Episode 151: Step Out of Your Trauma and Into Your Best Life | Jamilly Whitfield | Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Author & Coach
Jamilly Whitfield knows what it’s like to feel trapped by your own story. A licensed clinical social worker, author, podcaster, and coach, she’s turned her own journey of healing into a mission to help others break free from the weight of past trauma. Growing up in Washington Heights and now running her own practice, she’s proof that it’s possible to rewrite your narrative and create the life you’ve always wanted. In this conversation, we explore how trauma shapes our patterns and beliefs, what it takes to step into a growth mindset, and why your relationship with yourself sets the tone for everything else.
“My trauma was impacting my ability to soar. I wish I knew what I know now. Now my whole business is about helping people break free.”
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Chapters
00:00 Meet Jamilly Whitfield
01:10 Growing up in Washington Heights
03:15 How trauma impacts the brain
05:05 Recognizing patterns that hold you back
07:20 Moving from survival mode to growth
09:10 Finding your voice as a therapist and coach
11:00 Launching the Beauteous Me Podcast
13:25 Writing Latinas Who Boss Up
15:40 Helping clients step into their best life
17:25 Reframing success on your own terms
19:15 The role of mindset in healing
21:30 Tools for self-worth and self-trust
23:45 Navigating the C-Suite and entrepreneurship
26:00 Building a purpose-driven business
28:15 Advice for anyone feeling stuck
30:00 What “powerful” means to Jamilly
Patterns, attitudes, anxiety, limiting beliefs. Mm-hmm. About myself. But where did those limited beliefs come from? That file system was, from my childhood, not feeling good enough, not feeling worthy. My trauma was impacting my ability to, so it.
That's Jimi Whitfield and this is The Powerful Ladies Podcast.
Hey guys, I'm Kara Duffy, a business coach and entrepreneur, a on a mission to help you live your most extraordinary life by showing you that anything is possible. People who have mastered freedom, ease, and success, who are living their best and most ridiculous lives are often people you've never heard of until now, today's guest, Jamil Whitfield, is one of my new favorite humans.
She's running full speed into transforming her passion into her own business. She's at clinical social worker, a podcaster, an author, a speaker, and a coach, and she's here to help you step out of your trauma and into your best life. You are guaranteed to be inspired today.
Well, I am very excited to have you today. Thank you. Before we jump into all the juicy questions, let's tell everybody your name, where you are and what you're up to.
Yes. My name is Beauty Jamili Whitfield. I'm a licensed clinical social worker. Therapist, podcaster, uh, bestselling author, speaker, and I am from the East Coast, from New York.
Love it. What part of New York? I'm in Westchester County now. That's where I live. Mm-hmm. But I will represent really hardcore Washington Heights. I think every Dominican, that's the little Dominican ville. The stamp. Mm-hmm. So I'm hardcore from Washington Heights.
I love it. So today you're in a foot of snow.
Yes, and it's beautiful. Wow. I didn't, you know, I haven't gone outside yet, so I had, I had my son shovel, so I don't know what it looks like outside, but before my window looks beautiful and mushy and like just, ugh, it's so adorable.
I Ms. Snow. I, you know, grew up on the East coast as well. My sister's currently sending me pictures of my nephews playing in snow in Connecticut.
And yeah, there, I miss that part. Like it's not really winter if you haven't had to shovel or scrape ice off your car, like, or slip
and fall and bus your behind.
The worst. The worst. You think you got it and then you're like, Nope. Mm-hmm. Not at all. It's your rite
of passage.
Yes. Yes. I had a little moment the other day where I was, I drove, uh, back east for the holidays.
Mm-hmm. And I realized I don't own an ice scrapper. I was like, since when did that happen? Wow. And I was like, I have to go and buy one. Like this is crazy. I think you should.
I think you should. The way Mother Nature is acting. Yeah. I'm just saying. I think you might as well go buy it. You might as well be prepared, even if it's collecting dust and one day you sell it.
On, on what? Upsell or whatever, one of those websites. I, I suggest you do it. Look what happened in Texas. People never, never thought that was gonna happen. And look, so I suggest you get prepared because
global warming I know, and I mean, it'll put to use like the multi like. Snow hats and gloves that I still have and I'm keeping like, hidden in my closet.
Yeah. I had a client who was in that Dallas storm, and she's sending me pictures there. Um, the elevator went out because the power had gone out. Right. And they had to use the stairs, but then pipes broke. Mm-hmm. So the stairs were an ice skating rink. She's like, how do I get down four flights of stairs when they're all ice?
I'm like, Hmm. Um, do you have like a, a tray? Because I would just slide down it right? Just like,
like just, that's it. Let's get ready of just,
no, I just had so many visuals of like hanging onto the, the railing and like, you just, you're going to eat shit. There's no way around it. That's it. That's it. Mm-hmm.
Just, just bump it.
Exactly. Just get ready for the ride and that's it.
Yeah. Just me, like, just hold your breath. When you make it to the bottom, everything will be okay.
Yep. Absolutely.
All right, so we digress into weather conundrums, but you know, I, you are so accomplished and thank
you
so committed to helping people work through their trauma and get back to their best lives.
And how did all of this start from you? Like how did you know that this was the gift that you should be sharing with the world?
Oh my God. So I'll begin. Um, I'll, I'll take it way, way back in college, you know, when you have to figure out what your purpose is or what your major is. Mm-hmm. I started off as a psych major and I sat through a psych class and I was like, this can't be life.
This is not what I wanna do. I, I just, psychology wasn't for me. Um, I took a social work class and I fell in love. I just fell in love with the grassroots work. With everything that encompassed social work, but helping people and really kind of getting to what the roots of the issues were. And so when I had to write an essay to kind of dig deep into my behaviors in adolescence and what was going on with me, that was the first time I had an aha moment with regards to my traumas, my childhood traumas.
Mm-hmm. Things that I kept hidden, things that were showing up in different behaviors, being really promiscuous, um, being defiant. Um, you know, just not focused in school when they talk about how trauma really impacts your brain mm-hmm. And how you can have, like this fog, it is exactly what happened to me.
I think it was maybe like my sixth grade class. I couldn't get the math work for nothing. Nothing. Mm-hmm. Like, it just wouldn't register. But that's 'cause trauma was there, it was present. That's all my body and my brain was understanding. And so fast forward I went, I got my master's degree in a year. And, you know, I, I started working in the child welfare field and digging deep to really help traumatize individuals, children, families, entering the system.
I started seeing more and more people who have suffered from sexual abuse and trauma, sexual abuse and trauma, sexual abuse and trauma. And some of those things were triggering things in me. Mm-hmm. And so I finally decided to go to therapy to kind of address it and trauma lives in the body when we talk about where it was impacting me, GI issues.
My GI issues come up like this mm-hmm. When I am feeling an experience reoccurring reenactment, whatever's going on. And so, you know, I started my therapy journey many, many years ago and, you know, as I continued to evolve and grow, um, I went through a breakup with my son's father, and that broke me, that breakup broke me, but it mm-hmm.
Put me together. It put me, it, it, i, that pain turned into purpose. Mm-hmm. And so. With that. A few years later, I decided to launch a podcast. I was like, I, I know I have something to give. I know I have a drive. I know that I need to kind of give back, you know, with my experiences and, and my training and everything.
And so I, I launched the Beauty S Me podcast and from there I was like, I'm not satisfied. Like there's something else that burns in you that I was like, I need to do something more. So when the pandemic hit, I decided to do telehealth. And I fell in love with it. I would've, you would've asked me years ago, I was on my way to every C-suite level.
That was my goal. Mm-hmm. I wanted to be a vp. I wanted to be a CEO. Mm-hmm. You know, I work in the non-for-profit sector, and that was my passion. That's where I really wanted to be. But when I did telehealth, I was like, oh. This is it. God, this is it. This is what it feels like to know what you wanna do. So, so I started doing telehealth, fell in love, and, and started thinking like, well, how, how much more can I do?
So I, I, I started with my first collaborative book, which was called, we Heal to Share My Story of Being in a Toxic Relationship. But the kicker is that the toxic relationship wasn't with just the men, it was with myself. And the relationships that I continue to allow myself to get involved in, because my value and my self worth was devalued based on my child's sexual trauma.
Mm-hmm. And so I continue to push along that path. Um, and now, you know, I've, I've launched this year actually my PLLC went up for my private mental health practice and then, um, you know, with my coaching business, uh, a year ago.
And isn't it amazing how. We think we got it all handled. We're excelling over here, over there, and you're like, no, I love myself.
And you're like, do you, because look at this repeating behavior. Who are
you telling? Like I, I think about, mm-hmm. Patterns, attitudes, anxiety, um, limiting beliefs mm-hmm. About myself. But where did those limiting beliefs come from? That file system was from my childhood, not feeling good enough, not feeling worthy.
The messages that I even received from my guidance counselors and say, yeah, you're probably not gonna make it in a four year college, you know that that's not for you because my trauma was impacting my ability to soar. And when I tell you mm-hmm. In mm-hmm. College 3.9 GPA grad school in a year 4.0 GPA.
It's not that I was stupid, it's that I was traumatized and my brain, my brain just could not manage with the overwhelmingness of feelings.
Mm-hmm. And to think that you were so intentional, you're like, I need to fix this. I'm going to therapy. Like Yeah, it's, it's not every person that goes, this doesn't work.
I'm gonna change it. Yeah. And is that something that's also rooted in who you've been since you've been a kid, or is that something that you've developed over time?
Um, I think both. I, I've always been, uh, an advocate for myself and I've always been a go-getter. If I say that I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna go ahead and do it.
I don't care what you gonna tell me. But unfortunately, we going to therapy. I had to fall hard on my behind in order for me to realize like, this is not normal. These thoughts, these feelings, these emotions, these depressive feelings, they're too intense. And I'm a professional now. The fi finally, when I decided to go to therapy, I was already a professional.
And I wasn't realizing how my baggage just showed up everywhere, including in my parenting and how removed I was in certain areas because my son was a boy and I didn't, I didn't wanna relive some traumas and I didn't wanna do certain things. So I had to be like, all right, these starts are not normal.
You need to go to therapy and, and address this asap.
I have a friend who says that she does all the personal development and therapy she can. Only to make sure that her daughter doesn't repeat it. Yeah, it's important.
Mm-hmm. It's important because if we look at, I'll, I'll give you a a quick example. My mom, I know she suffers from underlying depression and anxiety, but in the Dominican culture, the Latino culture, it's like, it's shunned.
It's, you not talk about it. Mm-hmm. You pray about it and that's it. But I remember my mom, you know, she worked, my dad worked. There was five of us. She would come home and have these migraines and go to bed. For days at a time, and I didn't get the affection, the attention that I wanted, and I remember sitting next to her in the bed just doing whatever I can to care for her so that I can have some attention with her.
Mm-hmm. My mom didn't know that she was intentionally neglecting me. She didn't because she was going through her own stuff. We look at generational traumas and how that's passed along, and it got to a point when I, I suffered a lot from migraines, but I found myself in bed at a few points with my son when I became a single mother, and something shifted me where I stopped myself.
I said, I can't do this, because I remember what it felt like. Yeah, I remember that pain, that void that I felt, and I couldn't
do it to my son. Well, and the generational trauma, um, is such a new thing, right? Yeah. And people looking at it and studying it. Yeah. And I even read an article the other day about, um, people who are studying, um, is it in our DNA?
Mm. It is. Which like, that's crazy to me. Yeah. So please like, can you expand on that for everyone listening? 'cause I have no idea. Yeah. Besides article.
So you, I could put it in the simplest way. You know, when a woman is pregnant, they always tell you, be careful with your emotions when you're pregnant because the baby will feel it.
That's the easiest way you're passing along to your child. All of that pain, trauma experiences that you've gone through now, could you imagine how it flows through each generation when it's unhealed? Mm-hmm. Each maternal. Wound that's going on. Mm-hmm. And next. And next. So if my mom, let's just say, was depressed or had her, whatever experiences she was going through while she was pregnant with me, she's passed that along.
Mm-hmm. And it's easy to see, like if there's studies with infants that, and the mother is depressed. The infant comes out depressed when there's that disconnect with parenting. You don't show them your facial expressions, everything that an infant needs from the beginning. It is connected, and now how that infant grows up and they manage their emotions.
If it's a female, passes it right along. Right along. Mm-hmm. Right along. That's the easiest way to connect it as far as my DNA.
And is it something that comes only from your maternal side or is it also genetically from the paternal side? It, it, it can be genetically. From
your paternal side. I'll, I'll share my, my paternal side of the family is, there's alcoholism.
I had an uncle, my father's brother passed away of cirrhosis of the liver. His other brother, um, died by suicide. Um, was alcoholism, ran, ran in the family. Mm-hmm. I had a cousin, my dad's first cousin. Alcoholism. And then when I started paying attention to family parties where you used to think as a kid, yeah, everyone is fun.
Now you look back and you're like, you gonna keep drinking? You are not done yet. Mm-hmm. Okay. You start seeing that, that it's like, it, it, it's passed down. I have a, a cousin from my dad's side of the family where, um, drinking is, is her thing. She's functioning alcoholic, but it mm-hmm. It's seeping out. Yeah, but it's because genetically she inherited that from her dad.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I know. We, it's, you know, we have, um, people talk about having tests, right. To be a parent. Mm-hmm. When we look at all tests, a license.
Right. And like imagine that test, if we really did it with what we know today. Right. There'd be. Not just, you know, getting DNA tests of like, what's your genetic issues, but like what are your emotional ones? What's coming up? Like it's, we don't think about. You think about creating children from like, oh, we're gonna have a family not from, oh shit, I'm gonna pass on all this bullshit that nobody wants to deal with.
Oh, shit. Exactly. Mm-hmm. Exactly. Yeah. We don't think about it. I mean, unless you're super wealthy and you're getting a surrogate or you're, you know, mm-hmm. Um, ha getting some eggs or whatever, where you can select and check their background. Hey, then maybe that, that way you're putting it through, but. You might have slept with the next one and had a oopsie moment and you just didn't know all the things that were, was gonna come free flowing.
So
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot more to worry about than, do you have a job and do you have a bank account?
Right, exactly. And what's your credit score
exactly? Well, they have that app now. It's like a dating app in Japan where like your, you, it's like your credit score is part of what's shown kid. Oh yes.
It's crazy. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I didn't
even know that existed, but am I surprised? No. Yeah,
no, I mean, plus it's like a completely mostly nonsense weight of you if you actually have any money, but that's fine. Right,
right, right. Um, I mean, you could not have money and still have an amazing credit score.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's, you just pay all your bills on
time, right?
Yes. As a business owner, it makes me crazy. You know? I've now been in business long enough where it's not an issue anymore. Mm-hmm. But the first couple of years they're like, oh, well you don't have any income. You, I'm like. But I have money. Like, can I still buy this?
Can I still rent this place? They're like, no, you don't have an income state. I'm like, mm. It's so backwards. Wow. Yeah. Wow.
Anyway, we've I'm taking that as a mental note. Yeah. As a, you know, first time business owner, so I'm taking that as a mental note.
Yeah. I mean, there's of course, lots of ways around it, but it's really, it's a, it's frustrating that entrepreneurs and small business owners have to jump through more hurdles when often.
They're the most responsible because they're watching it like a hawk. Like Yeah, we make their life depends on it. Lose the money, right. Exactly. Exactly. Right. Um, so coming back to the work you do and the trauma, so. There's so many, there's Big T, little t, right? Big trauma, little traumas like mm-hmm. So for people who don't know what I'm talking about, big traumas would be like, you witness a horrific incident and it scarred you.
Small traumas are all the things that happen to us every day that are all the baggage we carry around as adults. Yeah. Um, so, you know, knowing that we can't get through life without experiencing trauma mm-hmm. What do we do about it and how do we, how can we manage it in such a way where it's not gonna stop us from.
Whatever big game we're up to.
Yeah. The first thing is self-awareness and you recognizing that something has happened to me. Mm-hmm. That's impacting me, and now I'm feeling these deep emotions when you reach that self-awareness point and not, you know, sweeping under the rug. Now here's the thing with sweeping things under the rug, is that you can get to the point where it is your coping skill.
It is how you've survived it is how you've remained resilient by sweeping things under the rug, because that's the only way you're able to get through it. But it starts trickling down and seeping out in different areas, whether that's your finances, work, relationships, um, how you take care of yourself, how you view the world, et cetera.
Those little things kind of trickle down. So the first thing is self-awareness, paying attention to. How your body's feeling and the reactions afterwards, because trauma lives in the body. Mm-hmm. The quickest example would be, um, I'll share a quick story. I was in a car accident in, in the Bronx, in the highway.
Um, and so, you know, the cops never come right away unless you're like, in Westchester they'll come, but if you're, you're in the city, you're, you're there for like five hours. Um, I never hit the car in front of me, but the way my car stopped, three other cars slammed right by me. When I would drive through that exit, my body immediately tensed.
Mm-hmm. So it took some time. I, I relaxed myself the following year. I didn't get into an accident, but, uh, you know how the cars have like those sensitive, um Yes. Things. And so it was the highway, someone didn't put their signal, missed a a, an exit. And was like swerving right away. My body immediately reacted because of the way the car stopped was the same intensity of the car stopping the same way as the accident.
Mm-hmm. I didn't get into an accident. Mm-hmm. But the trauma of the accident stayed in my body. Yeah. So it's paying attention to how your body is feeling. The thoughts that you have behind it is super important. And when you're there and you're saying, Hey, you know, something happened to me and I've been a little bit off since it's getting the help, but when you recognize that it's at the forefront, it's highlighted.
So now you're paying attention. That self-awareness leads you into the beginning of your healing journey.
Well, it, I think, is such a big deal, right? 'cause we are so bad at paying attention. We're so distracted, we're so busy, we're super distracted in, in air quotes, which is complete nonsense most of the time.
Um, you know, I'm one of those people who if somebody asks me like, what are the hard times you've been through? I'd be like, I don't remember. And like for me, I'm like, if you ask me to sit down and list my traumas, I'd be like, I don't think I have any. Mm-hmm. And so I'm sure I'm a whole case on my own of like mm-hmm.
What are those? So for someone who. I do all the other self-awareness things of like taking this test and looking at this. But if it comes to the things that have been like anything in the failure, bad part of my world, I, they like evaporate. And the funniest story is I was talking to a girlfriend and she was talking about how this guy, she's dating, like cheating on her and it was awful.
And I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so thankful. That has never happened to me. And her mouth drops and she's like, what planet are you on? What about so and so that you dated? And I was like, oh, I totally forgot he existed. Mm. And I'm like, wow. My brain is very special about just deleting whatever it wants.
It,
it works wonders when it needs you to push through. Yeah. When you need that resiliency in order for you to move on through life. Now what happens is when a lot of people have experienced a lot of traumas and they, they don't, how to develop the best coping skills, is that it's in the forefront and it's showing up differently.
Yeah. With addiction, with, you know, mm-hmm. Um, increased. Issues, inter interpersonal issues, your mental health, but that's part of your coping skill. That's part of you saying, mm-hmm not today. We're gonna focus on this, that your brain has been able to shut it down.
I'm, I'm so intrigued if it's like still a lingering thing or if I dealt with it well, like I couldn't tell.
I'm like, Ooh, this could go either direction.
Yeah.
So as you were going through, you know, climbing your own corporate ladder and developing this mm-hmm. When did you decide I need to go and be doing this myself?
Um, I wanna say sometime last year, I think January last year, I joined the uh mm-hmm. Coaching course for clinicians who, you know mm-hmm.
Wanna move into private practice and, and doing their own. And I was seeing it, but I, I've been with my company for 17 years and I'm like, its scary how you going yourself. Yeah. And the more months that pass by that, I see that it no longer serves my purpose, that I don't feel fulfilled here. I'm like, this is where I feel fulfilled.
And so that earning passion has just been in there and I've just been laying out the playing field to get me ready for that. Retirement that I'm planning for, I put it on my phone. I have the date that I'm gonna submit my letter of resignation, and I am, mm-hmm. Ready? I feel ready. I feel like that, that this is where I belong.
I, I don't belong where I thought was a C-suite level. Am I capable? Of course, I've taken so many, um, courses to prepare me at mentors, et cetera. Is it what I want anymore now? No.
Not at all. No. And, and you know, you spoke to what so many other entrepreneurs speak to of, you know, people always ask, when do I know?
I'm like. It's hard not to know, right? Like, like everything from a, like my experience was like a deep knowing and then a physical pull. Like it felt like it, like I literally was
being, is it like an impulsive pull? Tell me because I need to know this. No, I really need to know this. You have to tell me because I've impulsively been feeling like I wanna submit a letter of resignation before my time.
But that's how I've been feeling. Like every time I see my boss I'm like. Yeah, where you just like wanna say something, but you feel that pull where you're just like, yeah, nope. Mm-hmm. Can't do it anymore. I changed my LinkedIn profile, like I focused on my business. I put owner of beauty as mine, P-L-C-S-W-P-L-L-C, and all my posts.
I've been centered around my business and this and that. And it's like, and hey, listen, of course there's people who follow me that are from my organization, but I'm just like, this is, this is my passion. This is what makes me happy. It's not me rebelling, it's. You got that aha moment. Yes. Yes. A true aha moment.
So I'll, I'll share before I would feel a little jealous of entrepreneurs and be like, mm-hmm. They get to go to the gym in the middle of the day they get to this. But until I, I felt affirmed and what I wanted to do. Mm-hmm. Now I'm like, oh, I can't wait to go to the gym in the middle of the day. Oh, I can't wait to, you know.
Mm-hmm. You know, decorate my office and get the furniture and I can't wait for, so now it's like different. It's like, Ooh, I can't wait to have this kind of schedule, these amount of hours. This is what I wanna do, et cetera, et cetera.
Everyone asked me if it was scary. Because we're so afraid of so many things, making any big life change.
But that one in particular, and the feeling I had was I had never felt so peaceful in my entire life. Yes. Like I was nervous about making all the the finances work. Yeah. And I did this great exercise where I sat down with a friend over lunch and she's like, okay, let's write down every way you can make FA cash fast.
Mm-hmm. Right. And it's like uber babysitting dog sitting like the same things you could have done when you were 10. Right, right. And we made this list and it was big and small and it had consulting on it, like it had more complex things as well, but. I was able to write down 20 ways I could make money if I needed to.
Yeah.
And it just gave me this like relief of, oh, I'm not gonna starve. Right. And once I got through that, like managing your own business is. So much easier because there's none of the politics, there's none of other people's drama. There's not, um, we waste so much time
supervising staff, different employee drama, this and that.
It's like paperwork.
Yeah. Yeah. So you suddenly realize, you know. You know, people looked at me like I was crazy. Like, how are you doing this much stuff? Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, but I'm not doing all the bullshit anymore. Like yeah. It's just me getting up and being like, what are we gonna get done today?
Right. And it took a while for me to feel okay to like. Do something during the day. Mm-hmm. Like go for a walk. Not because I was like, Ooh, I shouldn't do that. But more that, like, I was working seven to midnight at the beginning. 'cause I was so excited and just wanted to, it was like this whole surge of creative energy that I was like, no, I have to just keep moving right now.
Right. Um,
and even still, I really, you know, pe as much as I coach people to find the balance and stop working at a time and, and really get into that thrive zone. Mm-hmm. Sometimes you have sprints where you're like, I gotta just do all this now. Yeah. And it's like, that's how
I feel now. I, you know, I have my full-time and I have about, I just took on two more therapy clients yesterday.
I had two consultation calls and I signed on two more people. And I was like, what in the heck did you do? Okay. Yeah. But you know what? I have to get my numbers up. I have to, you know, do what I have to do so that it is a successful transition. You know, I shared the transition with my mom this morning. She was like, why?
Yeah. 'cause our, our parents are used to that paycheck that mm-hmm. Job security and just like you and saying, well, yeah, there, I know there's other ways. Listen, I'm, I'm licensed, I can mm-hmm. They can hire me to do consultant. They, uh, an organization can hire me just to supervise social workers or to do their audits or, you know, like whatever.
I can like. Freelance my way and be like, Hey, do you need an auditor? Because I, like, I, that's the geek side of me. I love policies and audits. I'm like, yeah, hire me for that. You know, if, if, if things come to that nature. Um, but I've just never felt just re ready and impulsively ready. So I've had to sit and prayer and, and meditate about it these last, um, couple of evenings, like, all right, God, I, um.
I know I'm feeling impulsive. I don't want it to be me, the Leo side of me. Yeah. Um, I just wanna make sure that this is the right thing.
Well, and um, you know, there's a great quote that someone said in a couple podcast episodes ago of. You know, God or the universe will first like tell you as a whisper.
Yeah. And then they'll like hit you with a feather.
Yeah.
And then a brick and then a train.
Yeah.
So I tell entrepreneurs like you a, I don't want the train.
I don't want the train. He's given me the train before and the brick. I do not want the, I'm just making it loud. Yes. So that he can hear me publicly and online.
I don't want the train.
Yeah. The other thing I tell people too is, you know, it's. Especially because of the financial part. And healthcare is the other key part where people really try to strategize the transition period. Yeah, the health insurance.
I'm, I'm trying to do my research like, well, what can I sign up for?
Is it Obamacare? What is the care now? What is it called? Biden Care, Obamacare, whatever care. I need
something. Yeah. And like, you know, everyone's like, oh, like have you even had people in my group be like, should I go back and get a real job for the healthcare? And I'm like, no. Go get another client and just know that that client is paying for the HE healthcare.
Yeah, like,
like it's, it's so when we start thinking about looking at what we need to to spend money on to keep our life going. You just look at, okay, how many clients do I need to meet that goal? That's goal number one. Okay, then what do I need for goal number two? And oh, I've had, I
have it so planned out.
I'm like, this is the amount I need. Mm-hmm In case I have cancellations. This is what I need so that it can offset and I could still be a little bit balanced and I could pay the bills and this is what it's gonna cost me. So now I have to like recru my numbers. 'cause my son is going to college in September, so I'm like, congratulations.
Need to thank you. I'm like, I need to count those numbers. Whatever the health insurance cost is gonna come out too. So yeah, I have to re crunch numbers and then be like, okay, ready to not be so impulsive, but ready.
Exactly. And, and I think the best thing people can do who are service providers is move to a recurring something or bulk purchasing as fast as possible.
Yeah. Because even for, for, um, therapy or counseling sessions, like how can people buy a pack of 12? How can people buy things where the dollar number is higher so you can have more consistency? Because the scariest, once you get people saying yes, then it becomes this whole like, I gotta sell all the time.
And it's like, well, if you're selling all the time, you can't be doing what you really wanna do all the time.
Right.
Um, we just had this con we're kicking off. Um, the topic this month in Thrive is like momentum. Which I think taglines get the money, honey. Yes. And um, but it's like we think we have to sell all the time.
Mm-hmm. And I think we have to share all the time because we never know who's gonna be looking for us. Right. But like, let's sell at the beginning of the year. In the beginning of the month and then let's forget about it. 'cause we, we did it. Yes. You know, like I'd rather hustle once a week of a month or once a month of a year than all the time
that that's my goal.
That's my goal. Mm-hmm. You're speaking to my soul.
Absolutely. I love it. So, you know, obviously you have gotten here based on having. You know, mentors and leaders and a community that's gotten you here. Yeah. Who are some people who really stand out in that list of, you know, your support system? Oh, my.
I
that have gotten you here.
So I was just thinking about it today, washing the dishes.
I was like, damn, I have a lot of friends. I don't even know, but I've met them virtually throughout this pandemic. Like I can call and reach out and be like, Hey, can I pick your brain on this? So, you know, there's a few I've met. Um, this really great coach, her name is, uh, Z Zla, um, ZLA Lopez. She has a brand called a VITA system and it's coaching, um, therapist.
On how to branch off into your own private practice or coaching business. So her, um, program is amazing because it gives you all the tools, techniques and materials you go at your pace. I haven't finished the program, but I've taken the bits that I've needed. I will tell you that it's given me a lot more courage to step outside the box, to plan, to figure things out.
Um. I am having my very first, very first virtual summit on the 22nd of this month. Like, it's something I would've never imagined myself doing. And now that I see it, that I today is like, it went live, the link, I'm like, this is me. This is, I'm actually doing this. Like, I'm actually stepping out of my comfort zone and, you know, putting myself out there.
Of course I'm an anxious and like, ugh, it's, it's, you know, it's normal. But I don't think I would've had. The motivation, if it wasn't for her, her, if it wasn't for Josette, who like, you know, did some quick coaching with me. Um, and just other folks that I've just met that I've like, you know, captured coaching stuff from people.
Yeah. Natasha, when I met Natasha, I was like, Hey, I'm trying to brand myself and how do I do this? And, you know, even meeting her, I'm like, we became like the coolest people and I only know her virtually. Like I only know her virtually. And it's like, yeah, insane how you meet people and you connect with them, but there's.
There's strangers who are willing to help you. Mm-hmm. And I, and I say step outside of that well. That limiting belief and feeling like no one's there. There are strangers who are willing to share resources, strangers who have, who don't feel the competition. And I, and I, and I love that. Mm-hmm. Because these are women who are like, yeah, sure, I think you should do this, or, you know, you should do this.
As opposed to, um, other people who won't uplift each other, you know? And I'm, I'm so grateful for it. But it's funny that you said that. I was literally thinking about that. 'cause Natasha and I were, were texting and I was like. I have friends in the West Coast, I don't even know.
Yeah. And I have more West Coast supporters than East Coast supporters. That's just the other mind boggling thing. So just connecting with so many people has been, oh my God, so amazing.
We, we need it. I, yeah. You know, I was just saying in the last episode about how entrepreneurship can be really lonely.
Yeah. And it's lonely because half of your family and friends think you're crazy for doing it. Yeah. And then, you know, it's not what society is structured for people to do. Nope. Um, and so, and there's all the voices in our head that are like, are you sure you're doing it? Are you, are you pretending? Are you big enough?
And so you're battling not just people out in the world, but the people in your head who, and it's this thing over and over again and. The, it's true that it is like a rollercoaster, but it, I love that over time the, the lows get. Less deep. Yeah. And when I, like I, people need a community. People have to have, you need it.
The community. Mm-hmm. You
need it. You need people to be like, Hey, I'm thinking of launching this. Can you think of, you know, can you let me know about this name? Do you think this name makes sense? Yeah. Um, I think culturally, and I'll tell you, definitely in the Latino culture, 'cause even my mom said it this morning when I was telling her, yeah, mom, I'm, you know, this is what I wanna do.
She was like, don't share none of your plans with anyone. I'm like. She's like, because no one, you know, wants to see, there's a, there's a saying in Spanish, so basically no one likes to see a smile on a stranger's face. Um, basically like, people don't wish you well. So I'm like, mm-hmm. Mom, I have strangers who are my friends that have been pushing me to this.
Like, if you only knew, you know? Mm-hmm. Yeah. I believe in people who have negative energy and don't wish you well, but I feel like if you are aligned in your purpose and you know who you are and whose you are, then mm-hmm. You know that there's nothing that can really, um, stop you and you know, it's just community is necessary.
I think culturally we're taught. That, you know, you, you are shunned a little bit. Like you have to be careful with your community. Mm-hmm. I'm like, no, these people gonna help me. Yes, yes
they are. Well, plus two, everything that we need in the world, somebody else has. Yeah. Like you, we just like, it's amazing to me when you.
The things that I have randomly told people not thinking twice about it. And they turn around and they're like, oh, I have that. I'm like, wait, what? Like I was getting my hair cut with from a friend of mine and I'm like, yeah, I need like an operations person. Mm-hmm. And she's like, oh, my best friend from home, no problem.
Like done, been like the best hire I've ever had in my entire life. Yeah. And if I wasn't getting my hair cut that day and happened to share that thing that was on my mind. Who knows where I would be right now. Right, right. But I love that you brought up that, you know, women and entrepreneurs supporting each other, it's, it's mm-hmm.
And like not living in that competition space.
No, because you know what I always say? And again, it's a Spanish, your seasoning is different from my seasoning. Some people might like just salt and pepper. Some people like Michael Adobo, some people might want Goya. Some people might want this. Like everyone has a different flavor to bring.
Yes. And that is why we're humans because then some people will gravitate. And you have your population of folks who like salt and pepper. Mm-hmm. And your population of folks who like this. There's somebody for everyone. But you can't sit there and say, well, there's 500. Thousand coaches and every day there's a new coach.
Yeah, but you know what? Some people might like my style. I might resonate with them because, you know, I'm, I have this upbeat personality and I'm a go-getter. I'm this, and people might want someone that's like, all right, she's a little too high strung. I need someone who's a little calmer. Like, there's for everyone, you know, like, don't, don't stop yourself and, and think that way because you will attract the right people, you know, be ready and open to receive it.
I know that all of my therapy clients, I feel like I've attracted. All the right people I know when I'm not gonna connect with them, really, because it just, it, it, it doesn't connect a, after the consultation call where I'm just like, yeah, so maybe we're not a match. And that's okay. And that is okay.
It's so important.
It's so important. Like, and, and knowing that like people. Need you at different times. Yes. You know, whenever I'm getting stuck in my head about, you know, when, when founders' fraud is creeping in
mm-hmm.
I have to come back to who's waiting for me to call them. Mm. I like, that's, it's not about me like, as much as I do this because I love it and it lights me up and it checks all the boxes.
Yeah. The good stuff isn't about me. Yes. So true. Yeah. So there's so many people waiting for you to call them.
You have your tribe build
it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Build it. You just, you gotta go. Mm-hmm. Uh, so, you know, with everything that you've done, like what's made you say, I need to write, I need to start the podcast.
I've always, um. Well, the podcast is, you know, I feel like I should have been an actress at some point in my life. You know, when I was a child, I was in some commercials. I did do ballerina and tap dancing and modeling. So I'm a Leo. That kind of goes with my, my personality. Um, but I don't know. I listened to so many podcasts and I was just like, I could do this.
I said we could do this. And from one day to another, I started doing my research. I took some podcasting online courses to learn more about which platforms and this and that and everything. Mm-hmm. And then I just said, Hey, it's launch day. I'm gonna figure it out and I'm gonna go ahead and do it, and I will tell you something.
I haven't been a, I didn't, I haven't had to really go out there lately, like looking for, um, not lately, like last year because as of late mm-hmm. I kind of slowed down a little bit with the podcast as I was building the business. Mm-hmm. Um, because I ended up having just like an influx of people just connecting with like, Hey, can I be a guest?
Hey, can I have a guest person for you, guest person for you? Which I've been like. Oh, I fuck you this year. I think I have to prep though for 2022 because I haven't, you know, put myself out there as much because I've been so busy trying to really, mm-hmm. Prepare for retirement day. I'm calling it retirement day, so,
love
it.
You know, I, I just felt like my voice needed, not my voice, but I needed people to hear different stories. It's different light to understand that there is resiliency, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Um, there's beauty in everything. And whatever mess you're going through, there's beauty in it.
That's what it's called. Beauty is me, beautiful me. Now you're beautiful no matter what in the inside out, you don't have to mm-hmm. Live by this structure that society puts on us, whatever baggage and, and, and no matter what you've experienced, you can always come out. There's, there's light at the end. And so that was my, my, the premise of starting the podcast and then writing.
Um. My friend had had written a book, and I went to the book signing and I was just like, Hmm. I think, you know, I'm interested in sharing my story. I'll tell you, when you do have to share your story about whatever traumas, it can get intense. When you're sitting there and you're writing, you're just like, oh, I'm gonna put this out there and people are gonna read that.
I was, you know, you know promiscuous back then, but you know, you think about who you are as a personality, now you're just like, mm-hmm. I can't act upbeat anymore 'cause people are gonna be like, oh no, you were doing it in teenage years. So, so, you know, just sharing my story and sitting there and doing it and being like, I did it.
Wow. Then I was asked to be a part of another book series where we hit number one, um, bestseller on Amazon and we're, again, I'm sharing my story and then I had, you know, another person reach out to me that was like, Hey, do you wanna be a part of this book collab? I was like, wait, hold on, let me, I need to prepare for retirement day, so give me a second.
But I just wanted to share my story to give light and hope to people because there is light and hope for everyone despite whatever adversities you face.
There is. There. So is, and there's two main things I hear in what you just shared. One, whenever you take action mm-hmm. The universe is like, more, please.
Yeah. We need more of you. Yeah. And more of you. And louder please. Yeah. So I, I just, it, that honestly like makes my heart feel so good when like you get to see that. You are like, I'll try it. And then they're like, how about 10 more? I know you're just like, need to prepare for retirement day guys. Alright.
Mm-hmm. Well, that, that's a, that's part of the things, right? Like we, when you start feeling like it, it's almost when you have to start running because Yeah, you can't, the treadmill starts moving. And it really becomes saying like, what to say no to becomes one of the hardest choices to make. Yeah. Because it's like, Ooh, I don't wanna miss out on the opportunity, but I have to do this.
So that gets tricky. But I love
it does get tricky. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
But I love that you said, you know, you can make your life whatever you want it to be. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, why don't, why doesn't everybody know that they don't? Because we live
in a cookie cutter approach. You go to school, you follow rules in school, you go to work, you follow rules in work, you come home, you, you know, if you, a wife or whatever, and you cook, there's women.
I'm gonna give you props. If you don't know how to cook, that's okay. I'm, I'm with you. My culture teaches you differently. So, but you know, if you have to serve your family and do this and, or, or give up a career because you want to be a full-time mom or whatever. Society tells us we have to kind of do this, and then when you want to branch out and be an entrepreneur, society puts fear there because it's the, well, you don't have the stability, you don't have the job.
How do you know it's gonna work? You know, we feed a lot of negativity onto people. If you wanna be a photographer and you find that as your passion, start it off as part-time. Mm-hmm. You never knew if it might grow and blow and you'll be the next, you know, mompreneur that's doing, you know, mommy shoots or baby shower shoots or whatever.
There's somebody pregnant every day. You know, the pandemic has everybody pregnant, but you know, well, you have that opportunity like. Whatever branches off. How many people aren't creating like these different cups, you know, like everyone's doing. I have a couple of clients, Uhhuh, you know, but I might like your page on Etsy.
You might speak to me. Yours might stay longer in the dishwasher. You know everyone like it's your opportunity to to go out there and shine. Well, society has to stop doing is telling us that we can't. If you wanna go into cryptocurrency and that's what's fulfilling your job or Forex or whatever. Mm-hmm.
And you were able to quit your job. 'cause something is bringing in income, you know, some, something is supporting you. But we have to switch the narrative and stop thinking that we have to live this fixed mindset. And I, I, I'm one of those, I'm the fixer. I'm, I'm, I'm not, I guess I'm a millennial. I guess my age range, whatever I'm, I know that, you know, I know that we've been taught very well and we have the best work ethic.
You go to work on time, you do this, you barely take vacation, you barely take lunch. You know, you do what you have to do. You have these high work ethics because it's been ingrained in us. It's what you've seen in, in your families. I think I wanna teach my son that you can't do this. You can. Go to school.
Um, he wants to go to school for, you know, to go into the medical field. Mm-hmm. Um, if that's what you really wanna do, go ahead, go put your passion in it. But don't do something where you feel like you have to satisfy either your parents or society, because this is what society is saying.
Mm-hmm. It's, I wish people knew, like, I don't think everyone needs to be an entrepreneur by any means.
Mm. Mm-hmm. But
I wish people knew
that because if you see how some people. Operate at work now and showing up at nine 30. Uhhuh leaving at 4 45. Yeah, halfway done. You don't need to be an entrepreneur. No,
no. It won't work. Won't work. Um, but like, I wish people asked the question more of like, what life do I want first?
How much money do I need? And then how do I make that money? Because Yeah. We put so much pressure on what job do you have and where did you go to school, and is it good enough? And it's like, hold on. Like how are you making your money? Yep. How it's like there's a, um. You know, there's a guy who runs ultra marathons mm-hmm.
And he works for the local water company because it lets him do all the training he wants.
Yeah.
And it's like perfect. Plus he gets benefits in healthcare and like, he figured out that the hack and like Right. He think it's a hack, but it's like, no, it's actually just logical, normal thinking. Here's what I want, how do I pay for it?
Right. Right, right. It's, it's, um. I'm excited that you are spreading that gospel to other people. Yeah, because there's, we need more of us. I'm like, who else can I hold hands with? Where if we say it loud enough everyone by, yeah. Yes. Nice. Say thing of like everyone around the tree in the Grinch. Yes. Born around.
Mm-hmm. So, obviously 2022 for you has your retirement date coming up. It has your coaching program. Mm-hmm. You're taking private clients. Mm-hmm. What else are you really excited about for this year?
My virtual summit. Oh my God. I'm like, so super excited about it. I, I'm, I'm gonna continue to plug it in.
January 22nd, 2022 one. 2222. The number 2, 2, 2 just spoke to me, but, um, just so super excited about it. It's my first summit. It's about, um, it's a free summit, free capital, word free.
Love it.
Um, it's a free summit and it's. Um, it's your year to break through all those resolutions for all these years that you've set to the side that you've never been able to accomplish.
I have speakers and experts there to help show you ways to navigate it. It is the beginning of the year you wanna get your finances in order. We have someone who's presenting an expert on how to pay off your finances. This girl, um, you know, paid off $90,000 in debt in three years, gives you her tools and resources how to do it.
Vision boarding so that you can set your vision apart and know exactly and get clear on what you want. Marketing and pr, um, yeah, you know, folks who are doing brand, um, not only branding, but um, changing your profession. So if you're interested in completely changing your profession, how do you navigate that and how do you see, see yourself as an expert in that way.
Coaches a a, a nurse who's gonna talk about how to get your health right. All these things that everyone puts as a New Year's resolution, all packaged in one day free live summit so that you can leave with the tools and resources that you need to have the best 2022, which I call 2020 you. So, yeah, I love
it.
I also love that you said 2 22 spoke to you. 'cause that's my magic number
really. Yes, I'm telling you it. It's like it shows up all the time on my phone and I was just like, mm-hmm. I like this date. It's on a Saturday. It works. Here we go. Yes.
Love it. So exciting. It's amazing. So for everybody who wants to sign up for the summit, follow you. Yes. You know, hire you, where's all the places they can find all the things?
Yeah. So I am on Instagram at I am Beauty S me I-A-M-B-E-A-U-T-O-U-S. Me. I am on LinkedIn on their beauty, j Whitfield, W-H-I-T-F-I-E-L-D.
Those are the best places that you can find me and I will be there. You know, you can laugh at some of my reels. I like to joke around. So, but all of the summit information is definitely there.
Amazing. It has been such a pleasure to talk to you today. I am so glad that your message is getting louder and louder and the universe is saying yes to you.
Um, I'm gonna ask you offline for your retirement date. I'm gonna put that on my calendar. Um, but I just thank you for chasing after what your heart is calling you to do. Yeah. And being brave enough to do it. So thank you so much. Thank
you. Thank you for having me. And thank you for sharing this space.
It's, it's. I think this was my healing medicine. I needed
all the links to connect with Jamil are in our show notes@thepowerfulladies.com. Please subscribe to the podcast wherever you're listening and leave us a rating and review. They are so critical for podcast visibility. Thank you. Come join us on Instagram at Powerful Ladies, and if you're looking to connect directly with me.
Visit Kara duffy.com or Kara Duffy on Instagram. I'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Until then, I hope you're taking on being powerful in your life. Go be awesome and up to something you love.
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