Episode 146: Turning Pain into Power | Caitlyn Rose Clark | Executive Coach & Speaker on Sexual Assault
Caitlyn Rose Clark is an executive leadership coach and public speaker who transforms her personal experiences (including surviving sexual assault) into tools for leadership, accountability, and empowerment. She works in her family’s coaching business, tours the U.S. speaking on sexual assault, and helps leaders step fully into their power without sacrificing authenticity. Caitlyn shares how accountability is the opposite of blame, why trusting others accelerates growth, and the practices that have shaped her resilience, from plant medicine to human design. Her story is a reminder that your lived experiences can become your greatest superpower when you choose to use them to lead, heal, and inspire.
“I’m my most powerful when I’m not lifting a finger. That’s when I’m allowing myself to be supported & trusting that when I’m being supported and that I won’t be dropped and if I am, I have wings.”
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Follow along using the Transcript
Chapters:
00:00 – Why Caitlyn Rose Clark Became a Speaker on Sexual Assault
08:07 – Challenging the Myth That Coaches Are Immune from Struggle
09:23 – Knowing She Was Meant to Share Her Story
09:38 – Gratitude in the Wake of Tragedy
15:54 – The Difference Between Accountability and Blame
18:53 – Taking Accountability Without Seeking Approval
25:00 – How Leadership Shifts When You Hold Yourself Accountable
32:00 – Choosing Authenticity Over Approval
38:00 – Practices That Build Trust and Resilience
40:47 – Behind the Scenes of Coaching in a Family Business
48:10 – Social Media Voices Who Inspire Her Work
54:00 – Exploring Human Design, Astrology, and Personality Tools
1:09:00 – Why Trust Impacts Speed, Cost, and Performance
1:14:30 – Quotes That Guide Her Leadership
1:17:16 – Support for Survivors and Next Steps
Taking accountability and like letting go of blame is not about being a good person. I think that's where it gets misconstrued is people are like, I don't owe them anything. Why would I like? And no, you, you owe yourself the accountability to, to retrieve the power they tried to take from you.
That's Kaitlyn Rose Clark, and this is The Powerful Ladies podcast.
Hey guys, I'm your host, Kara Duffy. Get ready for a powerful life-changing conversation with today's guest. Caitlin Rose Clark. She's an executive coach. Working in her family's coaching business and she's a public speaker currently touring the us. Speaking specifically about sexual assault, she is truly one of a kind.
And wherever you are in your journey, I guarantee that you'll pull multiple golden nuggets out of this conversation. Get ready for multiple aha moments.
Hi, Caitlin Rose. How are you doing today? I am so good. Hello, Kira. Uh, the last time I saw you, we were both in Austin having way too much fun. No such thing. No such thing, right. Um, we were, I was in town. You lived there? I was in town for our mutual friend's wedding. Um, and we had a great time. Like it was such an awesome wedding because they did like five days of events or three days of events, so we all got to hang out multiple times, which was really nice.
Yeah, IL it's definitely like, I'm not married, but it's de that wedding. I was like, oh, it's good to make sure that you, because you and I already knew each other, but we hadn't even gotten to spend that much time together in the past. And so I feel like even giving acquaintances or people who are already know each other that space, like I feel like the whole entire group is just so much closer by the time the wedding actually was there.
'cause we'd had like three full days of getting to see each other.
Yes. Um, so I've already told everybody that you are in Austin, but, so for everyone listening, what is your name and what are you up to in the world?
All right. My name is Caitlyn Rose Clark, and it is Caitlyn Rose. I'm very, uh, there's a big, big preference there.
I always say, I'd rather you call me Rose and Caitlyn. Um, and I was born in Austin, Texas. I still live here. I often joke they can't get rid of me. Um, and I am an executive leadership coach as well as a public speaker on sexual assault. So I've been coaching for the last four years. And my parents are executive coaches.
They have an executive coaching firm. It's very much a family business. I was born into the personal development industry and I often joke that, um, I wasn't raised by my parents. I was coached by them. Yeah. My entire life. People are always like, you're so amazing. You're so lucky to have your parents. And I was actually leading an executive offsite with my mom a couple weeks ago, and a woman who's been working with them for like 10 years, who's been doing this deep inner work for like 40 years, she came up to me and she goes, wow, what?
I can't even imagine what, what it must have been like growing up with your parents. And then she just goes, I'm so sorry. I was like, thank you. Someone gets it. Um, and like, I'm so blessed, right? It's um, but it's funny 'cause people don't realize, like I've been doing, I've been like jo like thrown into that work.
So it's natural that it's something that I do now. Um. What's really firing me up in the moment is public speaking around sexual assault. Mm-hmm. Especially because I have a little bit of a different, like a different way of approaching approaching it that I haven't seen so far. And so it's really been exciting.
I actually was just at the University of Vermont on Tuesday and spoke to about 450 students that are all leaders of the organizations on campus on sexual assault that I've, that campus in particular is really close to my heart because they've had such a bad time with, with it. It's been, it's just horrible what's happened and it's been, you know, if you just Google University of Vermont, you'll just see so many news articles, um, and the school's not doing any type of job at all at supporting them with like the institution.
And so it's just, it was really hard to be there and to see that. And I was also so honored to be able to speak to them and give them tools for what to do when it feels like the system's failing us and like how you can kind of take your power back. So I'm kind of doing both the coaching and the speaking.
I'd say the speaking is definitely what's firing me up the most right now. Mm-hmm. And I always love coaching.
Well, there's so much that you mentioned in that share that I wanna kind of break down and come back to. Um, first with the University of Vermont piece. I'm surprised by that because growing up in the Boston area, you, university of Vermont was where so many of my friends went.
It was known as this really progressive, hippie kind of crunchy school where, how did they go from being this like kind of liberal epicenter to failing, um, supporting victims of sexual assault.
So here's the thing, it is very progressive like, so that's still definitely. The way that that school is and the student body is, the challenge is that the institution itself and the administration is what's not being supportive.
Mm-hmm. So that's actually where, so it's what's crazy is like there, I think the reason why there's been so many people coming, I'm sure there's campuses all across the country where just as much sexual assaults taking place, but it's not getting talked about because the students on that campus are so committed to activism and to progression.
Yeah. And so people are coming, are way more willing to come forward and talk about it. And so bottom it's, you know, it's really best way to say it is really fucked up actually. There was a lot that I didn't know and so I did a keynote speech with them and then I did like an hour and a half long that was supposed to be a training with giving them tools and, and kind of taking some of what I do in coaching.
And I ended up just like abandoning that and being like, I'm gonna record a video on this right now. We obviously what y'all need is to just be heard and to like talk about. Your experience with this. And so I kind of just like left the floor open for them to raise their hand and talk. And one of the things that I learned there, um, was that in an organization, the, if somebody's accused of sexual assault, it doesn't matter if every person in the, literally every person in that club says that that person that's in the club sexually assaulted them.
They, there's literally nothing they can do to remove the person from the club. The only thing they can do is ask the survivor to leave is suggest that they leave the club so that like, it's totally in the survivor's hands to avoid being around the people who've assaulted them. And there's people who have been, have had, like, there's a guy, I think it was like dozens of women came forward about him assaulting them.
And he was, he was not convicted whatsoever by Title IX because there wasn't enough evidence. Mm-hmm. And it's like, okay. When there's dozens of women talking about the same man. Like, that's just, it's so heartbreaking. Mm-hmm. Um, so I think that's where the disconnect is, is that it is such a progressive school.
They are so committed, which is probably why they're also, there's been so much reaction, like they're not afraid to just like stand up for themselves. Mm-hmm. And then the, basically what I understand is that the institution is just not being supportive of the students because they're afraid of a lawsuit from the people who do get accused or there's, it's very like, bureaucratic almost, is what it seems like.
Yeah. It's, it's, and they're prioritizing protecting themselves legally over the. Students wellbeing, student body. Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And then what made you passionate about speaking about this topic? Are you a survivor yourself or is it something that you've just been called to
I am a survivor myself.
I personally, I think it's something that, and I say this whenever I speak, it's a human issue. Every person on planet Earth needs to be just as committed to solving this issue. And I also think that as somebody, if you're gonna speak and advocate you, it, you kind of have to just have experienced it yourself.
Otherwise, you just don't, you don't get it. You don't understand, you don't get it. Um, it's, there's this thing that happens when you're sexually assaulted that like, it just changes. It changes you and there's things you experience that is unlike any other type of trauma. And I really believe you have to have had it happen yourself to really get, it doesn't mean there's not people who can be allies and advocates.
I just think that it's, I wouldn't feel comfortable talking about something like that. Mm-hmm. If I hadn't experienced it. How I got into, it's actually a really interesting like. Divine timing thing. I, first time I was sexually assaulted. I was five years old. And then it happened again when I was 14 again, when I was 19.
So it's something I've experienced over the course of my life. And I thought that it was like after it happened when I was, you know, early college as a coach, and I've done all of this work on myself, I was like, I'm in the clear, like this is, this is all past. Mm-hmm. This is not gonna happen to me again.
How could I, as evolved as I am and as, as a leader and as a coach, someone who literally coaches people on how to get through this, that would never happen to me. And then in April of this year, it happened again, the worst it ever has. And I was, it was the most violently I've ever been assaulted. And just, just the wor definitely the worst, the most complex as well, and like kind of gray, but also the most severe.
And what, so when that happened. I was like, why did this happen? How did this happen? It was really tragic. I mean, I'm still physically recovering in my jaw and my neck. Mm-hmm. From, um, you know, and this is definitely a trigger warning, but from being choked out and strangled during, and so it's like something that's had this huge impact on me.
But in May I was at a running club and this guy and I were having a conversation and he's this public speaker. He has his own public speaking network like agency. Mm-hmm. And he just, I we're having a conversation about coaching and speaking and, 'cause he's also a coach and I just said, you know, I've always had an interest in public speaking.
It's something I've kind of always known I was gonna do. Mm-hmm. I just didn't know how. I was like, I just don't know how it's gonna happen. And he just said, well, you wouldn't happen to have any experience with speaking about sexual assault, would you? And I was like, sadly, I have very experienced on that topic.
Um mm-hmm. And that's kind of how it was born. And so I really believe, as tragic as it was that. What happened to me in April. I'm like so grateful for that experience because it, uh, before that happened, I was like, my mindset about it was I, yes, I'm I'm survivor sexual assault, but this is not my domain.
Mm-hmm. Other people have this covered. I don't need to be. Talking about this, like I'm gonna focus on just the overall coaching I'm doing. Yeah. And that, and like this is gonna be handled. And what, what that really was was I was avoiding, I thought that I was so healed and so far removed from it mm-hmm.
That I just didn't like. I was like, I don't think I can relate. I'm like so over it. Yeah. And what I realized was that I had never actually healed any of those wounds. I just did such a masterful job at repressing them and healing all these other things about me. So I thought those were healed, that I was completely dissociated from the topic.
And so when this happened, it like took up all the other times this happened to me and it gave me the opportunity to heal it all at once. And then also it like reignited this passion for like, actually, not only do I have something to say about this, I have something really important to say about this.
And a, and a ability to have a conversation about this topic that other people aren't having. So, mm-hmm. It's been, I can honestly sit here and say like, I'm, I wouldn't have changed it a thing. Like, I'm glad that it happened now because what I've gained from going through that
and, and having a lifetime of work and how much you've taken on outside of your parents for other personal development opportunities, I'm sure has allowed you to have something happen and then within months later be able to, to process it and talk about it and be a contribution, right?
Like, one of the things I say about people who have done a lot of personal development work and work with coaches is you start getting like jedi level skills where it can happen and like three seconds later you can, you can respond in a, in an appropriate, powerful way. Whereas people who aren't doing development work and don't have coaches and aren't healing things.
It could take years to be able to get to what you did.
Absolutely. And that's act actually, like what's kind of cool about that thing happening is I got to see like everything I've done. 'cause I would say like, I've been doing this work for like, my whole life and I did, I did like landmark form as a child, like, you know, that kind of stuff.
But I didn't really start doing this work until I was about 20. Yeah. So it was like a year after it had happened the last time and like really embodying it and getting it. And so I've like come so far, even in just the last like year or two. Mm-hmm. Um, and so when it happened again, the way that I processed it was so different and like I, it was, I would say it was definitely more emotionally challenging than in the past, but it was like so efficient and so much quicker.
Even though it was emotionally way more intense and severe, it like felt better because when you feel your emotions, even if they're really painful ones mm-hmm. They, it feels good. And I also knew that the shame about it, like I I had such experience around that idea that it's not like everybody, here's the thing, when you get sexually assaulted, it doesn't matter how old you are, how it happens, there is this shame associated that's very specific to sexual trauma.
That leaves you wondering if the, if somehow you did something wrong or if it was your fault. Mm-hmm. And so afterwards I didn't have that. Like when it started to come up, I was like, wait, I know this feeling and it's not actually necessary for me to feel this. I don't need to feel this way. I can actually let go of that.
And I was also able to. A big part of what I am passionate about talking about in this topic, which is it's, it's a hard thing. It's like a hard pill to swallow is there's a difference between blame and accountability. And we've completely collapsed those two words. And so I didn't blame him when it happened and I didn't blame myself.
I held, I knew he was accountable and I in no way did anything wrong or like it was, you know, it was unfair. It wasn't okay. It was a tragic thing that happened. And I also knew that I had accountability in the situation in terms of like, I had to own the fact that my, myself experienced that and now myself is going to have emotions and an impact that is my responsibility to heal.
Mm-hmm. Because if we just blame, we dissociate ourself from the situation and we actually. Like cut off our ability to heal because we blame the emotions we're feeling on the other person, which just gives all of our power away. And so it was really cool to see it in action. 'cause I'd say some really hard things have happened, you know, but until like, that was like the, the first like really tragic thing that happened, um, that really got, I really got to put my skills to use, if that makes sense.
Mm-hmm.
It does. And, and I wanna kind of come back to this blame and accountability conversation because for people who are listening statistically, I'm sure that unfortunately many of them have experienced sexual assault or similar types of traumas and. This, you know, whole purpose of personal development and coaching and growth is all about, as you said, getting your power back.
Because if you have control, if you have your power back, you can do amazing, amazing things with it. And this blame versus accountability distinction really matters to, to explain that. So can you go a little bit deeper in, in how those two things are different?
Absolutely. So my mom and my mom is like, uh, her name's Marlene Clark and they, uh, she's CEO of Momentum Consulting.
And I love how she talks about this. So I will try to, like everything I've, I wanna like give credit where it's due, because if this is something that piques your interest, like she's, you should go look her up. Um, shout out to mom. She always, she often says there is no blame and accountability and there is no accountability and blame.
Mm-hmm. And what I mean by that, and it, and that's the thing is, especially at Vermont, like it was really hard to stand up on stage. And I like prefaced it with like, this might be really hard to hear. I know this because I learned this the hard way. Like, I'm not in any way saying you've done, like, when this happens, you haven't done anything wrong.
There's nothing you could have done better. It's just that you, like, I, I guess the best way to put it is like you can only hold others accountable to the degree in which you're willing to hold yourself. Mm-hmm. And accountability doesn't mean fault. Right. So it, it just means ownership and, and like take, like owning the, owning your experience of, of that situation.
Owning the fact that you were in it. And part of, for me, it's different with every situation, but there were, I, you know, there were a hundred moments before it happened where before it was too late where I could have gotten myself outta the situation and my intuition was kind of like, this is not feeling good, but I didn't listen.
Mm-hmm. And so I had to take ownership for the fact that. I knew for a good chunk of time that that was probably not someplace I should be. Mm-hmm. And, and take accountability for that without going, oh my God, I'm so stupid, I shouldn't have gone. That was, it's more just like, okay, I'm, I'm taking account for the fact that I actually remember feeling like off.
Yeah. And, and I chose, I chose to not listen. Mm-hmm. So, and I, I, I hope I'm answering this question about going deeper a little bit. If there's anything more specific, you know,
well, I think there's two sides, right? There's going back and accounting for what you. Chose to like not listen to in the moment that like, to reconnect with your body, like actually talking to you and telling you like, like kind of reconnect with your intuition before it was happening, without that being a reason why it happened to you, right?
Like separating those things. But there's also the taking accountability for how you're feeling after the fact, and that the only one who can change how you feel is you, right? Because exactly when, when you blame someone else and that's all that's happening, there's no accountability being put into it.
You can't, um, you don't feel empowered to change how you feel about something or you don't feel empowered to, to separate any of the, the feelings versus actions versus reactions that you've had. So I think it's a really important distinction and. Just because you take accountability for yourself in that situation.
I love that you said you have to balance that with the accountability that that other person has to take. Absolutely. That's huge.
Mm-hmm. And, you know, taking accountability and like letting go of blame is not about being a good person. Mm-hmm. It's like, I think that's where it gets misconstrued is people are like, I don't owe them anything.
Why would I like, and no, you, you owe yourself.
Mm-hmm.
The accountability to, to retrieve the power they tried to take from you. Because if you blame them, you literally are like, okay, here you go. Here's all my power that you tried to take. If you don't blame them and you, you actually like, be accountable for your own healing and your own, like how you're gonna carry forward.
They didn't take any, they end up, they don't take anything from you. Mm-hmm. And so I, I like to really like point that out because I think. You know, I think a world full of people pleasers, everybody assumes that anything we do is to like be better people. And no, it's just, it's like, screw that person.
Like that's not okay what they did. And it's actually like the best way to get revenge on not revenge, but the best way to get justice for yourself is to like take, like, like take the, all of that pain and hurt and transmute it into healing and power and, and to carry forward, you know, and depending on the situation, like reporting it to the police or, you know, holding 'em accountable.
And I, that's the part that I haven't quite figured out, like the best way to hold people accountable to this situation, especially when it's a little bit more gray. Mm-hmm. Um, and that's something that I'm really passionate about finding a solution to. 'cause I feel like there has to be some middle ground between just reporting it to the police or not doing anything at all.
And I would like, that's a passion of mine. What I wanna create in the future is finding some form of like official system to hold people accountable. You know, with, if you, without having to go all the way to, you know, like report it, like, like a formal investigation. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Well, it's interesting 'cause that, that brings up when I've had, um, other guests on who work in criminal justice and work with people, like young people who have committed crimes, looking for alternatives that are more of a mediation versus just a criminal proceeding.
Because criminal proceedings, when they go through with police and, and the court of law, we have to remember that like, laws and justice are actually really two different things. And we see it showing up all the time in cases that are, you know, getting nationwide publicity. Because when you're on trial, it's just a matter of did you commit this crime?
Yes or no? It's not, did you do something wrong? Yes or no? Yeah. And, and having some mediation and, and other processes that one woman shared how. Um, a young kid who had stolen from this woman. She's like, I don't want him to spend his life in jail. How do we give him a second chance? And they ended up having them talk and like, talk with the mediator a couple of times, and everything shifted.
Like it really was so powerful on the, on the old woman who the crime had been committed against, who was robbed for her to say like, how can I contribute to him not becoming a statistic, which I thought was so powerful of her.
I, I completely agree. And, you know, I had to, so when, with my situation, I have never officially reported any of my sexual assaults.
Mm-hmm. I've, I've, I've been sexually assaulted by four separate people and none of them I've, you know, and, and if I'm being really honest, I don't want any of them to go to prison or have their lives ruined. Mm-hmm. I absolutely want them to be held accountable. And I understand that hurt people, hurt people and that it's in no way is it an excuse or like something that can condone their behavior.
However, the last thing I want is to just punish somebody when they don't even under, like, I would rather them get to the place where they can understand that what they did was wrong and, and do what needs to be done to heal themselves around it. Because like that punishment doesn't mean anything if they don't understand their impact.
Yep. And, and talking about that brings me back to something you said earlier about your parents didn't raise you, they coached you. So, you know, um, being a coach myself, I know how hard it is not to coach everyone, like, and come to that place 'cause you're, you, you almost. See behind the curtain more than sometimes I wish I did for like practical life interactions because I can't just get mad at people the same way anymore.
And I can't just, like, all my reactions are a little bit different now because of like what I know, like you said before, like hurt people, hurt people and things like this. Like it's different. And how would you describe to people if they don't know what coaching is? Like, what does it mean to be coached by parents versus raised by them?
So, okay. And I, I used that a lot there that I do in every visit at some point because it's, it's so good. And for, the way I would describe that is from a very young age, my parents treated me like a human being. Mm-hmm. And they treated me like an equal. And so all of our interactions, it wasn't them like pointing the finger, talking down at me like.
You like, you go to your room. Because I said so it was always an engaging conversation and like they were always, they approached it with a lot of curiosity. So like, and there's, so it is like, people are like, that's amazing. You know, it's kind of like if you see now there's like this whole wave of what's called gentle parenting.
And I would say that that's like kind of what they were doing without even realizing it. Um, what, so your question was about what was that like, and like what's the difference? Yeah. Okay. So for example, I would come home from school and oh my God, this would piss me off so much. And I would be like, seven, eight.
And it's, you know, this isn't actually something that happened, but just for example, I could be like, I, like Sally pushed me off the swings today and kicked rocks in my face and like yell, like, called me a bunch of mean names in front of everybody. And it is like, she's so mean, it's so unfair. Like. Like, what are you gonna like, I'd be just like complaining, you know, or sharing this thing that happened.
I would be upset and my mom would literally be like, okay, well like, have you thought about this from Sally's point of view? Or like, how, you know, what do you think happened for her to like do that? Or, you know, like, did, was she having a bad day or did you know, was there something you did that maybe provoked her?
Or like, she, she always, it wasn't ever, oh my God, that's so unfair. I'm so sorry. Like, even more in high school, like high school's a better example because it's like, I come home and I, if I was, I really struggled with bullying like my entire childhood all the way through, um, high school. And like if I came home and I, somebody had done something really cruel to me.
My mom was, is never the one that was like sitting on the bed like, yeah, she's such a bitch. Like, screw her. Like, that's so unfair. Like, she was literally like holding me accountable. To my greatness from the time I was like five. And it was so annoying. 'cause sometimes all I wanted was, and I'd say there's a balance, right?
'cause I would, you know, as amazing as they are, and she knows this, we have had many conversations. There were times where like, what I needed was a mom and what, and like mm-hmm. Somebody to console me and hold me, and like, not somebody to hold me accountable. Yeah. And just someone to hold me. And so there's like a balance there.
But at the end of the day, I'm really grateful for that because it's like really paid off, I'd say. And, and I have better skills now. Where versus like reacting, I can say, Hey, I actually don't need to be code. I really just need you to give me a hug right now. Yeah. Like, I actually, I can advocate for what my own needs are versus when you're 14, that's like a lot more challenging
for sure.
Especially when sometimes you don't even know in that moment what you need. Right? Like, oh yeah. It's, um, I, I, I always joke that running a business called Powerful Ladies and holding my community accountable for being powerful means that sometimes I am like, fuck powerful ladies. I don't wanna be powerful right now.
Like, I, it's my company because it's so much pressure to be like, damn, it's, I'm not living, this is not extraordinary. I don't wanna deal with it. I'll come back tomorrow and then I show up in a meeting and I'm like, shit, now I gotta go fix it.
Yeah. And I, I think part of it too, I see this culture because there's like so much, like what's great is there's this big wave of personal development and coaching and like everyone's a coach now is it seems like, um mm-hmm.
And that's awesome. And I almost see this like. Side of it where I, where people are like going so far in the direction of like always holding accountability, your greatness always performing. Mm-hmm. Always high achieving. It's like you also we're human beings and the point of this isn't to like, be better or it's the point of to like build myself up, add things to me and make myself better.
It's actually to strip, I always say personal development is not an upgrade, it's a stripped down. It's to peel back the layers of our own humanness and not become superheroes. It's to to be real. And so sometimes that literally means taking accountability for the fact that Right. I know that how I'm being right now is not my best and I actually am okay with it because I need this right now.
Mm-hmm. I need to feel this, I need to go here. And if I don't, I'll actually be abandoning myself. Mm-hmm. If I don't, if I don't feel this thing right now.
Yeah. I love that. I mean, it's. I feel like sometimes I'm not a business coach. I'm a con mari people's businesses, to your point. I love that. Get rid of everything.
Because most of the time if people are more authentic and more their own unicorns and they are more direct, everything works better. 'cause you can attract your people and it's less stressful and you're more relaxed. Like to your point, like being whoever you authentically are, the light in you is perfect.
So like, just get back to that. Mm-hmm. Like Exactly. Yeah. It's, it's, um, I lo it's really interesting to me to have conversations with people who are in the personal development space because there's, it's so great to have the conversation 'cause there's just not a lot of the walls that get put between people who aren't doing that work.
Mm-hmm. And it is this balance of. Like, you're human, you're gonna, you're gonna mess up. You're, this is gonna mm-hmm. You don't, just 'cause you work on something doesn't mean it disappears and it doesn't, and that's not the goal. It's,
is so is an idea that I really, I really resonate with is that as humans, we're cyclical beings.
And so we're actually not supposed to feel like radical joy at all times. And like, you know, the goal isn't to always be like, be up here. Like, the goal actually isn't ascension, you know? Yeah. We're, we're going down in it, not up and out. And it's just about like getting, if you can be lighter but more grounded.
Mm-hmm. And so, you know, I, I just really always try to reiterate that to people. Especially like, you know, when you've done all this work and you think that a lot of times it happens where you start doing this work, you go through this like cloud nine euphoric. Phase or season where it's like, oh my God, it was so easy to fix all these things I'm doing so amazing.
It's this like massive expansion. And then you contract and you're like, wait a second. I thought I healed that. I fixed that. Why is it coming back up? And so if we think that the goal is to get rid of it every time that happens, because that's what's supposed to happen as a human being, we are gonna be hard on ourselves and shameful about not healing enough or not being far enough along.
So I, I just always try to give people radical permission to just experience that cycle of being a human being and that if you're not experiencing that cycle, you're actually probably avoiding your authentic self.
Yeah. Um, as someone who is an executive coach, you are young for someone who is in that business, obviously you have a whole lifetime of experience in this work.
And how, how have you managed the reactions people that you're working with might have because of. Like just your age alone.
Okay. So, well, I'll start by saying I'm 24. Um, one thing that is helpful is that a lot of times people don't know how old I am. Yeah. So like there's, I'm sure there's people who probably think I'm 30 or 35, like they, you know, especially nowadays, people look very young for, you know, it's very easy.
So to keep that, like, to not have that aging process. So I'd say the first thing is that a lot of people don't know. Mm-hmm. And then the second thing is that I am, because I experienced like. Bullying and judgment and all that. So much in my life, like I know everybody has, I would say I, I genuinely believe I probably had that experience more because I am so self-expressed and I am authentic.
It just like attracts more of that, which is natural. Um, I got to a point where I really realized there's always gonna be somebody not happy with how I'm being. Yeah. And if I focus on that, I'm going to question myself. Mm-hmm. And I, I'd say my, one of my biggest demons is self-doubt and questioning myself.
And if I can just stay quiet and still enough to know, like hear my own answers, I'm usually stay like on the right track. And so I would say the other thing is like, I don't actually experience a lot of that because I literally don't allow that into my field. Mm-hmm. I'm sure there is. I just don't even, like, I don't know it if it's happening.
And I would say there have been some situations where. I was aware of it. Mm-hmm. Like people that, you know, there's other people, um, that coach for my parents' business and like, like totally understandable. Like when I come in, you know, and they're way older than me, they might have some questions or some hesitations.
And what I would say is the people who I, if I'm close enough to that person where I can feel their hesitation about me, I literally let it, I like, don't do anything about it. Mm-hmm. I let it be there and then I trust that if they're close enough to me to, to hesitate and me to feel it, they're also close enough to me to where at some point in time I'm going to just show them who I am and they're, that's gonna go away.
Yeah. I've literally had people be like, oh my God, I thought you had nothing to offer. I thought the reason that you were here is because you're a Clark. And like, that wasn't good enough for me. And like. And it's like, I, I felt that I knew that, but then, you know, leading a course, that person, like, they got to see me in, in action.
They're like, whoa. Like, I had no idea. And they actually came and like cleaned it up with me. And that was such a cool experience because I was like, if it matters, if that person matters enough, like there's gonna be a point where they see who I am. If that makes sense. It makes total sense. And I just, I'd say like, confidence is key.
I just don't even give them the opportunity to, to doubt me because I just don't exude any type of that insecurity or doubt when I'm mm-hmm. In doing my work, if I have, if I have those feelings, you know, they normally happen behind closed doors or like mm-hmm. So there's a little nervousness or anticipation leading up to like a course I'm doing or.
I don't know. I just try to be real and I trust that the people that work with me are the people that see me and understand who I am. Like if I somebody that is a problem with my age or any of that, they wouldn't hire me.
Yeah.
Probably. So. Well, I think that's a long-winded answer, but
No, it was great. And, and you said something profound that I wanna just repeat so people listening.
Hear it again. You said, just by being myself and being self-expressed, I know there's gonna be somebody who doesn't like who I'm being at any particular time.
Mm-hmm. Like just
accepting the fact that you just, it's natural from a hu humanity perspective that people are not always gonna like who you're being and the fact that you're like, that's just a fact.
So I'm not gonna make it mean anything else other than that's a fact and I can move on.
Yeah. Abs. Absolutely. Thank you for, um, reiterating that and it's, you know, I feel like that's a kind of a cliche. People like, just be who you are. Doesn't, you can't care what people think, but like, you really, like, you really can't otherwise it'll just take you out.
And I always like to say that because there's always gonna be somebody that has a problem. You can either be judged and authentic or judged and inauthentic and I would rather mm-hmm. Be judged. If I'm gonna be judged either way. I'd rather be judged knowing that I'm being myself and that that whatever someone's judging me about is probably just their projection.
Yeah. You know, it's like whatever's going on with them internally. It actually, my dad said something to me when I was in high school. I had like a really challenging situation with a friend and she just like unloaded on me. But it was like I was probably the meanest of friend has ever been to me. It was like one of my best friends and I was like, heartbroken about it.
And my dad looked at me and he said. You know, and that's somebody who like, I'm still very good friends with it. Like we got over, it was just high school drama, but he looked at me when this happened. He said, anything somebody says to you or anything anybody does to you, literally has nothing to do with you.
I'm totally botching that. But like anything anybody ever says about you has, is everything to do with them. Mm-hmm. And it's, and how they treat you is actually what they think about themselves. And I just, it just gave me so much compassion. Like, was like, oh, okay, so now someone's mean to me. I'm like, I'm really like, I just have compassion for them.
I'm like, wow, that was, that was really hurt. That really hurt my feelings. I can't even imagine like how you must be feeling about yourself in order to treat me that way. I can't imagine how you're treating yourself. And so it just gives me, like, it just makes me like wanna give them a hug. Yeah.
Well, you mentioned as well earlier as well that you do, you do a lot to keep up with your own personal development.
What are some things that you do on a daily basis and what are some things you do on a more cyclical basis, like maybe doing a bigger program that you do to keep fueling yourself?
Okay, so one, there's a couple different things. One practice for myself, and I might, this might be like, I'm not gonna lie, I might actually be like avoiding a little bit in this and I'll own that and there's, I know there's truth in it.
One of the biggest practices for me that I've had to really hone in is to abandon practices because yeah, I'm somebody who I really like, I've struggled with like trying to perform and achieve and be perfect and like. I've gone to a place where like, I I, and a lot of my healing, like I find a new thing that makes me feel amazing and it's this like, great practice.
And then I like expect myself to do it every single day. And if I don't, it's like my worth becomes, it becomes conditional about this practice. Yeah. So one thing I had to do was like, completely like let go of that expectation and discipline myself with enough consistency for like the things that I do know work, but also give myself the freedom and space to like, make the, the conscious choice every day If I'm gonna partake.
It's like I love yoga and I love exercising and you know, for me it used to be if I didn't train for two and a half hours every single day, I it, that was like the minimum, that was the baseline for me to be like a good person that day. Not because of that actually made me a better person because that was my expectation on myself and actually made me.
Kind of a worse person because I was cranky and like exhausted. And, um, so I'd say that like most days I do yoga and I give myself the freedom to not do it if I don't want to. And I also understand that if I don't do it, and I really probably should have and I was just being lazy, I will feel that. And I'm the one that has to suffer the consequence of disobeying what my body was asking for.
Yep. And so, but you know, my, to my point, I'd say just moving my body, like is the biggest thing for me. Um, I love meditation. I don't, but I don't do anything unless I, I genuinely wanna do it so I don't meditate every day. Um, I, I would say right now I could definitely meditate more, but I don't do it every day.
And, um, I love, one thing I do love as well is Kundalini, and which is a type of yoga that's like moving your body in a lot of really weird and uncomfortable ways and like making noises. And I'm, you know, it's. It's very challenging, but I really enjoy it. Um, but yeah, I guess I wish I had more for you, but like I said, the best thing I do on a daily basis is like give myself the freedom and trust myself enough to make that choice each day.
Mm-hmm. Um, I would say on a more like, you know, quarterly basis or yearly basis, I really enjoy doing any type of like retreats or programs that involve like me going offsite and doing, like, I would say I do way better with like a week, a couple of times a year than I do with like doing a weekly call mm-hmm.
Or going to a weekly therapy session. Because it just gets you out of that, like into a new environment. And I struggle. I'm somebody who has really severe a DD, and so I struggle, like if I do a program, I was in this program, which was the summit, it's called Fit for Service. But we would do like, there was calls ev like almost every day there was workshops like online and then, then once a quarter we would go and do these like week long summits.
I didn't get on a single call. I would just wait for the summit and I would, and I would go there because I just didn't, that's not how I work the best, I'd say. Mm-hmm. Um, I also have, have done a lot of work with like plant
medicine. Is that okay to say? Yeah. On here? Yes. You could say whatever's truthful on here,
but yeah, I'd say if I'm being really honest, plant medicine has been a really big um mm-hmm.
Help for me, and I would say, rather than like a microdose or something like that on a daily basis, it's more like I said, like, you know, once a quarter going and doing a ceremony and, and doing it mm-hmm. In a very ceremonial setting. And having, paying some, somebody in a group to like hold the space and provide it and like know that it came from like the right place, um, is, that's made a huge difference for me.
And then when I'm not engaging in those ceremonies, I'm just doing that time to integrate all of the work I've mm-hmm. So I like to do it in like big spurts and then like spend time on the backend integrating it.
Yeah. And for people who are not sure what plant medicine is, yes. Plant medicine can be like eating plants and supplements and things like that.
But you were referring more to, you know, doing something like an ayahuasca retreat.
Yeah, psychedelic medicine. I've actually not done ayahuasca. Um, but I'm going to be doing it. Yeah, so I'll,
well, when you said something really important, I think it's like if you are gonna do a plant medicine type of ceremony or retreat, having people who have the experience and wisdom and knowledge to, to be a safe place is really important.
Yeah. And especially right now, because the same way that there's, everybody wants to be a coach, everybody wants to be a shaman right now as well. And so I've actually seen a lot of situations where like, it wasn't done safely. Or there's people who are like jumping ahead and trying to serve before they're ready or like they haven't done enough their own work and there's like ego involved.
And I would also say when it comes to plant medicine, it's, 'cause I think people hear about like ayahuasca or you know, psilocybin and they're like, I have to do this thing. It's gonna fix me. Don't do any, it's tempting. But I would really, really strongly suggest like before you do any type of plan of medicine, make sure you're doing it for the right reason and don't ever do it just because you heard about it and you like wanna do the next thing that's gonna be like help you grow.
Yeah. And it's like the next like, yeah. You hear about it and you're the only one of your friends that hasn't done it, so you have to go do it. It's like, just really make sure that you, if you do anything like that, it's coming from like, like it called to you and it was like, it happened, like never force it.
Like it happened in this like really divine unfolding where it was like everything was made really easy for you to get to that place. And it wasn't like you had to like force your way into it. Um, I'd say that's really important.
Well, and, and anytime that we're doing something for the wrong reasons, right.
If we're, if it's an ego thing or a fitting in or a competition or as you mentioned earlier, it's really easy for people to become addicted to optimism, just like we can get addicted to anything else. Toxic positivity. Yes, exactly. So, you know, I, I don't want anyone doing anything because they think it's from a root of fixing themselves.
'cause as you and I said earlier, it's always like. It's always getting rid of the bullshit. It's not fixing who we are, like, because there's nothing wrong with
you. Like there's literally nothing wrong with you. And, um, so I, I'm actually really glad you brought that up. Something that I, an idea that, like I've kind of been sitting with for a while now.
Our concept is that, okay, so if we talk about there's darkness or shadow, right? You, I'm doing, I'm really in a season of shadow work right now. Like it's the big, it's all the rave, right? Which is great. And if we look at what a shadow is, it's literally just some, it's a space or something that has not, is not in light.
So there's a shadow being cast over it. It's a space where light is not filling, so there's a shadow. So if you look at like toxic positivity, if you are denying the parts of yourself that are dark or sad or afraid or angry. You are, even if you're all love and light positivity, you're actually in your shadow because mm-hmm.
The part, not all parts of yourself are being revealed. Yeah. You're not bringing all parts of yourself into light. So even if it seems like you're all in the light, you're actually in the shadow because you're ca you're avoiding looking at all parts of you.
Yep. And, and just because it's in the shadow doesn't mean it's bad, right?
No. If we look at literal shadows, you could have a parent standing and casting a shadow on their child literally in a moment of daytime. It doesn't mean that what's in the shadow's bad, it's just not like you, as you said, it's not having light touch it right now, so. You know, we, in a course I have called Knowledge Sharing Products, it's about helping people make money on sharing what they know.
And sometimes where we have the most money to earn, 'cause we have the most to share is about something that we would've said is bad or in our shadow. And very much like you're finding this whole new career path through speaking about sexual assault, some things that are in our shadows. One, we make them bad and they're not.
And two, like the biggest, if it, if it had a huge impact on us, it could be a huge place of sharing and making an impact for other people. Exactly.
Yeah. Absolutely. Um, so it's, yeah, like, and like I had said, like this tragic as it was the thing that, what happened to me this year and there's been like some really heavy like impacts that I'm still dealing with.
I, I'm so grateful for it, it like, mm-hmm. It's, it was so there's some of the darkest moments of my life are literally would've cast the most light out into the world. And I'm, I like, would not be who I am without them. And also a side note, I did wanna say, you had asked me like, some of the things I do or practices mm-hmm.
I, I always struggle with that question and I never, and I never like say what is actually like, probably the most helpful or correct answer. And then later I'm like, oh shoot, I should have said this. So one thing I've done is getting your human design read is very, very powerful, I would say. Um, other thing I like to do is I really like to work.
What is, what is that?
Okay.
Um, it's similar to astrology. I'm gonna botch this. I'm just gonna own the fact that I'm going to do a really bad job at explaining this. But we can Google human design. Human design, what I believe it is, is like, it's like a combination of like Chinese medicine with like astrology and all these different things.
And basically it's the idea that we are all designed based on like our birth time, our birthplace, our name. Like all these things come to together that design the human. We are. So, we are literally, everybody's designed as a different type of human. And there's, I think, five different types in human design.
And so what's really cool about it is like. When you find out what type you are, and I would actually really consider getting like a professionally read session for this. Mm-hmm. Um, but there's a girl on Instagram named Erin Claire Jones, and she posts like a lot of really helpful stuff for human design.
And so I, I really enjoy, she makes it really simple. Mm-hmm. But basically what happened when I got my human design read was this woman read, read it for me, and she was telling me these things, all the things that I thought were wrong about who I was and the way I did things are actually the way I'm designed to do things.
And so it, like approaching life from my human design has been, has like literally changed everything for me. So I'm, it's free, my type. Pardon? It's free you, for you, it, it's could just be you. Mm-hmm. And, and also, so like there's five different types, um, manifester, uh, or there's generator manifesting generator.
Manifester projector and then reflector. And I know that probably is like, this sounds like a different language, but, um, I'm a manifester and I'm actually, I'm like 7% of the population. It's like the second most rare one. But what's really interesting about Manifester is that they are the people who like my strategy, 'cause each one comes with a strategy, is to inform.
So it's like actually my job to be like, hey, like to cast a vision and create new ideas for the world. But it's not my job to take action on those ideas. It is basically, I was told, it was my like, best day of my life. I was like, so you're telling me I'm supposed to boss everybody around and just wait for it to happen?
And that's actually how I'm built. I was like, yes. Um, so for me, like I, if I try to like make something happen, I mm-hmm. It like never works for me. Like, so if you're a manifest, you might be a manifester if like anytime you like try to force something or put it into motion or like you try to create something like.
You kind of have to go outta your way for it. It normally doesn't work out or like mm-hmm. I never, I have a rule where I don't start a, I will never start a dance party because if I start a dance party, everybody might come dance, but then the moment I go to the bath, I like literally can't go pee because I'm like, I know I have to pee.
But if I know if I leave and I'm gonna come back and no one's gonna be dancing anymore. Mm-hmm. So like a manifester is like, yeah, we should all get together and go dancing, but then I'd have to let like a generator type, like start it so that I can actually go in and outta the situation without it falling apart.
Yeah. So, um, this has been very helpful for me in terms, and I'm also somebody who like needs a lot more rest and space and like, has to work in a different way. And so it's like I was, I've never been a grinder. Mm-hmm. Other than like, when it comes to, I'd say fitness wise, yes. But like, I've never been, like, in terms of work, like I can't.
I don't understand the concept of sitting down and working for eight hours. Like, I don't, I don't think I've literally ever done that in my entire life. Mm-hmm. Um, like I was terrible at studying in school. And so knowing this about myself, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I actually just don't work that way.
Yeah. And so it's just, you know, I could go on and on about it, but bottom line, look up your human design. Everybody should have it. Get someone to read it. Um, it's really helpful. And the other thing I would say is I really enjoy working with psychics. Mm-hmm. People, I ha it's like, this is where you have to use your own intuition for, it's like people you really trust and like people who are legit.
Um, but that's a way that I really enjoy getting to, like, like having somebody that can help talk, help me talk to my higher self. Because I ultimately believe that all of us have all of the answers within. And so sometimes, so sometimes it's like going to some, like a coach or like somebody I'm a, I'm a coach and I'm even say this, sometimes going to a coach is actually like, not as.
Supportive because it's somebody else telling you about like what they, their wisdom and their knowledge. And I think the more things you do that help you get in touch with your own, the more helpful it is. Yeah. Um, so I would say those two things are like a great place to start. And I also have done a lot of work with balancing my masculine and feminine energies.
And I think that's something that's like so big for what I do that I forget to talk about it because it's like, it's like, yeah, that's, that's like my life. So, um, yeah, look up, I just say look up those things if you're interested and we can link some stuff in the show notes.
I love that. And we absolutely will.
That's why the show notes are so important. But I, I think you brought up some great points about, and I know what, as a kid I was so obsessed with, like, what is my Zodiac and what is my Chinese sign and mm-hmm. I, you know, what is my Myers-Brigg result? And I, and I think that there's. I love how you framed it up of when you see things that are kind of saying who you might be, if it resonates with you, it should make, give you freedom.
Yeah. Because we are so hard on ourselves and so many people out in the world are trying to fit us into a box so they can understand us and how they view the world. Mm-hmm. That we tend to take that on And you know, I have, I tell all my clients that I'm a hybrid co coach, consultant. 'cause there are times when I have to tell you in business, stop doing it this way, do it this way.
Like just, we're gonna do a complete, I'm telling you what to do and there are other moments when I have to be in that inquisitive space. Right. And so I love that you mentioned going to other people who are gonna be in a space of asking you more questions and how do you feel, and let's get reconnected because different coaches serve different needs and psychics or mediums.
They, you know, they wouldn't call themselves a coach probably, but if they're helping you connect into that space, or even sometimes I've, I dunno if you've experienced this, but like a really amazing intuitive yoga teacher can get, can like ask the room a question really innocently and suddenly the entire room is like bawling.
Yeah. And I actually, it's, I love that you brought that up. I taught yoga for four years and I like, and I probably taught it for longer than I, like, it was still resonating with me, but because I, I, I'm a coach and I was kind of doing them both simultaneously. It's like, it was so, it made my teaching so much better because mm-hmm.
I was able to, it's like all connected. Um, but yeah, it's like the best coaches are the ones who actually get you to like, answer the questions for yourself versus mm-hmm. Just giving you the answers.
Yeah. Yeah. And, and it's. It's, uh, anyone who's type A and doer and an optimizer, sometimes there's frustration and someone just asking you a question back, you're like, oh, just gimme the answer.
Yeah. But that, that's the, the beauty of the work. 'cause a lot of what you've said about how quickly you can make choices, right? How to choose a psychic. You trust how to choose plant medicine, you know, shaman that you would trust how to decide, you know, should you go to yoga or not that day. It's because you have such a fast, uh, conversation with yourself, I think.
Mm-hmm. And, and yeah, if anything else, I hope everyone listening's inspired to get to that 'cause the more we can be in tune with ourselves and not have to always be going outside for answers, it just makes life easier.
It makes it like it. And as somebody who's professional, I like going outside of myself for answers.
It makes it, I used to, like, I have a really good friend. I'm actually going over to her house after this and she, um. You actually might know who she is. Kristy Woods. They, her and her husband, like won the amazing race using like, oh, spiritual work like a couple years ago. Um, so, hi Kristy. Um, I love you. One thing she said to me like three years ago was I'd asked her, I'm like, she's gorgeous.
Like, just, um, you know, like just you look at her and you're like, what? What are you doing? I wanna do all of that. I asked her, I'm like, well, what do you eat? Like, and she used to tell me like, I just, whatever I feel like it, like, I just don't, I'm like, she doesn't really work out. She just like, does whatever feels like it.
And I, that used to literally like piss me off. Not like piss me off, but I would just, I didn't understand that. I was like, I am not that kind of person that can just do, do what feels good in the moment. And it works. I have to have a system otherwise. It's not gonna work. And now I like completely, you know, years later I'm like, oh, that's, I'm literally the one sitting here giving people that answer.
So if you're frustrated by that answer, whenever you ask me, what are your daily practices? And I was like, I don't really have any, like, that's not because I'm like, oh my God, I'm just so, like, everything's so easy for me. No, it's just like I had to do so much work to stop reaching outside of myself and start reaching inside of myself.
And I'd say like, everything I make, every decision I make is based off of how it, I feel. Not based off of my emotions, but like, how is this feeling to me? Like if something's feels good, like it feels expansive, that's a good sign. If it, if I kind of just, something feels like I, I don't do it. It doesn't, it doesn't work.
Yeah. And I think too, like one thing that when I first got into this work was I would see, you know. I thought that I like, in order to be spiritual, I have to like stop being this way. I have to like be, you know, the result. And especially because now, like if I do look at myself compared to like a lot of my other friends in this work, I am very different.
Mm-hmm. I'm very, very different. And I had to learn, like, there would be times where like I wanted to go like take tequila shots and dance on tables with my college friends, but I'd be like, is that what a spiritual person and a coach would do? And like my other friends don't drink anymore because it's like too low vibration.
It doesn't resonate. And like, but like for me, that's not. And then maybe I, like, there was a time where I wouldn't like go party or do any of like the pe normal people things. And I would like have this feeling of like, Ooh, this doesn't feel quite right. And it wasn't, it actually wasn't until I started like owning the fact that it's okay to be all of it and just doing what I wanted to do.
I was like, I became so much more intuitive and in tune with myself. Mm-hmm. And like, it's like when I stopped doing things based off whether I should or if they were like, appeared to be mm-hmm. High or low vibration, like I actually like increased my frequency. Yeah. Like I've had, and yeah, I've had moments where like alcohol and that kind of stuff has absolutely like lowered my frequency.
And that's, that's like something I'm, and there's been times where like going and having a night like that actually has, has made, has increased my frequency and made me such, such a happier and like mm-hmm. More grounded person because I'm expressing myself authentically.
Yeah. So
it's just staying in touch with that I think is like, so.
Vital and so important and like mm-hmm. Don't do anything based off of what you think somebody of what you should look like. Yeah. Like if you wanna be a coach, don't go start doing things that you think a coach should be doing. Do what you, what you do is authentic. Mm-hmm. Like, do what's authentic to you and, and go based off what feels good to you.
And then create a space for a coach that's just like you in the world. Right. It's like you get to create room for you whenever you act authentically.
Yeah. Go be your unicorn. Mm-hmm. Exactly. Yeah. There you go. And, and how much do you, how selective are you about who you let into your life to kind of like, are you someone who is very protective about who's in your circle and who's not?
Or how do you let people kind of come in and around you and,
no. Okay. That's actually a really interesting question because, um, and if any of my friends are listening to this, this is like gonna be helpful. Uh, answer. I think because some, I've had a, the way I operate with friends and people is kind of different than most.
Um, I don't, I would say that my circle is it as my, I have a very large inner circle, but that doesn't mean that I, but I have a very small immediate circle. And so what I mean by that is I have, there's a very large number of people who I am completely available emotionally to and connected to, and like, would like literally do anything for and would let them like, come, I'd let them like, use my toothbrush.
Like, you know, I, so I'm, I'd say I'm, I'm, I'm extremely available with my energy. And then like I, 'cause I trust myself that if something doesn't feel good, I just take my, I just don't, I just remove myself. But I'm always open to everybody. And then what I would say though is I. At any given time, though, I'm have of my, the circle of people I'm currently surrounding myself with is very, very small.
So I'd say like when I'm building a connection with somebody or a friend, I will like hang out with one friend for like almost every day. We'll, like, go do much stuff for like a month or two. And then once that connection's like super established and there's like a naturally, like we kind of go and do our own things in the world, then we, like when we come back together, it might be six months before I see 'em again, but it's like nothing changed.
Yeah. So I like to build connections and then like trust that they're gonna still be there and then like go off, like just kind of, I kind of bounce like back and forth. Mm-hmm. And then, so I always have a really big inner circle, but I probably am only spending time with like. One to two, maybe three people at a time, at a time.
Mm-hmm. Like I keep my like everyday circle. Very, very small. Yeah. Um, I only have room for like four other people in it, I'd say. Yeah. Um, so that's, so then sometimes people think that there's something wrong. That's what I was gonna say. I was like, if my friends are listening to this, I've had friends be like, a lot of my friends, like really understand that that's how I am.
And it's like just a very natural, like ebb and flow. And then I have had people that are like, are you mad at me? Like, what's wrong? Like, and that's the best way I can like, stay available to so many people, but protect my energy is to like, not always be in connection with all of these people, but trust that the connection still there.
And so I always say like, it's not personal. I'm just really busy. I'm really occupied and like, I haven't had the space to like reach out and connect with them. And it's never like. It is almost like the more I like you, the more I'm willing to not see you or talk to you for six months and like know that everything is like gonna be totally fine because it's, as a coach, I'm sure you get this.
Like, I, I used to like try to, I was literally never off duty. Like I was always, because so many conversations with friends end up becoming like, we're in like a mini therapy session with each other. Like they're giving me advice, I'm giving you advice, but I end up doing like a lot of, like giving people a lot of support.
And so I used to like always like almost every day I'd have like a two hour call with a friend and giving them support. And then I realized at a certain point, like, this is not sustainable. Yeah. And like if, and I am committed to like, uh, connecting with as many people as possible, but I have to change the way I'm doing that in order to like make this work.
I totally get that. Uh, you know, I used to. I wrap my day up rather early. Like I usually end my day at my working day at four. 'cause I start early too. Having people in Europe and on the east coast. And so I usually, first thing I do is I go and take my dog for a long walk, like an hour or more. And I used to call people on that walk to connect and that would be my connecting people.
'cause a lot of my circle doesn't live where I live. And I had to stop doing that because I literally talk to people all day. Like my business is talking. I have a podcast. Exactly. I coaching. Exactly. I'm leading workshops and I'm like, I cannot do any more output even on that really. Lovely soul connecting space because I just can't, like, I need, I need to either do nothing and have silence, or I needed time for, for nourishment and input.
Mm-hmm. And so I had to shift of like how often I could talk to people. And either it had to be like short connections, like, all right, I can talk to you for 15 minutes, I gotta go. Otherwise I have to like spread 'em out because mm-hmm. Um, as much as we can balance making sure that what we're doing for work is, is fueling us, there is a level of like creating the space and the energy and holding it.
Like there's so much responsibility in these spaces that you end up depleting yourself to some extent. So Abso Yeah. Absolutely. Need breaks. Mm-hmm.
And then you, and then you're like, I just have to hold space for everybody because like, and, but at the end of the day, if you look at it like you're the one generat, like no one's actually asking you to be superhero.
That like holds everybody together. Like, and I had to like be really honest with myself. I used to like. Feel bad for myself sometimes. I'd be like, everyone just needs me all the time. And I'm like, no, you're just like, literally don't have any boundaries about your energy. Um, and I'd say like, to your point about my circle is I would say that I, like, I rarely, I've been doing it more lately, but I don't, I've very rarely like text people and like set up times to get together.
I'd say because of like the nature of where I live and we mm-hmm. It's so normal to just run into people. Like, it's literally like a movie. It's, it's funny. It, um, so I'd say I relied like on who I, like literally who comes into my field. Like without me having to generate it whatsoever. Mm-hmm. That's who's in my inner circle in the moment.
Like that's who I'm connecting with. So I'll literally go to the park and see like three of my best friends like hanging out, like it's so normal for that to happen. Or I go to yoga and I'll have like a 30, I'll stay after and have a 30 minute conversation with a teacher or both another student that I haven't seen in a long time.
And so I just literally tell God. I'm like, okay, who am I gonna see today? And then I just like interact, like whoever shows up, I like. Mm-hmm. I tend to have a lot of those experiences where I'll like literally run into people at the most random times and I have time to kill. And so we sit there and we talk for an hour.
Right. And then maybe we like, you know, schedule times to see each other later, but a lot of times I see people in like big group gatherings or I just run into them. Mm-hmm. Out in public.
Yep. When you hear the phrase powerful ladies, what does it mean to you? Do those words mean something different individually versus when they're combined?
Like what comes up for you?
I'd say What? So what comes up? What I think when I used to think about powerful ladies mm-hmm. Powerful women, I, what would've come to mind three years ago was badass motherfucker doesn't need anybody else. Like, got it together. Like, she's like a superhero can just like get so many things done, literally doesn't need anybody.
Like, and you know, I would think of like a very like masculine mm-hmm. Way of being. Now when I think of powerful ladies, I think of somebody who is in full ownership and accountability. For their own greatness. And someone who, a powerful woman and lady, is someone to me who is open and receptive enough to be supported by other people and utilize, rather than utilizing her own time and energy as, um, resources.
She utilizes the support from her community and her friends and nature and everything to help to create a symbiotic relationship where she's. Most of the time, like, and I kind of strive for this. What I'm doing is I'm just being and being, I'm being the space for things to thrive rather than being the thriver
Yeah,
the doer.
Does that make sense? So like, the most, I am my most powerful when I'm actually, this might sound, and I really mean this, this might be a little controversial. I'm my most powerful when I'm not lifting a finger. Not because I'm bossing everybody around, but because I am allowing myself to be supported because I trust that if I am supported, I will not be dropped.
And that if I get dropped, I have wings and I can fly and it's, I'm never gonna hit the ground.
Um, that's a really powerful thing, right? Because, and it resonates with me right now. 'cause I've been going through a phase where like the words that are triggering me when I've gone to reiki or other things are, are, are the words of like supported and protected.
Like I'm going through a phase of not feeling that right now. And so it's like, again, work I'm looking at, but I think that's really important for. Women who are cause in the matter of their life so often to really look at of how can you be the most powerful per version of you when you aren't lifting a finger because you are trusting
mm-hmm.
That everyone else is supporting you and doing what they said they would do and even just creating on your behalf.
Mm-hmm. Absolutely. And, um, I actually, I wanna say there's something you said that just reminded me of something that I think would be really valuable to share. Mm-hmm. And like the way I look at that too is why am I most powerful when I'm my most worthy?
And so, mm-hmm. A lot of times as women, we do all these things because to prove that we're worthy. And so for me, standing there and doing nothing is like the most worthy thing possible. 'cause you're like, I know I am like badass bomb magic. Just by being like, you're welcome. Everybody for just existing and like, and like, right?
It's not, it's not that other people are doing things for you, it's just like you are like trusting. You're so supported, you're so worthy, you're gonna be taken care of. And then you know that when you do things, it's coming from a place of you're really the best person to do that in the moment. Or you want to, or it's, it's like you can conserve your energy in a way that's like really, really cool.
And I actually, you said something about trust, trusting everybody to do what they say they're gonna do. There's a, so my parents have a, you know, momentum has created this whole curriculum and one of the things that we, um, have done or, and my parents created this one was it's all about the economics of trust.
And I'm actually have it right here. Lemme see if I can pull it out. Yeah, no problem. And this is so value. This is like a really, this is, and for businesses, but I think this, it really, any I do anything is how you do everything. So this impacts, um, every part of your life. Where is it? Okay.
Is this like mirrored or can you read what it says? I can read it. Mm-hmm. Okay. So when trust goes down, speed goes down and the cost goes up. Mm-hmm. When trust goes up, speed goes up and costs go down. So like trusting other people to take care of what they say they're gonna do is literally providing you with a more efficient and productive business in life.
Yeah. So like, I just thought this was kind of cool because it's, it's so true. It's like people, a lot of times people waste so much time because they don't, they think they have to do everything on their own, but when you trust others, it, you don't have to, it just. Everything's way more, you actually accelerate the performance of your life,
uh, of your life.
And, and I love that statistics and business support it, right? The average small business that's a single member in the US makes like $49,000 a year. The second you have four people on your team, it's $450,000, right? Like there's exponential growth by having people around you that are creating with you versus you having to create everything by yourself.
And as you said, how you do one thing is how you do everything. So if it works in business, like imagine what can happen in your life if you had, if you thought about all the things you wanna create in life as having teams. Like that's why like when people come to me for life coaching because they wanna create something, I'm like, oh yeah, no problem.
It's the same as building a business. Like it's the same tools, the same questions. Mm-hmm. Like if you wanna make something, it doesn't matter what you wanna make. It's the same process.
Exactly, and that's why. So, and even going back to your question around like, 'cause I, and I do both, like, I would say I, I do, I currently have like personal clients, I, but I do enjoy working in both businesses because I just, that's just, I feel better there, but even when I, I don't coach anybody any differently when I'm working with a business.
Yeah. I'm just, it's just the nature of that. It's like I wanna bring the, the personal development and leadership skills for oneself to the business world. Mm-hmm. So, um, it's like I, I, I treat everybody the same, all of my clients the same. And there might be more conversation around what's going on in the business versus what's going on in their, like love life.
Mm-hmm. But at
the end of the day, it's all the same stuff.
Yeah. So well, so the next question that we ask everybody on the podcast is, where do you put yourself on the powerful lady scale? If zero is average everyday human and 10 is the most powerful lady possible, where would you put yourself today? And where do you think you put yourself on average?
Today is in, like, in this moment right
here? Mm-hmm.
Okay. This is an interesting question. My natural response is like 12. I'm not gonna, I love it. Um, I'm like, hell yeah. I'm a badass. I like, I, I'd say like over overall, I would really put myself like, I truly in every fiber of my being believe that I am like the most powerful like lady and woman in the entire universe, as I believe everybody should believe that.
Right? That's like, it's like I literally like who's power and. That doesn't always mean that I act in according to, like sometimes I forget who I am and I don't act in that way. I would say that to right now, in this moment today, I would act, I would maybe put myself up like an eight or nine. And the only re Here's what's interesting.
The, it's getting in this podcast, I'm, I'm definitely going back up the skills. The only reason I would put myself not at like the 10, outta 10 or 12 outta 10 is because there were like some moments today where I was being judgmental of myself and questioning myself. And so it's actually not about what I always say.
It's not about what you do, it's about who you're being when you do the things you do. And so if I would've just woken up this morning and been like, I, everything's amazing. Like let's keep, like keep on moving, I would be at that 12. The only reason that I felt like I lowered in my power today was because I like had a couple moments where I thought about outsourcing it to some something else.
And so, yeah,
I love that idea that, did I outsource my power today? That's a great question to ask ourselves.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Um, and I actually, so I have this quote that I wanted to share. The quote says, I dream of never being called resilient again in my life. I'm exhausted by strength. I want support. I want softness.
I want ease. I want to be amongst kin, not padded on the back for how well I take a hit or for how many. And I think that is like a really good like way to capture what I think of as being a powerful woman. And like I would say a powerful woman is somebody to me who, who is the most resilient. Like ever and, but doesn't ever have to use it and knows that if she like has that, if she needs it.
So I like powerful is when you're like, when you are so like you are prote protection, you are your armor so you can be soft and open and available.
Beautiful. Well, it has been such a pleasure having you on the podcast today. I am so excited to hear what everybody got out of this. We went into so different places and I, I really think that this episode is gonna resonate so deeply with everyone who's listening.
So thank you for being a yes to me and to the powerful ladies.
You are so welcome. I really appreciate, and I, I do just wanna say like, if you are somebody who, this feels important, if you are someone who is a survivor of sexual assault or you. And you're struggling or you are having a hard time, like I'm available, reach out to me.
I'm here to talk. If you wanna share your story with me, if you have questions, if you, even if you're not a survivor, sexual assault, if you are somebody, woman or man who is just having a hard time, like I'm available, you can find like, Instagram's probably the best way to get in a hold of me and will link that in the show notes.
And I just, I wanna give y'all my invitation that I'm, I'm here and I'm available and I'm open.
Thank you so much for offering that. Um, so in case someone's listening right now and they, they aren't gonna see the show notes for a while, what is your handle on Instagram?
My, oh, it's just my name, Caitlin Rose Clark with A-C-C-A-I-T-L-Y-N-R-O-S-E-C-L-A-R-K.
Perfect. Well, Caitlin Rose, thank you so much. I am so excited that you are out there doing this work and being that light and space for other people and taking care of yourself at the same time. I'm sure we'll have you on again, but thank you so much. You're so welcome. Thank you.
Thank you for listening to today's episode. All the links to connect with Kaitlyn Rose are in our show notes@thepowerpointladies.com slash podcast. There. You can also leave comments and ask questions about this episode. If you're looking for more powerful ladies, please join us on Instagram at Powerful Ladies, where you can also find some free downloads, start being more powerful today.
Subscribe to this podcast and help us connect with more listeners like you by leaving us a five star rating and review wherever you're listening or on Apple Podcast, if you're looking to connect directly with me, please visit kara duffy.com and you can find me on Instagram at Kara Duffy. Thank you to Jordan Duffy, our engineer, composer, and producer, engineer.
You can follow and producer at Jordan K. Duffy. You can follow her at Jordan Pay Duffy. We'll be back next week with a, we'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Until then, I hope you're taking on being powerful in your life. Go be awesome and up to something you love.
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Created and hosted by Kara Duffy
Audio Engineering & Editing by Jordan Duffy
Production by Amanda Kass
Graphic design by Anna Olinova
Music by Joakim Karud
