wanna just be home doing nothing.

    Even though I'm, I don't have much energy, but also if I need to take a nap in the middle of making a set of invitations, I can take a nap and it doesn't affect anybody. So one of my stroke specialists, I remember when we were waiting for some testing back and not really knowing what was going to come back, he had said, you just need to now focus on your girl's birthdays and every year that you make a birthday.

    You need to celebrate that and know that you're there and you made it and it's, it should be a big thing. And that's how I started to focus on doing these big party invitations. 'cause I, it was a little celebration every single time.

    Yeah. And why not celebrate all the best things that life has to offer for everybody, not just exactly for your family.

    Yeah. So it keeps me happy and it keeps me busy and feeling like I'm doing something without the same exhaustion level as the accounting.

    And it sounds like it literally doesn't hurt your head. You're right. That's such a big thing. Again, that's like a phrase that people throw around so flippantly about oh, you're giving me a headache, or this makes my head hurt.

    And you're like actually it doesn't, yeah it does.

    This for you. This one doesn't.

    Yeah, this

    one doesn't. The date. The days I do accounting, I am, I'm wiped.

    Yeah. It's

    pretty much it for me.

    It's really interesting to me that you like it so much that you're willing to even give it eight hours and headache.

    And the company I work for has been absolutely amazing. I've been there for 14 years and the girls have grown up there too. So it's just they have supported me so much, so there's a lot of wanting to give them back too and not give up on them. Yep. It's also a great way that I finally talk to adults once a week because it's a lot of time in my house or just with the girls.

    Yeah. I don't wanna lose that either, but they've just been such a wonderful company to me and to my family all these years.

    It's so great to hear that because we hear so many stories of the opposite. Yeah. And the fact that they were already a great company and the fact that like there was daycare across the street and it seems like it worked for a full-time working mother.

    Yeah. And then on top of that, to be there for you when you go through a health crisis kudos to them, maybe give them a shout out.

    Yes. It's bright horizons.

    Perfect. The the daycare group?

    Yeah. So I worked in the corporate office. Yeah, perfect. And then the girls went to the center.

    I was a parent at the center for 10 years and have been an employee for 14. And it's just, it, it's our other little home. The girls get excited when we go on vacation somewhere and they see a Bright Horizons location because it's just, it was their extra moms and dads, the teachers there were amazing and yeah.

    It is a good company.

    S So when you decided to scale back your full-time job schedule how did that, like what did you, how did you and Duncan get to that conclusion and what have you guys had to work on together to like rebalance where you guys have been as a family and a couple?

    Therapy was a big part, so I am a huge believer in therapy and I definitely needed it.

    And my therapist was one of my biggest advocates for me. Getting to a point with, to be okay saying it's okay to cut back.

    I think women hold so much responsibility because of the worlds we're in and trying not only just because you want to, but to try to prove that we're no longer in the role that we used to be as wife and mom and that's it.

    Yeah. Or just not even if you're not a wife or a mom, not even at whatever level of a man. And I think. It's hard not to try to prove yourself in that way. So cutting back felt like I was failing myself and every other female that's trying to,

    Shatter the ceiling. So it took a while to get to a point, but Duncan was so supportive and knew it wasn't working, and it wasn't working for the girls, and it wasn't working for my health.

    And, there was a lot of hard conversations about the girls need me more than anything, and that means taking care of myself first. What that needed to do. And we'd figure out the money situation somehow. And as long as we, the five of us were together, we would be fine. And just, it's a balancing act all the time.

    Even still, it's hard to go from the corporate world and working so much and feeling like you're contributing an income to not and be okay with that and not feel some resentment, when you're home all the time to the person that's not home all the time. Yeah. And wanting to buy a pair of shoes and not feeling guilty about wanting to buy a pair of shoes 'cause you're not making the same money that you used to.

    So there, there's good days and where it's works and we're so glad that this all happened because the girls have me more and they're home more and they're not being taken care of by somebody else because we're at work. And then there's days that I'm just really pissed off and. Throw a little pity party.

    Yeah. Which is okay. We all need them.

    I've definitely learned that it's okay to go there as long as you come back.

    Yeah. And I think you, you brought up a great point that I would like to talk a little bit about because like even my situation being nothing close to what you've been going through, but in regards to financial contribution in a couple.

    Yeah. I think this is something that women struggle with now and it's not getting talked about because it's almost complaining about what we asked for in this in the past. Like my grandmother never thought twice about the money that my grandfather brought in being theirs. And like it was just the family's money and yeah, it was different.

    And it, and my parents have been the same way. Like my parents decided a long time ago that my mother would stay home with the kids and my dad would go to work and like she, my mother hasn't really, at least none that she's expressed to me. Yeah. Like being concerned about not wanting to spend the money.

    In my current situation, I went from being a high earner on my own to being the breadwinner in the couple, to now making the least amount of money I've made in such a long time. And yes, we're currently going through a process of readjusting our budget and it makes me so uncomfortable that.

    Jesse is contributing more than I am right now because I still have all these ideas for where I want the money to go, whether it's for my closet or a trip or, yeah. Even like for the house. And I do not feel empowered to spend it like we're still working through this. It's a work in progress.

    Yeah.

    It's, we've been working on it for years now. It's really hard and I've never thought about it on the family side, what you just said. But I, like my mom didn't work full-time until we were like, I think I was the youngest and I think I was in fifth grade when she finally worked full-time.

    And she's never talked to me about that either. Yeah. Of, and she was obviously one doing the grocery shopping and taking us clothes shopping. But yeah, it's hard to go from being. I was always sugar mama and now I'm just not.

    Yeah, no. Like it's a, it's a conversation I think we need to be having more of because it shouldn't matter if you, if the couple agrees, it shouldn't matter where the money's coming from.

    If we know we have a budget and we know where it's going. I hope, like I can coach people on that. Hey, if there's, I don't know, $400 in clothing for the month, like you guys can spend it as you want, but Right. I don't, I still haven't gotten myself to the point where I can just like willy nilly spend it.

    I feel like it has to be mine. Like I can only spend this extra money I make after I contribute. Yeah. And it's such a dumb, weird thing to have to deal with of all the things in the world to deal with, but

    it is, and it's not Duncan telling me I can't spend money because it's his, that's for sure.

    It's just in my own mindset, like now it's not my money.

    Yeah. I know we, Destiny's Child, got us programmed that if it's our money, we can spend it. Which I was reminded of watching homecoming on Netflix recently. I need to see that. It's good. Beyonce is a boss and that just re Yeah.

    Reconfirms it. And I was hearing, because obviously, Coachella is such a big thing in California and Right. They were talking about how she upstaged Ariana Grande this past Coachella because her Yeah. She was released at the same time and I'm like, listen, she

    should,

    Yeah. That's fine.

    That's that's fine.

    It's fine. It's like trying to say someone can upstage Oprah. It's not gonna happen.

    I love Oprah.

    Someday she'll interview me. That's like my goal. I'm like, everything would be okay if I could just get Oprah to interview me. So maybe you're my first Oprah

    for sure.

    No, it's so funny. And someone I, somebody recommended a powerful lady recently and they're like, yeah, I think she's trying to get an Oprah. I'm like, okay. Then she qualifies for powerful ladies, and the person looked at me with this look that I laughed at because I could tell they were thinking, who are you to think that you are on the same level as Oprah at the same time being like, huh, you could have the same people on your podcast.

    They got it at the same time. They thought I was insane. And I'm like

    yep. Sometimes you just, you shoot for the moon, right?

    Yeah. If or shoot for Mars and maybe we'll win on the moon and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that.

    That can be my next invitation. I'll make that shoot from ours.

    Yeah,

    you might land on the moon.

    You're welcome. Little powerful lady. Stamp on the back.

    Yep.

    Shout out Tol. Actually we need to have you make some powerful ladies fanciness. That would be

    Absolutely.

    That would be a great collab that we could do. That'd be really fun.

    That would be fun.

    I've actually, and this is a way, there's a, like a definitely a mom anxiety about some of the horribleness in the world.

    Yeah.

    And it's been one of those years where just a lot of sad things have happened and you can start to feel outta control. And so I found like it super helpful for me to get involved.

    I like, I always, wanted to do this and wanted to do that, but in reality you just don't have time to do a lot. So I've tried to figure out how to. Mesh it in with what I'm already doing. So doing little projects for charities, and I know sometimes people say people only give to charities to make themselves feel better, but it does really make yourself feel better.

    So it's just if it's cupcake toppers for charity event or the marathon, or supporting somebody's cause it's been really nice to be able to do things like that. And it's obviously not about the money. I'm not making much money on any of it anyway, but. It's, you don't like donating these products and having it be for an event that is making somebody else happy is really amazing.

    So that's my extra side hustle.

    Oh, why shouldn't people feel awesome for giving to charities? Like you're, it every little bit helps. It makes it feel good. Yes. Like I want people to feel so excited when they participate in something good in the world that they wanna keep doing it. One of the secondary powerful lady slogans is who said you can't have fun and change the world?

    Like who? Yeah. Who decided that we had to all be, missionaries and, barefoot and in who knows what to make a difference in the world and, that's not true at all. There's just, you sharing your story on this podcast is going to change someone's perspective if not their life. So that's amazing.

    And.

    And cupcakes make people smile. So decorate cupcakes, make them smile even more.

    And you know that I'm pro unicorn. So like anytime, like I, when I was growing up, I was like your oldest in the sense that I was like, horses are dumb, ballerinas are dumb. Pink is stupid. Like I was such, oh, I was such a butthead for such a long time.

    And yeah, I just, anything that was like, my heroes were like Nancy Drew and the Beyonces of my time at that moment. Women who were getting dirty and doing stuff and Yep. Meanwhile, like obsessed with Gem and the hologram. So they were like, they were rock stars running a charity. So it all made sense.

    But

    Right. You were, the hardcore Barbie isn't mean. Barbie was just Yes. Yeah.

    Yeah. Oh, it's cute. Barbie, you're a vet today, tomorrow you're gonna be a stewardess. Can't keep, can't make your mind up. Okay. But no, like it's so I, I get that, but like in, as I've become an adult, I've gone back to just loving all the fun stuff.

    Like to your point, like why not be covered in glitter if you can be, because six shows, you sure wishes there was a lot more of that.

    Exactly. I so appreciate the little ridiculous things that are gorgeous.

    Yeah.

    Because they do make me smile. It's not the thing, it's like the beauty in it. It just, I love pretty things.

    Yeah. So I have a lot of glitter and a lot of sequins and a lot of pink, and

    Im

    fine with it.

    It's all awesome. It is. And then plus to your point, there's so much negativity in the world. Oh, so much. If we all lived our lives based on recess and imagination and creativity, yep. We would probably be in a better place.

    We would always come up for air for snack time. I think we would.

    And as Duncan is famous for saying, if women rolled the world, we'd also all be in a better place. Yes. So that is a mantra He drills into the girls' heads. That's

    adorable.

    What a good dad. So they're ready. He is a good dad. He

    is. Was it overwhelming for him at first when he just it just kept more girls kept appearing in his life?

    It's funny, I can remember back in Maywood sitting in his suite and we were probably playing a game of like bullshit or something, and. He said, I hope to God I never have girls.

    That's when you know God's a woman. 'cause she's really?

    Yep. And then by the time we had two and we were, waiting to see what Gracie would be, he was just like, I hope she's a girl.

    I know what to do with girls. I get girls now. Let's just have another girl. And I think he could just not picture it any other way. And they were up late watching the Bruins last night and. We were at three soccer games this weekend and they were building wooden beds for dolls and fridges for birthday presents.

    They're across the board, so he has fun with them.

    This sounds all the Duffy sisters right now. Because our parents were the same. Mind you, we have our youngest was a brother, but our parents joke saying that he was the planned one. But no, we I remember playing, I got all of Karen and Donna's, that's like Karen and Donna's the other, Donna's the other sister.

    But I remember playing with all of their handy downs and like my dad, got us hooked on comics and he used to take us to dirt bike races and there was American girl doll made like homes and beds, like from our mom's dad so Yeah. Yeah. Everything you're describing is exactly what the Duffy girls had been through.

    Yep. They have fun. They're very active kids. And the weekend he is, he's very good that he knows he is now on duty. 'cause it gives me a little bit more of a chance to rest. And gives him time to really be with them. 'cause he doesn't see them on a ton during the week with everyone's schedule, but

    I definitely get my longer naps in on the weekends.

    We all do. It's a necessity. Yes. What else have you changed about your lifestyle since the strokes? Whew. Like a food,

    been a big part of it, or not in the sense that I purposely needed to change anything. Unfortunately, stroke has so many symptom or like after effects and they're very different for different people.

    And my body just went, I think, into a sort of shock.

    So I became gluten and dairy intolerant. So that's a fun diet to be on 'cause you really can't eat a lot of fun foods to knock both out, I don't eat either. Can't really tolerate my alcohol all that much either anymore. There's good and bad to that, but it's more of a mindset than anything else.

    So there's just, it's been an emotional journey.

    It sounds so, of course a stroke is a, it's very serious and there's a lot of things that are scary about it and a lot of anxiety and a lot of just not knowing. Yeah. But what I hear and what you're sharing is I don't like, it's almost like that awakening moment where you just get brought back to what really matters.

    And we, I remember Duncan, especially like the first year afterwards he had said I don't wish this upon people, but I'm almost sad that some of our friends haven't gone through something like this because they don't understand now what is important. Yeah. And of course that feeling does start to fade a little bit at times and we have to remind ourselves to get back there.

    But there have been so many nights where I've just watched the girls have a dance party and wanted to cry. 'cause it's just so nice to watch them have a dance party. And I think Duncan and I have learned to laugh at stupid stuff that probably would've pissed us off before. Yep. And led to, a fight that wasn't worth anything.

    Where now it's just that was really dumb and you laugh and then it's over and you've. You're both smiling at each other instead of fighting. We both say most of what we've gone through. There's a bright side too. There are some things that have had a really hard time getting over it, and I've tried to find silver linings in everything as a way to be like, okay.

    But after. So they, they told us that we definitely should not try to have any more babies, which Duncan was totally fine with anyway. He was good with three. But I also, this I, if you need to, I don't know how personally you wanna get, but I couldn't be on any type of hormone afterwards.

    So obviously that knocks out all birth control.

    Yeah.

    And he wasn't able to have a vasectomy because they were too nervous if anything went wrong. I couldn't lift the girls. Like I couldn't do anything on my own yet. So that was postponed. And then I obviously get pregnant very easily and we found out nine months after my stroke that I was pregnant.

    And the doctors told us that it would be fatal to me to keep the pregnancy. And that was, that's the big thing that. Has been the hardest to get over. Yeah. And I've always been pro-choice but I never thought I'd be making the choice. It wouldn't, it never was a thought that even though I'm very pro-choice, that probably wouldn't be a choice I would make anyway.

    Yeah. I'm in the same position about that. I don't want anyone to, I can't decide for anybody else, but I don't think I could ever do it. Yeah.

    Yeah. And knowing that I always wanted the oops and have a fourth baby at some point and then have it happen that way and not be able to, and just not, I wasn't even at a point of processing it because it was so quickly after having the stroke and there was too many, you have the side of, you just need to be there for your three girls.

    And I'm the type of person in the moment I found out I was pregnant. I was pregnant with a baby. Yeah. So that was. That was really hard and it's. It's bigger than a baby. That's been a struggle.

    It's not just the baby. It's the, it's hope.

    Yeah. And it's all of it. And, that has been a very hard thing to get past.

    I've tried to finally find the slightest silver lining that if any of my girls ever have to go through that, I now know how to talk to them a little bit better about it. Because I'll have gone through it. Yeah. So I look at that as a positive. And that's, and it's really hard in this environment that we're in right now.

    Yeah. You, when you have people saying you should go to jail for having an abortion.

    That's the first, that cross, that's the first that crossed my mind because I'm so thankful that you are living in a state when that happens. Where Yeah. You didn't have all the extra pressure added on of was it even possible to have an abortion?

    I know, I can't even fathom because being in Massachusetts, which is obviously super progressive and it's legal, and I it, even if it, I had the medical side of it that was saying it was required, but I still the doctor I went to and he was a specialist because I had all these risks of going in and having this done it was still like a closet in a room, in a hotel looking like apartment complex up on the fifth floor hidden.

    That's crazy. That's so sad. That's wild. That's what women have to go through to, to do. There's so many things that they're already going through in that situation to then put them through that. And I had it easy. So I can't even fathom what other women are going through in these states that it's not.

    And you turn on the TV and some of the things that are being said, and on Facebook it's hard to, has it, it's hard to not dive in

    and, has it changed? Has it made you more more sure about where you stand on pro-choice and feeling like you, are you encouraged more to speak up about it because of your experience?

    I think I'm not scared to speak up about it publicly, obviously.

    Yeah.

    In that sense. And I feel slightly empowered to do that more. I think I don't trust in the true public sense of going to a rally. 'cause they do make me nervous. Yeah. Because the environment right now is so toxic that I don't necessarily trust in that.

    And I think that's sad, but I definitely would never hold my tongue about it. I hold my tongue about some politics. Just 'cause I don't believe there's always, you don't always have to fight about it, but this is a situation where I don't think I would ever be able to even remotely stay quiet.

    Yeah. If someone said something or if there was an opportunity that I could help in any way

    Or be involved

    in. And in, in your situation, the doctor said that, and Duncan said you had to worry about everyone else that was already born that needed you. And you had a prior medical condition that allowed people to say that.

    But even people that don't have a prior medical condition where it's not, physically safe to have a child. There's lots of situations where it doesn't make sense to have a child because of the other people that need you in your life or Right. And some of those people that need you, you haven't even met yet.

    Like Yep. It's, I think it's such a personal thing and I get mad when people tell me I can't like, do anything. And so if somebody would try to tell me that I couldn't do what I wanted with my body and my life, I just, I, it wouldn't make sense to me. Like it, I would be like, oh, this is a joke.

    You must be kidding. It, yeah. It's hard for me to even process that. It's a discussion that we're having

    and I think people that are like just, they should carry a baby to term and then give it up for adoption. It's just such a archaic thought that you're carrying back in high school when you got the bag of flour that you had to pretend was a baby.

    Yeah. Uhhuh,

    It's not this separate thing where, so it's not, you just don't gain 30 pounds and then it's gone and that's the only thing you work. There's. Being pregnant is a, it's a different world.

    Yeah. And ironically think the only part, the only time of your life where it might feel like you're just carrying on a bag of flour is when you are 14, 15, or 16 when everything's so much easier.

    But Right. It's

    Yeah. I just think of all the situations and not even talking about the reasons I wouldn't, I'm not cool with me having an abortion. Just, yeah. I don't think people should just get pregnant and just have an abortion. Yes. That's my opinion. I still think it's completely crazy to say it's not allowed, but the amount of situations that people are in where this should be an option for them, I think to not focus on that is just so sad.

    And most people around the world who. Are looking for an abortion or choose to have one, are not these alleged repeat offenders that people make up and exaggerate. That's not what's happening. Yeah.

    And the babies aren't eight months along and they just decide one day to have an abortion like that.

    Those aren't the situations.

    No. They're not doing their budget and being like, eh, we don't have enough money. We're gonna, we're gonna change our minds. Change our minds.

    And what's sad is that's the, those are the stories that people are spreading and getting the press and people keep talking about, and it's just, ugh,

    it's maddening.

    Yeah. And the argument about to your point of giving it up for adoption, how it impacts it. It's nine months or more of your life because I think it's technically 10 from, but it's of like your whole body changing. It will never be the same again. Even if oh, and. There's mental, physical, like all this stuff happens.

    Yeah. And then like your mind

    and your heart will never be the same again either.

    And yeah, there's so many kids that are already out there waiting for amazing homes. Like I went to a CASA event here in Orange County. It's the court appointed special advocate for kids in foster care. And there's 3,100 kids in Orange County alone that are like in need of services through the foster system.

    So sad. So sad, so crazy sad. And Casa is an amazing organization and there's about two, like the number of kids who need extra help and need these extra advocates versus that have it it's totally imbalanced still. Yeah. So in a world where we have so many people and kids in particular that have needs in our country and others there's so many choices to make and.

    I don't know. It just makes me so frustrated. Me too. Because if you, and if you

    don't believe in it, just don't do it. That's what I don't get. There's so much I don't believe in, so I would just never participate in it. So it's like, why can't people have that attitude?

    And the irony when it comes from. A religious perspective. To me, it's like when people say you have to get married in a church. 'cause that's, I'm like God's everywhere. Thanks. Yeah. And then when they're like no. What if you're, what if that baby would've been the next Albert Einstein?

    I'm like, yeah, but you're the same people that say everything has a plan. And God knows everything already no.

    That's not, but they don't seem to care if, like the mom to be, or the female is gonna be the next Albert Einstein and this will change everything. No one cares about that.

    If I shouldn't say no one the other, like Yeah. The people saying that, don't care about that.

    Yeah. There's yeah, there's a way to look at the miracle of life as something sacred and there's at the same time respecting all the lives that are involved. Yep. Yeah, if whoever that baby would have been can still show up somewhere else, in my opinion.

    Yeah. I just, it's yeah, that's, I can talk about this for hours, but there's so much other things to say. Jordan. Boy,

    We started on unicorns, right?

    From glitter to abortion all in two hours. Yeah.

    I will say, just to wrap this portion up and then we can move on to another thing is I think what you and Duncan went through is very strong, and that's a really hard thing to do.

    So I don't wanna say props to you, but it's, that's something really hard. So I'm sorry. And good job. I don't know how to phrase this better, but No, that's really hard. That's something that you wanted and. You had to make that conscious decision and do better for your family, yeah. That's hard. I'm sorry. Thank

    you. And I'm thankful that you chose you

    and almost all the time. I am.

    Yeah. And you brought it up before about how you now have a personal experience that allows you to connect in a way that you wouldn't have before. And I think that is so true of everything that we go through that, you can put into the box of like hard and traumatic and, people would say negative.

    The reality is that all of those experiences now give you access to people and topics and experiences that you wouldn't have had otherwise. And like you get to be a connector in a different way. And I

    Definitely, and I think I've always considered myself someone with empathy, but I do now, I know it's like a lot of people post this, I don't know the exact phrase, but that someone is always going through something.

    So I am like, even if it's the Dunking Donuts cashier or the person that calls me on the phone for money or a donation, I'm so much nicer to everybody than I used to be.

    And I don't think I was ever a mean person, but I noticed that I go outta my way to make sure I'm actually nice and not nothing.

    Yeah. Because it's, you can just really, making someone smile for 20 seconds does so much more. And I think this has taught me that. My girls have taught me that. They've been through a lot and what they sometimes say and come out thinking is pretty amazing. And, we should listen to kids probably more because they do have a black and white understanding about a lot of things that we just get all blurry on.

    They are so much

    smarter than adults. Yeah. Yeah. I, and so much kinder and yeah, there's all the discussions right now about lowering the voting age. I'm like, i'm like, if we were really smart, like the voting age would be five to 21. That would be it. Like there, because there is kids up to their own devices are going to choose.

    Things that are good yeah, no kid is going to be for animal cruelty or hurting the planet or hurting other people. No, they're gonna be about like happiness and education and making sure everyone's healthy, like and including

    everybody. And yes. Sam has been, I didn't realize how diverse Waltham was when we moved here, but it's so amazing to see how the girls are growing up.

    Especially 'cause it's such a different way than I grew up. 'cause I grew up in a very small town. And what they're exposed to and what is just the norm is so refreshing. Like what? Obviously we talk about skin color all the time. But for them it's literally a box of crayons and they don't understand why we're called white 'cause we're peach and so cute.

    When they describe people, it's. Most of them. And they've all gone through this phase where it's all about hair colors. And sometimes they'll be like they have the color of skin of Angie and they have the color skin of you. It's not, it's just because they look at it like every single person they know is a different skin color.

    Yeah. So it's just, it's the same as their hair colors the same as their t-shirt. And it's wonderful. And we still try to, talk to 'em about, even though how they're growing up is wonderful, they still have to acknowledge that for others it is harder. And they'll, hit more obstacles than our girls were because we have three white girls.

    And it's a balance of not wanting to all of a sudden create this environment of talking about the isms, but also having them know what they are. So when they get a little older, it's still, it's on there, horizon of being knowledgeable of it and aware and, yeah. But they're just, they're already so far ahead of us.

    It's amazing. It's nice.

    It is nice. That's, I spent seven to 13 in outside of Philadelphia. And our school was super diverse and I didn't realize that wasn't how everything else was until I left. Yeah. And we moved to other places and it was weird to suddenly be like, where is everybody?

    Yeah. This is odd. But I'm really thankful that I had that foundation and just, it just wasn't a thing.

    Yeah.

    Yeah. Even in kindergarten, I remember crying because I wanted to have hair that I could put into braids.

    Oh, yep.

    And put like the cool like cool clips in. Yes. And like the hair ties that had the glass balls on the end.

    Yes. Because I wanted to walk and have the. Ding ding. There is like a sound that your hair makes. Yeah. When it's braided and has the cool barrettes in it. I still think

    those are amazing.

    So the closest I can get to is like wearing a bunch of bracelets.

    But it is, it's I remember this is so off topic, but I was going to the bathroom once in at work in Puma, and I was washing my hands and this girl comes out of the stall and she's ah, you sound like Christmas. And I was like, what? I'm keeping that forever. When I'm having a bad day, I'm gonna be like, no, I sound like Christmas.

    I sound like. Yeah, but that's that's what it makes me go back to these, this girl's hair. And I was so like, I wanted to be so cool like her in kindergarten and she was the first person that ever thought my hair was weird. And she's like, why didn't your parents name you carrot? Like, why'd they stop?

    It just, Kara you're already orange. And I was like, I was so heartbroken that the girl that I was like obsessed with and wanted to be like, made fun of me. And I was like, oh man. Yeah. But yeah, that's how it goes sometimes. So since. So a lot of people who are listening to this conversation now, obviously already think you're a superhero.

    And I loved on International Women's Day when you posted as one of our ambassadors. And I re-posted one of your photos and all these women that know you we're so excited that you are gonna be on this podcast. Like it got more comments than I think any other picture that went up that day where I can't wait.

    This is great. Tell her story. Like it went crazy and I was like, yes. So I'm so excited to hear the feedback from your entire cheer squad that you have. Oh my God.

    Now I'm glad you said that towards the end instead of in the beginning because I didn't realize that. It's amazing. I try now to make sure not only to like things with the little thumbs up and hearts and everything, but to like the amount.

    I appreciate so much comments when people are building people up. Yeah. Yeah. I try. That's my new, I'm like, I just, 'cause I love the photo. It's not enough sometimes just to say you love the photo, but unfortunately, social media is a lot of how we communicate and

    I feel like at least if I'm gonna use it, make sure it makes somebody else a little happier.

    Because it is amazing when you read these positive things, it just, it can, it can also ruin your day when people are nasty, but Yeah. Boy, when you read the positive stuff, it does help remind you that you have a whole village.

    It does. And to your point before about, with everything people are dealing with and what with you're dealing with.

    Like how do you make a difference? And it really is that small. Yeah. That's how it starts. Be nice to people, tell people what you value in them. Tell people when you like something, when it makes you laugh. We take it for granted how important the small things are, but they really do build momentum and snowball and it, the smallest thing really can change what happens.

    So yeah, if nothing else, if you spent your whole day, this is talking to the whole audience, not just you, but if whomever's listening spent their day just being nice to people on the internet, imagine what would happen just one whole day, right? Maybe we'll make that a powerful ladies initiative.

    We should be nice day. We'll come up with a better name. That one's lame.

    I think we can work on it.

    Yeah.

    Should it be called

    Ox? Maybe It should be called her Royal Highness. Day of Mice. Compliments of your Royal Highness. That's it. That's perfect. Oh, I like

    that.

    Okay.

    We can have sparkly little pins that people can wear that.

    Just say HRH.

    Yeah. Crowns. Hello. Yeah, that is gonna be amazing. Compliments are for Royal Highness. I'm glad we got that on tape. Have you like connected with other women who have had strokes, do you have a, like survivor's community or has it been more like your community rallying around you?

    My community has been amazing. Some of my friends have stepped up in ways that we would never have gotten through any of this or continue to get through it without our friends. You probably remember Angela Willard. Yeah. While she was Angela Williard Clark. So she lives right by me and she came to the hospital and painted my toenails just to make me feel pretty like that.

    It's just, it's those friends that know exactly what you need. And it's this stupid little thing. A smiley or a silly text message or, a funny meme to make your day a little better. We've just, we've had people, we've had the food side and where people bring meals and taking the girls for a couple hours to give us a break or just being there for all the fun things or just knowing that some days suck and being okay with that and not trying to make it better, but just trying to be there.

    So our friends and family have been amazing, but I have met a couple women that have also had strokes and. Strokes from dissections, which has been, it's been really nice. Not obviously nice that they've gone through it too, but just nice to talk about stuff and have them have, that they get exactly what you're saying and symptoms or fears that would mean nothing to somebody else. Have it just be like, yeah, I get it. I'm there. Or I had this doctor say this, have you tried this? And I've also had some really amazing doctors that, have become part of our extended family as well. And so we've been lucky.

    I'll never live outside of Boston where I'm not clo close to all the hospitals

    for sure. It's a great place to live anyway. Yeah. It's, as I get old, older and farther away from having lived there. Like I miss it more. Do you? Yeah, because there's still so many of my people there and yeah, there's something about the seasons and there's a comfort.

    Like we grew up not having a lot of homes and not, we had homes, but we moved so much that we didn't have a home. Home. And then when we finally landed in Massachusetts I never expected to go to college there. And then I did, and then I ended up. Like moving to California, then moving back pretty quickly to, to work there.

    And it just became, it's like that key years of formation from like 16 to 26 that I was, yeah. Mostly in Massachusetts. And there's something about I'm so proud of where we went to college and the type of environment it was and the people who came out of it. Like the, I think the last time I saw you was at the, at Pat's memorial.

    Yeah. And it was, I was so proud of our people.

    It it was like I wanted it to freeze it in time and not be there obviously for, yeah. That, but it was so heartwarming to see everybody and it just, it's this dream that did happen and you're all of a sudden reliving it a little bit by seeing everybody in one spot again.

    Because when does that ever happen? It's so sad that it was for the death of our friend, but it was amazing to see that.

    Yeah. And I was just, I was proud. Because like when Yeah. When you're in college with people, like everyone's being an idiot at some level, male or female. And I think in particular, I was so proud of our guy friends because like I just sat back and I was like, you guys grew up.

    This is awesome. I Exactly. And didn't grow up in a way that they're all wearing like dad pants, but grew up in a way where like they're making smart, like they're making decisions. That made me proud of Yeah. Being there for our friend Courtney, who's amazing and being there for each other and. I was like just proud.

    Yeah, I know. I was at her house one day, probably a couple months after where all these guys were there from school doing her yard work, and it was just like, it was all of them. And instead of, being at a party at Maywood, here we are and our friend's backyard doing landscaping.

    That's what love looks like from climbing through windows at what was it, Hughes? I don't even remember what the dorm was anymore that half of them lived in, but Yep, it was Hughes. Yeah.

    For the listeners, they're talking about Clark University in Worcester, Massachusetts.

    Yes. And we're talking about our amazing friend Courtney Orozco and the lovely Patrick Orozco. And Courtney is gonna be on the podcast. I can't wait. I figured

    that'll be a tough one, but a good one. Oh, she's amazing.

    Yeah. She's one of the funniest people I know. And the fact that she lost her husband when her youngest child was not even a year. Yeah.

    He was, and she's still able to laugh and be a complete wise ass about everything. Yes. Oh my goodness.

    Last year when Kate Spade died on the anniversary of Pat's death, she's the person that I actually texted and I was like, at least he gets to share a death day with someone. Really cool. And like some people that would not be okay with.

    It would be okay. And she was like, that, that just made my day. And I was like, yeah. Yeah,

    no, she's amazing. She, I really, she, I think she's a secret Mrs. Maisel, like she could easily do an entire hour of standup. Yep.

    See, this is a, and a lot of it would be making, totally, making fun of herself.

    For sure. For sure. Because and just how she sees things. We were talking on the phone just to get her to schedule her podcast session and I was crying, laughing because of just how she describes her life. It's in it's just in the funniest ways and I really appreciate that.

    Just like a true comedian, to your point, nothing's off limits, right? If it, if there's some humor in it, there's humor. It's funny. Yeah. And yeah, she's just amazing. She is. So we, we always ask everybody on a scale of zero to 10, zero being geez, normal human and 12, 10 being powerful, lady, I wanted to make it a 12 for a second.

    I got real excited.

    Where would you put yourself today and where do you put yourself on average? Oh my God, that's a horrible question.

    Oh, wow. Can I give like a, oh my goodness.

    It's not a, it's a, it's not a real scale. It's not like Kara's keeping track of this.

    No, I know. There are days where I, there are moments when I'm like, I am a kick ass powerful lady. Yep. I definitely have moments where I'll take your 12, but I would still be lying if there are not days where I'm like, wow, I am a three in this and I'm not getting anywhere.

    But I, I think if I can touch on the section of my brain that's a little more realistic I put myself like in the sevens and eights on an average day.

    That's pretty good. I think, I have a shirt that says alive and well, and sometimes that's all you can reach for.

    Yes. But I, and I think that's a great point, because when you wake up in the morning and you're like, yes, I woke up again. We don't think about it because half the time we're like, Ugh, the alarm, like we're making it negative right away. But to just be excited that like you get another day, like every day, like Yeah, every day you get another day, regardless of where you're at in life is awesome.

    Yeah. And I do, there are some days that are just really shitty and sometimes when we laugh at how shitty the day was, those are the best. Yeah. That's the best moment. It's even better sometimes than the moments where the day just went fine. It's wow, all of that just happened in the last 24 hour period.

    We're here going to bed. So it's okay.

    Those are the days that I feel like I talk to the universe the most.

    But it becomes a comedy series where you're like, oh, really? We're gonna have this happen and that Oh, perfect. Yeah, you think you're funny today, what else is gonna go on?

    Yeah. That was my week, this week.

    So when I realized this talk was today, I was like, oh God, am I in like the mindset to be positive to talk about things? For sure. For sure. Because wow, this blew

    well, and it's a lot of women that I've invited to be on the Powerful Ladies. It's interesting the responses I get, like there's more people than I expect to say I'm not a powerful lady, or I haven't made it yet and I'm like, being powerful is living in the shit and smiling like that is power.

    Yeah. And that is definitely a different opinion than I probably would've had six years ago, seven years ago.

    Yeah. It who everyone, it's so hard, right? 'cause we wanna compare ourselves all the time, like when the traditional, powerful lady is a boss lady, right? It's shows up looking sharp, has a powerful job has her life together.

    That's the classic version of it. Whether it's Beyonce or Oprah or a CEO or just a kick ass boss. But that's like being a powerful lady is so much bigger than that. It's so much bigger. And that's why it's been such a pleasure for me to, invite such a wide variety of people, even not just women onto the podcast.

    Yeah. Because like when I think of powerful ladies, I think of almost like when like we would pregame before going out and you feel so awesome. You're like, this night is gonna be so much fun, we look good, we're feeling good, we're gonna have a great night. Like that to me is like the moment I wanna capture.

    It's like when you like throw glitter in the air, you're like, it's a moment of being at a 12 and you're like, yes. So it's all those small moments that actually add up to what it is. And. Whether someone has dealt with a medical condition or is dealing with one or hasn't, or has money or doesn't have money or has a career or stays at home, like all of us are constantly battling between the things that we say to ourselves, the reasons why we're held back, like real or made up, like the life we want versus the life that we maybe can't have. Like all of that's there and like to show up and have fun and smile about it and still be a human with people and find joy, like that's powerful.

    And I think what you're doing is wonderful because we need to spread that mentality more and more. And so what you guys are doing

    is pretty

    amazing.

    Thank you. It's how you talk about making the decorations, right? Like it's it brings me so much more joy than I think I give to other people.

    So to me it's a, yeah, it's a more than fair trade. And that's something I would love to come back to because you, most people don't think to start a business after they've had a serious a stroke or other medical condition. So the gumption, I really appreciate that you were like, nope.

    I have this and I'm a mother, and I'm a wife and I'm gonna start a business. Yeah.

    Sometimes it seems a little silly. And it's obviously very small, but it's, you know what I can handle. I just. It's, part of it is that battle and I wanna be doing something and I love, once I get to do something and I get to do it well.

    So to, to put that all aside just didn't seem like an option. And I just, I really love doing this. And it's still gives me that little bit of business and it gives me, you still feel part of things and, but then it's all, it's, instead of being part of it just on the business side, getting to create and create pretty things and it just, it fits all the buckets. Now

    what do you are you, is it all word of mouth that you're getting business and spreading it around?

    A lot of it is word of mouth. Obviously I, I hopped on Instagram a couple years ago in that. I'm trying to do more of that. So I've gotten business through Instagram.

    I've gotten business through Etsy and Facebook, but it's still, because it's so small is mostly word of mouth. Yeah. So a lot of friends of friends or whatever I heard you do this or

    I, I've heard you, I was at a party, but, it keeps me busy. I always have a project going.

    There's not really a time that I don't, but yeah, I would love for it to get a little bigger. But I also don't wanna lie to myself and ever have it create something that's just gonna fail because I was trying to make it this big thing that I can't handle.

    That makes me think of two really important things.

    One is that it's going to get bigger For sure. Especially after everyone falls in love with you after this episode. And two, like my pre Oprah

    interview

    you mean? Yes. Your pre Oprah interview. Yeah. This is just step one. I think it goes powerful Ladies. And then Ellen and then Oprah. I'm pretty sure that's the progression.

    Yeah. Both of whom I can't wait to have on this podcast is gonna be great. Oh my God. But I think too, like there's, I coach so many small and family business owners and like realizing that you can have the business that you dreamed of and you don't have to do it all by yourself is a game changer, right?

    Yeah. So just my advice I think in this moment is let it get as big as the world wants it to get. Yeah. And that's a great problem to have because there are so many people who would be excited to, to help.

    Thank

    you. You're

    welcome. What really needs to happen is Oprah needs to throw a party where she needs some cool invitations.

    Yes. I've laid basically all my cards out for Oprah. Yes.

    I'm even thinking now about making all the, new baby invitations and decorations for Meghan Markle and Right. I know if someone, just one person

    just need the big one. I've done some fun, even without having it be big people.

    I've done some really fun ones and they all seem to be different. And each one I'm like, oh, maybe this one's my favorite. Maybe this one's my favorite.

    When you treat them all, like they are going to Oprah, which you can see in like the quality and the care and like even how you take pictures for Instagram, like they, they look, they're perfect.

    So I'm like, yes. Oh, thank you. Yeah, no, you like, you are really good at what you're doing. And, don't discredit what a boss you are. Oh, thanks. Of course. Thank you. So as we're starting to wrap up our conversation for today what do you want to leave the audience listening with? Let's see.

    I guess probably one of the things I just always think about is it's not always okay and that's okay.

    Because you are probably going to be okay. Yeah. And that's it. That's all I got. When you, it might not be t-shirt worthy, but that's what I go by. Like being okay is good and sometimes being okay is wonderful.

    Yeah. Being okay is

    often an upgrade. Yeah. And there's a lot of stuff that's false out there.

    And don't be that, just be you. Yeah, for sure. Especially us ladies, I think it's much easier to fall into that trap and

    Yeah, like I, I on Instagram, I wish that it, no, like you can hashtag no filter. I want there to be more of that in the world of hashtag here's the 50 things I did to make this look awesome.

    Because it's just not, I would say I drove by this mailbox that was covered in fake flowers this morning. Tacky as tacky could be, but I was like, you know what, I bet I could snap a picture of that and put it on Instagram and it would look gorgeous because it would look like all these fresh flowers and pretend that's my mailbox.

    And someone would feel bad that they have dead flowers in their front yard.

    And we, I think we just really need to remember that a lot of times it's not real. And remember the people around you that build you up in your real life every day.

    I feel like that would be an amazing PSA for you to actually put on Instagram.

    Have the first cover be the fancy one and the second one to be the like, what it really looked like. Yeah. And then to give everybody that message. That would be amazing.

    Yeah. Why not? And I have to do that to myself constantly. 'cause I'm like, oh, look at, she has three kids and gorgeous hair and the perfect outfit and you are like, what's I'm, in my half sweatpant, half PJ get up right now

    looking fabulous from the moments I saw you before we turned off the video.

    Yeah.

    I haven't brushed my hair, but it's okay.

    Like there are a lot of people who spend their lives very happy and they never brush their hair. So yeah, I think it's overrated. And in fact, here's a confession. When Jesse recently ran the crazy ultra Ragnar race in San Diego. Yeah. Our hair brush never came back from that trip.

    Like we, we twice each swept the hotel and gone and it's just gone. I don't know where it went between not being in the hotel and not being at our house. And so like for, I don't know, however many weeks this has been now, it's been full comb life and so far no one's called me out on it and it's like, all right, we're just gonna roll with this for a little while.

    Yeah, the whole beach

    wave thing came from people not brushing their hair at the beach. So we've got, we're good. See we're doing okay.

    We are, we're doing okay. You are on a podcast today. You are doing awesome. Yep. But that, I have a big smile on my face. That's all that matters

    being on a podcast.

    Overrules brushing your hair.

    That's why podcasting is doing so great. And I'd like to talk to the people who decided to put all their podcast live stream on YouTube. 'cause they're, that was the matrix we weren't supposed to reveal.

    Yes. Podcasting was created so no one had to look fancy or brush their hair.

    Exactly. Yeah. My work computer actually has washy tape over the video just in case someone ever tried to video conference me. Yep. Because if I am, like even if I've

    tried my best, I just, it's uncomfortable. It's just something that you don't wanna have to think about some days. No. Like I if I'd rather worry about what we're talking about or the conversation.

    And it's really interesting 'cause there's been a lot of younger people I've worked with who don't have this fear, like to them it's totally normal to be FaceTiming and look like whatever. And I'm like, good. I'm really glad that's how the world's changing. Not, it's just changing after me. Yeah, no problem.

    It's like someday we'll fly in our cars might not be in my lifetime.

    I have thoroughly enjoyed watching the pulsating dot on my screen with just your stationary picture.

    Oh, thank you. And shout out to Kendall Riley, Dolores for that beautiful photo. It's such a gorgeous photo. It's who knew I could look like that until sh I got in front of her camera.

    You're all shiny and your hair is beautiful. You look good. I like the

    leopard.

    Thank you. So the outfit and the, all the computer is mine, but the house, it's not mine. So sneaky. It's not No, that's not my house. That is my friend's house. The Eatons. Oh, that's funny. We did half the photo shoot at their house.

    And then half at my real house. So yeah. Since we're telling all of our secrets about our photos today I'll confess. Great. This has been so incredible. I am so honored that you are a yes to being a powerful ladies ambassador, that you are a yes to being on the podcast that you are Yes.

    To sharing your amazing story. And yeah, I am so proud of you and what you've taken on. Thank you, Kara. And. Yeah, just like you and Duncan, just living the life that everyone should be living in. Thank you for doing that. Oh,

    Thank you. And it was really an honor to be asked as well, and so Good talking to you.

    Yeah, exactly.

    Sarah is no doubt a powerful lady. Of course, she has days when she's a 12 on a Powerful Lady's podcast scale. How could she not? Her strength and courage as such a young stroke survivor, leaves me so inspired. I'm present to the fragility of life and the tremendous amount of joy that is available if we just take time to look for it, and we also take time to create it.

    It was a complete joy to record this podcast with her, to reconnect as old friends, and I'm honored to be able to share her incredible story with all of you. So when all of you're ready for, you're a next party, in event, make sure you check out h rh designs.com to connect, support, follow and byproducts from Sarah.

    You can follow her at Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook all through SH RH Designs. You can email HH designs@gmail.com. Visit their website, shh designs.com, and find her also on Etsy. You can get all of the correct spellings and direct links to all the ways to connect to her, plus all of the other show notes from this episode@thepowerfulladies.com.

    If you'd like to support the work that we're doing here at Powerful Ladies, there's a couple of ways you can do that. Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Google Play, or anywhere you listen to podcasts. Leave a review on any of these platforms. Share the show with all the powerful ladies and gentlemen in your life.

    Join our Patreon account. Check out the website, the powerful ladies.com. To hear more inspiring stories. Get practical tools to be your most powerful. Get 50% off your first order in the Powerful Ladies Shop. Or donate to the Powerful Ladies one Day of Giving campaign, and of course, follow us on Instagram at Powerful Ladies for show notes and to get the links to the books, podcasts, and people we talk about.

    Go to the powerful ladies.com. I'd like to thank our producer, composer, and audio engineer Jordan Duffy. She's one of the first female audio engineers in the podcasting world, if not the first. And she also happens to be the best. We're very lucky to have her. She's a powerful lady in her own right, in addition to taking over the podcasting world.

    She's a singer songwriter working on her next album, and she's one of my sisters. So it's amazing to be creating this with her, and I'm so thankful that she finds time in her crazy busy schedule to make this happen. It's a testament to her belief in what we're creating through Powerful Ladies, and I'm honored that she shares my vision.

    Thank you all so much for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. I can't wait for you to hear it. Until then, I hope you're taking on being powerful in your life. Go be awesome and up to something you love.

 
 
 

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Episode 114: Turning Tragedy Into Triumph | Caitlin Conner | Adaptive Athlete & Founder of Be More Adaptive

Episode 195: Choosing Joy In The Face of Chronic Pain | Karen Duffy | Bestselling Author & Stoic Thinker

 

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Created and hosted by Kara Duffy
Audio Engineering & Editing by Jordan Duffy
Production by Amanda Kass
Graphic design by Anna Olinova
Music by Joakim Karud

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