Episode 319: Parenting Through Transition and Leading with Empathy | Amber Hollowell | TransParents Podcast & Advocate for Trans Rights
Amber Hollowell is a healthcare advocate, proud mom, and the co-founder of TransParents Podcast, a platform for supporting parents of trans and gender-diverse children.. She and Kara talk about turning personal pain into purpose, trusting your path, and making impact without losing yourself in the process. They break down misinformation, explore the emotional toll of political fear-mongering, and highlight what real advocacy looks like: in the hospital, in legislation, and at home. This conversation is a powerful guide for anyone showing up for trans kids, navigating healthcare systems, or rethinking what it means to lead with love.
“We can choose to let life define our limits, or we can live in defiance and say there are none.”
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Follow along using the Transcript
(00:00:06) - Introduction to Amber Hollowell and Her Advocacy Work
(00:00:42) - Amber's Journey into Trans Advocacy
(00:02:19) - Understanding Gender Diversity vs. Transgender
(00:03:47) - Amber's Perspective on Parental Rights and Advocacy
(00:05:00) - The Impact of Political Climate on Trans Rights
(00:07:24) - The Media's Role in Shaping Public Perception
(00:09:00) - The Importance of Empathy in Healthcare
(00:12:00) - The Need for Open Conversations about Trans Rights
(00:17:30) - The Future of Trans Rights Advocacy
(00:21:00) - Navigating Fear and Anxiety as a Parent
(00:49:55) - Being a Supportive Ally for Trans Children
It's all about bodily autonomy and you being able to be who you are and make the best choices about your life, whether it be about your body, about who you love, your workplace, your passion, your purpose it. It's about you getting to make that choice.
That's Amber Hollowell, co-host of Transparent. I'm Kara Duffy and this is The Powerful Ladies Podcast. Welcome to The Powerful Ladies Podcast. Thank you so much for having me. Let's begin by telling everyone your name, where you are in the world, and what you're up to.
My name is Amber Hollowell and I'm currently out of North Carolina. I'm probably about midway in the state on the southeast coast. And what I'm up to right now is really building out. I've been building out for over a year now and transparent my own company that I'm slowly bringing people in and we are trying to merge mental health. Trans parents is mainly about transgender parents, about parents of either gender diverse or trans children and parents who are struggling.
So that we can help them support and embrace their children for who they really are. And that sometimes involves mental health physical help. There's a lot of different parameters that go into that. So when I was coming outta health advocacy and my own child came out, it made me see a lot of gaps that we had within the healthcare professions and how children aren't supported.
And a lot of times that starts at home and we have a lot of rates with children and youth that we could improve. If we just improve the relationship at home, the support system that they come from, and knowing that is their safe space to be authentically themselves. So that's the mission.
It's really it's all about bodily autonomy and you being able to be who you are and make the best choices about your life. Whether it be about your body, about who you love, about your workplace, your passion, your purpose it's about you getting to make that choice for yourself.
For people who are listening that don't know, what's the difference between gender diversity and trans?
Transgender is typically you the child themselves or adolescent. Adult. Their body does not align with their gender identity. For gender diverse. That really is anybody who fit fits within the spectrum. And that can be non-binary. That can be a gender, it can be two-spirited, it can be a lot of different, but it's pretty much anything outside the paradox of what we consider female or male.
And that is wherever they want to land on that spectrum. And it's a spectrum because it changes whether it be their, how they choose to represent themselves in their lives. And how they change their opinion about themselves over time, just like we do or yeah. Really it's really about just what they choose because I've seen a lot of people go from trans to non-binary or you may have someone that starts off as non-binary who later realizes that they're trans.
And that's, again, their individual perspective. And it's getting down to really helping them understand who they are and not us pushing who we want them to be.
Prior to your child coming out to you, were you even thinking about trans advocacy? Where were you in the world of trans rights and just being aware of it?
Not really about trans rights. I was already very passionate about women's reproductive rights and bodily autonomy when it came to, and really bodily autonomy when it came to any healthcare choice. So whether it be death with dignity. Whether it be experimental access for treatments for veterans, because at the current time only Bethesda Maryland, could you get those treatments, and that meant a lot for a veteran if they lived in California, whether they could get to Maryland for a treatment.
There was a lot of red tape there. Again, the death of dignity, there's a lot of red tape. Medicinal marijuana is, there's a lot of red tape. And all these decisions are decisions that patients should be able to make with their physician. What's best for their bodies. And so I was already very passionate about that.
And that was my lane already, the health advocacy and me in the mental health and with it. And then when my son came out, that's really when I just shifted the lens to look through his and was like, wait a minute, this is gonna look much different for him. And then when I really looked at the nursing programs, I've gone through what I have been taught.
We really had not been taught anything on bodily autonomy for this whole community that were largely being ignored. And I had adult friends who were going into hospitals for regular procedures who were having a range of experiences that made me think when my kid gets to that age, if he needs to have some kind of procedure, what is his treatment gonna be like?
And these were people in our local area and local hospitals and that really, I think. Just solidified it. And then over the course of the last few years with the political division the gaslighting that has come out against the transgender community, I knew there was no way I could be silent.
I don't tell his story. I definitely, it's about the other mom and I that joined together for our podcast. It's about making sure that everybody has the right or what's right for them. And as many people are out there saying parental rights, we also wanna be able to help our children with our parental rights.
And we have, and unfortunately the division is such that anyone that disagrees with you doesn't wanna have air or space to have. Understanding a conversation to see where can we agree to disagree on this? Can you at least see them that they're a human being and they have a right to have access to care.
They have a right to be themselves. They have a right not to be bullied. And I think what a lot of unfortunately people fail to understand right now is a lot of the legislation is just bullying it. It really is. On one specific community, and the largest problem we already had with this community was unfortunately their mental health.
So someone who's being attacked from all corners and now you're being told you don't have the right to exist. You're dishonorable just for choosing to be yourself. If you're in the military, having that stripped from you, really people targeting you to the point that they want your extinction. That's going to have a profound mental impact.
And before we can even straighten out all the political dust right on what is actually going to stick and what's not, that impact's already done. Those people are already harmed and we're traumatizing people in the name of healthcare. And healthcare is not supposed to traumatize.
Well. And I am shocked at how much. Political noise is being made for such a small population that usually bothers nobody else. They don't. No. And like even the stat of, all this thing, I was a female athlete, an NCAA athlete played in college, all this noise about trans women in sports and protecting women. I'm like, what are you talking about?
It's just so crazy to me. And the number, when they were saying like, the number of trans athletes in the NCAA is less than the number of kids who have measles in Texas right now. Why are we talking about this? I think if you really wanna evaluate it, look on a case by case basis, but it's like my good, like why is this getting so much coverage?
Why are people so worried about this? Especially when there's so much data in sports in particular about how being a part of a athletic team changes your life trajectory, changes your friendships, changes your confidence. Most, the people who are playing don't care. And so I it, that part blows my mind.
And then I saw you use the hashtag mama bear. And have you seen the documentary. Mama Bears?
No. And there, see here's the problem with Mama Bears. Mama Bear got picked up by all these different groups, right? And I moved a bit away from it because I started seeing parents using Mama Bear to, to keep anti-trans agenda away from my children.
And I was just like, all right, no, that's not where Mama Bear came from. Mama Bear came from the trans community. It came from the LGBT community saying, we're gonna fight because these are our kids and now they wanna pick up, they wanna co-op that language and take it as language that, that's honestly every movement.
To be perfectly honest, it really is. And I think, and when you talk about the sports, I think part of that is because the people who believe it don't know anyone who's trans. And they suck onto that because the second that you do know, you shift that language because you realize that they aren't there.
In North Carolina, we passed a law last year that said that that believe it's middle school, high school and collegiate and not play, trans women cannot play on women's teams or girls and women's teams. Nothing about men. Or boys only trans females. And at the time that they passed this bill, there had been two people that had applied in the last four years to play as trans females in North Carolina.
And by the time the bill passed, neither one of them were in school anymore. So we passed a bill, we made all this fur, all this heat, all this divisiveness literally that went into place for no one. And what I wanted and what we pointed out a lot last year and kept trying to point out when we started the podcast, which when we pulled out of that podcast in November of 2020, I guess four, we knew.
That this year, we were gonna be coming around to vote, or actually 2023, we knew we were coming around to vote. We had a year, and if we were gonna get anywhere, we needed to just start talking about it to take down the temperature, to let people know that our kids were no different than anybody else.
But what I had almost started talking about a podcast that was political, and I was gonna call it Bread and Circuses. 'cause there's a Latin term, and I always forget the Latin translation of it. But pretty much in Roman times, they created this. Appeasement of the people where if they said, we give you bread, we'll let you throw a party and everybody was happy, but in the meantime, the politicians were stripping away rights and taxing and taking away land, and people were busy partying and not paying any attention.
And in a way, this is bread and circuses. This is their meat. They knew they couldn't go after gay rights anymore because we've become too accepting a society. So the thing that you could strike a match on and really light a fire under people were transgender and we're going back into that biblical language of their evil and their satanic.
In fact, I've seen it in just the last day or two. I think it's at a higher representative. Use those exact words saying that there's satanic and I'm over it. You do not get to push your religion. Onto my kid and use that to weaponize hate because number one, that's not what your religion stands for.
No. Like that. That's the part that I think is so infuriating for most people is if you have met and or know trans people, they are the most. Abiding. Nonchalant. Just try trying to get by everybody else. People, they just wanna live their lives. Yes. It's not this conspiracy to do anything. Convert people, hurt, people change. It's what are we talking about? And. A friend of mine just posted yesterday that a member, a high ranking male member of the Mormon church was just accused of all these counts of Right. Basically being a child predator. And they just wrote over top of it. But I thought that's what drag queens were doing, being a wise guy. And it's like we just, why do we keep shining the light somewhere else?
Instead the people who actually commit the crimes.
Yes. Yes. And. Especially when it's about, to your point of people having access to the healthcare they need of people getting to dress however they wanna dress. Like why do we care?
Being able to go to the bathroom? They want to. Yes. Like the biggest problem I have is, so we created they went nuts and said, let's create laws that say that they, oh, you can't go into a bathroom with females. Okay. First of all, we go into a bathroom. To go to the bathroom or to wash our hands.
Correct. So I don't care what the trans woman is doing in the bathroom with me, I feel safer in the bathroom with 50 trans women than 50 women, to be honest. Now. Now, but the, their excuses, but there, but their reasoning is that they're creating these laws because trans women will attack women. It's an excuse to attack women.
Okay, so on our show we had pulled up, like when we did this as a topic, we pulled up the stats. There had been zero people arrested as trans female for going into a female bathroom forever assaulting a female ever. There's never been one occurrence. Now, do you know how many women have been attacked by men in the bathroom?
And do you know how many laws. Have been created that say that men can't go into female bathrooms. Zero, actually make a law that make a law that actually will help someone that has a benefit that does something. But this clown show that they keep creating is, it is just painstakingly unreal. Every day to wake up and see the absurdity. We have not, because I've had healthy reasons. We had taken about a month off of transparent, but I have a doctor from the UK that is gonna be coming on who actually lost her license when the CAS review was put out in the UK because she practiced and supported gender affirming youth.
So they revoked her license. Saying that it went against the CAS review, and then when that was overturned and they gave her back her license, they changed the licensing requirements. So now even with the licensing requirement, she still can't treat them. The cast review is what our GOP picked up and then started using as an excuse for every anti-trans legislation that has been pushed forward in the US in the last two years until this past following week when Trump put out what his own version of the cast review.
So I'm pretty sure when Dr. Weberley comes on, a few of the episodes are gonna destruct or deconstruct the cast review from her point and how they affected her. And then a few are gonna be comparing it to what. The current president just put out, because I'm sure it's even more nuts. And I'll be honest, I don't look at all of it.
I look at what I need to look at, and executive orders are not laws. You do have to worry about whether or not your state or your facility or agency is going follow those laws, but they're not laws yet. And I believe that a lot of what he's written won't pass law. So I refused to let that man enrage me.
I refused to let him scare me because that's what they want. They want us scared so that we'll be quiet so that we'll look away. And honestly, so trans people will go back in the closet and my kid's not going back in the closet. And Jimmy's kid, my co-host, we've said it, our kids aren't going back in the closet because they've come up in a time where gay rights was being accepted.
And been like, if they're accepted, then I can be accepted. And this generation is not a generation that goes back in a box. Yeah. They just they won't.
Any, there has been quite a few stories going through the internet about how you ask someone who's in Gen z, gen Alpha, their opinion on this thing and. It's like, why are you even asking me this question?
What does it have to do with you? Or what does it have to do with me? And that's their opinion of it. Like, all my children are in the, I guess they be, I don't even know what they are. That's sad to say, but 24, 25 and 27. And my trans son is 27, and when I look at them, but even in school, they were no, we refuse.
Like my youngest child, or she had a classmate that was trans and they were no. In fact, they had screwed up something with the agenda, the announcement for graduation and put their dead name in it and the entire class. They don't come in and we're like all waiting for them to come in.
And the thing is the whole class was pretty much revolting. And if you're gonna use their dead name, not a single one of us are going out there to make sure that they used their correct name because they weren't gonna stand for that. And that's what it told people. It was like, you've really, this generation man, they kinda lock arms and it's.
Or at least my children and their classmates. These were the type of kids, and they just weren't gonna let you run over anyone because if you ran over one, you could come after anybody else and they weren't going to stand for it. And I hate it for them because they're looking at our government and going, aren't y'all supposed to be the adults?
Really. My kids are just like y'all lost your minds. I don't even what is this? And my three kids don't want children for that reason. We have no idea what's, what is going to be here in 40 years for our kids. We're not setting ourselves up for that. Which, I'll be honest grand puppies, I'm perfectly okay with grand puppies, the love dogs.
So I'm fine with that. It, it's, that's their choice. That's their choice. But they're looking at what is ahead and going, you guys are dinosaurs, making laws for people, and y'all aren't going to be here and they're going to impact us. So I definitely, I sometimes shift into their lens to go what must me look like?
And then it's like we look, we don't look smart.
No. And especially when there's so many actual issues in the world and in our country to fix when, right? We're spending all this energy over here. I'm like, one, this wasn't an issue. You've made it up. And two what about women who are dying in childbirth?
What about the kids who aren't getting lunch or breakfast or food in general, right? Like we have actual things to solve. Like I just. We're getting, many people are allowing themselves to be distracted by things that just aren't even things. And I think it's fear.
Fear will, that will suck you in a heartbeat. Want, if you give into fear, buddy, like that will suck you in. And I think a lot of people have easily given into fear instead of objectively stepping back and trying to gather more information. It's very easy just to go, oh, nope, I reject that. That's crazy. Talk and move on. And that is something with the older generations.
Like my parents are part of the boomer generation and we talk about that because that, that certain things, but no. I'm like, all right, mom, but if you look at it from this, oh, yeah. Oh. So it. But it takes being able to have that conversation. That's the reason why Jenny and I ta started the conversations about trans rights in general is that we just wanted people to realize it's not nearly as polarizing as people are making it.
Kids want healthcare. Adults want healthcare. They want be able to get a job like everybody else. They don't want discrimination from whether they're trying to go by a name that fits their body.
I don't think there's anything harder than having to wear so many masks. Nobody can ever see who you are and you always feel like you're in a cage. I don't think anybody should have to live that way. And I lived in a marriage that I felt like I was very caged and I think maybe some of that really helped open the door for my empathy for my son when he did come out because.
In my early twenties, I was transphobic, I was homophobic, I was Republican, hardcore conservative, and I would've rejected my kid and I would've been really nasty. And so coming outta that marriage before he ever came out, I realized I'd been put, had put all these masks on, I'd had all these boxes put on me that weren't me.
And so stripping all those layers off, when he came to me, it was we put you in this box, burn the box. It was easy as that, and I think if everybody were able to just go, okay just be who you are we'd get a lot further. We'd have a lot more honest conversations than we do instead of pretending to be something we aren't.
And I think that there's, in the gender affirming healthcare space, I don't think people realize how much gender affirming care there is for people who want to align to their biological gender, right? It like gender.
And they don't consider it. They don't consider it gender affirming care. And then when you start pointing out, you've got earrings, don't you? Have you ever had, electrolysis, have you ever done anything with lip fillers or Botox? Did you get makeup? Have you done your nails, had your nails done? That's all gender affirming care. And we could go on and on. And when you start breaking down, like for someone who does go in and have all those things done, when you start pointing out those, they can then step back and go.
Okay, wait a minute. I do these so I feel more feminine, so I feel more womanly. I color my hair so I feel younger. I permit self expression so that it's curly, right? Because this is how I wanna look to the world. So why would that be any different for somebody else? And usually that will open a door at least for them to be a little bit more curious to ask questions.
And that's really all it is creating curiosity instead of. Backlash and polarization. If people came at it more with curiosity of, tell me more. I don't, I, I might not understand that, but could you explain it a little more for me? And I don't mean that from going up to a trans person and asking them, please explain what meaning a trans person means, but that's why Jenny and I have the conversations that we do because we are moms who don't want our kids to be approached that way.
So we'd rather have that convo and if it's uncomfortable and. You don't have to feel weird. We're not gonna judge you for it, and you are not gonna accidentally harm someone with the way you ask questions. It's just another way to educate.
And the other big topic that isn't getting enough attention. People are talking about it more now, but even just like menopause and talking about that, like Yep. All the shots you might have to get for estrogen or men even getting testosterone shots, like that's still gender affirming care. And I just, I think people are forgetting what it all includes,
it was like Roe versus Wade pulling back the pill, and it wasn't just about abortion care. That was the safest medication that we have used for decades. Decades across the entire US to treat miscarriage. It was the least invasive. So not only were you blocking women from having access to abortion care, but now you are preventing them from having the best care for a miscarriage. And the women, and we've seen the results. The women across the country that have unfortunately are either now infertile or have died because of this. The number of babies that we have, a higher infant mortality rate because babies that honestly we would've realized they weren't going to make it.
We're now bringing into the world and they're dying a few months later because a life is a life. I don't think those parents feel that way. Mourning that child now on the other side, that you force for them to have and you force them to keep. Or the mother who knows that her infant is dead inside of her for months and is forced to carry to birth and no politician is thinking about that impact whatsoever. I don't see laws about vasectomies.
No it's, it's devastating. I know someone who had a miscarriage in the past couple of months, and thank God that they lived in California because they could have the treatment they needed to resolve that before their health declined.
They could, and I was even surprised with Supreme Court, the Tala. Tala said that we had to treat, if you came into the emergency room, you had to be stable. And I don't understand how a miscarriage is stable 'cause it's not. And somehow our lives are now once again scrubbed. But we could go, we could be here all day on that one. 'cause I'd go back all the way back to the Declaration of Independence and how that didn't fit about three quarters of us. So we have a, the constitution, a lot of things should be rewritten and updated because they don't include everyone. And when we don't include everyone, lots of people get left out.
Yes. Yep. Yep. And a lot of people are thinking they're included right now. And I'm like, I don't think you realize you're not.
You're not. I don't think You're not. It's not. We the people, guys. Yeah. Not currently. They wanna separate and divide and that, that was part of the goal. That was part of the goal was to divide. And they've done a great job at dividing. I have. 47 years old. I didn't think this is where we'd be like after living through nine 11 as a young mom and seeing all that and my ex-husband had been military and just gotten outta military.
He actually went back looking to go back in and the only way they would send him was special forces because we had three young kids and we were both, were like, you know where you're going? No. And so he didn't, but that. That coming together that we did as a nation, and now looking at us, granted what I was envisioning and seeing happen nine 11 wasn't completely what we all learned later on, but at the same time, looking at it now, I never imagined that we'd be.
As divided as we are, that we can't even have a conversation. And we used to have Republicans and Democrats that could talk to each other, respect each aisle, respect each other. Respected each other. Sat even in like my state, you could go downtown and right outside the capitol there was this popular barbecue place that everybody would go in and sit.
And it was not uncommon to see both parties sitting at the same table eating lunch together. And you won't find that now. I it's bad. Like how if we can't get our congressman to have the conversation, if we won't have the conversation how do we expect to make this better?
And I think that's why this podcast is so important to me. And podcasts like yours are so important because. When you walk around in whatever town you are in the us, the chances are more people are actually willing to have a conversation and respect each other and talk about things than you would ever think based on what's happening at the government level and what's what we're seeing on tv.
I, we've had a lot of conversations within the powerful ladies community of how like. Even like people are talking on a more regular basis and people are trying to find solutions in their own community and Right. There's a part of me that's happy that the current political climate is forcing people to be more participatory because I think for a long time we all kind of downshift and we're like, it's good and I don't have to worry about that.
We're great. Things are going great. Yeah. And that's just not how a democracy works. And I know for myself that it's a weird time to be in, I think when I have, like seeing the new Pope be chosen made me feel more hopeful than knowing who's leading our country right now. And I'm like, this is bizarre. I've never really cared who the Pope was before.
No, that is a very, what is what just ha what happened here? A bizarre world. Like we went into the Twilight Zone or something like, did I just slip back into the eighties? I'm not sure what happened. And it very much is where, and I think part of that too though, is we've shifted into this all knowing environment, all information environment, right? Social media, because we have instant access to things that granted eighties, nineties, this was not the way things were. And now, things like. Automatically, and it's not just automatically here, it's automatically globally, so everybody knows what's going on. And so yeah, to see a pope that comes in who is like the last one, who is more empathic than the leader of our country, then our Supreme Court, then the majority of our Congress, and yet. All three of those bodies tend to lean into religion as their reasoning for every legislation ruling that they do. And, but it doesn't embody the church. Yeah. People still go for it. And I'm just I'm not, I'm spiritual guys. I'm not religious, I'm spiritual. Like I had to walk away from my own because I just felt like it was. Indoctrination.
Yeah. And that's why there's also a couple of, it happens to be a lot of men that I've found, but there's a lot of. Influencers on social media who were going through the path to become a pastor and to lead some of these churches. And they went, wait, hold on. What did you just say? And they've right turned and they're taking back the original teaching to talking about the contrast between what's being done and what's actually written down and just not, like how did the values get thrown out the window because. It's and to your point of wanting to claim it in places where you're like, that, that is completely bastardizing what, what it meant, the purpose of it.
Yes. My stepfather, his first degree is in seminary. Yeah. And he went out actually to become an educator, a math teacher instead. And so he teaches high school math, but he is constantly posting things on his Facebook Right about. This does not represent the teachings and what he and he doesn't. He has a few and they're more left-leaning that typically are sympathetic with his viewpoints. And the ones that push back on him tend to be right-leaning. They will say that's not what the. Bible says, or the church says and I'm just kinda like you're talking about the God I went to seminary school.
I don't know that I mess with him. Like you can read Hebrew and Latin, like he understands a bit more than you do. And he's looking at it from a historical perspective as well and taking the emotion out of it. And a lot of people we tend to get very emotional about our religion here in the States. Another reason why I just walked away from it, that just was way too much. I don't know, it just didn't feel right to me. I'm more about my own source now. My relationship with Source and that's where I sit from than somebody's guidelines and rule books.
There's the relationship component, direct relationship versus the religion component where we've got a bunch of who knows what kind of humans. Translating on our behalf. And I'm like, that seems weird no matter what the religion is.
And they can manipulate and change that and bring forth the parts that they want and hold back the parts they don't want, depending on who it's in their opinion. And yeah, I'd much rather just rely on my own and what will be.
There's a big topic in the trans space where even people who are for allowing people to be trans and have those freedoms and have their space, a big point of contention is still a matter of at what point is it okay? Usually age wise for somebody to start doing gender affirming care. And this is a very controversial topic because. The science says that we should start gender affirming care as soon as possible. And then there's a lot of conversations about kids change their minds. How do we know? How do we know when they've really decided? So you being, having these conversations every day what perspective would you give to that debate?
It's it's all about persistent, consistent and the thing is so gender affirming. Care for somebody who typically is under the age of 12, looks like you let them dress the way they want. Let them go by whatever name they want, and that's it. Let them do, let them be a child. If they don't feel that way, they're going to outgrow it.
You don't say trans because of a trend. It's because you feel so incongruent with what you were born into, that you have to speak up and step out of that because it's not who you are and it's uncomfortable being treated as such. I think for those that are worried about it, again, a lot of the gender affirming care, even when we go into the adolescent years, again, it's reversible.
We don't do surgeries on minors or what I would say your adolescents, the most gender affirming care surgery for adolescents is actually breast reductions on males. Who are overweight teenagers, male teenagers who are overweight.
And male identify.
And they identify as straight, but this is, so then people are like I don't I don't like gender affirming care. Okay. What about the 15-year-old that her mother decides, or her parents decide that her nose needs to be fixed because she's being made fun of, she needs to fix her teeth or. Some of them get breast implants because they have no development whatsoever. All these things are, again, gender affirming care. So I don't, when people worry about it, like your kid is going to grow into who they're supposed to be, and if they continue to say, this isn't who I am, and you get to 1418 and they're still saying it, you can better believe it. Because they know themselves better than we do, and I think that's the part that we start going, oh, they have no idea what they're talking about.
We don't live in their skin. I've met three year olds who were flat out, I am a girl and never changed it. St stuck to it 37 years later, but were born in the body opposite of it. But luckily that child was born into a family that believed them. And supported them. And that's the huge difference here.
I don't think it really matters. People get really caught up in, oh, you can't change a sex. I need to know how it affects your life, what someone else does, because what I do affects my life.
And I think it's, and only Yvonne. Yeah. But, and, but I think you've seen too that. It's not just a kid saying, this is not who I am. You start seeing the impacts on their mental health, their...
confidence, the grades go down, the confidence they're hiding. There's, they're isolating. It has a huge, it can have a huge debilitating impact on kids and I just don't understand why we want our children to be more miserable than happy. Even if we don't understand it, like I'd rather my kid be happy than miserable in, a alive is the big one. Whatever it takes to stay alive. And I was a kid who struggled with depression. I struggled with suicidal ideation. I tried to take my life as a senior in high school and coming from I've grown past that, but coming from that lens and knowing the hell I went through. I can't imagine. And I aligned. So when I look at kids now in this particular community, I can look at it and go, and if my body, if I didn't feel like I fit in my body what further hell would that have felt like? I don't want any kid to feel that hell, I don't want any human to feel the hell that I went through. That's one of the reasons why, again, mental health is important to me about people healing from their wounds, but we are creating more wounds and more trauma. We're not healing. And what's really scary about like the latest agenda out of the executive orders about conversion therapy and so forth are very damaging. Extremely damaging, and there's never been one study that proves that conversion therapy has ever been helpful, ever. And yet we're going to do this to children in the name of saving them.
And it goes back and forth about the parental you're stepping on. Because my opinion about my personal boly autonomy is that, and this is also what rubs me with the religious component too, in regards to like women and abortion or choice, right? Is, you can go back through and look at all these different biblical stories if you want to and find opportunities. When God said, no, you should do this now. Versus no, you need to wait. And I don't understand why we're not trusting the people themselves with what they know. 'cause no one makes big choices without. Talking to other people about it, thinking about it for a long time, meditating on it, prey on it, like there's so many, right? There's a lot of processing that goes on before you make these pivotal life choices.
Yeah. It's not like you got up one morning and said, oh. I was straight yesterday, but I'm trans today. That doesn't happen. It just, it doesn't happen.
Yeah. Ever. And even you just, if in the whole process before it gets to any like gender affirming surgeries. There's a, there's usually, you can correct me, you're the expert, not me, but usually there's you're talking to a psychologist or a therapist, you are talking to different doctors. You're talk like, there are a lot of steps and so everybody wants to make sure that this is this kid okay? Is this person okay?
And not only that, that you're making the steps that we're taking. Because it is a very individualized plan for everybody, but it's to make sure that the steps that are being taken are what's best for that individual, for their mental health, for their physical, for all of it.
And like you were saying, like then we blur this line of parental rights. So parents of other people's children get to tell me what I get to do with mine. That doesn't make sense. You don't want me telling you the same thing. So there is, there it is. It's so who is it for? And it really just feels like a tattletale system.
It feels like a, I'm out to get you. And honestly that's what it is. It's a gotcha. They want a gotcha moment. That's what bullies do. But I feel like that comes from a very insecure place within them because they can't grasp it. Their fear, they're projecting our president is projecting his fear into our executive orders.
And that's what you can read across that. And when you look at the first, several of the executive orders were about trans people. I can tell you one of his biggest fears is being in the room with a trans person. And that would challenge, I actually challenged her and not with Kaitlyn Jenner. I challenge Trump to go into a room and sit down for five hours and have a conversation while actually talk and listen to them with a trans person.
And I don't even know that. I don't know that he cares or even has any, I don't think he does about most of this stuff. He should. I just think he's scared. I don't even think he's scared. I think he's just like, how can I stay in this power? How can I keep the money coming my way? What do you care about?
Cool. I'll care about that today. He even, I saw a thing flash up today where he said he, he suggested taxing billionaires in something and it immediately got shut down.
And because all of his buddies were on the phone excuse me.
Yeah.
You forgot we put you in there.
Yeah, I'm not sure how much is his opinion at all or a thought process? Nope. We've been talking a lot about trans kids and I wanna take a second to talk about trans adults because what I find fascinating is people who come out as trans when, age 30 and beyond that people are still like, are you sure? And I just find it mystifying and comical at this point when you're like, no, for 47 years, I, I've decided to blow up the life I've built to make this change because I'm not sure. And not that they should feel like it's getting blown up, but that's the choice they're making today.
And that is to me insane. I do look at, it's interesting. I've noticed gradually over time that it seems like the boomer generation come out in their fifties to sixties. The Gen X come out 30 forties. The next are maybe in their twenties, mid, early to mid twenties. So it's like they're getting braver the younger the generations go. But it's interesting for people at any age to question them. Again, I think when you're looking at someone who's 55 years old and go, are you sure?
It's like, how insulting is that? Yeah, for real. That and that, that's, honestly that's probably the biggest thing I feel is it's just, it's insulting now, I'll say as a parent. One of the first things outta my mouth to my son was, are you sure? And I sat on that for about two days and I realized that was, and it wasn't about that, I was skeptical and didn't believe him.
It was the fact that I knew how trans people were treated and I knew I. I just knew what he was up he was against. I knew as a parent what he was choosing was not going to be an easy path. And we want our children to have easier lives than we did. And I knew this was not going to be an easy path period for him.
And so after about two days of it, I went back and was like, you know what? I'm sorry I said that. That's my fear. And I don't have a right to put my fear on you. You were brave enough to come out and tell me who you are, and you have every right to be who you are and to live who you wanna be. And I support that and I just chucked the fear.
Now it, I won't say that doesn't come up with the legislation and so forth, but at the same time I do try and again, take it as a grain of salt, but I don't exactly know where all the pieces are gonna fall and until they do. I'm not gonna panic. The Choice is a book that I read last year by Dr.
Edith Ava Edgar, and one of the things I learned in it is if you live in the past, you live in depression. If you live in the future, you live in anxiety. We have to live in the now, in the present. What we can do right now, and if I'm freaked out about a month from now or freaked out what might happen six months from now, I can't do anything for my son or for the community that I wanna help.
And it doesn't, honestly, it doesn't help mine. My head space either is to be in that place of fear and anxiety. So I just, yeah, I choose to I get the information as it comes in and just again, process it and go, you know what, I'm just gonna let the pieces, I'll see where the pieces fall and I'm prepared.
Like I'm monitoring the situation and I'm prepared. I have my plans A, B, C, what needs to happen, but at the same time, I'm not gonna spiral out and panic about what ifs. Until we get there. And I think for parents of trans kids right now, I think that's really important. And really for the trans community too, is not to let the fear, because that is what they want.
They want a spinning out.
And that's a great transition 'cause I wanted to wrap up today talking about what can trans parents do to be the best allies and advocates and protect themselves from that mental burden, right? Because I imagine the second you become a transparent. You instantly get, you already as a parent have 105 fears, right?
And now you just, double down, right? And then you instantly go into. Oh I'm gonna protect you and I'm gonna burn everyone else down if I have to.
The mama bear mode yes. My, my cohost said she's a honey badger and I'm a mama bear. I come out of the bear like, don't mess with my kid.
We're good. We're golden. I'm just as peaceful, but you come after my kid and Oh, I just took the gloves off. My shoes are off. I'm getting in my stance like, you better prepare. Because I just don't, I mean that, that's where we are as parents and I. One. The best things that I think I did for myself was the night before the election, I turned my Smart News app off.
I turned off all my news apps. I have a couple of organizations that I follow that keep track of legislation, and part of this is for my podcast too, but I know that they are following to the minute where the legislation is. And if you don't know and you're transparent, you wanna go look for Aaron, ERIN.
REED and she has a legislation tracker. She also has a substack called Aaron in the morning where you can get lots of information and she follows every single piece of legislation in our country. Explains it, breaks it down, and really applies it to the laws that are already in effect so that you can look at what is A, the agenda behind it, and B what is the likelihood that this might pass?
It's not just that one off, like she stays with it, whether you're talking about their house, whether it's state, whether it's federal, they keep a constant eye on that. And so I go to places that I know I can get fact, but I'm not really getting the emotion. And unfortunately right now there are media the way it is, our news apps, the way they are, they're very emotional led.
And so if you're reading something. You might get done with that article. And it's really hard to take away the emotion that reporter put in it, that journalist put in it when you just need to be looking at the facts. And so I really try and push out other people's opinions and stick with the facts.
And that way it's easier for me to track. It's also easier for me to stay. My piece and stay grounded so I can keep doing what I need to do. Because if I spin out on all the what ifs, oh my gosh, you just put another bill and they're trying to rip this away. If I spin out every time we bring one of those, I think we've already done 800 this year.
I'd be in no place mentally to help anybody else. And so you really have to figure out what is your best and if it's going to a therapist, if it, if your community. Base of friends are very supportive. If your church is very supportive where you feel support, that's where you need to lean into and that is better for your peace your peace of mind right now than trying to take on, oh, I gotta pay attention to every piece of news article that's coming out right now because it's important.
Because as an advocate, that's what I wanted to do at first. And then it was like, you know what, Amber, you can't do the world. You can't fix every problem. I can only do. What I can do with what I have. That's it. And so learning that was okay, pull back. Where are the facts? What can I do today to help? And that's it.
And then every day do what I can. And I think if we all lead with that momentum, I'm hoping that makes a major difference, hopefully in the next four years. 'cause I don't want this to be another decade where we're fighting. This to get, like we did for gay rights to get to where gay marriage and adoption and all these things where they were legalized.
I don't want that for my kid or for anybody in the LG honestly, the LGBT community, they should all have the same rights. But until we do, we keep plugging. And right now that's the big one for me right now is trans rights because they deserve to have the same bodily autonomy the rest of us did.
There is no difference.
I have two more questions to wrap up for today. The first is we ask everybody where do you put yourself on the powerful lady scale? If zero is average everyday human and 10 is the most powerful lady you can imagine, where would you rank yourself today and on an average day?
I'm a nine or 10 every day. I wake up a hundred percent. I might not have the energy, the bandwidth to give for that, for more than three hours that day. But I give every single thing I've got. And I learned a few years ago, I used to live in fear so much, and I shirked my fear a couple of years ago, and I just, I lived defiantly I, I refuse. I, I came up with this saying a couple of years ago, we can choose to let life defy or to define our limits. Or we can live in defiance and say there are none and I don't have limits. I might not be able to reach what I want to today, but that's not a limit. I just haven't stretched enough.
I love that. Then our last question for today is for everybody who loves what you're saying, wants to support you, follow you, connect with you, where can they find, follow and do all those things?
Okay, I'm on LinkedIn. You can find Amber Hollowell, but I believe if you wanna follow the company transparent, you'd have to look for transparent and the number two. And it's written like transparent, the word T-R-A-N-S-P-A-R-E-N-T. If you're looking for the podcast, we're on Spotify at Transparent with an S on the end of it, transparent Live, and on YouTube, we're at Transparent Live and we have, so it is the same episode, but whether we have the video version that you can go watch or we have the audio on Spotify and then we do load those up on TikTok as well. And you can follow me there, a moon child, 77. And my co-host Jenny, is trans loving mama. And so we just really try and on there. She is much more active on TikTok. I love her to pieces. I wish I had that energy. And I'm trying to get back to that point, but she's on there quite a bit and we just, we really just try and support the trans community as much as we can.
Trans creators, whether it be parents who are looking for questions, whether it be educators, we have people in the healthcare community come on lives and ask us questions like, how do they support their PEs patients better? Because there is a gap in all of this. There's a gap in the education that's another part of the healthcare piece I'm very passionate about.
Because we don't teach how to uphold bodily autonomy for the LGBT community. We teach it for every other part, and that's the one gap. And so if we don't teach empathy. And your healthcare professionals go on the floor with their bias and their discrimination. So you have to teach it. And I did not realize that, but I learned that between two different nursing schools taking care of dropping out to take care of my dad who had cancer, that was something, one school taught empathy and the other one taught skill. And you needed both. Yeah. To do what was right for your patient. And it, everything should be empathy led.
Thank you so much for the work you're doing, for saying yes, you're welcome to me in the powerful ladies and sharing your perspective and wisdom and story today. Like I've told many people who've been on here, it means a lot know finding, women like you and your co-host who are holding up those different corners because I think so many women today have such a big list of the things they're worried about, right? They wanna see changes in. And we can't tackle everyone every day ourselves. And to know that you guys have that corner down and we can hold another one. And it feels more collective and more manageable when, we know that everyone's kind of side by side moving in the same time.
And I think that was important, like figuring out what you're what is your purpose? What is your niche? And then I knew it was bodily autonomy for me. I always knew it was bodily autonomy. And I think the last piece was my son and him coming out just planted it firmly oh no, it's definitely bodily autonomy now. 'cause eventually the goal was have it implemented federally, that bodily autonomy be codified in the law for everyone.
Thank you so much. You're welcome. Absolutely. Thank you for having me. Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share it with a friend. Head to the powerful ladies.com where you can find all the links to connect with amber and transparent, as well as learn more about powerful ladies. Come hang out with us on Instagram at Powerful Ladies. You can find me and all my socials@karaduffy.com.
I'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Until then, I hope you're taking on being powerful in your life. Go be awesome and up to something you love.
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YouTube: @TransParentsLive
Website: transparent2
LinkedIn: amberhollowell
TikTok: @moonchild77660
Email: TransParentsPodcast@gmail.com
Other: https://linktr.ee/batrimpe
For additional resources, consider exploring the following:
PFLAG: Offers resources and support for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.
LGBT Foundation: Provides a directory of transgender support groups and helplines.
Trans Lifeline: Offers peer support for trans people from other trans people.
Trans Youth Equality Foundation: Supports transgender youth and their families.
Digital Transgender Archive: Offers a vast archive of materials related to trans history and culture.
Advocates for Trans Equality: Advocates for the legal and political rights of transgender people.
World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH): A professional organization for transgender healthcare providers.
Taimi: A dating app specifically designed for transgender people.
Created and hosted by Kara Duffy
Audio Engineering & Editing by Jordan Duffy
Production by Amanda Kass
Graphic design by Anna Olinova
Music by Joakim Karud
