Episode 384: Your Success Shouldn’t Cost Your Health | Dr. Mini Rattu | Psychologist & Executive Wellness Coach

Actor / ComedianEntrepreneurshipWomen in Business

Oct 7

What if looking successful on the outside is actually masking burnout, disconnection, and overwhelm on the inside? Dr. Mini Rattu, psychologist, executive wellness coach, and nervous system expert, joins Kara Duffy to explore why so many high-achieving women are functioning at a high level while feeling depleted, stuck, or disconnected from themselves.

Together they dive into nervous system regulation, “high-functioning freeze,” the invisible mental load women carry, and why state precedes strategy. Dr. Mini shares how understanding our patterns, listening to our bodies, and building self-trust can help us move from survival-driven success toward sustainable performance, confidence, and leadership.

“I believe that success shouldn’t cost your health and your own wellbeing. Ambition should not require self-abandonment.”

— Dr. Mini Rattu

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Unstuck
Stanford
Stanford Department of Psychiatry
YogaX
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
YogaZama
UT Houston / University of Texas
Lindsay Clancy
Tony Robbins
KonMari
Thailand
Ultimate Wellness Conference
Asian American Women Lead Executives
384_Dr. Mini Rattu
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Kara Duffy: Welcome to the Powerful Ladies Podcast. I'm Kara Duffy, and today's guest is Dr. Minnie Ratu. She is a psychologist, speaker, and creator of the Unstuck program. Where she helps high-performing leaders break out of burnout, indecision, and internal overwhelm. Her work integrates neuroscience, high-performing psychology, and nervous system regulation to expand capacity and create sustainable success. Things myself and everyone I know need some help with. We dive into it all in this conversation with examples from myself and clients I work with.
Well, let's begin by telling everyone your name, where you are in the world, and how you describe what you're up to
Dr. Mini Rattu: thank you so much again for having me. So my name is Dr. Mini Rattu. I'm a licensed clinical psychologist and executive wellness coach and a nervous system expert and leadership in that area. [00:01:00] So I, I help high-achieving women, executives, physicians, founders really why they can be so successful on the outside, but the inside they're feeling anxious, depleted, or even disconnected. My work integrates psychology, nervous system regulation, mindfulness, and yoga psychology to help people move from survival-driven success towards sustainable performance confidence and leadership
Kara Duffy: Well, and what struck me when I saw your bio is that yoga piece that you have training in and the Stanford YogaX program. Can you explain what that is?
Dr. Mini Rattu: Yeah. It's in the Department of Psychiatry at Stanford, which is really exciting for us because we're teaching yoga as an intervention for trauma and stress and how it lives in the body. So psychology really helps us to understand our thoughts and emotions and relationship [00:02:00] patterns.
But yoga psychology also invites us to understand how those experiences live in the body and how we relate to ourselves moment by moment. Because, with thought work, CBT, what I've been trained in clinically, that insight is powerful but we can't always think our way out of a physiological state.
So yoga is more than movement. Again, I teach the entire protocol. If those-- Some people may be familiar, but it is a lifestyle protocol, and movement is a portion of that. But but again, I teach it as an intervention for trauma and stress. And I actually developed a course there that I teach every spring.
It's on ancestral and collective trauma, and it's open to the community. Most of my students are physicians and healthcare workers because I'm trying to bring yoga into healthcare as evidence-based medicine for
trauma and stress
Kara Duffy: I totally love this. I'm such a believer in everything you just said. I helped a client develop a program called [00:03:00] YogaZama, which combines yoga, psychology, and neuroscience. And I've taken it. I'm- I have the 200-hour training, but it's, it's there's so many people who've come to me to start their own coaching practice because they've been limited by what they can do as a licensed psychologist, and wanting more access to help their patients, their clients, because there's so many modalities that can heal someone.
And when you're kinda trapped in this space, it's so frustrating. So how is the licensing protocol is expanding our... Like, how is yoga and other modalities being welcomed into that space? And does it count under the licensing, or does it still have to be a separate service?
Dr. Mini Rattu: that's a great question. And because it, it is still very separate even though we know it's it's-- there's a lot of research to support how it helps with depression, anxiety, stress in the body, and helps to mitigate the impact of [00:04:00] trauma, when it comes to the nervous system regulation.
And so that's why I feel justified to teach it as evidence-based medicine, and that's why my students, again, I'm trying to teach the teachers so they can go back to their clinics and their hospitals and advocate for change. We do have to advocate for it. But because it's not just a, the standalone protocol, right?
It's usually clients are offered psychotherapy or medication and mostly usually a combination of both. But for so many people that's not enough and that doesn't work, and that's really why I started teaching in the hospital myself. So I did my 200-hour back in 2014, and that was while I was in grad school at the time.
And so I was learning more about, the, again, the-- with the trauma and stress and what it does to the body. There was a lot more literature being published at that time. And then once I finished my 200-hour, I started teaching in the hospital. So I was working. I did my pre-doc internship at UT in Houston, so the medical center over there.[00:05:00]
And so I started teaching it to our staff and our psychiatrists, to our residents, because we need it too, right? And that, that's when I first got interested in burnout because I was getting burnt out as a grad student and I was like, "How is this sustainable?" Especially working in clinical settings where there's so much bureaucracy and demands and caseloads are high.
Everyone's under stress, and the systems don't really support it. And we know, with burnout, a lot of it is, or due to organizational stress and cultural expectations and work demands. But also, the-- our own patterns that we're bringing in to these workplace settings because we're not, it's our own nervous system that's responding and reacting and telling us how, how much responsibility is even ours to carry, and can we do it alone or not?
Kara Duffy: I have a lot of personal things in my toolkit. I have, yoga teacher training. I have all these books I've read. I know so many things about, breathing and calming down and, the powers of meditating and [00:06:00] walking. Like, I know the things, but when I'm in a burnout anxiety tailspin and someone looks at me and goes, "Just breathe," I want to punch them in the face. So for people who are experiencing that when just breathe becomes so triggering, how... Obviously we wanna prevent those moments, but i- is it as simple as we do just need to do the breathwork and it will be fine? Or when you're in that state, do we need a more physical release? Is that the, oh now we should go for a walk, or you just need a hug. 'Cause I've, I, it gets, it... You feel like you can't get out of the spiral sometimes
Dr. Mini Rattu: Absolutely. And especially when, again, there's so many stressors that are accumulating throughout the day. We're on autopilot a lot of the times. We're not really pausing to really check in, "How do I feel right now? What is my body really asking of me in this moment?" And so it does start with planning and preparation, because you're right.
In that moment, if you don't [00:07:00] know, have access to regulating yourself, it's going to make the moment last even longer. Our thoughts will start spiraling, emotion will just... you'll stay stuck in it. So it's gonna just accelerate whatever we're already feeling. So having strategies like breathing, yes, breathing does work. But it's not the standalone protocol, right? When it comes to regulating yourself. So understanding, what do I need when I'm under a lot of stress? What do I need in this mo- moment? What is my body asking me of? Sometimes that's time, sometimes that's space, sometimes that's movement, sometimes that's nourishment, and so I would say have a menu of options, because even our stress levels are... I mean, we're gonna hit it. It's gonna feel different every day 'cause we're human beings, so the thing that worked yesterday may not be the thing we wanna do today, or it doesn't feel accessible in this moment. So what feels accessible?
And when we are in that heightened arousal state, in the [00:08:00] sympathetic state, we do have to meet the body where it's at, so asking someone to just calm down or breathe when they're still up here we have to help them gradually come down. So what would meet me in this moment? Maybe it is a run, maybe it is going for a walk. Having strategies for yourself at every stage of nervous system, dis- I don't wanna say dysregulation, but activation
Kara Duffy: I had experienced a lot of anxiety for the first time after I became a mom. And when I would talk to friends about it, and I was, like, seeing every doctor I could because I'm like, "I don't... This isn't me normally. What's happening?" I didn't have postpartum anxiety. I, I did go to a psychologist and check.
It turned out that my thyroid wasn't working properly and and showing up as anxiety. And then I also was getting low blood sugar, which was triggering anxiety symptoms. But I was stunned at how many women I spoke to were like, "Oh yeah, that's me every day." And I'm like, [00:09:00] "Guys, why are we tolerating this?
Go see someone." And I, I feel so grateful that I spent most of my life not being an anxious person and only having a few moments I could see on my... You could count on, on one to two hands of, like, when I really felt oh yeah, I'm anxious in that moment. And I usually would pride myself on, like many of these people you're helping a chaotic situation, I do great in.
I'm good at breaking it down. I'm good at cleaning it up. And to think that so many people are in that state that was new for me all the time as a baseline,
Dr. Mini Rattu: Right
Kara Duffy: It broke my heart a little bit to realize the level that people are accepting as their baseline
Dr. Mini Rattu: It is heartbreaking. And thank you so much for naming that too, because, so many leaders, high-functioning people experience what we call high-functioning freeze. And that's when someone appears to be productive, but internally they're feeling [00:10:00] stuck, they're emotionally numb, they're depleted or just unable to even move towards what matters to them anymore, right?
They feel like they've lost their purpose and their vision. And so they might be looking functional on the outside, right? They're responding to emails, they're attending meetings, they're caring for everybody else, but they're avoiding, one important decision or feeling completely disconnected from themselves, which I hear a lot.
"I don't feel like myself anymore," is something I commonly hear. "I've lost who I am." And it, and, so functioning, however, is not always the same as feeling alive. So they may think, "Oh, I'm doing fine. I'm getting everything done around me. No one ever says anything." But inside they know that there's a disconnect.
They're feeling emotionally numb. And for people like you who are naming it, it's so powerful because it's like a lot of times people think they're the only ones experiencing that. "I'm the only one." So when you say it out loud, it gives permission to another woman to say, "Wow, me too. I didn't [00:11:00] know that was what was happening. I thought I was the only one." And then we can, support each other through these conversations and even advocate for more research and more awareness when it comes to what we experience, especially as high-achieving women
Kara Duffy: Well, and I feel so lucky that I'm privileged in the sense that I knew I could advocate for myself. I had good health insurance, so I could go just pick doctors I wanted to see to like, "Hey, we should maybe explore this." And I was willing determined enough to be like, "No, I'm getting a solution."
And so often women go to a doctor and they're like, "Oh, well, it's just postpartum," or, "It's just menopause," or, "It's just you." And I'm like, men don't tolerate a headache. Why are we allowed to accept all of these symptoms? it speaks to the, what women can tolerate and, but it doesn't mean that we should have to and that it should be our new normal.
Everyone's been talking about the Lindsay Clancy case and [00:12:00] that, bringing media attention to some of these things that are so underfunded. But even she was seeing every doctor she could and raising her hand for help, and it still, failed in that case. I think, for me personally, I'm, I once had someone call me the calmest secretly stressed out person because if you ask me if I'm stressed, I'm like, "No." But you test my cortisol, and my cortisol says I am.
Dr. Mini Rattu: Sure. Yeah.
Kara Duffy: And so for people like myself, i'm really having to put into practice listening to my body in ways I never have before, so I hear the whisper and I don't wait to get hit by the Mack truck for me to notice what's going on.
What are symptoms that we can see when we should talk to you before it gets to, "I'm laying on the floor having a panic attack," and we're at a 10? Like, how can I know when I'm at a two to a four when I should reach out to you?
Dr. Mini Rattu: Yeah, that's a great question. So ev- we all have signals in our [00:13:00] body and in our thoughts, in the way we're behaving every single day. So what are your signals when, when things are off, so we start paying attention. So it might start with priming and prompting, where you're preparing yourself the day before.
"Okay, I'm gonna start paying attention to, how did I feel throughout the day today?" And you might wanna just journal at the end of the day. Write down what you've been feeling without judgment. It's just data. "Oh, I was really angry today. I was really irritable today," or "I was sad, today."
Write down your emotions. Number two, write down some automatic thoughts that you were having. So that means throughout the day, how are you assessing situations? 'Cause sometimes things are happening around us, they're otherwise neutral situations, but our brain is interpreting that situation depending on our state and our, also our patterns.
So that's going to be another indicator for you. Did you say things you don't normally say? How are you showing up today? W- what was your behavior like? How was I [00:14:00] moving today? Was I super sluggish and slow, or was I moving at a fast pace? And then are these unusual for me? Again, we're exploring with curiosity, not with judgment.
Almost as a scientist gathering information, right? Or these are observations. And once you have those observations, then we can get clarity on the, "Wow, I think I'm, I am carrying a lot of stress right now." And then we'll explore what are the things that are causing that stress?
What are you carrying? Maybe it's, over-functioning right now, doing too many things, over-giving, or people-pleasing, is another common one I hear, where people are feeling like they can't say no, they're afraid of conflict or they'd just rather just get things done, so they, just continue that way.
So what are your inher- what are your patterns and your schemas? And we can do a full assessment to really understand those underlying patterns and how that's impacting your stressors throughout the day. So small signals, document them, and then we'll assess. Is that usual for you? Unusual for you? How do you want to show up [00:15:00] tomorrow?
Kara Duffy: I was talking to a client yesterday, and people call me for all different reasons, right? To work on their business. It could be, "I have a new idea. I don't know how to delegate," which leads to reasons to call you as well. And then but, so my, my mission with helping people in their businesses is, of course, more money, but really I want more freedom and ease.
We make doing business and doing our careers so much harder than it needs to be. And I was telling this one client, I'm like, "I want you to earn a living with ease, and I want it to feel casual." And, I think since the '80s being in business has not had any casual component to it And it, it became very aggressive, power suit, go, go, go, go, go. There's no room to literally breathe in it. And I think sometimes when I tell people "Where's your ease? - How can this be [00:16:00] casual and relaxed? And how could you do this meeting and be, like, floating in a pool and it still be as effective?" And often people, like, look at me and they're like, "Okay, I understand the concept, but there's no way to do that in reality." When you're with clients are you caught off guard by... Or maybe you expect this, but are you still maybe disappointed with the way the world is, that people just don't see that there's alternatives to how to exist and be and do things that still allow them to check off the achievement box?
Dr. Mini Rattu: Right. Right. I think, well, one thing is that when people are living in survival, it's really hard for the brain to contemplate alternatives. And so if they're in a survival state, depending on their circumstances, people are living day to day with discrimination, financial stress cultural barriers, things that they're carrying in what we call ambient stressors.
They're almost like a cloud [00:17:00] that's always there. And then on top of that is layered are your micro stressors throughout the day, daily annoyances, relationship stress, and then life event stressors. Somebody even moving or changing jobs or worried about losing a job or sometimes caring for aging parents.
There's so many other stressors that are accumulating throughout the day, and that has an impact on the nervous system and how our brain is able to assess, what's possible for us. And that's why regulation is so important. I teach this pretty consistently, is that state precedes strategy.
And what that means is that, If you're in an activated state or in a freeze state, which we call the dorsal vagal state, it's the brain is not able to contemplate decisions because it's just trying to get through the day, right? Day to day. And thinking about what are the, again, the stressors that somebody may be carrying, and w- how is that impacting their ability to think and to rationalize because there [00:18:00] is less access to prefrontal functioning, right?
The executive functioning. We're not able to be as reasonable, as j-judg- think through things with judgment and empathy, planning, all of that, it gets limited when we're in a survival state 'cause resources are being pulled towards the limbic system, right? So but when we're regulating ourself, even through a, a breath, right, exhaling that sends a signal to our nervous system that we're actually safe.
And once the body starts receiving more and more safety signals, then we can say, "Ah, like I can actually think about getting myself out of this situation or changing things for myself or even thinking about living differently." Some people don't, can't even, don't, can't even imagine their life being differently. Who think of... So taking action is that much harder
Kara Duffy: Why did you choose this path for your work?
Dr. Mini Rattu: I'm gonna say the path really chose me. I, So I didn't grow up wanting to be a psychologist. I was [00:19:00] never trained on the nervous system or anything like that. I've always enjoyed teaching. That was something that I just enjoyed. I w- when we were kids, my, I would make my brothers play students, and I'd be like the teacher.
And, and then I just always just loved the dynamic of teacher-student because I feel like I learn so much when I teach from my students because the questions that they're coming with, to me with and things, they're thinking about things I wouldn't have thought of. So that's why I still teach to this day.
But then, as I was like going through school, psychology just really connected with my professors. I felt like they were the most genuine, they were the most authentic, and the most approachable, and I just like loved their, being around my psychology professors and that's when I decided to just pursue it.
And then, as I started going through grad school, that's when I started experiencing some burnout and, understanding again the stress that I was carrying in my body and even things that I inherited, through intergenerational trauma and stress, learning [00:20:00] more about, the systems that I grew a part of, how that's impacting me, and then I started again just researching and teaching it.
Like anything I was interested in learning more about, the best way to learn something is to teach it. So I was like, "Oh, I'm really curious about this, like how does that work? How does that work?" And then it just like led me one to the next, and then I s- opened up my private practice and a lot of my the clients that were coming to me were in Silicon Valley and San Francisco 'cause that's where I'm from originally.
And so they were coming to me for anxiety, but I started seeing patterns, in, in the way they were behaving. So a lot of them were over-functioning, their self-sacrifice schema, perfectionism and noticing like, okay, they're also carrying these patterns and that's what's creating a lot of the stress and the burnout for them.
Workload, it absolutely matters, but it's also again, what are we bringing into the work and how are we accepting things? Maybe we didn't ever learn about boundaries. I know I didn't, like it was something... I'm Indian, [00:21:00] so there are no such thing as boundaries in our house growing up.
They're like, "What does that mean?" But you know, now my parents, obviously my family understands it, but you know, it's just like over time as you practice it, just gets easier and I've been always that way in my life about like what intuitively feels like the next step, and that's where executive coaching started coming in, 'cause I was like if these people could start talking to each other and learning more like, and normalizing some of these patterns, we can start changing things
Kara Duffy: And I, I feel like so many people who are high achievers, who, there's this-- It feels sometimes like we're in conflict of choosing a balanced self-care plan and having enough hours in the day to do all the things that we wanna do. One of the, you know, methodologies I coach under is the have your all method, and I'll say that to people, and they immediately get stressed out just by the concept of it.
And I'm like, "No, no, no, no, no. This is the opposite of the stress [00:22:00] plan." And because again, that, that idea of like having what we want is like this compound of things, and I'm trying to get people to take things away literally out of their business that we don't need. It's like very, It's the, KonMari-ing almost business so that it can just be the core things we need.
And how do you help people see that you can have a life that you keep saying yes to things that interest you, inspire you, new ideas, but also are leaving room for like resetting that sense of safety and nourishment that we need?
Dr. Mini Rattu: So you're asking like where do you begin?
Kara Duffy: Well, it feels sometimes like it's impossible. For me to truly reduce my stress in such a way that I would be, optimized, in quotes, I'd be like, "Okay, is that three hours a day of me doing things to neutralize myself? Is it, do I need to del- not say yes to so much stuff?
Is it [00:23:00] a combination of things?" It just feels like self-care today becomes this never-ending, Like we're always adding another chapter, which just means more time in the day or week that we're not doing things that we maybe care more about doing, even if we know that self-care is important.
Dr. Mini Rattu: Right. And you're bringing up such an important, another topic almost, right? That wellness has become another performance area that we ... It's like, and we're judging ourself, and so one of the things that happens is if people feel like they're, "I'm doing all the right things. I'm checking all the boxes.
I'm going to yoga. I think I'm getting enough sleep. I'm eating right. Why do I still feel so stressed? Why does something else feel wrong?" And that's where we really wanna understand, okay, what is your nervous system carrying? Not what your tasks are. What are you actually carrying?
'Cause a lot of the load, especially as women, we're carrying is invisible, and especially as moms, there's a lot of [00:24:00] moms that carry this invisible load, meaning that they're the ones who are more likely to plan, to monitor, to keep checking, to keep anticipating, the, the kids.
"What are they gonna eat tonight? What are we doing tonight? What time are they going to bed?" And it's not just the tasks that they have to do throughout the day, it's just that mental checking and rehearsal that's going throughout the day. And so is that part of it, too, that's making you still feel exhausted?
Because it's not, again, it's not just the things that we're doing physically that's either restoring us or making us feel exhausted. It's also our own mental conditioning, our thoughts and the way we're kinda showing up or not showing up, right? So we'd really wanna take time to assess what's happening, what those patterns are specifically for you.
Because they're a little bit different for everybody. There's no, we don't wanna overgeneralize. Paying attention to your thoughts, your emotions, your behaviors, your reactions. Is this authentically you, or does it feel like a disconnect from you, who, you truly [00:25:00] are?
Kara Duffy: I think that's so refreshing to hear that there is a customized solution for me. Even if it's, what pattern do I fit into, it's still really looking at my approach to it, because I do feel, I mean, the internet is fabulous and awful all at the same time because it mostly tells us a bunch of things we should be doing that we don't have time for.
And so, knowing that it's not a one-size-fits-all solution and that there are people, that you exist so that we can really sit down together and have a customized plan and be heard at these levels that we normally don't pay attention to. I know for myself, again, like I mentioned that not listening to my body, like I'm so good at take it and move it over there, keep going that people will be like, "When have you failed in your life?"
And I'm like, "I don't remember." 'Cause we're going ahead. And it's a definitely a, a blessing and a curse sometimes. But yeah, like there's just so much [00:26:00] self-listening for myself that I have to do at so many levels now. 'Cause our body does like to tell us things. It's whether we choose to ignore it or not.
Dr. Mini Rattu: Absolutely. Yeah. It's, it's speaking to us all the time, right? And yeah, it's are we paying attention and are we doing anything about it?
Kara Duffy: You created this program, this Unstuck program. Can you tell me more about that, or is that kind of the, the cornerstone to kind of what we've been talking about today?
Dr. Mini Rattu: Yeah. So it, it pretty much is. So Unstuck is a transformation program. It's eight weeks, and I work with women who are highly functional, highly successful doing all the right things, high-achieving women, but are again, feeling burnt out and depleted, exhausted, and feeling stuck in their situation So they may have insight on what to do, wanting to change, but for some reason, they're still feeling like they just keep kinda on, they're on this treadmill. Nothing's actually changing. And we really explore again, nervous system patterns. Everyone gets an assessment [00:27:00] at the beginning of the program, so we're really understanding what your own specific patterns are like, whether...
So again, a schema assessment would be, you know, am I a perfectionist? Am I self-sacrificer? What are my own patterns? Where did they come from? So we're understanding the history and the context of these nervous system patterns, how we learn to adapt and protect, and understanding t-that these are biological responses.
So there's a lot of education around understanding self-talk. So with the inner critic versus the inner ally, the impact of your self-talk, your self-beliefs. I teach on what are core beliefs, those types of beliefs that we all carry, and how that's impacting how you're showing up day to day. And then we create...
Everyone creates their own blueprint. So again, like you said, customized is so important because what works for one person may not work for the next person, 'cause our lives are so different, right? Like we're living, it's just who we are. And that's okay. There's a way to [00:28:00] make it work for you, and it has to work with where you're at, not where you're trying to be in 10 years, right?
So I would help w-create that with you. It's a collaborative approach. And then the support of the other women, I think, that's the, the biggest thing is like having a group format. It's very intimate. I don't have more than 10 people in a group, so they really get to know each other over the eight weeks.
It's a 90-minute session on Tuesday nights, so we do it like on a weeknight. I've gotten a lot of great feedback and a lot of transformative changes, and it's just rewarding, because they see things in themselves that they didn't know were possible, and they created it.
I'm the guide. I'm just here to guide you and tell you this is all, everything we have, and you get to choose and pick and choose, okay, that's working. You'd leave what, what doesn't, and you take what does.
Kara Duffy: it's so empowering when you're the one building it and it feels like you're creating the solution yourself. That confidence comes back so much faster. Mm-hmm.
Dr. Mini Rattu: Yeah, 'cause it came from you,
[00:29:00] right? So yeah,
absolutely
Kara Duffy: You know, um, Being in the kinda coaching, life optimizing spaces, I have run into a handful of people who do all the things.
They'll go to this seminar, then they'll jump to Tony Robbins, then they'll jump to hiring this coach. They'll jump to this therapist. They'll jump to ayahuasca. They're actively... They're taking the actions that they want things to shift, but it's never showing up in real life. How can people break through that if they identify as that type of person? And what's different in the Unstuck program to make sure that it's not maybe just an- another layer of performative self-care?
Dr. Mini Rattu: So that's a great question because we always think, "Oh, I need to keep trying. Another certificate, another program, another coach, another teacher," and they're not trusting themself. And so that's really the key here, right? It's when it comes to even anxiety, anxiety is a [00:30:00] condition about uncertainty, and feeling stuck in your situation, sometimes we feel like we don't have the confidence or the ability to make a change.
Even if we have some external support, we may not be willing to take that first step because we don't trust that we'll be able to handle it. And so what the one thing that we're learning in Unstuck that I believe is different is that self-trust piece. And I bring in... This is where I bring in yoga psychology, because in the pr- protocol of yoga, before you even start movement, you have to learn about self-discipline and self-study.
It's about ethics first, right? Understanding other people, how to show up in the world and for each other. And then there's the second limb, there's eight limbs, is about self-study and really understanding how you're conserving your energy, who you are, and trusting yourself. Because the more you know your limitations and the things that you want to work on, and accepting that there's gonna be things that you can and can't do, and it's starting with where you're at, you can [00:31:00] start trusting.
But then, we talk about the balance between effort and ease, right? Can I challenge myself to go stretch a little bit further today or take another breath but not to strain myself, not to put myself in pain or to perform or to compare or to, be competitive in this situation.
It's more of "Okay, I think I'm ready for my growth edge." And so that's one thing we're really talking about and understanding how to do that, is stretching yourself towards that growth edge. And the thing about growth edge is that it feels very similar to anxiety in the body.
So people sometimes end up quitting or they think they need it for another program because they don't trust that the change is good or they're ready for it. But it's when you're growing, it feels anxious 'cause you're having uncertain thoughts, your heart might be racing a little, you might be shaking, you might be sweating, and that's okay. I think that's part of it, where we have to tell ourselves like, "That's okay. This is part of it. This is me growing at my edge instead of staying in my comfort zone."
Kara Duffy: [00:32:00] It's why it's important to have a guide because, being able to touch it's almost like my daughter learning to walk. She'll start and be like, "Wait, are you still there? Okay. I'm okay? Oh, okay. I, I can be brave again." And I just think it's another example of the high achieving space where we don't we don't wanna tell our village, we don't wanna ask for help, we don't want to invite the people who care about us in sometimes. And just saying it out loud, as we were talking about earlier, can be so powerful because you're releasing it. It's like out. It's not no longer occupying our space. Mm-hmm.
what are things that you do? 'Cause you are doing so much yourself. You're, seeing from the outside looking in, like you would be a, a candidate for your own program. So how are you making sure that you stay on, on the good side and don't slip into the dark side?
Dr. Mini Rattu: That's great. Because I, I am human too, right? So there's gonna be times where I'm noticing myself [00:33:00] over-functioning or trying to be perfect and things, and so I'm aware of my patterns and, I'm able to catch myself early. But the thing is when you're teaching something, you're also practicing it.
It's very always been important to me to practice what I teach, so every time I'm teaching somebody, I have clients all week, it's a reminder for me "You better practice this too," i'm, like, taking notes on my own stuff. A lot of what I post is really a, a note to myself and I'm just hoping this resonates with you too, so, of course, I'm doing my own work. I'm still a human being where every single day, this is not something you just check off and it's done. It's like going to the gym. You have to maintain it. You have to do or, keep going and showing up. So that inner work is really, important to me, and I have, a, a yoga practice, and then I work out.
I'm in the fitness world. I actually compete in, in bodybuildings. And, and so all of that fitness is like, another place where I am checking in with myself, right? So, if when you're weight training, it's [00:34:00] a mindfulness activity for me. It's like mindful movement. But you're also challenging yourself, it's like, "Okay, can I do this? What is my self-talk like right now?" And you're kinda hyping yourself up, "i can do this. I can do hard things." And that naturally has translated into the work that I do. So I encourage everyone to find your own form of movement. You don't have to weight train like me, but, maybe it's dancing or maybe it's tennis or whatever your thing is. It doesn't matter as long as you're moving your body in a way that feels good to you.
Kara Duffy: And I just hear how much time you're carving out, right, for you. Are you someone that puts your time in the morning or are you someone who like fits it in wherever you can?
Dr. Mini Rattu: I'm pretty scheduled. I have a routine. So that if, when something's important to you, you have to make sure it's a non-negotiable on your schedule. And for me, that is fitness. So I do that in the morning. I do that first thing when I wake up, and then I eat, and then I can start my day. The other thing I've learned to do over [00:35:00] time is prioritizing rest and recovery. I used to feel guilty for resting, and it started in grad school really. I'd be like trying to
Kara Duffy: When there was no resting time?
Dr. Mini Rattu: writing." Yeah, exactly. You're always feeling guilty, should be writing something, should be reading something. And I got so used to that, and I realized, I went to Thailand earlier this year, and I didn't think of myself as an anxious person. And then, but once I got there and I was there for a couple days, I just felt like this exhale in my body. And then I realized "Wow, I've been carrying a lot." I've been trying to do a lot, over-function, overdo. And it gave me an opportunity to really reevaluate my calendar and what I'm saying yes to moving forward and clarity about who I wanna work with and what I offer and what I don't, you know? and that's been, again, taking that time to do that is helpful.
Kara Duffy: I remember having a guest on who said she only says yes to speaking opportunities if they're virtual.
Dr. Mini Rattu: Mm-hmm.
Kara Duffy: And I was like, I didn't even... It didn't even occur to me that that was an [00:36:00] option. And I was like, "Ooh, I love that."
Dr. Mini Rattu: Yeah.
Kara Duffy: I'm adding that to my list. Not that's all I do, but I'm like, oh, like I can choose these months I'm only doing virtual PR and speaking.
Okay, that's great. and I think also just, like forgiving, giving ourselves grace for wanting to say yes, 'cause I think that's where people get so confused sometimes with the burnout piece. Because when you look at your calendar, you're like, "No, I was excited at some point about everything that's on this calendar." For me, a regular check-in is, am I excited about the appointments I have this week? If not, we're gonna make some changes. And I have such a good practice for meeting integrity. If I said I'm doing it, it's on my calendar, you don't have to remind me, I'm gonna show up. But I had to start giving myself space to say, "You know what?
That doesn't work for me anymore. I have to change it or even just cancel [00:37:00] it and not reschedule it," because just the act of rescheduling can be, like, a whole nother project. So that's something that I've been evolving with, like giving myself permission to quit a book if I don't like it, and then giving myself permission to destroy my calendar if it doesn't work for me and I'm choosing myself.
Now with, I have to do it within reason 'cause we have paying clients. And sometimes that means I have to fire a client if it keeps happening. But just the permission. Even though I said yes a month ago, doesn't mean that me today has to say yes.
Dr. Mini Rattu: that's so important too because, women are constantly apologizing, and they apologize for changing their mind, That's true ... things change. Your circumstances change. You change, right? Or maybe you went through an experience and you're like, "I never wanna do that again.
I'm done. That doesn't feel good in my body anymore." Maybe at one time it did, and that's okay. So, like one thing is I want women to stop apologizing for having needs, for changing their mind, or for taking up space, [00:38:00] for asking for support if you need it. Delegate stuff, you don't have to do everything by yourself.
And then outgrowing people or roles or expectations. You're not who-- I'm not who I was a year ago, and I hope you're not either, if you're really doing the work and practicing these things. They're not apologizing because they've done something wrong, but they've been apologizing because they've been conditioned to experience visibility, having needs, having boundaries, and trusting themself as an interpersonal risk, right?
You're gonna be cut off or you'll be criticized or judged. But, the more we're doing it and stop apologizing for it, that's what's gonna help make it
normal
Kara Duffy: I feel like we could talk for hours about all of these topics and go, deep into each one 'cause there's so much in each, like eight limbs. There's so much in each of the different trauma. There's so many layers to the work that you're doing. But what is something that we can do for you? What's on your to-do list or your wish list that the community or myself can help you [00:39:00] with?
Dr. Mini Rattu: Thank you so much. I'm working one-on-one with executive wellness clients. So what that means is I love to work with people who are driven, high performers, ambitious, because I believe that success shouldn't co- cost your health and your own wellbeing. Ambition should not require self-abandonment. So working one-on-one through executive wellness coaching, that's my main offer right now. And then I have the Unstuck program. It's again, an eight-week group format. The next one will be starting at the end of September. And then finally, I do a lot of speaking and teaching out in the community. So if you want me to come speak to your organization, to your stage please reach out to me directly. I'm going to the Ultimate Wellness Conference. I'll be speaking there in Miami. If you're around, I'd love to meet you in person. And then San Francisco too, I'm going to the Asian American Women Lead Executives speaking to them. So I'm always out in the community loving to speak to, high [00:40:00] ambitious people and also in corporate
wellness too
Kara Duffy: Well, for everyone who would love to hire you, support you, follow you, where can they do all of those things?
Dr. Mini Rattu: Absolutely. Go to my website, drmini.co, D-R-M-I-N-I dot C-O, and hit the contact card, and you can just send me a message there if you're interested in just connecting. If you wanna have a consultation call, we can do that. The other thing is I'm pretty active on Instagram, so my handle is Dr. Mini Kaur, so D-R dot M-I-N-I underscore K-A-U-R. I post a lot of tips and resources there too, and everywhere where I'll be speaking and teaching, so you can come join me, hopefully at an in-person event. I'm based in San Diego, so if you're also in the area, you can just DM me, connect with me, and we can talk
Kara Duffy: This has been such a pleasure. Thank you so much for the work you're doing. I feel like I have so many clients that would really benefit from speaking with you and going through the program, and just women in my life that I know as well. It gives [00:41:00] me less anxiety knowing that you exist and you're out there helping us. So thank you so much for the work you do
Dr. Mini Rattu: Thank you so much for having me

Kara Duffy: Thanks for listening to the Powerful Ladies Podcast. If you enjoyed this conversation, please subscribe, leave us a review, or share it with a friend. Head to thepowerfulladies.com, where you can find all the links to connect with today's guest, show notes, discover like episodes, enjoy bonus content, and more.
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